Blogging About the Baby Factory

It is most likely that I will be leaving Blogger. It is okay, take a deep breath. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, jump off a bridge. You will be okay without me. Either that or you could follow be over to a new blog :P) My charm will transcend onto a new platform I promise. Why the switch? Logging into Blogger is pain in the butt. I have to log out of my email and then keep trying to log into here until eventually I can view my own blog and have the option for a new post. Sometimes I try a few times and then just give up. For example, I had very good Baby Factory stories to tell this week - but got beat down by the internet log in fairy saying I have multiple accounts.... But I digress, The Highlights:

1. I had to explain to a affluent 30 something year old man what ejaculation meant, in person.

2. Once he left I expressed how odd I thought it was that a man in a suit whom seems affluent enough would ask such a thing. My coworker then said "who the heck is affluent?" Me: "The guy who was just here" Carmen: "No, his name was John..." (Oh Carmen, stay in school sweetie.)

3. Carmen really is back in school for her masters. She is now doing homework all day at work. If you need her, you can now find her at her computer cursing out a teacher. But no worries she really won't be doing much of the work she gets paid for.

4. Old Lady and I now walk at lunch together. Sometimes I am freaked that she is going to fall and break a hip. I suppose that isn't racists but perhaps age discrimination. I am probably going to have to attempt umpteen hours of penance for that one, especially if you add in the fact that when anyone complains about her I just say, "it's okay she's 70 - probably just a little Alzheimer-ish." I say this with a complete straight face.

5. Back to the men. One guy dropped of his sperm for his wife's IUI later that day and kept putting it on the counter. I told him the Andrologist would meet with him to collect his sample and he replied "oh it isn't a sample, this is all of it." They he said "Well I'm in a hurry can you just check it to make sure it is enough?" I almost busted capillaries trying to hold in that laugh.

It was a crazy busy week. I sure wish I could remember all the fun stuff that happened. But as stated before Blogger was being a bitch. So, back to the beginning - I must blog shop. Suggestions?

For the Ones in the Know

I had training at the main hospital this week. They showed us the following video which spawned from some research and regular length commercials that they did in target areas. I seriously L-O-V-E my job. It is four minutes of hilarity. Best Line: "It's been 11 months since we took the goalie out." Fertility Comedy at it's best!

Rebounding

Funniest story of the week: 

Warning: You in absolutely no way can use this against me in the future. You must only laugh hysterically at my pain and then move on. 

C and I went to a place called Reboundz today. It was awesome! An all trampoline gym, they were on the floors, and walls and you just jump and jump and leap and leap and have so much fun. I felt like I was a kid again. Unless you count this minute detail. Every time I jumped a little too high I peed a little bit. 

I'm not kidding. I didn't have to go at all, yet something about coming down on the trampoline that hard just pushed my bladder a little too hard. Thank goodness they had free pads in the ladies room. Okay go ahead - laugh, it is completely appropriate. 

Despite the incontinence the gym so really a blast. I even managed to wear the correct bra - a uni-boob sports super bra - didn't even jiggle a little bit. Now that is quite a feat. Other moms were not really jumping all that much. Perhaps they were giving themselves serious bust related injuries or perhaps, just perhaps they didn't see the free pads in the ladies room.

Really?

Today in JCP I wanted to try on a dress. The dressing room had a line but it was all children (In the ladies section) so I figured they were all waiting for their moms and I peaked around the corner to see if there were any other rooms available. What I got was a vision full of naked. Like four women completely in the buff in the hallway of the dressing rooms. I am by far no prude - but geez, there are all these kids everywhere and the sign clearly says "LEAVE UNDERGARMENTS ON WHEN TRYING ON SWIMWEAR". In the end I bought the dress hoping it will fit well. If not I have a back up Easter dress from a few years ago. 

Which leads me to my next topic: The closet purge. For Lent I gave up buying clothes, shoes, and purses. I was horrible at it. A week into it I realized that putting things in an online cart and saving them for Easter Sunday is NOT really giving up shopping for myself. Then one day I bought C clothes and just added a few things for myself. I returned them. Then the other day I was at the thrift store looking for C and found a pair of jeans for myself. As soon as I hit approve on the darn CC machine I realized it and low and behold one cannot return anything there. I figured I'd leave them sit in the drawer until after Easter. But man are they good jeans! Brand new with tags that say SALE 129.99! Michael Khors, size 12, perfect fit. They were 4.99. Which is a great deal there - most times when things have tags they way over price them. I saw on pair of LEVI's for C that were marked 19.99 but they new tags from a department store said 17.99. That was the new price at the regular store. Anyway - back to the closet purge. 

So the first week of Lent I cleaned out my closet. I put away my winter clothes. (we basically skipped that season here) I donated bags and bags and more bags of clothes and shoes that I either never wear or were just ratty and over washed. Then for three weeks I did nothing but think about how badly I needed to go shopping. (so not the point of LENT!) However I did realize that I do have some nice clothes, I just didn't wear them all that often. So I started wearing the dresses in the back of the closet, making sure that my clothes were set up the night before work, making sure things that needed to be dry cleaned were actaully dry cleaned and not thrown in my dryer with hopes that it would be okay, and most of all just plain old taking care of what I had and getting rid of stuff when it was time. In then end I actaully did remember that I can be responsible and moreover reasonable when it comes to what I really need in the fashion department. Unless it comes to shoes and then I am totally screwed, I just love them too much.

C's Jokes

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? FROSTBIT

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? BECAUSE THEY KEPT SAYING BACH, BACH, BACK which followed with a "Huh, I don't get it." Which made me laugh harder than the joke.

Baby Factory Antics

Dearest Men of Semen Analysis Appointments,

Please oh please stop trying to pass your jizz over the counter to me in the little cup. And please, provide me with some warning if you are actaully going to bring in your goo inside the container inside an old tube sock. I can only choke back laughter so long before I start crying with fits of uncontrollable snorting.

Please just bring the cup in the bag and sign in, really I promise the lab tech will take the sample from you. You really do not want me to take it. Really.

Dearest Nurses,

Please stop passing off your pain in the ass patients to us. Please oh please just tell them yourself that the doc is booked until May. I will bring chocolate. PLEASE!

Dearest Pain in the Ass Patients, 

Please do everything your doctor or nurse tells you - please: YOU MUST GET PREGNANT THIS CYCLE!

It Always Goes Back To It

Today I took C shopping. We were on a mission for clothes for him. The most important thing to find was a navy blue blazer and tie for his first communion in May. I hoped that once the Easter season was upon us I'd find a good deal on that stuff. Obviously I was right. We scored a blue blazer with gold buttons (In a size 12!) with in the first 10 minutes of shopping. So why then did it takes us four hours to finish? What-evs, we got him what he needed, did a little grocery shopping, and picked up some household good along the way. Actually we had a good time, although by the fifth or sixth store I could tell my little guy was getting bored. He is such a good kid, no complaints, no begging for toys or candy, I was so thrilled. 

In other news: I want IUI. Scott, not so much, he wants IVF. We are at a stand still. I am 35, I think the standstill is killing me. A while ago I overheard one of the doctors complaining that a patient wasn't being unreasonable about not having a successful IVF cycle and the doc said "Well she's old, I mean from a reproductive standpoint." The patient was 39. That darn sentence was so flipping ridiculous and it is stuck in my head. It is obviously completely out of context - don't doctor hate - it is just me, I feel old. C is 8 going on 21. We're actaully considering letting him stay home along four days a week after school for 15-25 minutes! How is he so big already - why don't we have four more kids by now? How can we almost be done with daycare? IUI is faster, cheaper, and there are less miscarriages with it, I don't want to loose another - I want to have one!

And in news that doesn't revolve around me, although I will probably make it sound like it does, my dad had knee replacement surgery last week and is doing well. My sister, bless her heart, is taking the week off to spend with him. I am so glad she is there - but of course feel horrible for not doing my part. There isn't much I can do from 500 miles away. Granted my father would argue that it isn't quite 500 miles. I have to be at work, C has to be at school, S at work and so on and so forth. 

Bad Blogger

I have been so busy lately, between work, scouts, baseball, the unbelievably good weather, and life in general I have had no desire sit in front of the computer. But alas here I sit. And wouldn't you know I do not have a thing to say that is important or witty. So here is just the update for posterity's sake.

• I am getting better at my job. The more I understand the more I realize it is the same old same old day and day out. Nothing is really a new deal everything recycles and I am getting better handling those issues every time the walk through the door.
• The debt countdown continues, even with the new car added we are 47881.00. The new job is so helping. 
• We let C stay home alone three times this week in the morning before school. He did so good. The neighbors came over to pick him up for the bus stop and everything ran pretty smoothly. Although one day he did forget to shut the front door. Luckily S is back from CA so this week C won't be alone even for a minute :P)
• S was in CA last week. It was wicked hard on me. Monday we had Scouts, Tuesday baseball, Wednesday Scouts again - and that meeting I had to run - solo. It isn't that I couldn't do it all, it was just exhausting. Every night we were eating dinner on the fly and rushing from point A to point B. It was just hard. I was so glad when he came walking through the door on Thursday.
• On Friday I was ready to send him back. 
• Which brings us to Saturday - I have basically slept all day. I woke up around nine and went back to bed around two. My allergies are kicking my but and my head just hurts. I woke up around six to my husband watching TV in our room while organizing his darn baseball cards! I was so pissed off. Why on earth would he do that? Men. 
• Now he is at the store buying crap for Nachos. Gross. I am have actaully grown to not like those so much. We went to the store last night and bought enough food for the week - now today he doesn't want any of it. Annoying. But whatever at least I didn't have to go. 
• On a much happier note, we heard that friends of ours are having twin girls! I am so excited for them. I cannot wait to buy matchy, matchy clothes :P) Also on the baby front one of my favorite patients called yesterday and let me know that her Beta was 518. Um yeah - she might have twins too! So exciting. I love baby news. Especially when it is to those who want it so badly.

To Put it Lightly

I was sure in a pissy mood today. Upon awaking to the ear splitting noise of the alarm and then promptly falling back asleep and waking up in a panic a few minutes later I have been in said mood. I am so bitchy that I cannot even stand myself. 

The morning: I left w/o coffee. I stopped and got a cup on the way like I normally do but it just didn't cut it, I stopped and got another - and it was crappy. Then I get to work and the office is a mess. The weekend staff was obviously slammed and a little unorganized on top of it because everything was set up poorly for us and we basically had to do it all again. Then there were and I kid you not, 27 messages for me to sort through on my phone, plus the regular slew of emails. I finally took a deep breath around 11:15 and then I got busy and managed to take another breath on the ride home. Crazy busy.

My lunch break: The judge piggybacked on my ritualistic walk. I loved the company but all she talked about was work so it wasn't really a break at all. 

The commute home: I swear I was hypnotized by the road. I looked up on the beltway and then about 10 miles later I glanced at my exit sign on the next highway. Alegra - not really my friend. I am finding myself incredibly drowsy and irritable. I am going to have to check the bottle at work tomorrow to see if there is a warning about that.

My husband: In California this week. I am less than thrilled. We have scouts tonight, baseball tomorrow, and then I am running a scouts meeting by myself on Wednesday. Totally overwhelming and all I want to do is go to bed early.

Mood = ungrateful and pissy. Figures, if Jesus comes today I obviously will be going to hell. 

One funny note, just one: Today at work I was reading a lab to see if it was indeed a lab or a pathology note. The first line of the results read "negative for intraepithelial lesions" which is just doctor talk for normal. Anyway when I looked at it quick I thought it said International Lesbian. Hell, me, straight to it. (it was pathology BTW)

NYC I Miss You Already

Now that was fun.

Dude, I'm Awesome

 

I had a way better day today. At work the judge made me a cake for my upcoming birthday. I thought that was just so sweet! And it happened to be perfectly chocolatey!  The best part - while I was eating it the power went out. We had to cancel the rest of our patients for the day! I certainly want our patients to get there but man was it a great afternoon without them :P)

Our reception area is too far from a window so there was no way we could function up there, so after lunch we all took piles and piles of old records that needed to be audited into the sunny conference room and audited records for a few hours while chit chatting and generally enjoying one another. We got a ton of work done and our boss was so happy that we thought of the auditing. Basically the only task that didn't involve power, so it isn't like we had too much choice there. Anyway - today was very nice. I am hopeful that tomorrow we recover well since the patients were rescheduled for the early morning. - If anything it will be entertaining.

S, C, and I are headed to NYC tomorrow. We got a hotel room just a block away from Time Square. We are all so excited to see the lights and the crowds. I am hoping we'll be able to go to the Today Show on either Saturday or Sunday, even if only for a few minutes, it would be fun to see Lester or Jenna. My mom and my aunt both sent me a few $$ for the trip. I can't believe I am going to be 35 and my mommy and God mother still send me cash. (God I love that!) Fun should be had by all. 

Obviously the diet will resume AFTER the trip! I have so been slacking lately. It is awful to yo-yo like this, but man my will power has been nil lately. I have been slamming down the Diet Coke like crazy when I should be drinking water. Eating tons of breads and pastas and less and less protein. My only saving grace is that I've been huge on the fruits and veggies and have fallen in love with Greek Yogurt. At least my nails are growing strong and my skin is really clear :P)

Praying for Anothers

Today and OB ultrasound tech found two sets of identical twin with heart beats in the same patient! Quads. Only two embryos transferred! Everyone was talking about it. The miracle, the unbelievable miracle. And then there was the "reduction" talk. Oh My God, I almost started to go into a full blow panic attack mode complete with dry heaves, ugly crying, and fits of rocking back and forth while trying not to inhale my own copious amounts of snot. I still might, but I just keep reminding myself that this isn't me, this isn't my miracle. ***Side note, I am the only one using the term miracle, most are calling it a coincidence, what a crappy word for a MIRACLE *** 

So here is the break down: A patient and her husband check out and we were wondering why they were smiling yet didn't need a second OB ultrasound. (that is the norm, scheduling a 2nd one, otherwise they've typically miscarried) So, the patient explains that they've been referred out. Just as they leave we hear the scoop, 40 fingers and 40 toes! (although not developed yet :P) ) And then suddenly our front desk is a social gathering and an open discussion forms on what the couple should do. Everyone was talking about reduction and safety and health for the babies and the mother. I could feel the tears welling up and I just said, "It is a miracle, two sets of identical twins, I know I could never even think about a "reduction". And then thank the Lord, three other women agreed with me and my hyperventilating self was able to breath.

I never thought about that side of the job before. Things like this are so rare now, doctors are so careful and aim to only have singletons if it can be helped. Although I've never met a fellow IVF'er that doesn't at least secretly want twins just a little bit. I am not sure what the outcome will be for this couple, I don't even know their name, but I've been praying for them all day. This one is so heavy on my heart. It is so easy for me to romanticize the idea of multiples, but I do know all the risks, all the potential harm, and all the heart ache that can come from this. I know I couldn't, not even for a second entertain the idea of stopping a heart beat so another could live. 

This job really is too hard.

Baby Factory ... Take Two

The highs and lows of working at a fertility clinic continue. Today two couples "graduated." Two OB ultrasounds in a row with positive results. Although continuously struggling with jealousy I truly am so happy for these couples. But then there is what we call a "bad OB." Normally the nurses or the doctors escort these patients through the back door so they do not have to be cheerfully greeted by us up front while we ask for their co-pays and offer to make additional appointments. But then there are some that make their way up to the front desk. It is so heart breaking to see myself in these patients eyes. And I swear it is me, there on the other side of the counter, trying not to cry too hard, trying to function but really just completely ready to crawl into a dark hole. I just want to give them a big hug and tell them everything is going to be okay. Even though those words offered me no solace when I was in their shoes, I just want them to know I was there too and I know it sucks, and I am so sorry they have to endure this crap, and I know it isn't fair. 

This job is hard. I am not sure I can sugar coat things too much there. I've been going strong for about six weeks and still do not think I could function through 8 hours alone. I just never know how the day is going to go, it ranges from everything in between hormonal bitches that assume they own me because they are paying the clinic fees with their hopeful first-born's college fund and the actual sweet as pie sweethearts that probably fart rainbows and butterflies that you cannot help but love to piece the second they walk through the door. It is hard to balance what I hold onto and what I brain dump at the end of the day. It is also way harder than I though it was going to be to brain dump the unwanted memories. 

It is also hard to brain dump the happenings of the employees. BFGG coughed on me today. She also spewed more chips into my general direction, although this time they landed on the counter not my shirt. Thirdly during lunch she not once took a breath in or out of her nose, complete mouth breather... icky! Carmen is good - she is growing on me. The judge is back from VK, thank God, I really do work best with the old ladies - must have been one in a former life :P). The doctors are ok, I am still not in love with either one of them and it is obvious the feeling is mutual. All in all, I would say I'd rate the job a 6. Considering my up bringing and the Constantine family motto of "It's work, it's suppose to suck," a 6 is a pretty high rating. Hopefully I will start to feel a little more comfortable there soon.

IVF ... ??? Again...???

I just signed up for better health insurance through work. IVF is COVERED! Seriously - I'd only have to come up with a few thousand dollars to cover a yearly deductible. Makes the wheels turn my friends. I am a little freaked out, but in a good way. S is all for it ...

Please Enlighten Me

**Disclaimer** 

Seriously, I have plenty of friends and family that struggle with the real thing and this is in no way about that.

But obviously, I am either Bipolar or Manic or just clinically nuts. 

Today was a good day at work. Herb is on VK, out of the country, Doctor 2 basically left me alone and BFGG was actaully nice to me. Crabby nurse was still crabby but I am learning that everyone else thinks so too and they all just ignore her :P) At lunch I got to talk with one of my besties and took an awesome walk in the sunshine. By 4:00 I was on the freeway with my sun roof open & thanking God that my day was so pleasant. And then by 4:45 I was almost in tears over an email from C's teacher.

Apparently he kicked a girl between the legs after she threatened to do the same to him. Unreal. I had to rewrite my response to his teacher three times to keep myself from using phrases like; "Good God this never ends" & "You've got to be kidding me?!" After talking with C at length I was still at a loss and told his teacher so - I have no idea how to handle this. Every single day there is an issue. Sometimes small and sometimes really large, but always there is something. 

Each day he gets a report saying how his day was behavior wise, it is all part of his IEP. But even though there are good things on the report there is always something negative too. Today's playground incident didn't even make it to the report because the teacher didn't know about in time. Today's report said, he went to the water fountain too much and talked back to the teacher. Great. He cannot be in trouble every day, he just can't. And I am not such a horrible uncaring parent that I let it all go with zero discipline and accountability.

My head hurts. Moreover, honestly this time I think I am going to let this one go with zero discipline and minimal accountability. He was antagonized into the kicking and his teacher foretold the entire ordeal, telling C and another boy before recess that maybe they "shouldn't play with her because you always get into trouble when you do." For crying out loud is it to much to ask that a teacher or aid or volunteer watch these kids on the playground? This wasn't a 'fast' thing - this happened over the entire course of the outdoor break. 

On top of everything else, his homework is half done because he had scouts tonight and he has to go to daycare early tomorrow because S is out of town. So unless he stays up late or gets up before 5:30 that work just isn't getting done. Another great note from his teacher is sure to come. 

Sunday, Sunday

C has pneumonia. All week I've been sending him to school only to learn the poor kid really is sick and it isn't "just a cough."  The good news; our clinic was open yesterday and fit him in with in hours of me calling & they gave him an antibiotic that is already working! Thank goodness. 

So today we are having a stay at home day due to the sickness. But it has turned out to be somewhat busy for me. Somehow I managed to get the grocery shopping done before 9:00 this morning, the house cleaned before 11:00, lunch made, served and cleaned up before 12:00, ran out to return an item, spend a gift card, and fill my gas tank all before 2:00, then watch two episodes of Vampire Diaries while ironing clothes and folding clean laundry. Somewhere in there I was actaully able to talk to my sister for an hour - which is always nice, rather enjoyable, and always a good laugh.

Life is generally good. The bills are paid ... paid AHEAD! Thank you!!!! The abode is sparkly. Valentine's Day has been celebrated - so fun! (S is TDY this coming week, so on Saturday we exchanged cards and went out to eat ... in between going to the doctors and getting the dog groomed - LOL, priorities don't ya know.)

Yada, Yada, Yada

Oye ve. Went to the doctors today, my hip has been bothering me. Anyway, no running for at least three weeks. I am so bummed out over it. I love running and have really been on the band wagon lately, running in the mornings and sometimes in the evening with C. But alas, I am back to walking on flat ground after injuring my hip flexor and possibly wearing out the cartilage in that joint. The PA said to rest it for three weeks and return. If it is better than great, if not they'll send me for a CT or and MRI depending on what is going on. Well, thank goodness for great medical care!

In other news - work is way better the past few days, although BFGG was eating Doritos yesterday and talking to me and when we walked away I noticed Dorito flecks on my shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so grossed out. She makes my skin crawl. Plus she's a little mean and sarcastic. Me no like.

Check, Check, & Check Mate

Taxes = Done. Get this, out of all the darn medical expenses last year, and there were a lot of them. We still didn't qualify for more that the standard deduction. We had over 10K in doctor receipts and still - bupkis. Oh well, at least we get a refund. That should help the countdowns pretty well. 

Super Bowl party = done, even the clean up. Even though our home team lost we still had a fun time. S invited three sets of neighbors over and a former coworker of his. Surprisingly everyone made it. We all had a great time visiting, watching the game & commercials, and watching the kids play. I can't wait for the next block party!

Work = sucky today. It is bound to happen once in a while but man was today bad. I bet I took 75 phone calls today plus regular scheduling, a doctor meeting, new patient registrations, and whole slew of other tasks I am sure I did a less than stellar job on. One patient actaully screamed at me and told me that I had no compassion, wasn't on her side, didn't care, was "stone walling" her, and making her feel like she wasn't important. I did no such things, I was kind, understanding, and tried so hard to help her. In the end I took my Diet Coke and went into the bathroom where I proceeded to bawl just long enough so all my eye liner would run down the center of my cheeks. All this because the doctor had no open appointments - even though I offered to confer with the doctor to see what our options were - and to call her back, nothing seemed to appease here. I can take the yelling and the frustration, but I cannot take when people accuse me of being mean and unkind. I did everything I was suppose to and still the person felt it was necessary to inflict emotional damage. I just don't get it.

FRIDAY!!!

Wow, what a week.

To be FB redundant:

Quote of the Day. "Mrs Wagner, your repair bill in on us; next time feel free to overlook the carfax."

My A/C doesn't work in the new car. (Thank goodness we had a hot day otherwise I wouldn't have noticed until late spring and then that might have been too late to do anything about it) So, I dropped the car off and this morning I get all call stating that the repair is $1400 because there is a broken air compressor. My warranty - which I negotiated doesn't cover this because it isn't power train. I ask you my friends, is anything covered under power train? But to be nice they say they can get the cost down to $600. I agreed, that is better than the original quote but... and a light bulb actaully appeared over my head in mid-air, "Wait a sec, this problem was noted on the carfax report before I bought the car - so I assumed it was fixed." The man was speechless and although expertly nice gave me a song and dance about me having to talk to the manager and my sales rep. I of course agreed and was just as nice as pie back. An hour later I got the call with the above quote left on my voice mail. I of course cheered, but also saved the message. It is quite funny.

Sleep

Man I slept great great last! I woke up chipper and ready to go. Which is great because yesterday at this time I was still trying to keep both eyes to stay open :P) So, up and At'em. Then I realized I don't have to be at work until 7:00,  but I already had my running sneakers on. Oh well, always nice to have a little time to relax in the morning anyway. I only ran a mile, my hip flexor is killing me, I am going to try to stretch it out more before I hit the treadmill tomorrow and even before I head to bed tonight.

In the mean time I downloaded some songs that I've been meaning to put on my MP3 player for a while now. Lately I am obsessed with TobyMac. I've even got C turning up the radio when "City on our Knees" comes on. My favorite is an older acoustic version our radio station has been playing a lot called "Made to Love". Lately I've been so sick of the regular pop stations. The swears & sex references in the music are so gross, it is embarrassing. I am no prude, but man, how many times do I need to explain to our son that just because they say it on the radio doesn't me we can talk about it or use those types of words. I've finally had enough and have just stopped putting them on in my car. Family friendly radio only. Our compromise is my MP3 player, I have only clean versions of all songs on there - that seems to satisfy C. 

Alright - enough hanging out, now I really do have to get ready for work. I am hopeful it goes well. I have asked to train at yet another satellite site in order to gain some perspective and learn the little details. I even set up training for Carmen and I next week when we have someone from corporate coming to our office to give instructions on scanning. I am all in folks, all in.

Sort of Awesome ... When You Think of It

So, yesterday kinda blew at work. My co-worker made a mistake on the cash that was accepted the day before and it all sort of hit the fan. Her paper work was really messy, so in an attempt to clean it up and help find the missing funds, I redid portions of it. In the end we couldn't find the mistake and the days tab was five dollars short. Totally a mistake... it happens. So after we crunched and crunched and the numbers still didn't make sense Carmen called the big boss up at the main hospital. Time to fess up. Well over the phone everything was okay, it was a problem but one that can be fixed. But once the 'messy' paper work got to where it was going and was audited, well then it wasn't such a small problem. Needless to say Carmen and I both went home yesterday a little frazzled. I was particularly upset because I wondered if I was getting thrown under the proverbial bus when I really had nothing to do with this money. In fact, I actaully fixed some of the paperwork, but since neither of new the 'proper' way to do it there were so missing parts. 

Last night, I fell into bed exhausted. My only prayer "please help me see the best qualities in Carmen tomorrow." 

This morning sort of started out rough. I could not get moving and I just wanted to curl up with a book and shut out the real world. But alas, 5:40 came and it was time to leave for work. Once I got to work and things got moving it seemed that the "boss's" were pinging about this or that - but there was so much work to do that it didn't seem to high on the priority list. Then it hit me. Carmen and I were working together. Not at opposite ends of the desk trying not to do more work than the other person, but together. When I had a patient trying to drop of a cup of sperm when he should have been rubbing one out at his reserved room in another office Carmen stepped right in. She called several offices to find out which one could take his "specimen" and got him to agree to drive it there with relatively no upsets. She was smooth and professional. (Our office only takes the "goods" on M, T, & F - just so you know.)

Later on in the day she helped me coordinate an appointment, offered to make a difficult phone call for me (I declined, but so appreciated it), and when I accidentally threw paperwork away in the secured shred box, she helped me find the keys. 

Life is good my friends. Sometimes you just need to know what to pray for.

Sold

I sold the Volvo :P) S is taking the cash to the post office tomorrow so that he can get a few money orders, then we are sending them directly to Citi Bank. Life is good my friends. Life is good.

The Countdowns

Because December was the month of which I shall not speak of concerning countdowns I figured January would be horrible when started crunching numbers again. But alas, I faced the music. 

DEBT: Well we added a new car, obviously that adds to the mountain, but we were reasonable and feel good about that. We also paid off the old car first and have that to sell, we've procured a potential buyer; there's a story there - I think I am going to back out of the sale, but I am confident that we can sell it by the end of February. In the end if you don't count the new car we were able to get our number down 42079 which is a whopping 800 dollars down in two months. That is pretty lousy, but we're back on the horse! The 42079 is a moot point because of the new vehicle but the countdown certainly is not. Next on the list. Citi Bank. We are just tackling one at a time now. The balance: 2233.00. This is left over from our very first IVF cycle with the military. It will be so nice when that is non-existent! The new job will certainly help that one :P)

Weight: M and I are still plugging away and I have been seeing results. I am down yet another few pounds and started to flatten out in some of my rounder areas. Also my boobs are smaller - thank GOD! I hate having a large chest. You'd think that since I had a breast reduction surgery I wouldn't have that problem, but I do. Those puppies shoot up to a Double D at the first sign of emotional eating.

The Sale: I have buyer in waiting. They've offered cash and just request I drive it to them one town away. At first it sounded reasonable but in one day they called me three or four times asking oddly specific questions about the DMV, transferring plates, and asking to lower the price for this reason or that. Then they asked if they could keep my plates until they were able to go the DMV. Another call was concerning the timing belt. I was honest, it hasn't been changed, it costs 675 for that and the water pump at my mechanic, he'll honor that price for  you, and they were like "well it really costs 1000." Anyway they are suppose to call me with a time to meet up. Keep in mind they haven't even seen the car yet. If they don't call by noon, I'm calling them and telling them no thank you. If they call me, I am telling them the same thing.

Week One ... Down & Out

This was my first full week in my office. I survived. Plus it is pay day! I was so excited to get my first real paycheck in almost four years! I got my nails done on the way home! I must talk in all exclamations!!!

The Nicknames

I still haven't come up with the witty, pun filled, and silly nickname for the clinic. There has to be one out there, but currently all that seems to be on my mind is nicknaming the people I work with:

Co-worker 1: The "Where's Waldo" of the fertility clinic. I've played more Where's Waldo in the last few days they I have my entire motherhood. However this co-worker is a girl, so it's more like "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" So co-worker #1 equals Carmen. Furthermore it has shifted from Where's Waldo as I get to know people because they've stopped all looking alike, lab coats, and really bad shoes. [ Are these people checking the mirror before they leave the house?]

Co-worker 2: The judge aka Judge-E-McJudgerson. She knows everyone and everyone knows her. And behind your back she tells everyone else all of your pitfalls. She has used terms like "incompetent", "hard headed", "a little slow", "brain dead", and "uneducated" to talk about almost everyone in the office and I've only known her for a few days. Also, she's been there the longest of any employee in the office (including the doctors) and she has already been asking me how to do things. Scary. (oddly I find old grannies quite endearing and like her in spite of her judgmental ways.)

Favorite nurse = Favorite nurse, there's only one and she is my favorite.

Grouchy nurse = Grouchy nurse, there is one in particular but this could serve as several nicknames in one.

Doctor 1# Late all the time. Runs up to two hours off schedule. Very sweet, very caring, very nice. Slightly passive aggressive. Nickname = Herb.

Doctor 2 # Young guy, nice, prompt, obviously a favorite amongst patients, although so is Herb; to be fair, has a slight case of  'I'm the doctor-itis', but overall pleasant, slightly confrontational in a passive aggressive manner. (He's coming to give you what for ... then he pussies out) I'm great ul he's a puss. Although it would be completely inaccurate to call him such all the time. He's a work in progress. Doctor 2 will have to suffice. 

Then there is BFGG. Bodily Function Gross Girl. She burped on me today. It was so disgusting that I almost threw up. Her job and mine are closely related, I pretty much cannot do my job without her. Plus everyone in the office loves her. I find her repulsive. Really. Nasty. BFGG. 

Today after the incident I was in a daze and handed Doctor #2 a chart without bringing his patients back. Then when he asked where they were I said, I'd bring them back and accidentally brought them directly to him instead of having them wait in his waiting area. He was totally unprepared, I was still fighting the urge to vomit, and I swear the smell of BFGG was following me around, Doc 2 then becomes slightly confrontational in the most passive aggressive way and I was thinking "dude just send me an email - do you not know that I was almost killed by BFGG?!?!?!? I might actaully die right here, right now."

And then there is "corporate" which is anyone at the main hospital, pain in my ass. My response to their constant comments and picking today "I am too new to be wrapped up in these politics." Obviously I will be speaking to my favorite nurse to help.

Just A Rant

Dearest Asshole,

The red light is in 50 yards, we don't have to race there.

Sincerely,

The Driver Going the Speed Limit!

Dearest Co-worker,

Sure you have a migraine. Sure. Thanks for calling in sick. I know it was gorgeous outside. I would have loved a day off too.

Sincerely,

The New Girl, Who Just Got Screwed

Dearest 7/11,

Thank you so much for carrying Chobani. I ran out. And of course thank you for charging me double the actual cost. 

Sincerely,

The Oddly Grateful One

Dearest Mother Nature,

THANK YOU! I had a blast today outside with C. This weather makes me feel so refreshed!

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Doesn't Really Believe in Mother Nature - so Thanks God!

84

The number of patients we saw today in a three hour window. Crazy morning. The nurses looked like they were going to pull their hair out. Can't say I blame them. This is a record. 

Oh well, that is why we get paid right?!?!? Ha, ha. Sooo speaking of being paid. I cannot wait until Friday. My dearest husband forgot his government credit card when he was on travel last week to NY and he forgot all of his emergency CC's too. So he charged everything on our bank card. We'll get the $ back but until then we have 57 bucks left in our checking account! And... I need gas. Plus I think EZ pass is going to pull $75.00 this week too - since I've been using it like crazy for work. PLUSSSSS, day care is due tomorrow at $140.00 - see yesterdays tangent. Hmm time to transfer money from savings again. Sometimes I wonder why I even put the money in savings in the first place. :)

68

That is the number of patients our clinic saw this morning from 7-10am. That is only about 35 more than the supposed average. K and I (K is my weekend co-worker & I love working with her) talked with one of the sonographers and she mentioned that she thinks "they" are going to have to extend our weekend hours to accommodate so many patients. I think that is a a definite possibility, so I volunteered to work the extended hours. If it is at all possible (i.e. they haven't filled my part time slot yet) then I would just cut a few hours during the week. (like Monday afternoons!) The best part - finger crossed it works out - it would save us $140 a week in day care! Yes it really does cost that much here, thank you Fairfax County and half day Mondays!

Tangent: The high-schoolers and middle-schoolers do no get out until 3:00. Grades K-6 get out at 12:50. So a teenager after school sitter is out of the question. Currently we need a baby sitter on Mondays from 12:50-4:00 and T-F from 3:45-4:00. I kid you not. $140 a week for 4 hours of day care! We are on the wait lists for the after school program run by the school system but even that is on a sliding scale and we are now at the top. $575.00 per month. So currently 140*52/12= $606 a month. Crazy huh?

Dear Caller

Dear Fertility Center Caller,

Thanks so much for calling me and explaining that your wife has been on top for over three months and yet she is still not pregnant. I understand that as you put it "We have the sex and still she not working" and we would be happy to assist you. I also understand that you are a former patient and would like to start a new cycle. You will need to meet with your doctor for a consult. Your explanation of your last semen anaylasis was sufficiant. I appreciate your colorfulness. "I had the organic exer-rack-ulation in the mug" explains that yes you have had a recent test of your little swimmers. Perfect. Your all set up.

Good Luck, and thank you for making me end my day with a smile.

Sincerely the ever diligent worker.

*** Just a side note. I so need to come up with a nick name for my new job. I am having a blast every day listening to these poor men try to explain things. Women in general are so clinical when they call. The men just put it all out there. A total riot!

The Good, The Bad, & The BORING!

Holy Mother of GOD have the past two days been dull. It is no surprise that people are not warm and fuzzy here, they are stiff, polite, but oddly distant, but man I did not know how dull a day in an office can be when no one seems to put any effort into the niceties. Politeness is good but seriously boring. The scoop:

I worked the last two days in a different hospital than the one I will be working in full time for training purposes. It seems that a few of these girls get "stuck" training other employees all the time. Great, so I am loved from the start. Anyway, all of them, even the supervisors are constantly on their cell phones. So when there is down time, and there certainly is a LOT of down time in that office, you cannot get to know one another or get the dirt on anyone else. Not that I want to be a gossip, but geez anything would have been better than watching other people play on their iPhones. Like watching paint dry.

Today around 11:00 I just couldn't take it anymore and volunteered to work in the call center. Obviously I am an idiot. Obviously. I figured I'd be making a bunch of appointments and transferring a few calls to a nurse. Right, that was so little of the job that I hardly learned anything I needed too. I just kept getting complete lunatics on the phone. One woman was swearing up one side and another that she'd been seen there before and needed a follow up. After five minutes I still couldn't find her in the system and desperately asked if she was positive she'd been seen at the fertility clinic. Her answer "Oh, no, this isn't Montgomery General?" Seriously? I answered the phone with our hospital name and the word FERTILITY is in it! 

Then the last call of the day; a woman wanted to know the nursing supervisors name. I ask her to hold, get the info and let her know but then she wants to know my supervisor and the supervisors supervisor and who runs the donor team and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. At first it seemed like a totally normal call but then she kept saying "We are having a communication problem are you there?" And then she would repeat the same questions. Eventually I just had to ask another girl to take the call. I just didn't have enough knowledge about the whole hierarchy to help her. Actually it ended up being the best part of the day. At least that call was entertaining. It ended up going to our highest supervisor and from the sounds of it even she was having trouble helping.

One more day of training in that office and then I head to my official spot in Virginia. Thank the LORD! Honestly I am thankful that I have a job and I do like the parts I have learned so far - it has potential. Plus I am sure I will get a lot of entertainment out of it in the months to come. One funny note: I have never said the words, sperm, ejaculation, and masturbation so much in one day (let alone a year!) in my life. By the end of the day I could almost say them with out cracking up.

Starting Monday

I cannot believe that I start my new job on Monday. It seemed like it was going to be forever until I started and surprise it is here. I would have thought I'd be busy cleaning, cooking, preparing, but nope, I was actaully bored today. I ran around doing a few errands, met S for lunch, walked to dog, talked to my mommy, and now I am hanging out watching Ellen. (Hilarious BTW) All proof that I am more than ready to go back to work during the day. :P) I hope I still feel like that at the end of next week. 

C has been giving me an earful about going to an after school program. My feeling, TOUGH. In the past I felt completely guilty about sending him to daycare. This time around, not so much. We found a good program, close to home, expensive but convenient, with caring providers and lots of fun things to do. He is lucky. I refuse to parent with guilt and remorse. Sometimes it is on your heart to stay home through grade school or later and sometimes it isn't. This time around we set up a great schedule and both of us (i.e. the parents) are ready. Obviously this is just a pep talk for myself.

 

I Heart My New Car

It is so pretty. It is so nice, smooth ride & everything works; all the doors, all the windows, all the locks, and all three rows fold flat without getting stuck! (well except the driver seat, that doesn't fold, hee, hee) 

And now we have my old one to sell. Hopefully that is pretty painless, my neighbor is really interested, although I sort of hope her interest doesn't stick. If something goes wrong with the car I do not want to feel responsible. Full disclosure or all the gritty details- but still you never know what the future holds. :P)

Test Driving & Shitty Salesmen

First lets start by saying I bought a new car today. Oh Yeah Baby! But also lets just say that it was such an annoying process and I have had an entertaining afternoon leaving feedback on customer service surveys. Let's just look at the highlights:

The Chevy Aveo

• Dick of a salesmen
• Left me in a the car for almost 15 minutes while he searched for a gate tag to get out of the lot. Didn't even leave the keys in the car for me to listen to the radio, turn the heat on or off, or roll down the windows. Also he parked horribly near a carwash entrance and at least 20 people who worked there were giving me the hairy eyeball.
• When I said I didn't like the car he said that is because it was too compact. So I asked to test drive the Malibu next.
• Told me not to buy an piece of American crap

The Chevy Malibu

• Same flipping salesman
• Same great demeanor, when we were pulling out of the lot  he told me to "watch out for that cop" - I was at a stop sign and it was my turn, why would I watch out???
• Horribly small trunk opening

The Ford Fusion

• Next Dealership, cool car but pricey
• Asshole salesman who asked me two different times "Why you not buy today?" Really, isn't English required to sell me a car. I don't speak Fragmented Asshole.
• The Asshole kind of smelled
• I asked if they had any older models with better prices he replied "I check when you bring your husband back"
• I LEFT!

The Hyundai Santa Fe

• Next Dealership
• Test drive with salesman whom seems nice enough
• When the drive is over I mention that the car smell of cigarettes and ask if there is something similar like a Toyota Rav4  that doesn't smell
• He didn't like my attitude. He said "You shouldn't be so abrupt, this is a great car for the money, nothing some detailing couldn't fix." and I said "Then that should have already been taken care of"
• I LEFT!

Toyota Rav4

• Yet another dealership
• Nice car! Expensive car.
• Pretty normal test drive except the guy didn't want me to go on the highway where I wanted to go. West has a higher speed limit and I wanted to see how the car handled. 
• When I asked him if I could hit a pothole to see how it felt the man cringed, I laughed and said "I am only kidding, how about a few speed bumps?" I was serious, he wasn't amused.

Volvo CX90

• The Winner
• New Dealership
• They didn't ask to see my license, they didn't ask my mother's maiden name, or for an arm and a leg
• They let me test all the cars I wanted all by myself
• When I asked if I could hit a pot hole the guy answered "There are several out back"
• When I asked if they could move on the price ... They did!
• The man never had to go talk to a boss or ask someone else for help
• He never asked me about my husband or made any comments about me buying my own car
• I found the one I wanted, negotiated a fair deal, got a few perks - like extra maintenance and a longer warranty at no cost to me and walked out a  happy girl.
• I signed the paperwork to have the car and price on hold for me until tomorrow. Unless I wake up full of dread and regret the car is mine and I can go pick it up. (S and I have an agreement there - we always sleep on the idea, sure has saved us from a lot of mistakes.)

Winds Blow

Tides are turning, slowly. The husband is trying and I certainly appreciate it. 

Work is good. This weekend we had a patient that almost made me cry - just because she was so upset. I felt so bad for her. Hopefully I said the right things to comfort her a little. Other than that one thing everything else went smoothly. There is still no exact work on when I start. It feels like a lifetime away but really that isn't a bad thing. It gives my family time to ease into things. This morning was S's first day of bus stop duty and I gotta tell my future self, it was pretty funny. The man really didn't know how to make a school lunch or to tell an 8 yr old to wear a coat when it is 27 degrees out. But I helped out and everyone made it to where they were going , group effort style. Family Style. 

So speaking of family style, on Saturday we decided to have a family game night. We pulled out all the board games we got for Christmas and started to assemble. U-build connect four was absolutely CRAZY and although fun in the end a little hard to play without having to constantly chasing after rouge checkers. We apologize to anyone we sent this game to - sometimes the games just look so cool. We also put together Statego which was certainly one of my favorites as a kid. This game is a really good game for C. He loved it and we ended up leaving it on the table and playing all weekend. Thank you J, K & not so baby A.

Good times were had by all ;=)

Wow

Today has proven to be quite productive and somewhat annoying. Let's just start out with the disclaimer, I love my husband. He is kind, loving, supporting, generous, and so on and so on. All that being said, he is really on my nerves. Why on earth does everything have to be over analyzed and beat to a pulp? It is just life people, just life. There are times when I just do not understand the compulsion to understand every detail in every corner of every minute detail that pertains to you!

Deep breath. 

Recently S put in for a job in England. He heard back today that they did not choose him. I am so relieved. Really, if he'd gotten it I would have been excited, but on the other hand I feel like I am just starting to gain momentum here and the selfish part of me is glad we are not headed across the pond. But I digress, he calls to tell me this information and he is a little bummed out, understandably, but he just keeps harping on the "why". Really? It was on the equal list, and Air Force wide job opening list. That means every one else who fit the requirements was up for the job too. Someone else probably had a year on him and hadn't ever been overseas. It isn't like it is rocket science to draw that conclusion. But NOOOO, he wants to call over to the job site and ask why he wasn't chosen, email them to let him know if there are anymore openings, see what he can change so he can get picked for these assignments, and as previously pointed out beat the damn thing into the ground. I would so mark this in the "Oh Well" category of life. I just don't get it. 

Deep breath, Diet Coke.

Meanwhile I have been on the phone all morning trying to procure daycare for C when I go back to work. I got the call yesterday with the official offer and benefit information. I start in the next two weeks. I was so excited and still am, but finding care is turning out to be rough. Plus I get the impression that my husband doesn't really want to help. That sucks. Before I even applied for the job I talked to him about the hours and asked if he could work with that. He says yes, but then doesn't really seem like he means it. Yesterday as we were discussing the after school care I offered up a scenario and he agreed that it was worth a try, but then totally went back on saying yes after explaining that he misunderstood. Okay... But then still he had no real ideas himself that involved him helping. And he said like three times "Well I still need to go to the gym". Yeah - I get it, your important too! I offered probably seven or eight different ideas and he just kept saying things like "we'll see" and "I need to go the gym". Really?? How about I am going back to work and you need to just step up and move your schedule around a little bit, go into work later, go to the gym during work hours at the end of the day (that is totally allowed in the USAF) and we will just eat dinner a little later and cut back on a few TV programs to make time for other stuff. I am not asking the world. I am asking that he go to work for 8:00 and leaves at 4:30, goes to the gym and leaves around 5:30 or 6:00. And BTW just to let you know, it was never mention that I would get to go to the gym or have any time to workout what so ever it was all about him. But you know, "we'll see". Right, come by our neighborhood around 4:30 in the fucking morning, you'll see me walking the dog, that will just have to do.

Here I am trying to fit it all together and he is so selfishly acting like the world revolves around him. I swear there is no consideration for the things that I put high on the priority list. For crying out loud, he'll spend half the day whining about not getting an assignment he wanted and over analyzing every detail about it but won't take ten minutes to look up possible day cares or ask around at work if anyone else has a provider they like. And just to be clear - I am really mad at him. He promised me if I went back to work this time would be different. He promised. So far - we're right on the same track. I become responsible for everything and he becomes responsible only for the bare minimum.

I'll be cleaning and making more phone calls if you need me. I have already managed to get a ton of laundry done  amongst the daily things. But man it feels good to let all this out. I really do love my husband. I just wish that today he'd left work at work. Well better get back on the horn. Apparently there is some martial  arts place that offers busing from school in the afternoon for kids at C's school. We'll just see how expensive that one is, although at this point know one else has an opening anyway.

Countdowns & Other Rantings

The Countdowns continue. Although December is the month of which we shall not speak of in that regard. YIKES.

Other ramblings:

• I realize I am mad at IVF. I let it totally control me last year and it didn't even work. I am going to try to resolve that one - but it is buried kind of deep. I suppose that is why I like my job. I have a chance to make someone's cycle a little more bearable.
• I haven't really heard officially if I have the full time position at said job yet,  but they did tell me they want to move forward after every one gets back from Vacation. (they are a little poky over in HR :))
• My sister, husband, and I are doing another weight loss challenge. This one is going until March. Should be fun. This one is double or nothing. {We did one before Christmas but didn't have time to cash in the prize}
• I need to send out thank you cards
• I need to go grocery shopping
• I need to recolor my gray
• I wonder when you start to go gray in other places as compared to your head ... 
• Biggest Looser is back - and I am so hooked. This season promises to be horribly staged - right up my alley. 
• Vampire Diaries is very yummy. I am on season two and totally loving it.
• Massachusetts was entertaining. A good Christmas for sure - we're just glad to be home. In fact everything about the holiday was pretty perfect other than us running out of time to visit with everyone. 

Happiest New Year Wishes

I cannot believe Christmas is only days away. My family is all super excited. My mom and I seem to call each other every time we get another gift wrapped. My sister and I are all a flutter with the crafting gifts and even C is working on some - that he really needs to finish tonight :) We're lucky. My family is really, really blessed. And we all take it for granted even when we try not to. Just the necessities alone are blessings enough and yet our cup runs over.

• Our house is warm, a toasty 67
• Our fridge is full, probably so full we forgot to eat a fruit or two in the bottom drawer
• Our clothes are clean, washed and dried at home
• Our minds are at peace, church goers indeed (and we get to drive)
• Our bodies are strong, nothing we cannot see a doctor for
• Our hearts are over joyed with love for one another

May you and yours share in our Happiest New Year Blessings. 

Seriously

I had a great interview today for the full time position at my current part time job. Although I was asked more than once "Are you sure you are ready for the commitment of 40 hours a week?" Yes, yes, for crying out loud yes. Geez o' Pete, my child is in 2nd grade, he is 8, he is fine everything is going fine - even keel - totally fine ...

And then I get a phone call from the school. So my "awesome interview" high lasted a whole three hours. Apparently our lovely son acted inappropriately, used inappropriate words, confessed to his teacher that we let him play Halo 3, and smashed someones project to bits - completely on purpose. Flipping wonderful. 

So the child gets home and I ask what happened. We very PC mannered-ly talk about better choices and personal responsibility and I tell him he needs to go to his room and come up with a plan that involves better actions and choices when he is in situations like he was in today. He goes up stairs, slams his door and starts trashing his room. Then he oh so innocently comes down stairs saying "I am ready to talk". Sure, a whole four minutes upstairs and your reformed huh? I swear I should just become a yeller.

It's a Fish Thing

A few moons ago I went crazy at a book store's going out of business sale. 90% off books just about sent me into eternal orgasm, but I digress. At one point in the sale I didn't even know what I was putting into my basket, which explains how I ended up with a few books completely out of my comfort zone. One being an EROTIC romance novel. I got to about page 39 before it hit ... every flipping page. I have never laughed so hard reading a book. The positions, the circumstance, the everything was the cheesiest most ridiculous things I've ever read. At many intervals I had to stop and read a passage out loud to my husband. The whole time he was like "What are you reading?" Tears were running down my face as the main Character and her boss (also her soon to be lover) are trying to infiltrate a biker gang and stop them from selling guns. The boss says to the other, "You don't know what these biker initiations are like Jessie, there could be fighting and public sex." What???? Seriously, I almost peed myself while doubled over in laughter. I honestly had no idea about this type of book. I have read plenty of romance novels and as far as any of them go even the raunchiest one isn't in the same ball park as the Pornographic Lalapalooza that I just read. 

Which brings me to my next point and then I'll get back to the books. Funniest story ever that happened to someone else. My sister was working her part time gig at a book store one night and was talking with her co-workers. She casually mentioned that she has been trying to get her novel published for quite sometime. A few days later she goes back to work and these same co-workers are looking at her really funny. She finally asks "what gives" and they tell her that they googled her. {How is googled not a work in spell check yet?} Apparently there is another author with her same name who is an Erotic Romance writer! How did I really not know about this genre until now? So when she told me of course I had to google her too. I found her on Amazon and again, doubled over about to pee myself. Why am I finding this stuff so funny and not gross? I don't know apparently I am still 12 in some respects.

Now back to me. I also ended up with a horoscope book. Honestly that scares me more than cheesy porn novels. But whatever I read it. It was very interesting but complete crap. At first I just read the pieces part and I was thinking - yup that is me through the whole thing. Which is true, there were many parts that we spot on. But then as I read the 'perdicitions' for each month of last year - they were completely wrong. Not one thing was proven. An entire year of star gazing and this "expert" couldn't get one thing right. So here is my theory on this, it is pretty much hog wash. Being born in a certain time of year may predisposition you to certain traits but that is possible because of at what age you experience what seasons, holidays, and life milestones and how you remember them. Or perhaps the book is targeted to a certain age group, the colors, the font, the pictures, all geared toward generation Xer's or Yer's and that is why the personality part is applicable. In the end - coincidence - all of it. I wasn't won over. 

And now back to the porn. I didn't know I had the porn. I didn't know I bought the porn. I really don't even know if you'd classify it as porn. I apparently like typing the word porn today. Anyway - on a more serious note, because I didn't realize the content of this book I left it in my living-room. When my mother in law was here in November I suggested she look through the books and take what she wanted. Later she commented that many of those "weren't her style". Hmmm, I wonder if I have more porn? Hysterically embarrassing.

Turn of Events

So, I have a job interview on Friday. Imagine that. I am scared - it is full time. Here are the pitfalls 

• last time I worked full time I got really fat
• I don't exactly handle stress well
• I have a guilty mom conscious
• Although S is super supportive I cannot imagine he will step up and clean a bathroom here and there, so I'll still have the 'cleaning' job. 

Then there are the positives

• $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
• $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The Edit

***DISCLAIMER***Mom - if you are blog snooping ... stop - this post is completely about you :)

OH Lord have I stepped in it. My suggestions for Christmas presents are, although entertaining, way, way more involved than I have anticipated. I have spent countless hours editing a Christmas video, that is approximately 59 seconds - couldn't even make the minute, and scrap-booking pictures for an album that is currently 4 pages. Yesterday alone I stared at the computer screen for three hours while I learned how to cut up audio clips and videos into smaller portions and then start back up again later. Fade in and fade out music, transition film and still pictures and seamlessly make play. And now here is the kicker. I only have two out of the 20 or so videos I need in the right format. The only way I can figure how to get the remaining clips to the format I need is to rerecord with the right camera with the right format on it - that camera is in the Midwest somewhere as it gets mailed around to friends and family. Slightly overwhelmed by my/our creation. (my sister is in on them both too)

So, if you know my parents and would like to help out please send me a video wishing Tom & Kathy a Merry Christmas. You can facebook me, or email it to jamie.wagner@park.edu or You Tube it and send me the link. We need help people - lots and lots of help!

Thursdays

I am routine oriented. On Mondays I do laundry, on Tuesdays I change the bedding, on Wednesdays I grocery shop, on Thursdays I get my free stuff, & on Fridays I do all the stuff I should have done earlier in the week. Thursdays are obviously the best. I take all my coupons and sale ads to see if anything would end up being free, I take all my of my $10 off $10 purchases to the mall, I stop by Dunkin' Donuts and get my free whatever it is that week, and I head home with a bag full of stuff I didn't have to pay for. I love it. I have been doing "free day" since October and I sure hope it continues. The coupons for the mall & coffee are the best!

This week I have three coupons for 2.00 off razors, and they are on clearance at CVS for 1.97. Then I have a coupon for Hasbro games at K Mart, the coupon is from K Mart and they let you use manufactures coupons on top of that, for which I have a $10.00 off coupon, finally they price match and Walmart has the game for $18.00. Free - which is great because charity gifts are due at church this weekend. Then it is off to  a restaurant for lunch, where I have a coupon for a free chicken salad - no purchase necessary. I don't have any $10 off $10 purchases left for the week, I used one a JC Penny just a few days ago to buy my in-laws Christmas present. The sale ended before today for the tea kettle we wanted to buy them, so I had to get in there early. Anyway off I go to get a latte, a game, razors, and lunch all for the price of a diet coke, tax and a gallon of gas. :)

Next week I plan on using Subway coupons & one for a free haircut, new customers only - trim only. Tipping not including - so free plus a little bit.

Game On

M, S and I are doing our own version of game on from now until Christmas. So far so good. M had a great suggestion to bypass the dieting food blues, try something new. So I did. I bought and served with dinner a Pomelo. I had never heard of them nor seen them before today - but man was it worth it. It is also called  a Chinese Grapefruit. I really do not like grapefruit, but this was so darn good. It wasn't too juicy or sour, more like a pink grapefruit that actaully smelled good. And there you have it, my exciting news. Pomelo, buy some.

Coupon Coupon Coupons!

I swear, I am still on these killer mailing lists. Last week I had a gift card from Victoria Secret. I got it when I used a ten dollar off a ten dollar purchase I got in the mail. So I went back, just as I was getting in the car to go the mailman came and surprise, surprise for me, there was another $10.00 off coupon. It turned out the gift card was worth ten bucks too. Plus I had a coupon for one free pair of underwear. They let me use all three and I ended up just buying undies - six pairs would have been $38.50 but with all my coupons I ended up paying only $6.00. I never buy myself things like this, ever - first pairs of VS undies ever. Total over-share...probably. 

Today I am running back over to JC Penny's for the same reason - another coupon. I am going to get a sweatshirt - nothing too exciting there, but I do not have any that I can wear in public :) 

Also - last week picked up loads of extra coupons from recycle buckets when I was walking the dog. S was like "Finally - I've been telling you to do that for years." The ones I got were right on top and easy to pick up, I am too embarrassed to dig through. But if they are just laying there, I feel like I should just scoop them up. Especially since the ones I got all had coupons for free coffee and coco at Dunkin Donuts! Yum!

Our Dave Ramsey Snow Ball, is having quite the effect on me; totally in a good & humbling way. It is hard to tell yourself, no - I cannot afford that, we do not make enough money to support this decision, but it is fun to see those balances go down. Coupons certainly make it easier - and keep me happy because I can still shop!

The Update

Hmmm, I really haven't blogged all that much in the past few months. It seems like we are either busy, busy or boring, boring. :) It is like when you talk to your friend everyday - you've got tons to talk about, but then if you skip a few days or weeks or even months then you don't know what to talk about. Well, sort of, I am so flipping chatty I could talk to a wall and still have a good conversation, my point is that it all seems rather unimportant after blogging about the big stuff so much. Anyway....

The holiday shopping is done, wrapped, and boxed up for a trip to Massachusetts this Christmas. Once I started wrapping I realized I got C a gift that might not be the best (the skateboard ramp) although he'd love it he wouldn't be able to use it right away - most likely he'd have to wait until spring - that idea alone had me trekking to Toys R Us yesterday to return it. I didn't replace it with anything and really don't plan too. We got C less expensive stuff this year but there is a lot of it and I know he'll like it. 

S's foot isn't healing all that well. He went back to work on Monday (thank the LORD!) but I know he is still feeling some pain. He also things there might be a rouge stitch under his skin that is starting to get infected. Great - another incision to remove that, is all I can think- poor guy. But it is unconfirmed, the doc can't fit him in until next week. 

I am still on a weight loss kick. Why is it that during a 28 day IVF cycle I can gain 30 pounds but it takes me months to loose it??? I am not discourage, just getting a little annoyed at having to be so proactive about calorie consumption and exercise just to be back to my normal "overweight" category. Obesity is such a God Awful term. But on a positive note I did go for a huge hike with my puppy this morning and I really do love that. Also over the weekend S bought me a new winter coat in size XL. Seriously this is the first XL jacket I think I've ever had. All my other ones were woman's sizes. The jacket is really nice, a Reebok fitness sub-zero temperature outdoor exercise friendly one. It is super thin but will keep you warm even in icy cold winds, also it is purple, which is obviously the best feature.Furthermore, I bought myself a new pair of jeans (well new for me) - back in Junior sizes! Ironic isn't it? This extra curvy girl has no hips, zero - and my ass, although wider than necessary, is completely flat.

The countdown for a debt snowball is still on track. We did great last month, making a $500.00 interest payment on the car loan. It was so cool to see that go down so much. Once that is paid our next one is a credit card. We suspect that will take us well into the spring, but it feels so good to have a plan. Because we've paid down so many small things we now get 4-8 credit card offers in the mail a day. My shredder is getting quite a workout. I don't even open those suckers! We use to only get a few a week, but this is ridiculous. I am thinking of calling a few just to get off their mailing list. I don't want the temptation of a lower rate - we've got good credit, I want to keep it that way, not open even more accounts to suck away our money. 

In other news, C is back on track at school. It looks like he just had a little bit of a rough patch over a few weeks. Also I talked to his teacher and basically told her that he needs to be held accountable for his actions but not every single issue is worthy of reporting. She agreed and he's come home with better behavior reports and seems to be getting back to his happy go lucky self. Which I am so happy to see. He is such a good kid; especially when he is encouraged and confident that he is good. 

And speaking of his school; I have started volunteering on a regular basis. Every Tuesday I am now a special reading teacher, although not to C. I have volunteered in previous years in his class and it has backfired horrible - he gets way too distracted. Anyway I now go in and he gets to see me and say hi, even run over and give me a hug, then I take one student at a time out of the class for a special education reading lesson. I know I have strict NO VOLUNTEERING rules, but something has gotten into me lately. I want to give back to be needed and to feel good about how I am spending my time. Plus I have a great education and it seems almost selfish not to use it. Seriously, I am not going schizophrenic, I might just actaully be growing up.

Which leads me to my next topic. Recently I heard on the news that Schizophrenia is not only hereditary but can also be caused by hallucinogenic drug use. I wonder how the government studied that one. Control groups, placebo groups, it all seems like an interesting scheme to allow legal banned substances use and huge waste of funding. Even if they just studied medical records - it still cost a bunch of money. (That is probably the understatement of the year as billions is not often described as a bunch) Wouldn't you just assume drugs are bad? People listen to me, I am smart, I know, Drugs are BAD. See, that didn't cost the government a darn cent. I should be a FDA consultant.

And my last order of business: I miss my friends. A is in OK, T is in Germany, J is IA , K in MT, B in MA, Mar is MA ... I could go on and on. All my besties spread out over the country. [How is besties not a word yet?] I get to talk to everyone but ... sometimes it just isn't the same. Hugs & Kisses girls, I miss you so much.

Too Sweet :)

I am just on the computer looking up my bank account - nothing that exciting, just logging in the ice cream we bought earlier (bad dieter ...) Anyway, S is upstairs putting C to bed and I can totally hear him reading a book and making silly voices for the different characters. Very, very sweet. 

Also - I got flowers today because I am awesome, it is true, my hubby told me so :)