I'm Challanged

Dear Readers,

It may not surprise you that I am at times a flake. Signing up for Zumba was proof of such character. I wish I had pictures of myself. When people turned left I went right, when everyone screamed I clapped, and when they clapped I just clapped off the best. When the instructor said turn, I forgot and then had a hundred people jutting out their bodies in my direction. Twice my shorts fell below my waist to my thighs. I lost four pounds in two hours and was so thankful that I wore these spandex-ie sort of shorts under my regular ones. (I was a little worried about chaffing and I know, so classy) By the end of it, my hair was soaked, my limbs were almost number, and my perma grin was plastered so far back I was showing my molars. But the saving grace was once again, the doubled up shorts! I was one of the only ones with out a butt crack sweat line down the back side of their apparel. So yeah I rocked it.

In case anyone was wondering, here is what the community center had to say about this class:

Zumba Master Class
A two hour Zumba dance class
full of hot salsa, meringue,
cumbia and much more. sWear comfortable
clothing and be prepared
to dance till you drop. Water and
light refreshments provided.
Pre-register by Sept 10 for a
discount.
1, 2 hour session Pre-reg $10/At door $15
September 12
2245.999 Sa 12:30-2:30pm

Notice the word MASTER in the description. Yeah, I totally missed that part! So while waiting for the class to begin I noticed a girl who had awesome shoes. So I had to tell her and we got to talking. Then she started doing all this warm up stuff and I was just sort of standing there thinking, what is she doing? Oh man do I wish I had joined her because now I keep thinking: yikes, I also signed up for regular Zumba classes, hopefully my legs will have healed from all the jumping around by then.... they are soooooooo sore. :O)

Sincerely,

I can't wait to do this again on Tuesday, because as you all know, I enjoy making an ass of myself.

It's a Dance Party

I signed up for Zumba and it stats today. I have my reservations, what was I thinking? I am not this out going, I don't know anyone there?

For the last three weeks I have been renting dance/ workout videos at the library in an attempt to obtain some sort of rhythm and preparedness for this class. You should have seen me doing the salsa one, it was a riot. I actually fell twice. C was hysterical at that one. This week I borrowed a belly dancing one, that one was actually boring. The guru, who crept me out with her REALLY dirty feet, broke down all these steps to do these really slow movement. When they we slow, I swear a snail could do them. When she sped them up, I couldn't keep up. During the harder moves I just ended up doing some aerobics steps to pass the time. My plan didn't work, I am no more athletically inclined than I was three weeks ago.

An Open Letter to The 3rd Grader

Dear Punk,

It was great to see you at the bus stop this morning. You seem like a very sweet and conniving little girl. I do not appreciate you telling me what to do and when to do it. You are 8, I am obviously not 8. So please go back under the rock you crawled out of.

It is true as you said, I have a dog. However you are in no way allowed to tell me I cannot bring my dog to the bus stop. My son, C, is the only child who crosses to our side of the street in the afternoon. You, your brother, and other assorted deviants stay on the side the bus drops you off on. Thus I can bring our family pet with us and stay across the street from the stop. If you don't like it, stay on your side of the street, where you belong. After all I wouldn't want you to get hit by a car while crossing to tell me you don't think it is "appropriate to have a dog because it scare people."

If you aren't nice you will grow into a bitter and ugly girl no one will like.

Have a great day at school.

Sincerely,
You are a pain in the ass, no wonder your mother doesn't come to the bus stop with you.

Dummy

My dog is a dummy. I just got done cleaning up the kitchen. Last night I made spicy, really spicy Sloppy Joe's. (they were amazing) Anyway, I made them in the crock pot and forgot to clean that up. It still had the spoon in it. So today I put the pot to soak and open the dishwasher to shove the spoon in. Maggie runs into the kitchen anytime she hears the dishwasher door. She loves to lick the dirty dishes. I see her coming and tell her, "no, no Maggie, HOT" She licks the spoon anyway. I rinsed it but it was wooden so I knew it would hold onto some to the heat. Well she yelps, backs away and then starts barking at the dishwasher. My dog, the dummy.

But she also is pretty smart sometimes. Yesterday I walked her to the bus stop to wait for C to get home. The bus pulled up and I said "there's C" and she just started getting so excited. Then this morning when it was time to bring C to the bus stop she went and sat right next to the cabinet her leash was in. She wanted to go too. - So cute. But to her dismay I didn't take her, one of the parents complained yesterday that it really isn't allowed because someone might be allergic to dogs. I didn't see that in the rules anywhere. So, maybe I won't bring her in the morning because everyone just stands around waiting but in the afternoon there are no kids running around just a few grown-ups, and I am sure by the end of the week I'll be the only on there.

Speaking of the bus stop. There are a bunch of boys there wearing turban like things. Not like the big white ones I've seen before, these are black and really tight against their skin and there is this big knot on the top where there hair is twisted into it. On kids sister has Henna all over her hands. I don't know what religion or anything that is, but I sure am curious, I have never seen it before. The kids mother was at the bus stop yesterday morning, but not today. I should have asked, but I didn't want to sound like a rube. I tried to look it up on the Internet but got no where fast, turban head, and Indian religions didn't bring up what I thought it would. Dummy - right? LOL

Tuesday, Tuesday

S got home yesterday. I don't think I ever missed him so much. Boy, did he have stories for me. Some really funny and some centered around his parents which weren't funny at all. Over all he had a great time and that is really good, I am happy for him. Not to worry my dear fans, we got a chance to talk a lot about what is going on with me and in our lives right now. So, things are good.

He is kind of funny though, he doesn't read this blog. Isn't that strange? It is saved to the favorites, my friends and family read it. I don't hide my feelings (obviously) and just type what I feel in the moment, so it is all right there. I would be so darn nosey with that. LOL. But he just said, it's my business. For a guy, my husband is actually pretty complex. But I digress, the point is, I missed him, he had a great time, and we had a good night reconnecting and having fun with our son.

Something Funny, we had Pizza Hut for lunch yesterday. Then S said, at dinner, that C could pick out what we were going to eat because today would be his first day of school. So I said I would cook anything he wanted. C thought about it for a minute and said "well, all I really want is pizza." LOL - so S went out and got us a pizza. Twice in one day.

That would be why I am getting off this computer and going for a LONG run. Ahhhh the first day of school. I am almost giddy. Who am I kidding ... almost - HA.

When You Have to Choose

About six weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend that is haunting me. It has been since the day she said it. She said she "chose God." She gave birth to a beautiful little girl, M, who died at 38 weeks before ever taking a breath. Doctors called it a structural defect, but basically M did a few somersaults that resulted in a very tight knot of her umbilical cord. My friend chose God. She chose to grieve, love, learn, share, and grown in Christ. She chose to take the hard road and not blame anyone.

I am not her. I didn't choose, I just sort of said, well Jesus, thanks but no thanks. And until last night hadn't prayed a prayer in his name other than recited words in church and ones people have requested for get wells, and the likes. So last night, It was nearing midnight and I wanted to go to sleep, but I was really thirsty and the dog had to go outside. So I grabbed a diet coke and went out on the deck. Maggie disappeared into the night chewing sticks and chasing her own tail. I was left with a starry night and my own thoughts. So I prayed my first real prayer since the miscarriage. I was really crying and sobbing and hardly getting the thoughts out when I just blurted out loud that I was broken and I didn't know what to do. I remember thinking "obviously I cannot challenge you, asking you for some sign I am going to misinterpret anyway, I just need some guidance, I'm so broken." Then I finished my Diet Coke called the dog over and went to bed. As I fell asleep I was still just thinking how broken I was and how I didn't choose I just let go.

Today, at church, our new church, the priest gave a half hour homily on people being broken and having to choose the holy spirit. I didn't hear anything else, not C making noises, no pages rustling, no A/C vents, no noises of any kind. I didn't see anything else, no movements, no people, no nothing. All I saw and heard for thirty minutes was this priest talking directly to me. In a church full of at least a thousand I was the only parishioner. It was all for me.

When we left I shook the priests hand and thank you. It was really all I could do. He used so many phrases and examples that I had prayed upon the night before. I have never had a such a direct experience. I'm choosing him. I am still not okay, but I choose him.

2 Things

Two things have made me feel better in the last ten minutes. One was an email from a friend about a mutual friend of our husbands, and I totally agreed with the subject matter, although not my point. My point: in my response I mentioned playing Rock Band naked. The images I have running through my head are hysterical. Don't ask - just go with it.

The second is my sisters new blog / writing website on Wordpress. She posted a new story, well new to us anyway. She is so talented, this she knows of course. But if you like to read you should check it out, and then of course tell everyone you know about her, especially super important editor and publisher friends. http://melissaconstantine.wordpress.com/ I just noticed that a copy of Smashing is posted. That is the one, the one to make it, I just know it.

What the Hell is Wrong NOW?

I watched the Sex in the City movie tonight. I curled up with a Diet Coke, a blanket and the pup.

Charlotte got pregnant after she adopted and "stopped trying".

I wish I drank.

Sunday it's Church & That's IT

I swear, I make life so complicated sometimes. Neither S nor I have any concept of how long things actually take. I tend to be a little better sometimes, but certainly not when it comes to events like, games, flying, or parties. Anyway, today My plan was:

9:00 go to three yard sales in my neighborhood
10:00 look at car for sale in Woodbridge
10:45 go to yard sales ending up back in DC for 12:30
12:35 get pizza
1:00 meet friends at their hotel w/ pizza - they leave for their new assignment in Nebraska tomorrow.
3:00 head home, maybe stop at the store for some marshmallows (there is more to that story later)

Around nine I am rounding up C and getting my pocketbook in order when the phone rings. It is the guy in Woodbridge (40 ish miles away), he sold his car last night. I was a little annoyed, since in a way he had sold it to me - but honestly, it doesn't matter. If I got there and really couldn't stand the car, I wouldn't have bought it and the guy would be out a sale. So, anyway C and I head out anyway and go to the yard sales and then head out towards Bolling AFB and Andrews AFB (they are only about ten miles apart). Man did I get good sales! I finally got a nice dining room table and chairs and only paid 50.00. The family who I bought it from were so nice. The guy helped me take it apart and fit it in my car, which was no easy task considering at the last yard sale I bought a bike! Eventually we fit it in and I headed to Bolling to get pizza. I swear things just take so long, we did make it to my friends at 1:00 but imagine if I had actually gone to look at that car, I would have been so late.

We are always so busy. LOL - even when we are suppose to be just relaxing and visiting with friends. Anyway, on my travels I also got a fire pit and surprised C with marshmallows - we are going to roast them tonight. Should be really fun.

Tomorrow we are just going to rest. Although I might make C ride bikes to church with me. Got to get the bike rides in while S is away. Whose parents don't teach their children to ride bikes? Yeah, that would be my in laws.

TTFN -

The First Grade

I remember my first day of first grade. I was really excited and planned what to wear for a week before hand. I practiced all sorts of things to prepare and was sure I was going to be the teacher's favorite. One of the reasons I was so excited is because a week before school started my mother took me to meet the teacher. Her name was Mrs. Julius, you know like the orange Julius drinks that use to be in all the malls. Anyway, her husband was a dentist and she said that he would be visiting the class. This thought really pleased me because I knew I didn't have any cavities. Mrs Julius also told me she loved my romper.

For those two young to remember or to old to care, a romper was a one piece jump suit sort of outfit that was popular in the late seventies and early eighties. My "romper" was made of terry cloth and was a soft turquoise color and I had red jelly sandals, which have oddly made a come back in recent years in the preteen/ tween group. I was sure I needed to wear another thing the same color so the teacher would remember me. For the occasion my mother bought be a long sleeve dress shirt with a scalloped edged color that was a lighter version of my romper color, on one of its sides it said Cabbage Patch Kids. I wore this shirt for two years straight until it fell off in protest.

So, back to the first day of class, I wore the new shirt. It was only like 100 degrees that day, but I didn't care. Mrs Julius noticed and said "Jamie, I am glad to see you again, I like your shirt." I was in heaven. From there on I don't remember too much about grade one, other than the dentist day, mixing up Lion and Liar during reading groups, winning the super bowl challenge of guessing the score - I won pudding - everyone else got fruit, getting in trouble for talking too much and then lying to get out of it (now that is a good story), and playing endlessly on the playground. I loved the big old trees. Under them there were hollowed out nooks where the roots were and you could curl up in them, endless hours of house, Fraggles, Wuzzles, Little People, and Carebears were played there. I am not sure this was the year we saw Haley's comet or not, that may have been second grade. Either way I had Mrs. J for both grades.

The big lie went something like this:

"Jamie and So and So, it is time to quiet down and concentrate."

one minute passes

"Jamie stop talking."

one minute passes

"Jamie STOP TALKING"

one minute passes ... Mrs J comes to my desk and asks what is so important. I just casually smile and say "I'm sorry, I can't see the board."

The next thing I know Mrs. J is sending a note home telling my parents it is time to get an eye exam. Like two days later I had glasses, and I didn't even think I needed them! LOL, certainly I did - but that isn't' even close to what I was talking about. I was talking about, get this, Michael Jackson.

It was book day. That one day a month when the book orders come in and everyone gets a book from scholastic or where ever the school gets them from. Anyway, I had talked my mom into getting me the biography of Michael, pre Pepsi Injury. And I was telling my friend all about the book as I read it instead of doing what ever work I was suppose to be doing. Ahhh nostalgia.

So today I took C to his first teacher meeting in his new school. The teacher Mrs. T seems very nice, although there wasn't much meeting time - It was more of an open house set up. But C and I plodded around the classroom doing a make shift scavenger hunt and checking out where his seat was. From memory it was a lot different that when I was in school. The kids sit at tables, not desks. C is almost too big to sit at the table, good thing he is skinny but for height I know he is in the 95th percentile this year (he had his physical on Tuesday), but still he most likely won't be the tallest kid in there. His knees sort of hit the table when he tried to sit down. But he said he fit fine once he scooted the chair in. My son looked like a giant. LOL. But he is really excited and for a while I shared his excitement.

On the way home he asked for a haircut, ice cream, and how many days until he gets to go back. I am a pretty proud parent at the moment. Good Luck C.

Busy, Busy

I got an email from G money, also known as the putts. His initials are GM so it's either G Money or Speed Racer as a nickname, Putts just seems wrong if I accept his job offer. What to do, what to do? There is this whole pro / con list forming in my head. Just my luck it is even. I'll have to chew on this idea for a while.

In other news, Ebay is making a killing lately. Last month I only shopped three times and listed accordingly and made 162.00 profit, and that is after all the Ebay, paypal, and other seller fees. Plus some items I saved to list later, so the cost for them has already been subtracted. I have spread sheets all mapped out to calculate it all. Then there is craigslist, which I am no longer a fan of. My appreciation for it was certainly short lived, but still I did good. A friend gave me a bunch of ideas on how to list to avoid schemers and the likes, so I might try a few items that are too big to mail. Speaking of which - mail is expensive! I sold one pair of jeans for eight bucks, paid three and lost like seventeen cents on the deal after mailing and fees. Oh well, now I have the spreadsheet and know a much better price point for this month. I really do love shopping :P)

Well, better go, I actually have one left over item on Craigslist - listed before crazy guy, that is selling today - the lady should be here soon. Good bye old dog crate that we only used for three weeks! Hello 25.00 in cash :P)

I'm Okay

I took two Tylenol PM's around nine and two more around eleven. At midnight I went to bed and slept like the dead until 7:30. The pain is gone, but I am worried it is going to come back. I put a call into the doctor and will have to leave it at that for now.

Also, my jeans smell and I need to change them. I wore them two days in a row, so I suppose that is the problem. I only have one pair that really fit, the others are too loose, and one is too small. The fall is hitting earlier than expected here. Sigh. Blah, blah, blah.

Either Way, It Will Be A Long Night

Alright, it is official: I cannot be around certain pregnant people or babies. Tonight we went to a 1st birthday party for A, a real cutie. There was a pregnant lady there, she was actually at the Melting Pot two weeks ago too, and I wasn't too fond of her then either, and she was complaining that she hopes "this one is a boy, they are so much easier, and I really want new baby stuff." She has two girls. Normal conversation for some, but not for me. I can't take it. S didn't pick up on it and I didn't tell him. He thought she was nice in her defense she probably is.

Also, I may need to go to the ER. I am not sure. I am trying to keep myself busy and just not think about it. But I am having really bad pains in my upper abdomen and upper back. Horrible pain. I am not really that big of a menstrual cramp type of person, if I have cramps it is just my lower sides and I can pop some Tylenol or Midol and forget about any real issues if need be. But this is killer, I am getting twinges and sever sharp pains. Because of the whole IVF/ Miscarriage deal I am at risk for a whole bunch of extra fun issues including twisted ovaries and Fallopian tube blockages among other things. Plus I never went in and had a sonogram after the miscarriage. So now I am paranoid, and since this is my first real period after the ordeal I am a mess. Its not fair. Other people can endure this crap knowing it is how their body works so they can have children. So what, I just get to pretend?

To Dave or Not To Dave?

I have a love hate relationship with a financial guru I watch on TV, Dave Ramsey. He is a Christian, no nonsense, almost arrogant guy who makes no bones about being right - I love that part. Then there is the part I hate, I feel like there is no way we could obtain his wealth or restraint. His basic mantra is, if you don't have the cash you cannot have it, and if do not have the cash saved for emergencies and retirement you can't afford it either. No car payments, no credit cards, no mortgages, and certainly no IOU's of any kind. A few years ago I was certain he was right, then I stopped using credit cards, and started paying off balances. But I made a lot of money then, now not so much. Then with medical expenses we drove up the credit card debt and I am freaking out over it. So I am back on his bandwagon.

Today after a really nice morning and lunch with C I started balancing the budget. Something I have been avoiding like the plague since I began the moving process. I transferred the BOA account to USAA previously, as you may have read and today paid off our AMX card. That card we only use at Costco, we decided to keep that one because the balance you can have is low and perfect for plane tickets in a family emergency. Then there is Discover, yikes. That one is a mess, we moved on that one, and that is the one we use when we just don't know how much money is in the checking account. Oops. So I put a hold on that one. We can't use it, I think it is going to take about six months to pay off then we are going to cancel it. Once that is done we can work on the big IVF / USAA one.

Meanwhile, I bumped up our savings allotments and set the utilities on auto pay programs so that we owe the same every month no matter what. Electric is high, but everything else seems reasonable to me. Plus with the new house we actually make money, even after the utilities. The extra money pays for cable and one student loan bill each month. Plus this month S was TDY an made a little extra, so we bought C school clothes, went to Busch Gardens (free for military), and managed to leave money in the savings account in August. (that's a first) So I am pretty hopeful about the whole money thing now. Seems like we are on the right track.

An Open Letter to Feminine Products

Dear Always,

Yesterday I purchased a mega sized package of pads. As you can imagine, when someone goes to the store and only buys one item, it is because they need to use it right away. This is why I hardly ever go to the store just to buy toilet paper, pads, or medicated creams. I know the cashier is thinking, well she's on her period, or man she must really need to take a sh**, or man what type of rash does she have? But as payday is today and not yesterday I could not hide my purchase among other items I didn't really need.

So, I get home, got to the bathroom and, well, use the product. Later in the day I return the bathroom and notice it smells like cleaning solution. I find this kind of weird because I haven't cleaned the bathroom since Thursday. Then I realize it is the pad! So I reach over to my shelves to read the packaging and see that these are "newly scented".

I am writing you today to inform you of smells, that women might find pleasant while enduring this gift of femininity. Cleaning solution isn't' one of them. I would like baby powder, vanilla, or even cucumber melon - but Mr. Clean? Kind of ironic ey? Please, no more weird scents. It is disturbing.

Sincerely,
Crampy.

Seller Beware!

So, I have been dabling in the Ebay rhelm of bidding, selling, and just plain watching the sales of items I'd love to have but cannot afford. One is a rug, I bought this rug at a thrift store for 25.00. I new it was expensive by the way it felt, but wasn't sure. So the other day I looked at the lable on the back more carefully, and it said LING, Pottery Barn. I was a little excited because I figured now that I know what it is I could get a matching one for the dining room. Oh, so wrong. The rug is listed on ebay for around 450.00 plus shipping! Also I found one on Craigslist that is small but the cheapest I saw was 200.00. Crazy. But enough about me, well not really.

This week I am selling a good amount of Ebay for some really insanely high prices. Some jeans are going for like 17.00 for two pairs. That is really good. Also, I placed an extra bed on craigslist. I got this email from a guy saying he would send a check and have someone come pick up the bed. Then he emails and says he is sending me more $ if I will forward the remaining to a moving company. I said no, then he emails and says he I should do this based on trust because he already sent the check. (which isn't true because he also said he was working on a tracking nuymber - uhh he'd already have it?!?!) I said, I'll see what I can do, and if I cannot help I'd send the check back. You've got to see this email exchange - it is crazy. Needless to say I think my Craigslist days might be numbered. Too many crazies out there.

When I get the funds I will let you know and see if I can help. If not I will return your check

Jamie > Date: Thu, 27 Aug 2009 14:44:28 -0700> From: adamzahr@ymail.com> Subject: PLS DO THIS FOR ME BASED ON TRUST : Ikea Queen size bed / white. CHEAP *** 200.00 - $200 (Herndon, Va)> To: scottandjamie@hotmail.com> >

Im very sorry for not getting soonet back to but i emailed you that the check as already been issued and my mailed to you first thing yesterday and i will email you the tracking # asap but what will you do to assist me when you recieve the check? cos it was issued with your information and the shipping funds as been included, besides i still have alot of other items to pickup along with the one i wanted to buy from you. So i will want you to deposit the check into your bank account and deduct $200 for your item and dont forget to deduct the extra $100 i have promised you for your running around and send the rest of the money to the shipping company billing representative via money gram or western union and you will email me the transfer details for confirmation. hope to read from you asap.... have a wonderful day....> > ---

On Thu, 8/27/09, jamie wagner wrote:> > > From: jamie wagner > > Subject: RE: Ikea Queen size bed / white. CHEAP *** 200.00 - $200 (Herndon, Va)> > To: adamzahr@ymail.com, "jamie wagner" > {> > margin:0px;padding:0px;}> > #yiv298570281 {> > font-size:10pt;font-family:Verdana">scottandjamie@hotmail.com>> > Date: Thursday, August 27, 2009, 8:18 PM> > > > > > > > #yiv298570281 .hmmessage P> > {> > margin:0px;padding:0px;}> > #yiv298570281 {> > font-size:10pt;font-family:Verdana

Hi, I am sorry, I just read this email more carefully> > and do not feel comforatble with the arrangements. I> > cannot wire anyone money. This is a straight sale with> > no strings attached. If you want the item I will> > be happy to sell it to you by cahiers check, money> > order or cash. Please let me know as soon as possible if you> > will still be purchasing the item.Currenlty the listing is> > still active. Once payment is recieved I will> > erase the listing. > > > > > > > > Jamie> > > > >

Date: Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:20:29 -0700> > > From: adamzahr@ymail.com> > > Subject: RE: Ikea Queen size bed / white. CHEAP ***> > 200.00 - $200 (Herndon, Va)> > > To: scottandjamie@hotmail.com> > > > > >

Hello I will like to tell you that i have a problem with my GMAIL ACCOUNT now i will not be able to communicate withGmail nOW, But from now i will be contact you here with this> > email am using to email you here and the payment will deliver to you tomorrow morning in which i will get back to you with the tracking number of the payment Thanks for the information once again, all i want you to do for me now is to remove the item from sales list and consider it sold to me, coz I'm going to start working on your payment and get back to you with the ups tracking number of the payment so that you can also know when to expect the payment,and I'm going to> > include the shipping> > > company fund that will be coming for the pick up of your item and some> > > other items i bought in your area along with your payment.so you are to deduct your payment for the item and extra $50 for your running around and get the remaining money wired to my shipping company so as to come for the pick up as soon as they receive the money.So please let me read from you soonest if you can take care of this..hope to read from you soon Thanks


Re: Ikea Queen size bed / white. CHEAP *** 200.00 - $200 (Herndon, Va)‏
From:
adam zahr (adamzahr15@gmail.com)
Sent:
Wed 8/26/09 3:21 AM
To: jamie wagner (scottandjamie@hotmail.com)

Hello I really appreciate your response to my email.I want you toc onsider it sold, pls do withdraw the advert from craigslist to avoid disturbance from another buyer.I want you to know that i will be paying via bank certified check .I will like you to provide me with the following.information to facilitate the mailing of the check to you . 1.....Full name to write on the check2.....Full Physical address to post the check3.....City, State and Zip Code4.....Home & Cell Phone to contact you *** Note that the payment will be shipped to your address via UPS NEXTDAY SERVICE and I will like you to know that you will not be responsible for shipping i will have my mover come over as soon as you have cashed the check** Thanks i can trust you on this so we can move forward from here.Regards

In the initial email he says nothing about paying a shipper or wiring money. His spelling was bad, but I just figured he wasn't from around here. I didn't start saving my responses until I got suspicious. To the original email above I responded - this is a little strange, are you local? Then I gave him my name and address. So I was thinking when he said to keep extra money and forward some on, if I deposit this so called check into my account and his bank returns his checks, my account info will be stamped on the back. This has identity fraud all over it. Only me, right?

An Open Letter to the Putts

Today, I had an interview. The guys was sort of a putts, a smart putts, but a putts all the same.

Dear Puttsy,

Thank you for meeting with me today. You seem very kind, and easily pushed over - I like that in a potential employer. I also loved hearing about your children, your wife, the salaries of the rest of your employees, and all the general topics you covered while suffering from diarrhea of the mouth. Although your practices are anything but PC or HR friendly I still found your insight and goals for your company with in reach if you hire me.

As we covered in the interview, I am over qualified to the nines, am willing to take a drastic pay cut for my field, and will gladly make my own hours. Your company seems to be offering me a wonderful, mother friendly position. However your puttsy behavior is a slight red flag. You may not be aware that through out the interview you were asking me when I could help, when I could come in, can I work at your home with your wife, can I work from my own home, and asking me if I minded cutting checks. (secretly when you asked me that I was thinking if I worked at home I could cut a lot more then checks) As you continued to tell me what hours you needed me most and when you'd like to see me move from HR rep to full time HR/Sales (so not going to happen) you faltered and I could see that you were in fact, a putts, perhaps a larger one than I originally thought.

You are one who has no clue how to run the actual business paper trail end, who has been winging the process through a good accountant and is afraid to yell Uncle. I could so picture you yelling "Uncle, I quit" when I asked you how you tracked things like EEOC. I totally knew you didn't know what that meant. Then when I asked you if you provided background checks, you so lied. Dude, if you are working in a secure environment and the contracting company requires the check you so need to apply for DCJS. You didn't even know what that meant. I was seriously about to burst a gut laughing, but I didn't - I have great reserve. To add to this fit of giggles I was fighting, I actually shed a tear trying to avoid the snort noise that was building in my throat when I asked you if you applied for 8a yet. I was surprised you knew what that was, but man, that is like area number one. If you want the big contracts, get the big tags. Your wife owns 60% so you are a WOB, 8A, and MOB. You have three huge labels government contracts require - you'd be a shoe in. Wait, maybe I should do your sales, after I apply for your ratings. I'd clean up on commissions.

The bottom line is this, you are running your company into the red because you have insisted on doing all the inside tasks such as payroll, insurance, and paperwork in general yourself. Now that your company has grown, you are upside down in terms of hours because a software engineer is sitting home at night rounding time for payroll when he could be developing websites and software making two hundred bucks an hour. So, you need me - you need someone better than what you are willing pay for.

I also wanted to take a moment to let you know that I enjoyed reviewing your website today. Your home page has multiple spelling errors and grammar mishaps that need to be corrected. You so need someone whose first language is English.

Last thing - I saw you checking out my ass. I find this quite funny since, just a few days ago I was complaining about fixing the rack and having it attach to the back. (maybe you had to be there)

Sincerely,
I'd so work for a putts.

An Open Letter to Bank of America

An Open Letter to Bank of America:

Dear Credit Card,

As you are aware I, JW, have been a card holder since 2005. In the past I have used this credit card for school purchases, tuition, and fees. Most recently I used the credit line to pay for medical expenses. As you could imagine this created a very high balance, 13,900.00 total. Each month we paid twice a month, managing to pay 800.00 per month. Between the months of July 15 and August 15 I paid only 343.00 which was the minimum payment, due to an impending move. On August 1st I scheduled a payment and called to change my address. The change of address took three days to "verify" and caused my payment to be in limbo one extra day. This created a default! You created a default! You are so stupid. Now instead of an average interest rate of 13.5% I have been informed that my interest will be 27.5%.

I could not believe my 27.5% notice. When I received it this week I reviewed my account and my little notes, and noticed, that this is not my mistake. So, I call. I get nothing but a pep talk saying if I pay my bill on time for six months you can adjust my rate. This is unacceptable.
I have transferred your crappy service and my balance to USAA, at 11% interest. They were delighted to help and promised me an auto pay system that will not default if I change my address. Today, I called to cancel my BOA account. I am going Dave Ramsey on your ass. Fuck you.

Sincerely,
Thanks for screwing me.

Run Forest Run

Yesterday I started to feel better after lunch. Of all things I ate McDonald's. There is a slight back story: By 10:00 I was a more of a wreck then I was when I was throwing up. Coop and I had just got back from the Verizon store (we needed a new cell phone) and S was just getting out of bed and needed to get working on his paper for school, so I talked C into watching cartoons with me. I was in and out of consciousness on the couch. Around 12:30-1:00 ish S wakes me up by yelling, "Hey did you erase the memory card, where are my pictures?" He doesn't even look - we always keep them in the same set of sub folders in the computer. He gets so annoyed if I use this stuff. He says he doesn't, but he does. He gets all defensive and rude. For crying out loud, I labeled the pictures Colorado 8/09. Granted I was sick and just woke up on the wrong side of the couch, but man was I annoyed. So I help him find the pictures. Then I realize the time and ask if he fed C. Nope. So I go in the kitchen planning on making sandwiches, but the sight of food makes me physically ill again, and my stomach started to convulse. So I just slap on a fake smile and tell C to get his shoes on, I can take him out. S gets all mad and starts stomping around saying C has left overs from the restaurant the night before and he can eat that. So we get in a little bit of a screaming match. Which really is my fault, I was sick and tired, and really crabby. But then I started to get really mad that S had no compassion to that. S said to me "well, what do you want from me?" and I yelled back "MORE" and left it at that. C finished his left overs and then we went to return some movies - the return box was at McDonald's. Once I had food in my stomach that I didn't have to cook or prepare, I felt worlds better.

Later the boys went to a ball game and I got time along in my own house. It was really nice. I was able to list a bunch of stuff on Ebay, Craigslist, and Stub hub. Then I realized I actually ate half an order of chicken nuggets and fries (I shared with C) so I decided to run on the treadmill for a spell. It felt great. I ran for like 25 minutes with out stopping, I didn't have to stop to let the dog in or out, didn't have to stop to hear C whining about something or other, didn't have to stop to separate the dog and kid, or stop to get anyone a snack, show them how to use a remote, or change a video game in the Xbox. It was great. I just wish I started earlier, I could of kept going, but it was 9:00 and I knew the boys would be home in a few. Sure enough I stopped and with in a few minutes heard the front door. I wonder if this will be what it is like when C goes to school. Might I actually be able to spend time on me guilt free? OOOOOHHHH so excited.

Redskins Football & a Hamburger = Sick

Oh Gross. I woke up this morning at 5:30 so sick. Puking sick, which woke C up. I had to take a shower after - super gross. I still have a horrid taste in my mouth and feel like I have been hit by a truck. The story of the sickness:

I went to a football game with a friend last night, BRJ. It was pouring through half the game, although that was part of the fun. We had great seats that she obtained through a friend that had season tickets she was unable to use. The tickets came with a parking pass (We parked right up front for free!) They also came with pregame wrist bands that got us into a BBQ buffet. That would be what did me in. The hamburger. One lousy - and I do mean lousy hamburger. That and the coffee I had on the way home to keep me awake. Gross.

It was really neat to go to a game with her. We were goofy and silly and had a great time. BRJ had some friends that were also there - we met up with them for a few minutes during half time, it is always interesting to meet other people's, people. They invited us to a bar after. I hate bars - so that wasn't happening. But, the bar they invited us to was five minutes from BRJ's house. They said if she wanted to go they would drive her home. For a minute I was wishing she would go with them and save me the extra hour on the road driving her home and then turning around to get me home. Then I realized these people were already drunk, and prayed she'd decline, which she did. To my surprise when we stepped away from her other friends she even made a comment about them having a lot to drink.

You'd think I drank, but nope not a drop of beer. Actually, I don't even like it these days. Well, in years to be honest. I get sick from even one beer. Plus I always get heartburn and think Diet Coke tastes better. So no reason to drink. But I do have another heaving reason to visit the bathroom.

EEEEWWWW.

Melt This.

Tonight's events were fun but strange.

• First, I was the only one who was single for the night, at a restaurant set up for couples.
• Second, I was paired with a couple to share a fondue pot, the wife was pregnant - so I figured, let the pregnant lady pick the accoutrement's - which worked out just fine, to my surprise.
• Third, her husband was sort of a dick.
• Fourth our waitress dropped 380.00 worth of food on the floor before she was able to get it to our table.
• Fifth, I though she was going to cry and felt really bad for her. Sixth, the others started to complain. I did not. It was A's Birthday, she picked the place and I didn't want her to feel responsible to what turned out to be really crappy service.
• Seventh, I drank I think seven diet cokes, all of which I had to ask for, some of them more than once.
• Eighth, we were there for over four hours.
• Ninth, we all paid 8.00 for valet parking. Our cars were parked directly in front of the restaurant??? How is that Valet? The guy didn't even move some people's cars from where they pulled up.
• Tenth, The food was really good, and my friend looked so pretty in her new dress. I didn't look half bad either :O) Although I did want to undo the button on my skirt before I got into the car - LOL.
• Eleventh, the butter garlic sauce for the lobster tasted like the smell of the bathroom air freshener. EEWWWWEEE.
• Twelfth, I tripped on a tear in the carpet on the way to the lobster garlic butter sauce bathroom. My heel caught the edge of the carpet and pulled this huge string out. I am pretty sure the tear was there before hand , not so sure if anyone saw me or not. I swear follow me around with a video camera - eventually you'll get a video on America's Funniest Video's.
• Thirteenth, everyone was talking about ultrasounds and giving birth - I made a trip back to the bathroom - water proof mascara people - it is the way to go.
• Fourteenth, On the way out we all took pictures, that was sort of fun and silly. Two people were walking by and I said, "oh strangers, oh strangers can you please help us?" They just kept walking. Another girl, M and I were giggling over that. Then the boys got the valet guy - who didn't really valet anything to take the pictures. I am pretty sure my eyes were closed in all shots. On the last one I was trying not to blink, and then my eyes started to water while I waited and just as the flash started, I had to blink away the burn. Luckily A's husband is a master photo shop artist. I think I'll ask him to give me JLo's body and whiten up my teeth while he's at it. Ha, ha.
• And fifteenth, I totally got lost on the way home. Downtown NW DC gets me every time. S took the GPS and the cell phone to Denver. I had a few choice words for him as I was doing a slight pee pee dance in the front seat (see 7 diets cokes in #7) with my skirt unzipped (see "unbuttoning in # 10) and my seat belt sort of positioned away from my bladder as I drove home. You'd think after living in DC for 3.5 years I'd know my way around. HA.

In the end, strange but fun overall. It was nice to get all dolled up and go out, even is S couldn't make it. The babysitter was awesome, and for the first time in a long time I didn't worry if I was out too late or if some other parent was getting sick of my kid running around like a raving lunatic pretending he was some general or private from Call of Duty. In fact the babysitter was thrilled that I allow video games and was asked C right away if he wanted to join forces and fight the German's. To my surprise C replied with "in World War One or Two?" What? I didn't even know he knew about any real wars - I guess video games are good for something after all.

Super Mom

Alright, alright - enough whining. I'm better. I'm am still ticked at S, but really it's nothing new. He flips anytime I mention Las Vegas. God knows why, I go with my sister, and I've only been two times. Whatever, if I want to go, I'm going. He goes everywhere. This week he is in Denver for crying out load. Yes, it is for work, but in September he is planning a trip to Massachusetts to see his friends over a holiday weekend - so screw it. What is wrong with saving up and going on a little get away for three days? It doesn't even have to be Vegas, that is just where M and I wanted to go last time. I am not going to feel guilty about wanting to have some non-family-friendly fun.

With that in mind I signed up for Zumba classes starting the middle of September. Go me. I always see my friend BRJ posting to FB that she just go back from Zumba, and it looks like fun. It is an aerobic dance work out deal. I also signed C up for gymnastics. Out off all to pick from that is what he really wanted to do. S might be mortified when he finds that out. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - I feel no sympathy for cavemen.

Life is good once again. Also - going to the Melting Pot tonight. Nope - can't afford it, or the 8.00 an hour babysitter. I had two pay periods worth of notice, it didn't help. Still, should be fun. I am taking some money from the savings account. HA, I should say my pathetic account. I put the 800.00 from the washer in there. I spent like 260 on show tickets for Christmas eve, 265 on Zumba, gymnastics, and a few other individual classes at the local community center, and I bought a new dress, granted that was only 17, so I'm feeling pretty good.

So, this babysitter. I found her on Craigslist. I posted an ad last week. Another lady replied and said she charged 15.00 an hour! When I said I could offer 50.00 and a great meal for five hours of babysitting she wrote back "Sorry Ms Wagner, I don't do 10.00/hr". WTF? I had to change my ad to read, I pay 6.00 an hour, teens welcome with parents consent. I found a teen, but she's on VK, then a college girl emailed me and said she charges 8, if I can't find a teenager she'd love to help me out. I talked to her on the phone and she seemed really nice. Hope everything goes okay.

Currently I am waiting for the timer on the brownies to go off. Not sure how I am going to make it through the night without eating one! They smell so good. I have really been trying to loose a few more pounds. I am hovering around 180, which for me is friggin' great, but still not good for the old rear view. I swear I use to have these huge knockers, I get those paired down thanks to a crappy surgeon, to normal size and then start gaining weight in my ass. So, not fair. I was 175 at Easter, ish. But as soon as I started eating normal again, a few pounds crept back. Errr. Maybe I better run another mile on the tread mil?

I got C registered for school today. It was such a relief. I tell ya, yesterday I was about to loose my cool in front of the school administrator. I went to register C and they told me I needed an appointment. The appointment calender was empty for that day, Wednesday, so I said, how about now, or in a hour or two? The women said, I need 24 hour notice. Really bitch? Oh well, today she was nice. Registration took all of 12 minutes. 12 minutes, and for that she needed 24 hour notice. Who cares - he is registered. I had to make up a fake report card for him, how funny, and brought in his last physical from Nov. The fake report card was funny. I just down loaded a template from online and filled in the blanks. I didn't even bother to explain that he was home schooled this time around, so not worth the trouble. They took the report card at first glance and asked C who his teacher was. He sort of looked at me and then just hid behind the chair - we are going through a fake, very FAKE, pretend you are shy phase. Then the lady just moved on, and I didn't correct or adjust any info for her.

Next it was off to Target to by the school supply list. 25.00 later I am still missing notebooks, a binder, and ten YES TEN glue sticks. Silly.

Personal Struggles

I've got issues. Nothing new right? Well, this time around things are different. I am having a problem voicing my opinion and expressing my discontent to the right people. In the past I have been able to say what I need to say, discuss the issue, and move on. But over the last three years I have either grown out of that trait or lost it by accident. I am not sure which. Lately, I just keep my mouth shut. I don't want any confrontations, I just want the uncomfortable crap to go away. Ultimately that just causes things to build up and when I want to talk again I am harboring negativity. Here are the latest cop out topics:

• A trip to the Melting Pot
• S's feelings about by previous solo vacations, only two - but he gets made anytime the topic gets brought up
• S's past attitude towards me working full time - the support is pretty minimal
• A Red Sox Game which leads to the above two topics
• The W's and everything concerning them - I haven't even talked to them since they left - and don't care to
• IVF, we just keep putting it off
• Money, I am a little worried about it, but if I bring it up then he gets more worried - it isn't a factual conversation it ends up being an emotional one
• Sex, see letters to Mother Nature

What is a girl to do? Eventually I am going to tip over from all the extra weight on my shoulders especially the husband issues. I don't like unresolved emotions. I have been telling people I have been really wrapped up in the new house and getting settled, but the truth is I haven't unpacked a box in days and have just been avoiding any type of new time commitment. Not that I haven't had commitments, we've been busy to some extent, but at night all I am doing is watch TV - no ambitions to return emails, talk with S, or even move. I don't know - it could be boredom, it could be depression, it could be just plain old exhaustion. Or it could be that I am just pissed off at my husband and have been avoiding confrontation so long that I don't feel I have the right to rant and rave. I've got issues, and like I said before - nothing new.

And Where Do I Think Money Grows?

Apparently on tress. Although you'd think it came from the faucet because I have been spending it like water.

1. Christmas show tickets
2. Hired a babysitter for Thursday at 8.00/hr
3. RSVP'd to a birthday dinner at the Melting Pot for Thursday - boo-kooo- bucks
4. Bought crap
5. Bought more crap
6. Agreed to drive back to BAFB tomorrow to see friends and Thursday for the BDay dinner.

I might be crazy. Just saying...

Watch - the car will break down.

An Open Letter To Husbands

Dearest Husbands,

We love you. You're idiots.

Sincerely,

Devoted

Holly Heat Batman

It was friggin hot today. As I sat in the first row on the first base side of a ball game - awesome seats! - I nearly fried. In fact it was so hot the park was actually giving away free water and ice. I made it to the seventh inning. Our team was winning, the Frederick Keys, so I was able to talk S into leaving. That in itself is a win - I have sat through two and a half hour rain delays with this man, and he still wouldn't leave a game early - lol. Anyway - we had fun. Summer Sunday's at their best.

I've got a lot to yap about, but lately I just don't have the concentration. The new house has sort of drained me. I owe three people email replies, still want to send out change of address notes, need to go to C's new school, reformat the computer, figure out our new budget, and a whole list of other things. Plus, I have like five open letters to complain in - that I still haven't done. Well not happening tonight. S has asked me to help him find stuff out about Pike's Peak. There is a whole story to go with that. Oh well - S is out of town all week - maybe I'll catch up.

The Practices of the Tooth Fairy

A friend of mine told the cutest story ever about her son leaving a note with a lost tooth asking the tooth fairy for a laptop, one for him and one for his brother. It was just so darn sweet. Here was my reply:

So Cute :P)

C has three loose teeth at once. He asked me yesterday if the tooth fairy gets a discount on a "double or triple teeth loss". I said no, and he was so relieved, he just smiled and said "so it isn't two for one, or buy one get one half off?" I said no again and started to laugh. Then he very seriously told me not to laugh because when I am old "like 35 or something" and loose all my teeth at once for "faker ones" I won't want to give her a sale either. I was laughing so hard I was crying. BTW I'm 32, only 3 years of healthy teeth left according to C.

An Open Letter to Anne Marie A

... I wonder if she'll Google her name? I better take the last name out of the title.

Dearest Anne Marie,

It has been years since I have seen you. Remember the last time you followed me in your car beeping and honking until I had pulled over. I was leaving for North Dakota in a few days? I met you daughter she was a toddler - before that the last time I had seen you was at her / your baby shower, and before that high school. You confuse me. Seems you have a good life now, two kids, a job that keeps you busy, and I assume you still have both your parents. The husband seems to be out of the picture. So now what are we, email buddies? I don't think so.

As you will remember, you tend to stretch the truth to unrecognizable proportions. I will not be returning your last email, claiming that your beloved son has CP and is on the Autism spectrum. Those are real issues that need real attention, no joking or "stretching" matters. Because of our past encounters I am inclined to think that the back ground you provided on your son, J, might be blown out of proportion and I do not want to be involved. I have friends that have children with real issues who need so much support and external motivation, they would trade anything for "normal." I feel it would be a betrayal to them to befriend someone who may be lying about their real diagnosis and everyday struggles.

My advise to you, if you would like to connect with old "friends" keep it light - hey how are ya? Life is good, I have two wonderful kids, my parents are well, I'm living in .... - that kind of stuff. Because of your past as Pinocchio you need to develop trust first. I am careful who I am friends with, for this I owe to you - as backwards as that may sound.

I also would like to thank you for setting S and I up on a blind date in 1994. For this you may take credit as a one time match maker.

Best regards to a long healthy life for you and your family,
Sincerely,
I can't handle fake

PS. If you have changed to great proportions and I am completely wrong, I welcome the opportunity to see, marriage, divorce, employment, and medical reports for you and your family.

Renting Bliss

I love this house. Today I worked on Ebay listings all day. I haven't done Ebay in years, but had so many boy clothes and I didn't want to just give more bags and bags away. C and I played a few game in between listings, had a snack on the deck together, and watched Escape to Witch Mountain, and then I looked around and noticed the house was a wreck. I cleaned it up in less than 20 minutes. We were able to get rid of enough junk that now everything has a place and even if it isn't in its exact location things still look picked up. I love it.

Kim your right - I do have more space than I thought. Quite enjoyable.

Jame -Just wait until to you get to a state that doesn't let you home school or makes it really hard, I bet you will miss it terribly! I wish I had your resolve and conviction - to some degree anyway, although I really am looking forward to public school for C, that is with an extreme amount of guilt!

Ready, Set, Action

I'm unpacked. Well, sort of. S and I were able to get the living room, den, kitchen, our room, C's room, and the computer room in workable order. There are about twenty boxes of left over items and next seasons clothes for C in the laundry room and a few misc boxes in the computer room waiting for a shelf. That is what I'd consider my chore list. S's is the guest room. That is where we put his baseball cards - and they take up the entire room. In fact you can't really get in the door. But at least the parts of the house that we can see are unpacked and decorated. It feels nice.

For the first time ever I have a real living room, no TV. This is high class you see... I love it. The dining room is connected, not unlike Minot with the kitchen on the left. In fact the basic floor plan is quite similar. Walk in front door, no hallway, the living room is left and the kitchen is straight. The dining room is to the left of the kitchen making an L shape into the living room. The difference is off the flat wall that was in Minot on the left in the living room there is a double set of doors going into the computer room. Then instead of a stair case running up the right side of the wall creating a hallway of sorts in the entry the stairs go up and down to the right, strait. Then there is the upstairs - bedrooms and the downstairs - den. It is just so cute. Small but cute.

Things with the school seem like they are going to work out. After talking with the home school education lady it was determined that C doesn't need to be assessed and all I need to do is go to the school. Next week S is TDY to Denver, so I'll have a car all week - guess that is when I will take care of it. School - full day - can you believe it?!?!?!? I am so excited. I know, I know, bad mama.

I'm Alive ... & Half Dead

Gee it feels like it has been forever since I updated my loyal listeners. (Ego stroking at its best)



So first, PAULA ... NOOOOOOO, oh how I enjoyed your pain killer induced stupors and you non relevant banter. You will be missed.



Second. I am scared from the W visit. Deep wounds people, deep. I just can't get over it. I am fixated on the audacity and pure selfishness of both my in laws. The other day I found out some more things that happened and I was totally mortified that now others are witness to what I deal with. The story in short. My neighbor was lost and 45 minutes from home. She called my house in a panic asking for help. D answered the phone. (I was in the shower) He refused her telling her "I'm really not dressed for that" when T asked him to go into her house and read a piece of paper on her counter. The house was unlocked and he has met her plenty of times. He was wearing shorts and a T shirt. Then I get out of the shower and D says something to the fact that T called and wanted to know if C and I were interested in some tickets. So I didn't even call her right back. I got a cup of coffee, started to read a magazine and relax when T called almost crying. I was able to help her and just thought that D messed up the message. Anyway last week T and I took the kids to the ballet and it was at the same place she was going to the week before when she got lost. That came up and I told her how D messed up the message and I could have called her ten minutes earlier, and I felt bad. Then T told me the back story. Mortification.

I just can't seem to shake them. The house is a wreck and I can't help but point the finger in their direction. I mean if we were able to move stuff while they were here, it would have been organized. Like finger pointing helps. Errr. There is so much to do, so much that I have attempted this post three or four times. Maybe I will get to finish it today. I need a vacation.

In other news: S and I have plans to see 3 Doors Down next weekend. We were planning a big day of it. C is going to sleep over a friends. We got a hotel room with a pool and made plans to go to a favorite restaurant before hand. Then yesterday we get this email from Ticketmaster saying that the venue has change. Instead of being in Waldorf MD it is going to be at National Harbor. National Harbor is a whopping 3 miles from our old house and we don't really care for it. We'll have to pay for parking. We used comp points to help pay for a great hotel in Waldorf, all the hotels at National Harbor are booked. Cooper is staying on Bolling that night with friends. The base is only 45 minutes from our new home, so it doesn't really make sense to have him stay over, we might as well just pick him up. We aren't thrilled, but don't know if we really want to cancel. We have been offered a refund, but don't know what we'll do.

One more note of complaint: I am having a really hard time getting C enrolled in school. At first his new school was just like "oh, no problem, homeschooling is great" then they told me to call back in a week and they would get the ball rolling. However when I called back to get him registered then realized he was home schooled "out of district" which changed the whole ball game. Now he needs to be assessed by a professional, has to have a new physical, and dental appointment, and the lady whom is the point of contact hasn't called me back. There is only three weeks to go. I am nervous. Anyway - after calling Tricare three different days I was able to get him a physical appointment for Sept 1 - nothing like the last minute.

Like, slow down man

So, they are gone. The stories could stupify, but who care? I've got more important things to dwell on.

1. Moving is just around the corner. The movers come Thursday. I am so not ready.
2. There is so much to do, cable, health care, phone, power company issues
3. I'm working on my taxes. My 2009 DC taxes were never received. It is a pain, but I don't have to pay any fines because I was owed a refund. I just have to refile.
4. C is bored to tears around here, so I took him to a friends for a while.
5. PACKING
6. Organizing - that might be hopeless
7. Celebrating, after all we are moving and they are GONE!

So, I know I am way behind on my own blogging and reading all my friends blogs - comments to come next week I hope. This cable should be off tomorrow or Wednesday sometime and the new house won't be set up all that fast. I'll get there. Also, I am over due for some letters.

• An open letter to Tricare
• An open letter to Dominion Power
• An open letter to Coca-Cola
• An open letter to the new neighbors
• An open letter to Mother Nature (continued)

Proof

I forgot - one more annoying tid-bit during last nights tirade:

L: "I was praying to Jesus this vacation would get better."

During our prayer before dinner:

D: Thank you Lord for this food, and this great day with friends and family

L: And thank you Jesus for answered prayers. <>

Yeah - at least it is 'getting better'. BS -I did nothing today, I wasted a day of packing. For me packing is fun. It is the only week S has off from school - next week he will be working and be back at school. Why can't I take advantage of this? Rhetorical.

F You B

I only have like two minutes before someone is over my shoulder - but I just have to get this one out.

L & D are always telling us that L gets up in the middle of the night, eats a little bit of ice cream and then goes back to bed, but she never remembers it because of her medications. So last night, I am the only one up. It is 11:00 and L sneaks down the stairs. She goes in the kitchen and gets a bowl of ice cream. I ask her if she needs help, if she is okay, and if she is sleeping okay. She doesn't answer. She eats the ice cream, washes her dishes and then comes into the living room and stands in front of me. I ask her again if she is okay and she starts talking a little and petting the dog. She says she has that restless leg syndrome and it keeps her from sleeping.

So, fine, she is up, and we start to watch Army Wives together (I love this show). Maggie, the dog, starts to get a little restless and I comment, "Maggie, you are wild tonight" then I throw her ball. L says "that is because you deserted us tonight." (I took one load of boxes over to the new house) Then she continues to insult me and act like a complete B, saying things like "well, if you weren't so busy..." & "Hmmm, if you didn't just leave me alone..." & "I know you don't really want us here" & "Maybe we should just go home now." I just sort of looked at here with wide eyes. She was talking fast and on a tirade. Then she just sort of makes this Humph noise and says "well, I am going to bed, D is really irritating me too, so I guess it is no different." Then she stomps, yes stomps, upstairs.

And this morning... she "remembers nothing".

Day 3

They have been here for three days. I officially need a break. Proof:

• L: Oh you seem so much happier now, what have you been doing? Thought to self: No shit, last time you saw me, I was in the middle of a miscarriage.
• L: You just look so much better than you have in the last few years, I can see it in your eyes. Thought to self : gee thanks, so I basically have spent the last two years looking like a horses ass?
• L: We told C it was tubby time. I respond : "I already told him I'd make brownies with him before hand." L : "ahh, don't do it on my account, I don't like brownies." Thought to self : Shut up. What I actually said "Well C does." Thought to self : snap at me, and I will snap right back.
• L: Worcester schools are so bad, I don't know why any parent would send there kid there. Me: We actually considered it, having me stay with my parents so C could go to Flagg street, I wasn't going to just wait around here for a school. L : Goes on and on about how horrible our hometown is (I love it - Ghetto parts and all) and that she would have paid for him to go to a Catholic school. Thought to self: Shut up.
• L: Blah, blah, blah, church, church , church (I wasn't in the mood) Me: "If it was up to me I would even go, I don't like the priest." L: blah, blah, blah. Thought to self: Errrr, J, why on earth would you divulge more info than need be - you idiot.
• L: Eeeww smells like dog in here.
• L: I was coming down the stairs and all I could smell was dog
• L: Dogs smell, cats don't really. Thought to self: Cats smell like ass
• L: ... Does it even matter what she says - my negativity towards it just makes it worse.

Also, they gave me a check for 100 bucks for food. Pretty nice really, but then they brought like two bags of groceries that they are keeping in their room ???

There is such a double edge because basically L is really nice - she just doesn't have a knack for diplomacy. And me being passive aggressive doesn't help.

One funny thing : L & D love one of our area junk / thrift stores. I just donated two truck loads of stuff there after a yard sale. Today we went over there. L is looking around and finds a few books she gave me, with her note to me still taped to the front. I never even read them. I tried to act like I did - but you can't really fake that. Oops.

And She Lost It ...

8:30 am - walk C to VBS
9:15 am - get home, start laundry
10:00 am - clean bathroom
10:30 am - fold laundry
10:45 am - leave to pick up C from VBS, go to Subway with friends, & walk home (90 + degrees)
11:35 am - Scream as loud as I could for my child to STOP - he didn't stop and went two steps into the street and almost got hit by a car. He was chasing a rock he threw into the road while aiming at a tree, he missed and almost hit the car in front of the one that almost hit him
11:36 am - walk crying kid to Subway while having a "big talk" about safety and listening the first time
11:40 get to Subway, sit crying kid down on chair with other hot and bothered kids while the grownups get food.
11:55 Kids stop fussing and are eating nicely - too hot to go back outside... so
12:15 pm - take C and friends kids into store to look at toys
12:18 pm - pull hair out
12:20 pm- round up kids go outside
12:22 pm - correct boys for running outside before the group arrived
12:22:30 pm - ask boys to stop playing hide-n-seek in the mulch
12:22:45 pm - get boys out of mulch
12:23 pm - tell C to get back out of mulch
12:23:30 pm- tell C that if I need to talk to him again he will have to hold my hand the entire way home
12:24 pm - C races J, his friend. J is on a bike, C is running. C catches up, C pushes J in the back.
12:24:30 pm - I loose all sense of calm and yell for him "C over here NOW!!" Take deep breath, grab his hand and let him know that we do not push.
12:25 pm - C holds my hand and cries the entire way home while screaming things like "I am the worst boy ever!", "You are never going to love me again!", "You're going to bust me." "I hate this day!", "Please just give me another chance, don't you love me?" and other assorted horrible things. I tired to ignore him - tried - being the operative word. When C screamed "Can't we just talk about it?!" for the 100th time I snapped at him and said "No, there is no need, you pushed your friend and that was mean. If I see it happen again you will be grounded, you are old enough."
12:40 pm - we arrive on our street. C screams "What now, are you going to kill me." The mailman was putting mail in our box, I was going to smile, but I am sure that wasn't appropriate. I just pretended he wasn't there. So I just told C "I love you no matter what, and you are going home and taking a nap.
12:45 pm - the fit continues as we walk in the door, he takes his shoes off and cries all the way to bed.
12:45:30 pm - go in his room and put his blanket over him, kiss him on the head, even though he turned away and say "I love you, have a nice rest"
12:46 pm the screaming gets to be ear piercing
12:45:30 - C passes out.

Please tell me someone out there is having a better day.

12:43 am

I just finished mopping the down stair's floors. I also managed to squeeze in 5 loads of laundry between 8-12 and roll up the dining room rug and put it out for the trash which is picked up tomorrow - or today as the case maybe. I wish I had time for more, but I am too tired to lift another pledge grab-it, swiffer, broom, Clorox mop, regular mop, or anything in between.

Today we got the keys to the new house. It was really exciting to know that we will be living there soon. Especially when it took us over an hour to get back to DC - just knowing that drive is behind S - is a huge weight off our shoulders. But back to just me :P)

As mentioned before the house backs up to a golf course. The last time we were in the back yard we didn't see any golfers, so S and I both were thinking that it must just be the back edge of a hole and we wouldn't see all that many. We were wrong. LOL - There are golfers right there about 50 feet away from the deck. C found three golf balls today. I want to keep a running tally. It seems important.

Day 1 - we saw the house, 9 balls found
Day 2- we get keys, 3 balls found

Should be an interesting summer and fall.

What's the Point?

An Open Letter To Discover Card,

What the F is the point of having online services if you are going to flag an account for fraud if the member tries to use it?

This weekend I advanced a large sum of money into my checking account to help with moving expenses. Today the money should have arrived in my bank account, however there was a delay. While researching the delay I logged into my account. The account is 99% paperless. All payments are made online, and I have only used a few checks over the last 15 years. The researching revealed that there was a hold on my account due to an Internet transaction. Well, DUH.

Thanks Ass Holes. You have really through a wrench in my week.

Signed,
Not sure how I am going to dig my way out of the hole you created.

Dear Readers, let this be a lesson. If your savings account says it takes three days to transfer and you CC only takes 1, rearrange your life and stick with the savings. Stealing from Peter to pay Paul, backfires!

An Open Letter to the BAFB Catholic Parish

Dear St. Michael's,

For fear of being struck by lighting causing me to plunge into the depths of hell I have avoided this "confrontation" for eight days. I am now equipped with a lightning rod and rubber soled Nike's, so Kiss My Ass.

Currently you employ a priest whom I find angry, harsh, mean, arrogant, rude, and void of empathy, forgiveness, happiness, and over all peace. Putting in lightly, he isn't nice. I would like to offer proof from past sermons to support my feelings. Here are a few memorable phrases he has used in his sermons, and one in which he said to me personally.

• "If you say, oh I love you, I WILL NOT SAY IT BACK" He proceeded to tell us that unless we show him we love him he will not reciprocate this emotion. Just using I love you as a praise for a good deed or kindness is silly, and disrespectful. My response to this in my head "Well, then fuck you." This was the first or second sermon he gave when he arrived at our parish
• "If you do not confess to me, you are protestant" This has been a line given mostly during Lent of this year. It is just rude. He speaks with the fire and brimstone and yells at us that we are just going through the motions and should not be receiving communion unless we are pure. Well, excuse me Mr. Theology, but God tells me, yes me, and anyone else willing to read his word that in order to go to heaven you must be not of this world and eat the flesh of Christ and drink the blood. So, who are you to tell me the truth is something different? Well anyone attending with any regularity knows you have a lot to say about it.
• "Who am I to tell you what to do? I am the priest, I am chosen to lead, I know the truth!"
• "oh you, J****, you never come to church?" WTF asshole - I hadn't missed a Mass at St. Michael's since Christmas when I was on VK and went at home. It was April. Also - we don't skip church. We go to church. I shake your had every week. I wave to you when I see you around base, I talked with you personally and introduced my son when you were meeting with the children for a special mass. I stood by my husband while you two talked for 15+ minutes about KofC last week and he introduced me then too. - So, I was a little miffed. It doesn't help my cause.

So then last week:

His sermon revolved around listening to the truth. He told us how in his country you have to listen and if not he will have to daze you. He explained this as slapping someone really hard. He told about when he taught the word he would explain the rules to his students and if they did not listen he would have them call their parents in and he would daze them. He said that even now when he calls home to talk with his younger brother, if he does not listen to the truth then he will tell him, I will daze you. And then he says "and I will, I will write it down and the next time I see him, I will daze him, I will not forget". Really - is this what is suppose to guide me in my path? I left feeling like crap, not like I just received the light of Christ.

I missed the message, but I did catch the arrogance and complete lack of empathy for his parishioners. When he explained that if he made people angry he was doing his job, making them think about the truth. No, that isn't it buddy - you just make them miss out on the awesomeness that is Christ. Thanks.

I will not be returning. As you can tell by my letter, last weeks sermon and past experience has not brought out my most Christian attitude. My apologies,

Sincerely,

Missing out.

Sunday, Sunday

I have a few letters to write. One is to our church, specifically the priest - but for fear of being struck by lighting and driven into the depths of hell, I will put it off a few more days. The second is to the commissary - yet again. I might get to that one tomorrow, but as for today, I am just enjoying the sunshine.

Our yard sale went great. We sold a boat load of stuff and made over 250.00 which is amazing for here - normally a yearly clean out would only bring in 50.00. But this time we had more room and bigger items like our bar (sold for 50.00) a 37" TV (found on curb a month ago, sold for 25.00) and some odd ball tables & chairs. My neighbor, T, had hers at the same time. Our other neighbors to the right moved out about three weeks ago so we were able to span from her corner lot across three driveways and lawns. It looked pretty impressive. We held the sale on Friday & Saturday, but ended up spending all day Thursday outside preparing. It was sort of fun, in a hard work type of way. I am going to miss T, a lot & her kids. The kids were so good. All of them just played in the toys we were selling. On of T's little ones A pretended she was a puppy for hours one day and was perfectly happy to stay in an old dog bed we had for sale. It was so sweet.

On the 15th we can start moving into the new house. Because the W's are coming this Thursday we are going to ask them to help us pack and take our time getting the little stuff over. Tomorrow I have to set up the movers to come, I am hoping I can hire someone for the 24th or somewhere close to that anyway. There is one company that offers you a truck and two day laborers for only 50.00 an hour - but I am sure they are not insured, so We'll have to keep looking.

S is at church this morning. C & I stayed home. I am done with the on base church. Not to say I won't go again before we go because it is nice to say goodbye to people we know, but there is no need to waste my time. There is no sordid story - just facts, arrogance, and cultural differences that interfere with the idea of Sunday Worship. The letter will explain it all - maybe I better get to that one sooner than later...

Frenzy

I am in a tizzy, not sure which is up, down, sideways, or inside out. Yesterday we rushed to get the new lease notarized, which was a huge relief - but then we noticed an error. The prorate for the half month is off by 40 to 60 dollars depending on which way you do the math. So, hopefully we don't have to get the thing stamped again, and can just adjust that page. Not that it is a huge deal, but it is a bit of a pain the neck.

We are having a yard sale on Saturday. It is going to be huge. The house is torn up, the garage is inhabitable, basically there is just crap everywhere. All week I have been meaning to get going with the organization but Monday I had kids all day, Tuesday we went to the pool (summer was calling), and yesterday T and I took the kids to a huge park in Wheaten. The park was so cool, it had the biggest playground I have ever been too, a train ride, and a carousel. But, alas that means I have a ton of stuff to do.

Last night I watched one of my favorite movies, Pump up the Volume - don't ask me why it is a favorite, I just love it. It ended around midnight and for some reason I had a second wind and started cleaning. The kitchen was first, then the dining room, then the bar, then I started on the hallway and noticed it was past one. It was nice to wake up to a clean down stairs. Not that it was filthy, there was just yard sale piles everywhere and S cleaned out the back of his car and there was T ball crap all over. Funny, but I will probably make an even bigger mess today when I get up the energy to organize the "merchandise".

Hmmm, also C has bible camp next week - the in laws are coming next Thursday - We have to go get keys to the new house on the 15th, Get the utilities turn on, return library books, pack, and return DMV tags from my old car - OOPS - then we will need to register the new car in VA, call DC to find out where my tax return is (pain in the ass!), and we have no food. Tizzy. Frenzy - call it what you will.

FX7062277

We got the house I wanted. Yippee. A cute, split level, three bedroom with a nice kitchen, family room, and big back yard. It is all ours for the next two years. Happy Me.

Keep it Short

A conversation between my mother and I.

Ring, ring.

Me: Hello

Mom: Hey J did you guys get the house?

Me: We don't know yet, we should here tomorrow. So how was your 4th?

Mom: It was nice we had a picnic, we missed the parade and everyone else went to the fireworks because I had a headache.

Me: Oh, parts of that sound like fun, how is your head.

Mom: Oh it's fine.

Me: That is good, if it makes you feel any better, I saw great fireworks but got bitten by chiggers.

Mom: Well you know I changed planes.

Me: Yea ??

Mom: Well that is why I missed the fireworks, my head hurt from an ear ache. So hopefully my head will just feel better in time to get on a plane this weekend.

Me: But your better, and it is Monday?

Mom: Well, gotta run it is breakfast time.

Second Time is A Charm

Dear Mother Nature,

Fine, be that way! At least things were productive this time around.

Signed - the BIG O FACE

FOUR!

We found a house. We put in an application and now we wait. It is the nicest one we have looked at, a little on the smaller side, but quite nice all the same. It has three bedrooms, living room, family room, office, kitchen, dining room, and a big laundry room. The back yard is huge, fenced in and get this - overlooks a golf course. One more selling point - it is like 450 bucks under our USAF allotment. I kept asking the Realtor, D, what was wrong with it. She said she hadn't shown this before but that there were two issues she could see, one it is a managed property so people need good credit, and two it has three small bedrooms and most people with a family in need of the yard have more than one child. "Oh" was my patented response to that. Then after viewing the house a few times S asked if we could see the garage, and D and I were both like, "there isn't one?" But S said there was a door for one out front. (there was a car parked there from another agent when we pulled up) So we all trek out front to see a garage door - but here is what is wrong with the house. Someone built the "office" where the garage would be but never blocked up the garage door. LOL so the garage is only eight feet by two feet. So there, that is why it is cheap - and it doesn't even matter to us.

An Open Letter to "Mother Nature"

Dear Mother Nature,

WTF? You'd think I was new at this! For the sake of over sharing to the point of making you throw up in your mouth, I'll explain. No worries, I'll keep it brief, after all I am pissed at you and don't really want to hear your lame ass excuses in return.

For over four weeks you had me hemorrhaging and cramping. For eight weeks before that I wasn't allowed to have sex. So for the sake of argument, I haven't gotten my kicks since April! So finally the attempt is made, and it sucks.

Yes, sex is now sucky. I repeat, WTF? The bang did not produce a big bang. Things are wound so tight that {as said before} you'd think I was new at this. Yes, I mean literally tight, as in small, as in no room down there, as in OUCH.

That covers my complaints today. I would appreciate it if my anatomy could return to normal.

Signed,
No O Face For Me!

Tanner Than You'd Think

C and I walked to the pool today and were there for three hours. It felt great. Right after we got in the pool a group of day campers arrived. Fortunately the councilors did a great job of playing catch with them and other water games in the low end so we just moved to the deep end. C is getting to be quite the fish. The rule for the pool is the kids have to wear a life vest while jumping off the diving board until they pass a swim test. C can totally swim, and very well, but he won't take the test, which only consists of the child swimming two laps without touching the bottom of the pool. Anyway, he wore his jacket the whole time and probably did sixty jumps in three hours. He had a blast. What is great about it too is that I can actually swim while he plays. I sort of like this age, although I sooooo miss two, super cute, NAPS, no talking back .... ahh toddlerhood. LOL.

So, we bought new sunblock a few weeks ago. It is SPF 85. Has anyone noticed the big numbers out there? I figured the bigger the better. WRONG. We reapplied every hour and still I am wicked dark. Granted I did have a slight tan from last week when I forgot sunblock for the first 45 minutes in the pool, but still. It is so funny to see the difference between my arm and my stomach.

I could go on and on - and tell all about the "sexy" 10 year old (super gross -aren't her parents concerned?) or about the plump kid that needed all his friends to be watching as he dived off the board (he took forever to jump) but who cares - we had fun - although the parents of that girl better get on track soon.

Anyway - we looked at houses yesterday - they were gross. One was moldy, one was smokey, and two were on busy streets. I contacted a rental agent to help us. She sent some ideas but only one would really work. We should be going to see it tomorrow. House hunting isn't all that much fun. You think you can do it by just looking online, but really online is never the whole story. Oh and in one place yesterday the realtor yelled at C. How weird. He said he didn't want C to touch the mold on the wall and was sorry - but he scared the crap out of my kid. We aren't yellers and he was stunned. What a dick.

The new girls ideas: http://matrix.mris.com/Matrix/Public/Email.aspx?ID=31668732330

Like Whoa ... Man

It has been awhile.

As predicted I bipolared my way back and forth - but I am pretty sure I am good now.

I spent the night last night looking at houses online. There are so many. The problem is that people don't really want to show you a rental. The Realtors are busy showing houses they will make a profit on and owners don't want you to see there stuff. So I made appointments to see a few houses over the next few days. I also gave notice on base that we are leaving. (Man that felt good)

In other news:

Our company J & K came and left. They had a bumpy exit because their flight was canceled and they had to switch airports but it all worked out in the end. We had a great time, lots of baseball. I think I might have even been baseballed out by Saturday nights game. We saw a pretty funny comedy act one night, the boys went kayaking one day while K and I walked along the canal at Georgetown for a bit (That was pretty neat). On the last day S really wanted to take them to a cool looking place for brunch. It was a little bit of a ride, but he figured it was worth it. So we headed to the Piratz Tavern in Silver Spring, MD.

Obviously you have figured out that the owner's are illiterate, granted so were real pirates. Illiteracy aside, the sign did not prepare us for the event that was brunch at the Piratz Tavern. When we got there - there were no other customers. Our table had an energy drink on it, and the waiter laughed and said "oh that was mine from this morning" We were there at 1:00pm. This guy, the waiter was dressed like a pirate and seemed overly happy. He started babbling about helping our selves at the buffet and said pretty soon there would be sword fight. We all just sort of stared at each other and looked around. It was a weird place. Then we looked at the food. I tried to scoop some onto a plate, the first chaffing dish had potatoes and rice. Strange combo, but it scooped. The third dish had an unidentifiable brown sauce and a horrid looking cheese sauce, the last dish had bacon and eggs. I tried to scoop the eggs but the whole dish was one big lump. The others were talking back and forth about leaving, and thank God they said "NO". I just sort of handed my plate to S and said something about him telling the waiter and we all sort of speed walked out of there. It was so gross! But it looked promising from the outside and the web (www.piratztavern.com) go figure. In the end C cried, because he really did like the place and S promised him a trip to Medieval Times instead. Then we all headed to the Macaroni Grill and chowed four loaves of bread. Yup, four. We were starving. It was the boys fault.

Hmmm, the boys. I was a little annoyed at those two but the end of the visit. Two nights in a row they stayed up until 3:00am playing video games, and then slept really late the next day. But really, how often do grown men get to have a sleep over party with their best friends? S was really excited J was here. Heck, he even took all the time off from work - he doesn't even do that for relatives! So, I am glad they had fun. If our friends come down next summer they will have a little one with them, and I am sure there will be no late night rendezvous with the Xbox then. LOL.

So that is pretty much the update. Certainly I could have just said - we had fun. But as you all know I love to make stories way longer than they need to be.

Since Monday

I'm back to cleaning. Therapy at it's best, already I feel better. Our friends are coming tomorrow and I am pretty happy about that. The Sox are in town and we've all got tickets, so how can one not be thrilled about that? I wouldn't know :P)

We got some good news yesterday, S's extension was approved. We will be staying here an extra year until February 2011. I was so tempted to start packing today. The extension means we can move out closer to S's work and C can go to school, a really good school! We are going to give our 30 day notice the first week of July (at least that is the plan) and move out accordingly. What a weight lifted off our shoulders.

I had the interview yesterday. It was so weird. I interviewed with almost 20 people. First I met with the director for an hour and then I had this strange interview / meeting with a bunch of people I would be supervising. They fired questions at me that were so inappropriate and non work related, but I kept a smile and just answered as best I could. From what I can remember there were 12 or 13 people in there. Once that was over I met with the director again followed by another round table type firing range with four other managers. I think I did good until that point. My perma grin was starting to fade, and quite frankly I was a little put off by the questioning and emphasis on moral. Red flags left and right. Who knows if I will ever hear from them again, but the three hours it lasted gave me enough interview experience to last years!

Since Friday

My dad graduated on Saturday. The ceremony was better to be expected and the party was too. Actually my sister made all the middle grown ups and kids play wiffle ball and that was a blast. My team sucked, after two innings we stopped keeping score.

And that is pretty much it. Although between the graduation and the party my sister and I went to lunch and I totally unloaded on her. I complained about everything including my mother's "white women's afro" to real issues going on. Eventually we ate ice cream at Friendly's and I felt better.

Yesterday when I got of the plane is just all came flooding back. S picked us up and as soon as I sat in the car I fell asleep. Holy overload Batman. But we still went to a ball game and out to eat, and by nine o'clock I had most of the down stairs clean enough to sit in. Normal evening behavior, TV, a hot drink, and a comfy bed - no smoking, no hysterical fake laughs, or ignorant family gossiping. Ahhhh, home.