Baby Factory ... Take Two

The highs and lows of working at a fertility clinic continue. Today two couples "graduated." Two OB ultrasounds in a row with positive results. Although continuously struggling with jealousy I truly am so happy for these couples. But then there is what we call a "bad OB." Normally the nurses or the doctors escort these patients through the back door so they do not have to be cheerfully greeted by us up front while we ask for their co-pays and offer to make additional appointments. But then there are some that make their way up to the front desk. It is so heart breaking to see myself in these patients eyes. And I swear it is me, there on the other side of the counter, trying not to cry too hard, trying to function but really just completely ready to crawl into a dark hole. I just want to give them a big hug and tell them everything is going to be okay. Even though those words offered me no solace when I was in their shoes, I just want them to know I was there too and I know it sucks, and I am so sorry they have to endure this crap, and I know it isn't fair. 

This job is hard. I am not sure I can sugar coat things too much there. I've been going strong for about six weeks and still do not think I could function through 8 hours alone. I just never know how the day is going to go, it ranges from everything in between hormonal bitches that assume they own me because they are paying the clinic fees with their hopeful first-born's college fund and the actual sweet as pie sweethearts that probably fart rainbows and butterflies that you cannot help but love to piece the second they walk through the door. It is hard to balance what I hold onto and what I brain dump at the end of the day. It is also way harder than I though it was going to be to brain dump the unwanted memories. 

It is also hard to brain dump the happenings of the employees. BFGG coughed on me today. She also spewed more chips into my general direction, although this time they landed on the counter not my shirt. Thirdly during lunch she not once took a breath in or out of her nose, complete mouth breather... icky! Carmen is good - she is growing on me. The judge is back from VK, thank God, I really do work best with the old ladies - must have been one in a former life :P). The doctors are ok, I am still not in love with either one of them and it is obvious the feeling is mutual. All in all, I would say I'd rate the job a 6. Considering my up bringing and the Constantine family motto of "It's work, it's suppose to suck," a 6 is a pretty high rating. Hopefully I will start to feel a little more comfortable there soon.

IVF ... ??? Again...???

I just signed up for better health insurance through work. IVF is COVERED! Seriously - I'd only have to come up with a few thousand dollars to cover a yearly deductible. Makes the wheels turn my friends. I am a little freaked out, but in a good way. S is all for it ...

Please Enlighten Me

**Disclaimer** 

Seriously, I have plenty of friends and family that struggle with the real thing and this is in no way about that.

But obviously, I am either Bipolar or Manic or just clinically nuts. 

Today was a good day at work. Herb is on VK, out of the country, Doctor 2 basically left me alone and BFGG was actaully nice to me. Crabby nurse was still crabby but I am learning that everyone else thinks so too and they all just ignore her :P) At lunch I got to talk with one of my besties and took an awesome walk in the sunshine. By 4:00 I was on the freeway with my sun roof open & thanking God that my day was so pleasant. And then by 4:45 I was almost in tears over an email from C's teacher.

Apparently he kicked a girl between the legs after she threatened to do the same to him. Unreal. I had to rewrite my response to his teacher three times to keep myself from using phrases like; "Good God this never ends" & "You've got to be kidding me?!" After talking with C at length I was still at a loss and told his teacher so - I have no idea how to handle this. Every single day there is an issue. Sometimes small and sometimes really large, but always there is something. 

Each day he gets a report saying how his day was behavior wise, it is all part of his IEP. But even though there are good things on the report there is always something negative too. Today's playground incident didn't even make it to the report because the teacher didn't know about in time. Today's report said, he went to the water fountain too much and talked back to the teacher. Great. He cannot be in trouble every day, he just can't. And I am not such a horrible uncaring parent that I let it all go with zero discipline and accountability.

My head hurts. Moreover, honestly this time I think I am going to let this one go with zero discipline and minimal accountability. He was antagonized into the kicking and his teacher foretold the entire ordeal, telling C and another boy before recess that maybe they "shouldn't play with her because you always get into trouble when you do." For crying out loud is it to much to ask that a teacher or aid or volunteer watch these kids on the playground? This wasn't a 'fast' thing - this happened over the entire course of the outdoor break. 

On top of everything else, his homework is half done because he had scouts tonight and he has to go to daycare early tomorrow because S is out of town. So unless he stays up late or gets up before 5:30 that work just isn't getting done. Another great note from his teacher is sure to come. 

Sunday, Sunday

C has pneumonia. All week I've been sending him to school only to learn the poor kid really is sick and it isn't "just a cough."  The good news; our clinic was open yesterday and fit him in with in hours of me calling & they gave him an antibiotic that is already working! Thank goodness. 

So today we are having a stay at home day due to the sickness. But it has turned out to be somewhat busy for me. Somehow I managed to get the grocery shopping done before 9:00 this morning, the house cleaned before 11:00, lunch made, served and cleaned up before 12:00, ran out to return an item, spend a gift card, and fill my gas tank all before 2:00, then watch two episodes of Vampire Diaries while ironing clothes and folding clean laundry. Somewhere in there I was actaully able to talk to my sister for an hour - which is always nice, rather enjoyable, and always a good laugh.

Life is generally good. The bills are paid ... paid AHEAD! Thank you!!!! The abode is sparkly. Valentine's Day has been celebrated - so fun! (S is TDY this coming week, so on Saturday we exchanged cards and went out to eat ... in between going to the doctors and getting the dog groomed - LOL, priorities don't ya know.)

Yada, Yada, Yada

Oye ve. Went to the doctors today, my hip has been bothering me. Anyway, no running for at least three weeks. I am so bummed out over it. I love running and have really been on the band wagon lately, running in the mornings and sometimes in the evening with C. But alas, I am back to walking on flat ground after injuring my hip flexor and possibly wearing out the cartilage in that joint. The PA said to rest it for three weeks and return. If it is better than great, if not they'll send me for a CT or and MRI depending on what is going on. Well, thank goodness for great medical care!

In other news - work is way better the past few days, although BFGG was eating Doritos yesterday and talking to me and when we walked away I noticed Dorito flecks on my shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so grossed out. She makes my skin crawl. Plus she's a little mean and sarcastic. Me no like.

Check, Check, & Check Mate

Taxes = Done. Get this, out of all the darn medical expenses last year, and there were a lot of them. We still didn't qualify for more that the standard deduction. We had over 10K in doctor receipts and still - bupkis. Oh well, at least we get a refund. That should help the countdowns pretty well. 

Super Bowl party = done, even the clean up. Even though our home team lost we still had a fun time. S invited three sets of neighbors over and a former coworker of his. Surprisingly everyone made it. We all had a great time visiting, watching the game & commercials, and watching the kids play. I can't wait for the next block party!

Work = sucky today. It is bound to happen once in a while but man was today bad. I bet I took 75 phone calls today plus regular scheduling, a doctor meeting, new patient registrations, and whole slew of other tasks I am sure I did a less than stellar job on. One patient actaully screamed at me and told me that I had no compassion, wasn't on her side, didn't care, was "stone walling" her, and making her feel like she wasn't important. I did no such things, I was kind, understanding, and tried so hard to help her. In the end I took my Diet Coke and went into the bathroom where I proceeded to bawl just long enough so all my eye liner would run down the center of my cheeks. All this because the doctor had no open appointments - even though I offered to confer with the doctor to see what our options were - and to call her back, nothing seemed to appease here. I can take the yelling and the frustration, but I cannot take when people accuse me of being mean and unkind. I did everything I was suppose to and still the person felt it was necessary to inflict emotional damage. I just don't get it.

FRIDAY!!!

Wow, what a week.

To be FB redundant:

Quote of the Day. "Mrs Wagner, your repair bill in on us; next time feel free to overlook the carfax."

My A/C doesn't work in the new car. (Thank goodness we had a hot day otherwise I wouldn't have noticed until late spring and then that might have been too late to do anything about it) So, I dropped the car off and this morning I get all call stating that the repair is $1400 because there is a broken air compressor. My warranty - which I negotiated doesn't cover this because it isn't power train. I ask you my friends, is anything covered under power train? But to be nice they say they can get the cost down to $600. I agreed, that is better than the original quote but... and a light bulb actaully appeared over my head in mid-air, "Wait a sec, this problem was noted on the carfax report before I bought the car - so I assumed it was fixed." The man was speechless and although expertly nice gave me a song and dance about me having to talk to the manager and my sales rep. I of course agreed and was just as nice as pie back. An hour later I got the call with the above quote left on my voice mail. I of course cheered, but also saved the message. It is quite funny.

Sleep

Man I slept great great last! I woke up chipper and ready to go. Which is great because yesterday at this time I was still trying to keep both eyes to stay open :P) So, up and At'em. Then I realized I don't have to be at work until 7:00,  but I already had my running sneakers on. Oh well, always nice to have a little time to relax in the morning anyway. I only ran a mile, my hip flexor is killing me, I am going to try to stretch it out more before I hit the treadmill tomorrow and even before I head to bed tonight.

In the mean time I downloaded some songs that I've been meaning to put on my MP3 player for a while now. Lately I am obsessed with TobyMac. I've even got C turning up the radio when "City on our Knees" comes on. My favorite is an older acoustic version our radio station has been playing a lot called "Made to Love". Lately I've been so sick of the regular pop stations. The swears & sex references in the music are so gross, it is embarrassing. I am no prude, but man, how many times do I need to explain to our son that just because they say it on the radio doesn't me we can talk about it or use those types of words. I've finally had enough and have just stopped putting them on in my car. Family friendly radio only. Our compromise is my MP3 player, I have only clean versions of all songs on there - that seems to satisfy C. 

Alright - enough hanging out, now I really do have to get ready for work. I am hopeful it goes well. I have asked to train at yet another satellite site in order to gain some perspective and learn the little details. I even set up training for Carmen and I next week when we have someone from corporate coming to our office to give instructions on scanning. I am all in folks, all in.

Sort of Awesome ... When You Think of It

So, yesterday kinda blew at work. My co-worker made a mistake on the cash that was accepted the day before and it all sort of hit the fan. Her paper work was really messy, so in an attempt to clean it up and help find the missing funds, I redid portions of it. In the end we couldn't find the mistake and the days tab was five dollars short. Totally a mistake... it happens. So after we crunched and crunched and the numbers still didn't make sense Carmen called the big boss up at the main hospital. Time to fess up. Well over the phone everything was okay, it was a problem but one that can be fixed. But once the 'messy' paper work got to where it was going and was audited, well then it wasn't such a small problem. Needless to say Carmen and I both went home yesterday a little frazzled. I was particularly upset because I wondered if I was getting thrown under the proverbial bus when I really had nothing to do with this money. In fact, I actaully fixed some of the paperwork, but since neither of new the 'proper' way to do it there were so missing parts. 

Last night, I fell into bed exhausted. My only prayer "please help me see the best qualities in Carmen tomorrow." 

This morning sort of started out rough. I could not get moving and I just wanted to curl up with a book and shut out the real world. But alas, 5:40 came and it was time to leave for work. Once I got to work and things got moving it seemed that the "boss's" were pinging about this or that - but there was so much work to do that it didn't seem to high on the priority list. Then it hit me. Carmen and I were working together. Not at opposite ends of the desk trying not to do more work than the other person, but together. When I had a patient trying to drop of a cup of sperm when he should have been rubbing one out at his reserved room in another office Carmen stepped right in. She called several offices to find out which one could take his "specimen" and got him to agree to drive it there with relatively no upsets. She was smooth and professional. (Our office only takes the "goods" on M, T, & F - just so you know.)

Later on in the day she helped me coordinate an appointment, offered to make a difficult phone call for me (I declined, but so appreciated it), and when I accidentally threw paperwork away in the secured shred box, she helped me find the keys. 

Life is good my friends. Sometimes you just need to know what to pray for.

Sold

I sold the Volvo :P) S is taking the cash to the post office tomorrow so that he can get a few money orders, then we are sending them directly to Citi Bank. Life is good my friends. Life is good.

The Countdowns

Because December was the month of which I shall not speak of concerning countdowns I figured January would be horrible when started crunching numbers again. But alas, I faced the music. 

DEBT: Well we added a new car, obviously that adds to the mountain, but we were reasonable and feel good about that. We also paid off the old car first and have that to sell, we've procured a potential buyer; there's a story there - I think I am going to back out of the sale, but I am confident that we can sell it by the end of February. In the end if you don't count the new car we were able to get our number down 42079 which is a whopping 800 dollars down in two months. That is pretty lousy, but we're back on the horse! The 42079 is a moot point because of the new vehicle but the countdown certainly is not. Next on the list. Citi Bank. We are just tackling one at a time now. The balance: 2233.00. This is left over from our very first IVF cycle with the military. It will be so nice when that is non-existent! The new job will certainly help that one :P)

Weight: M and I are still plugging away and I have been seeing results. I am down yet another few pounds and started to flatten out in some of my rounder areas. Also my boobs are smaller - thank GOD! I hate having a large chest. You'd think that since I had a breast reduction surgery I wouldn't have that problem, but I do. Those puppies shoot up to a Double D at the first sign of emotional eating.

The Sale: I have buyer in waiting. They've offered cash and just request I drive it to them one town away. At first it sounded reasonable but in one day they called me three or four times asking oddly specific questions about the DMV, transferring plates, and asking to lower the price for this reason or that. Then they asked if they could keep my plates until they were able to go the DMV. Another call was concerning the timing belt. I was honest, it hasn't been changed, it costs 675 for that and the water pump at my mechanic, he'll honor that price for  you, and they were like "well it really costs 1000." Anyway they are suppose to call me with a time to meet up. Keep in mind they haven't even seen the car yet. If they don't call by noon, I'm calling them and telling them no thank you. If they call me, I am telling them the same thing.

Week One ... Down & Out

This was my first full week in my office. I survived. Plus it is pay day! I was so excited to get my first real paycheck in almost four years! I got my nails done on the way home! I must talk in all exclamations!!!

The Nicknames

I still haven't come up with the witty, pun filled, and silly nickname for the clinic. There has to be one out there, but currently all that seems to be on my mind is nicknaming the people I work with:

Co-worker 1: The "Where's Waldo" of the fertility clinic. I've played more Where's Waldo in the last few days they I have my entire motherhood. However this co-worker is a girl, so it's more like "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" So co-worker #1 equals Carmen. Furthermore it has shifted from Where's Waldo as I get to know people because they've stopped all looking alike, lab coats, and really bad shoes. [ Are these people checking the mirror before they leave the house?]

Co-worker 2: The judge aka Judge-E-McJudgerson. She knows everyone and everyone knows her. And behind your back she tells everyone else all of your pitfalls. She has used terms like "incompetent", "hard headed", "a little slow", "brain dead", and "uneducated" to talk about almost everyone in the office and I've only known her for a few days. Also, she's been there the longest of any employee in the office (including the doctors) and she has already been asking me how to do things. Scary. (oddly I find old grannies quite endearing and like her in spite of her judgmental ways.)

Favorite nurse = Favorite nurse, there's only one and she is my favorite.

Grouchy nurse = Grouchy nurse, there is one in particular but this could serve as several nicknames in one.

Doctor 1# Late all the time. Runs up to two hours off schedule. Very sweet, very caring, very nice. Slightly passive aggressive. Nickname = Herb.

Doctor 2 # Young guy, nice, prompt, obviously a favorite amongst patients, although so is Herb; to be fair, has a slight case of  'I'm the doctor-itis', but overall pleasant, slightly confrontational in a passive aggressive manner. (He's coming to give you what for ... then he pussies out) I'm great ul he's a puss. Although it would be completely inaccurate to call him such all the time. He's a work in progress. Doctor 2 will have to suffice. 

Then there is BFGG. Bodily Function Gross Girl. She burped on me today. It was so disgusting that I almost threw up. Her job and mine are closely related, I pretty much cannot do my job without her. Plus everyone in the office loves her. I find her repulsive. Really. Nasty. BFGG. 

Today after the incident I was in a daze and handed Doctor #2 a chart without bringing his patients back. Then when he asked where they were I said, I'd bring them back and accidentally brought them directly to him instead of having them wait in his waiting area. He was totally unprepared, I was still fighting the urge to vomit, and I swear the smell of BFGG was following me around, Doc 2 then becomes slightly confrontational in the most passive aggressive way and I was thinking "dude just send me an email - do you not know that I was almost killed by BFGG?!?!?!? I might actaully die right here, right now."

And then there is "corporate" which is anyone at the main hospital, pain in my ass. My response to their constant comments and picking today "I am too new to be wrapped up in these politics." Obviously I will be speaking to my favorite nurse to help.

Just A Rant

Dearest Asshole,

The red light is in 50 yards, we don't have to race there.

Sincerely,

The Driver Going the Speed Limit!

Dearest Co-worker,

Sure you have a migraine. Sure. Thanks for calling in sick. I know it was gorgeous outside. I would have loved a day off too.

Sincerely,

The New Girl, Who Just Got Screwed

Dearest 7/11,

Thank you so much for carrying Chobani. I ran out. And of course thank you for charging me double the actual cost. 

Sincerely,

The Oddly Grateful One

Dearest Mother Nature,

THANK YOU! I had a blast today outside with C. This weather makes me feel so refreshed!

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Doesn't Really Believe in Mother Nature - so Thanks God!

84

The number of patients we saw today in a three hour window. Crazy morning. The nurses looked like they were going to pull their hair out. Can't say I blame them. This is a record. 

Oh well, that is why we get paid right?!?!? Ha, ha. Sooo speaking of being paid. I cannot wait until Friday. My dearest husband forgot his government credit card when he was on travel last week to NY and he forgot all of his emergency CC's too. So he charged everything on our bank card. We'll get the $ back but until then we have 57 bucks left in our checking account! And... I need gas. Plus I think EZ pass is going to pull $75.00 this week too - since I've been using it like crazy for work. PLUSSSSS, day care is due tomorrow at $140.00 - see yesterdays tangent. Hmm time to transfer money from savings again. Sometimes I wonder why I even put the money in savings in the first place. :)

68

That is the number of patients our clinic saw this morning from 7-10am. That is only about 35 more than the supposed average. K and I (K is my weekend co-worker & I love working with her) talked with one of the sonographers and she mentioned that she thinks "they" are going to have to extend our weekend hours to accommodate so many patients. I think that is a a definite possibility, so I volunteered to work the extended hours. If it is at all possible (i.e. they haven't filled my part time slot yet) then I would just cut a few hours during the week. (like Monday afternoons!) The best part - finger crossed it works out - it would save us $140 a week in day care! Yes it really does cost that much here, thank you Fairfax County and half day Mondays!

Tangent: The high-schoolers and middle-schoolers do no get out until 3:00. Grades K-6 get out at 12:50. So a teenager after school sitter is out of the question. Currently we need a baby sitter on Mondays from 12:50-4:00 and T-F from 3:45-4:00. I kid you not. $140 a week for 4 hours of day care! We are on the wait lists for the after school program run by the school system but even that is on a sliding scale and we are now at the top. $575.00 per month. So currently 140*52/12= $606 a month. Crazy huh?

Dear Caller

Dear Fertility Center Caller,

Thanks so much for calling me and explaining that your wife has been on top for over three months and yet she is still not pregnant. I understand that as you put it "We have the sex and still she not working" and we would be happy to assist you. I also understand that you are a former patient and would like to start a new cycle. You will need to meet with your doctor for a consult. Your explanation of your last semen anaylasis was sufficiant. I appreciate your colorfulness. "I had the organic exer-rack-ulation in the mug" explains that yes you have had a recent test of your little swimmers. Perfect. Your all set up.

Good Luck, and thank you for making me end my day with a smile.

Sincerely the ever diligent worker.

*** Just a side note. I so need to come up with a nick name for my new job. I am having a blast every day listening to these poor men try to explain things. Women in general are so clinical when they call. The men just put it all out there. A total riot!

The Good, The Bad, & The BORING!

Holy Mother of GOD have the past two days been dull. It is no surprise that people are not warm and fuzzy here, they are stiff, polite, but oddly distant, but man I did not know how dull a day in an office can be when no one seems to put any effort into the niceties. Politeness is good but seriously boring. The scoop:

I worked the last two days in a different hospital than the one I will be working in full time for training purposes. It seems that a few of these girls get "stuck" training other employees all the time. Great, so I am loved from the start. Anyway, all of them, even the supervisors are constantly on their cell phones. So when there is down time, and there certainly is a LOT of down time in that office, you cannot get to know one another or get the dirt on anyone else. Not that I want to be a gossip, but geez anything would have been better than watching other people play on their iPhones. Like watching paint dry.

Today around 11:00 I just couldn't take it anymore and volunteered to work in the call center. Obviously I am an idiot. Obviously. I figured I'd be making a bunch of appointments and transferring a few calls to a nurse. Right, that was so little of the job that I hardly learned anything I needed too. I just kept getting complete lunatics on the phone. One woman was swearing up one side and another that she'd been seen there before and needed a follow up. After five minutes I still couldn't find her in the system and desperately asked if she was positive she'd been seen at the fertility clinic. Her answer "Oh, no, this isn't Montgomery General?" Seriously? I answered the phone with our hospital name and the word FERTILITY is in it! 

Then the last call of the day; a woman wanted to know the nursing supervisors name. I ask her to hold, get the info and let her know but then she wants to know my supervisor and the supervisors supervisor and who runs the donor team and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. At first it seemed like a totally normal call but then she kept saying "We are having a communication problem are you there?" And then she would repeat the same questions. Eventually I just had to ask another girl to take the call. I just didn't have enough knowledge about the whole hierarchy to help her. Actually it ended up being the best part of the day. At least that call was entertaining. It ended up going to our highest supervisor and from the sounds of it even she was having trouble helping.

One more day of training in that office and then I head to my official spot in Virginia. Thank the LORD! Honestly I am thankful that I have a job and I do like the parts I have learned so far - it has potential. Plus I am sure I will get a lot of entertainment out of it in the months to come. One funny note: I have never said the words, sperm, ejaculation, and masturbation so much in one day (let alone a year!) in my life. By the end of the day I could almost say them with out cracking up.

Starting Monday

I cannot believe that I start my new job on Monday. It seemed like it was going to be forever until I started and surprise it is here. I would have thought I'd be busy cleaning, cooking, preparing, but nope, I was actaully bored today. I ran around doing a few errands, met S for lunch, walked to dog, talked to my mommy, and now I am hanging out watching Ellen. (Hilarious BTW) All proof that I am more than ready to go back to work during the day. :P) I hope I still feel like that at the end of next week. 

C has been giving me an earful about going to an after school program. My feeling, TOUGH. In the past I felt completely guilty about sending him to daycare. This time around, not so much. We found a good program, close to home, expensive but convenient, with caring providers and lots of fun things to do. He is lucky. I refuse to parent with guilt and remorse. Sometimes it is on your heart to stay home through grade school or later and sometimes it isn't. This time around we set up a great schedule and both of us (i.e. the parents) are ready. Obviously this is just a pep talk for myself.

 

I Heart My New Car

It is so pretty. It is so nice, smooth ride & everything works; all the doors, all the windows, all the locks, and all three rows fold flat without getting stuck! (well except the driver seat, that doesn't fold, hee, hee) 

And now we have my old one to sell. Hopefully that is pretty painless, my neighbor is really interested, although I sort of hope her interest doesn't stick. If something goes wrong with the car I do not want to feel responsible. Full disclosure or all the gritty details- but still you never know what the future holds. :P)

Test Driving & Shitty Salesmen

First lets start by saying I bought a new car today. Oh Yeah Baby! But also lets just say that it was such an annoying process and I have had an entertaining afternoon leaving feedback on customer service surveys. Let's just look at the highlights:

The Chevy Aveo

• Dick of a salesmen
• Left me in a the car for almost 15 minutes while he searched for a gate tag to get out of the lot. Didn't even leave the keys in the car for me to listen to the radio, turn the heat on or off, or roll down the windows. Also he parked horribly near a carwash entrance and at least 20 people who worked there were giving me the hairy eyeball.
• When I said I didn't like the car he said that is because it was too compact. So I asked to test drive the Malibu next.
• Told me not to buy an piece of American crap

The Chevy Malibu

• Same flipping salesman
• Same great demeanor, when we were pulling out of the lot  he told me to "watch out for that cop" - I was at a stop sign and it was my turn, why would I watch out???
• Horribly small trunk opening

The Ford Fusion

• Next Dealership, cool car but pricey
• Asshole salesman who asked me two different times "Why you not buy today?" Really, isn't English required to sell me a car. I don't speak Fragmented Asshole.
• The Asshole kind of smelled
• I asked if they had any older models with better prices he replied "I check when you bring your husband back"
• I LEFT!

The Hyundai Santa Fe

• Next Dealership
• Test drive with salesman whom seems nice enough
• When the drive is over I mention that the car smell of cigarettes and ask if there is something similar like a Toyota Rav4  that doesn't smell
• He didn't like my attitude. He said "You shouldn't be so abrupt, this is a great car for the money, nothing some detailing couldn't fix." and I said "Then that should have already been taken care of"
• I LEFT!

Toyota Rav4

• Yet another dealership
• Nice car! Expensive car.
• Pretty normal test drive except the guy didn't want me to go on the highway where I wanted to go. West has a higher speed limit and I wanted to see how the car handled. 
• When I asked him if I could hit a pothole to see how it felt the man cringed, I laughed and said "I am only kidding, how about a few speed bumps?" I was serious, he wasn't amused.

Volvo CX90

• The Winner
• New Dealership
• They didn't ask to see my license, they didn't ask my mother's maiden name, or for an arm and a leg
• They let me test all the cars I wanted all by myself
• When I asked if I could hit a pot hole the guy answered "There are several out back"
• When I asked if they could move on the price ... They did!
• The man never had to go talk to a boss or ask someone else for help
• He never asked me about my husband or made any comments about me buying my own car
• I found the one I wanted, negotiated a fair deal, got a few perks - like extra maintenance and a longer warranty at no cost to me and walked out a  happy girl.
• I signed the paperwork to have the car and price on hold for me until tomorrow. Unless I wake up full of dread and regret the car is mine and I can go pick it up. (S and I have an agreement there - we always sleep on the idea, sure has saved us from a lot of mistakes.)

Winds Blow

Tides are turning, slowly. The husband is trying and I certainly appreciate it. 

Work is good. This weekend we had a patient that almost made me cry - just because she was so upset. I felt so bad for her. Hopefully I said the right things to comfort her a little. Other than that one thing everything else went smoothly. There is still no exact work on when I start. It feels like a lifetime away but really that isn't a bad thing. It gives my family time to ease into things. This morning was S's first day of bus stop duty and I gotta tell my future self, it was pretty funny. The man really didn't know how to make a school lunch or to tell an 8 yr old to wear a coat when it is 27 degrees out. But I helped out and everyone made it to where they were going , group effort style. Family Style. 

So speaking of family style, on Saturday we decided to have a family game night. We pulled out all the board games we got for Christmas and started to assemble. U-build connect four was absolutely CRAZY and although fun in the end a little hard to play without having to constantly chasing after rouge checkers. We apologize to anyone we sent this game to - sometimes the games just look so cool. We also put together Statego which was certainly one of my favorites as a kid. This game is a really good game for C. He loved it and we ended up leaving it on the table and playing all weekend. Thank you J, K & not so baby A.

Good times were had by all ;=)

Wow

Today has proven to be quite productive and somewhat annoying. Let's just start out with the disclaimer, I love my husband. He is kind, loving, supporting, generous, and so on and so on. All that being said, he is really on my nerves. Why on earth does everything have to be over analyzed and beat to a pulp? It is just life people, just life. There are times when I just do not understand the compulsion to understand every detail in every corner of every minute detail that pertains to you!

Deep breath. 

Recently S put in for a job in England. He heard back today that they did not choose him. I am so relieved. Really, if he'd gotten it I would have been excited, but on the other hand I feel like I am just starting to gain momentum here and the selfish part of me is glad we are not headed across the pond. But I digress, he calls to tell me this information and he is a little bummed out, understandably, but he just keeps harping on the "why". Really? It was on the equal list, and Air Force wide job opening list. That means every one else who fit the requirements was up for the job too. Someone else probably had a year on him and hadn't ever been overseas. It isn't like it is rocket science to draw that conclusion. But NOOOO, he wants to call over to the job site and ask why he wasn't chosen, email them to let him know if there are anymore openings, see what he can change so he can get picked for these assignments, and as previously pointed out beat the damn thing into the ground. I would so mark this in the "Oh Well" category of life. I just don't get it. 

Deep breath, Diet Coke.

Meanwhile I have been on the phone all morning trying to procure daycare for C when I go back to work. I got the call yesterday with the official offer and benefit information. I start in the next two weeks. I was so excited and still am, but finding care is turning out to be rough. Plus I get the impression that my husband doesn't really want to help. That sucks. Before I even applied for the job I talked to him about the hours and asked if he could work with that. He says yes, but then doesn't really seem like he means it. Yesterday as we were discussing the after school care I offered up a scenario and he agreed that it was worth a try, but then totally went back on saying yes after explaining that he misunderstood. Okay... But then still he had no real ideas himself that involved him helping. And he said like three times "Well I still need to go to the gym". Yeah - I get it, your important too! I offered probably seven or eight different ideas and he just kept saying things like "we'll see" and "I need to go the gym". Really?? How about I am going back to work and you need to just step up and move your schedule around a little bit, go into work later, go to the gym during work hours at the end of the day (that is totally allowed in the USAF) and we will just eat dinner a little later and cut back on a few TV programs to make time for other stuff. I am not asking the world. I am asking that he go to work for 8:00 and leaves at 4:30, goes to the gym and leaves around 5:30 or 6:00. And BTW just to let you know, it was never mention that I would get to go to the gym or have any time to workout what so ever it was all about him. But you know, "we'll see". Right, come by our neighborhood around 4:30 in the fucking morning, you'll see me walking the dog, that will just have to do.

Here I am trying to fit it all together and he is so selfishly acting like the world revolves around him. I swear there is no consideration for the things that I put high on the priority list. For crying out loud, he'll spend half the day whining about not getting an assignment he wanted and over analyzing every detail about it but won't take ten minutes to look up possible day cares or ask around at work if anyone else has a provider they like. And just to be clear - I am really mad at him. He promised me if I went back to work this time would be different. He promised. So far - we're right on the same track. I become responsible for everything and he becomes responsible only for the bare minimum.

I'll be cleaning and making more phone calls if you need me. I have already managed to get a ton of laundry done  amongst the daily things. But man it feels good to let all this out. I really do love my husband. I just wish that today he'd left work at work. Well better get back on the horn. Apparently there is some martial  arts place that offers busing from school in the afternoon for kids at C's school. We'll just see how expensive that one is, although at this point know one else has an opening anyway.

Countdowns & Other Rantings

The Countdowns continue. Although December is the month of which we shall not speak of in that regard. YIKES.

Other ramblings:

• I realize I am mad at IVF. I let it totally control me last year and it didn't even work. I am going to try to resolve that one - but it is buried kind of deep. I suppose that is why I like my job. I have a chance to make someone's cycle a little more bearable.
• I haven't really heard officially if I have the full time position at said job yet,  but they did tell me they want to move forward after every one gets back from Vacation. (they are a little poky over in HR :))
• My sister, husband, and I are doing another weight loss challenge. This one is going until March. Should be fun. This one is double or nothing. {We did one before Christmas but didn't have time to cash in the prize}
• I need to send out thank you cards
• I need to go grocery shopping
• I need to recolor my gray
• I wonder when you start to go gray in other places as compared to your head ... 
• Biggest Looser is back - and I am so hooked. This season promises to be horribly staged - right up my alley. 
• Vampire Diaries is very yummy. I am on season two and totally loving it.
• Massachusetts was entertaining. A good Christmas for sure - we're just glad to be home. In fact everything about the holiday was pretty perfect other than us running out of time to visit with everyone. 

Happiest New Year Wishes

I cannot believe Christmas is only days away. My family is all super excited. My mom and I seem to call each other every time we get another gift wrapped. My sister and I are all a flutter with the crafting gifts and even C is working on some - that he really needs to finish tonight :) We're lucky. My family is really, really blessed. And we all take it for granted even when we try not to. Just the necessities alone are blessings enough and yet our cup runs over.

• Our house is warm, a toasty 67
• Our fridge is full, probably so full we forgot to eat a fruit or two in the bottom drawer
• Our clothes are clean, washed and dried at home
• Our minds are at peace, church goers indeed (and we get to drive)
• Our bodies are strong, nothing we cannot see a doctor for
• Our hearts are over joyed with love for one another

May you and yours share in our Happiest New Year Blessings. 

Seriously

I had a great interview today for the full time position at my current part time job. Although I was asked more than once "Are you sure you are ready for the commitment of 40 hours a week?" Yes, yes, for crying out loud yes. Geez o' Pete, my child is in 2nd grade, he is 8, he is fine everything is going fine - even keel - totally fine ...

And then I get a phone call from the school. So my "awesome interview" high lasted a whole three hours. Apparently our lovely son acted inappropriately, used inappropriate words, confessed to his teacher that we let him play Halo 3, and smashed someones project to bits - completely on purpose. Flipping wonderful. 

So the child gets home and I ask what happened. We very PC mannered-ly talk about better choices and personal responsibility and I tell him he needs to go to his room and come up with a plan that involves better actions and choices when he is in situations like he was in today. He goes up stairs, slams his door and starts trashing his room. Then he oh so innocently comes down stairs saying "I am ready to talk". Sure, a whole four minutes upstairs and your reformed huh? I swear I should just become a yeller.

It's a Fish Thing

A few moons ago I went crazy at a book store's going out of business sale. 90% off books just about sent me into eternal orgasm, but I digress. At one point in the sale I didn't even know what I was putting into my basket, which explains how I ended up with a few books completely out of my comfort zone. One being an EROTIC romance novel. I got to about page 39 before it hit ... every flipping page. I have never laughed so hard reading a book. The positions, the circumstance, the everything was the cheesiest most ridiculous things I've ever read. At many intervals I had to stop and read a passage out loud to my husband. The whole time he was like "What are you reading?" Tears were running down my face as the main Character and her boss (also her soon to be lover) are trying to infiltrate a biker gang and stop them from selling guns. The boss says to the other, "You don't know what these biker initiations are like Jessie, there could be fighting and public sex." What???? Seriously, I almost peed myself while doubled over in laughter. I honestly had no idea about this type of book. I have read plenty of romance novels and as far as any of them go even the raunchiest one isn't in the same ball park as the Pornographic Lalapalooza that I just read. 

Which brings me to my next point and then I'll get back to the books. Funniest story ever that happened to someone else. My sister was working her part time gig at a book store one night and was talking with her co-workers. She casually mentioned that she has been trying to get her novel published for quite sometime. A few days later she goes back to work and these same co-workers are looking at her really funny. She finally asks "what gives" and they tell her that they googled her. {How is googled not a work in spell check yet?} Apparently there is another author with her same name who is an Erotic Romance writer! How did I really not know about this genre until now? So when she told me of course I had to google her too. I found her on Amazon and again, doubled over about to pee myself. Why am I finding this stuff so funny and not gross? I don't know apparently I am still 12 in some respects.

Now back to me. I also ended up with a horoscope book. Honestly that scares me more than cheesy porn novels. But whatever I read it. It was very interesting but complete crap. At first I just read the pieces part and I was thinking - yup that is me through the whole thing. Which is true, there were many parts that we spot on. But then as I read the 'perdicitions' for each month of last year - they were completely wrong. Not one thing was proven. An entire year of star gazing and this "expert" couldn't get one thing right. So here is my theory on this, it is pretty much hog wash. Being born in a certain time of year may predisposition you to certain traits but that is possible because of at what age you experience what seasons, holidays, and life milestones and how you remember them. Or perhaps the book is targeted to a certain age group, the colors, the font, the pictures, all geared toward generation Xer's or Yer's and that is why the personality part is applicable. In the end - coincidence - all of it. I wasn't won over. 

And now back to the porn. I didn't know I had the porn. I didn't know I bought the porn. I really don't even know if you'd classify it as porn. I apparently like typing the word porn today. Anyway - on a more serious note, because I didn't realize the content of this book I left it in my living-room. When my mother in law was here in November I suggested she look through the books and take what she wanted. Later she commented that many of those "weren't her style". Hmmm, I wonder if I have more porn? Hysterically embarrassing.

Turn of Events

So, I have a job interview on Friday. Imagine that. I am scared - it is full time. Here are the pitfalls 

• last time I worked full time I got really fat
• I don't exactly handle stress well
• I have a guilty mom conscious
• Although S is super supportive I cannot imagine he will step up and clean a bathroom here and there, so I'll still have the 'cleaning' job. 

Then there are the positives

• $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
• $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The Edit

***DISCLAIMER***Mom - if you are blog snooping ... stop - this post is completely about you :)

OH Lord have I stepped in it. My suggestions for Christmas presents are, although entertaining, way, way more involved than I have anticipated. I have spent countless hours editing a Christmas video, that is approximately 59 seconds - couldn't even make the minute, and scrap-booking pictures for an album that is currently 4 pages. Yesterday alone I stared at the computer screen for three hours while I learned how to cut up audio clips and videos into smaller portions and then start back up again later. Fade in and fade out music, transition film and still pictures and seamlessly make play. And now here is the kicker. I only have two out of the 20 or so videos I need in the right format. The only way I can figure how to get the remaining clips to the format I need is to rerecord with the right camera with the right format on it - that camera is in the Midwest somewhere as it gets mailed around to friends and family. Slightly overwhelmed by my/our creation. (my sister is in on them both too)

So, if you know my parents and would like to help out please send me a video wishing Tom & Kathy a Merry Christmas. You can facebook me, or email it to jamie.wagner@park.edu or You Tube it and send me the link. We need help people - lots and lots of help!

Thursdays

I am routine oriented. On Mondays I do laundry, on Tuesdays I change the bedding, on Wednesdays I grocery shop, on Thursdays I get my free stuff, & on Fridays I do all the stuff I should have done earlier in the week. Thursdays are obviously the best. I take all my coupons and sale ads to see if anything would end up being free, I take all my of my $10 off $10 purchases to the mall, I stop by Dunkin' Donuts and get my free whatever it is that week, and I head home with a bag full of stuff I didn't have to pay for. I love it. I have been doing "free day" since October and I sure hope it continues. The coupons for the mall & coffee are the best!

This week I have three coupons for 2.00 off razors, and they are on clearance at CVS for 1.97. Then I have a coupon for Hasbro games at K Mart, the coupon is from K Mart and they let you use manufactures coupons on top of that, for which I have a $10.00 off coupon, finally they price match and Walmart has the game for $18.00. Free - which is great because charity gifts are due at church this weekend. Then it is off to  a restaurant for lunch, where I have a coupon for a free chicken salad - no purchase necessary. I don't have any $10 off $10 purchases left for the week, I used one a JC Penny just a few days ago to buy my in-laws Christmas present. The sale ended before today for the tea kettle we wanted to buy them, so I had to get in there early. Anyway off I go to get a latte, a game, razors, and lunch all for the price of a diet coke, tax and a gallon of gas. :)

Next week I plan on using Subway coupons & one for a free haircut, new customers only - trim only. Tipping not including - so free plus a little bit.

Game On

M, S and I are doing our own version of game on from now until Christmas. So far so good. M had a great suggestion to bypass the dieting food blues, try something new. So I did. I bought and served with dinner a Pomelo. I had never heard of them nor seen them before today - but man was it worth it. It is also called  a Chinese Grapefruit. I really do not like grapefruit, but this was so darn good. It wasn't too juicy or sour, more like a pink grapefruit that actaully smelled good. And there you have it, my exciting news. Pomelo, buy some.

Coupon Coupon Coupons!

I swear, I am still on these killer mailing lists. Last week I had a gift card from Victoria Secret. I got it when I used a ten dollar off a ten dollar purchase I got in the mail. So I went back, just as I was getting in the car to go the mailman came and surprise, surprise for me, there was another $10.00 off coupon. It turned out the gift card was worth ten bucks too. Plus I had a coupon for one free pair of underwear. They let me use all three and I ended up just buying undies - six pairs would have been $38.50 but with all my coupons I ended up paying only $6.00. I never buy myself things like this, ever - first pairs of VS undies ever. Total over-share...probably. 

Today I am running back over to JC Penny's for the same reason - another coupon. I am going to get a sweatshirt - nothing too exciting there, but I do not have any that I can wear in public :) 

Also - last week picked up loads of extra coupons from recycle buckets when I was walking the dog. S was like "Finally - I've been telling you to do that for years." The ones I got were right on top and easy to pick up, I am too embarrassed to dig through. But if they are just laying there, I feel like I should just scoop them up. Especially since the ones I got all had coupons for free coffee and coco at Dunkin Donuts! Yum!

Our Dave Ramsey Snow Ball, is having quite the effect on me; totally in a good & humbling way. It is hard to tell yourself, no - I cannot afford that, we do not make enough money to support this decision, but it is fun to see those balances go down. Coupons certainly make it easier - and keep me happy because I can still shop!

The Update

Hmmm, I really haven't blogged all that much in the past few months. It seems like we are either busy, busy or boring, boring. :) It is like when you talk to your friend everyday - you've got tons to talk about, but then if you skip a few days or weeks or even months then you don't know what to talk about. Well, sort of, I am so flipping chatty I could talk to a wall and still have a good conversation, my point is that it all seems rather unimportant after blogging about the big stuff so much. Anyway....

The holiday shopping is done, wrapped, and boxed up for a trip to Massachusetts this Christmas. Once I started wrapping I realized I got C a gift that might not be the best (the skateboard ramp) although he'd love it he wouldn't be able to use it right away - most likely he'd have to wait until spring - that idea alone had me trekking to Toys R Us yesterday to return it. I didn't replace it with anything and really don't plan too. We got C less expensive stuff this year but there is a lot of it and I know he'll like it. 

S's foot isn't healing all that well. He went back to work on Monday (thank the LORD!) but I know he is still feeling some pain. He also things there might be a rouge stitch under his skin that is starting to get infected. Great - another incision to remove that, is all I can think- poor guy. But it is unconfirmed, the doc can't fit him in until next week. 

I am still on a weight loss kick. Why is it that during a 28 day IVF cycle I can gain 30 pounds but it takes me months to loose it??? I am not discourage, just getting a little annoyed at having to be so proactive about calorie consumption and exercise just to be back to my normal "overweight" category. Obesity is such a God Awful term. But on a positive note I did go for a huge hike with my puppy this morning and I really do love that. Also over the weekend S bought me a new winter coat in size XL. Seriously this is the first XL jacket I think I've ever had. All my other ones were woman's sizes. The jacket is really nice, a Reebok fitness sub-zero temperature outdoor exercise friendly one. It is super thin but will keep you warm even in icy cold winds, also it is purple, which is obviously the best feature.Furthermore, I bought myself a new pair of jeans (well new for me) - back in Junior sizes! Ironic isn't it? This extra curvy girl has no hips, zero - and my ass, although wider than necessary, is completely flat.

The countdown for a debt snowball is still on track. We did great last month, making a $500.00 interest payment on the car loan. It was so cool to see that go down so much. Once that is paid our next one is a credit card. We suspect that will take us well into the spring, but it feels so good to have a plan. Because we've paid down so many small things we now get 4-8 credit card offers in the mail a day. My shredder is getting quite a workout. I don't even open those suckers! We use to only get a few a week, but this is ridiculous. I am thinking of calling a few just to get off their mailing list. I don't want the temptation of a lower rate - we've got good credit, I want to keep it that way, not open even more accounts to suck away our money. 

In other news, C is back on track at school. It looks like he just had a little bit of a rough patch over a few weeks. Also I talked to his teacher and basically told her that he needs to be held accountable for his actions but not every single issue is worthy of reporting. She agreed and he's come home with better behavior reports and seems to be getting back to his happy go lucky self. Which I am so happy to see. He is such a good kid; especially when he is encouraged and confident that he is good. 

And speaking of his school; I have started volunteering on a regular basis. Every Tuesday I am now a special reading teacher, although not to C. I have volunteered in previous years in his class and it has backfired horrible - he gets way too distracted. Anyway I now go in and he gets to see me and say hi, even run over and give me a hug, then I take one student at a time out of the class for a special education reading lesson. I know I have strict NO VOLUNTEERING rules, but something has gotten into me lately. I want to give back to be needed and to feel good about how I am spending my time. Plus I have a great education and it seems almost selfish not to use it. Seriously, I am not going schizophrenic, I might just actaully be growing up.

Which leads me to my next topic. Recently I heard on the news that Schizophrenia is not only hereditary but can also be caused by hallucinogenic drug use. I wonder how the government studied that one. Control groups, placebo groups, it all seems like an interesting scheme to allow legal banned substances use and huge waste of funding. Even if they just studied medical records - it still cost a bunch of money. (That is probably the understatement of the year as billions is not often described as a bunch) Wouldn't you just assume drugs are bad? People listen to me, I am smart, I know, Drugs are BAD. See, that didn't cost the government a darn cent. I should be a FDA consultant.

And my last order of business: I miss my friends. A is in OK, T is in Germany, J is IA , K in MT, B in MA, Mar is MA ... I could go on and on. All my besties spread out over the country. [How is besties not a word yet?] I get to talk to everyone but ... sometimes it just isn't the same. Hugs & Kisses girls, I miss you so much.

Too Sweet :)

I am just on the computer looking up my bank account - nothing that exciting, just logging in the ice cream we bought earlier (bad dieter ...) Anyway, S is upstairs putting C to bed and I can totally hear him reading a book and making silly voices for the different characters. Very, very sweet. 

Also - I got flowers today because I am awesome, it is true, my hubby told me so :)

Clean Slate

I cannot wait for Christmas this year. Our whole family is looking forward to ringing in the New Year with lots and lots of holiday cheer, because lets face it, this year has been less then stellar. Not that we didn't have some good times, we did, but the hardships were really hard. I spoke with my cousin last week and we totally agreed that this season we are all ready to celebrate and stop grieving the situations and lives of the past. 

In this same spirit, everything I've been stewing about, I've made steps towards changing. Just yesterday I spoke with C's teacher and worked out another new plan, contacted my boss to work out the Christmas / New Years debacle, and worked on a plan to keep the Cub Scouts in check. (interesting story about my anti-volunteer rules and how breaking them completely backfires and causes stress) I hate stress, I am not an 'only happy when it rains' kind of a person. I need positivity. I need the people around me to be in a positive state. Not that I don't lavish in the occasional bitch-fest, because really that feels so good sometimes, but seriously I am ready to enjoy life and its challenges again, not get caught up in the stress of things. As noted yesterday - that is what passive aggressiveness is for. (ha, ha) .

So what is a girl to do when she wipes the stress slate clean? SHOP!!! I was on the right track last week, I should have stayed there. Click, click, spend, spend, was just as much fun as a Toys R Us free for all, even on a budget. Even though I shopped for household stuff and only a few Christmas items, I still had fun this morning. I also managed to do the dishes, a load of laundry, mop the kitchen floor, get C and the neighborhood kids to school in the rain, pick up random kid trying to walk to school on a main road with no sidewalks in the rain (positive I broke some type of law there, still can't believe the kid got in our car - but he did know one of the kids in the back seat and we knew his name), and I've still had time to watch the entire Today Show :)

Report Card Season

After reviewing my child's report card and stewing about it for a week I have opted for a passive aggressive approach to a solution. (Obviously, passive aggressive behavior is the most ideal for any situation) The highlighted portions is the translation of such an approach.

An email, sent this morning to C's Teacher:

Hi Miss D,

I would like to request a meeting with you. S and I are very concerned about the path C seems to be on at school. It appears he is taking major steps backwards in behavior and effort which, if not already, will have a negative effect on his learning progress.

You are getting on my nerves. C is worse than ever at school and I think it is your fault. How can he get good grades in everything except effort?

I was first keyed into this at our conference at the beginning of the the month and since then, as a family, we have put a few new 'rules' and 'attitudes' into place here at home, but after seeing his report card and talking with him more we are convinced that there is a bigger problem then we'd hoped. Quite honestly I personally wanted to cry after seeing his report card and cannot imagine what is going on at school during the day for his effort grades to be that horrible. Most importantly we may be missing the bigger picture of what is going with C that is causing these bad grades.

You blindsided me at the last meeting and I was on the defense, hardly hearing what you were saying. You gave my kid bad grades because you are too sensitive. I think that sucks!

My schedule is very flexible and I can meet with you at your earliest convenience. Or if you feel these matters can be better addressed over the phone you can reach me at xxx.xxx.xxx Also, if you'd like me to talk with Mrs P first, feel free to forward this message to her. Our goal is to smooth out some rough spots for C not cause you distress.

I don't really want to meet with you either but won't say it. I am hoping you pick up on this and just call. Better yet, have a different teacher call, one I like a little more.

Thank you for your time and special attention with this issue,

There wouldn't be an issue if you could pay attention.

Jamie Wagner 

Pissed off Mommy.

The Count Down

November:

 

42883.97

 

October:

43953.00

 

September

45108.68

 

Weight - just a few more pounds to go before pre-IVF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am on a roll. 

The Mailing Lists

I swear I am on the best mailing lists! I keep getting these coupons for $10.00 off a purchase of $10.00 at JcPenny, Victoria Secret, and even Bath & Body. Just last week I used the Penny's one and the VS one, and yesterday in the mailbox there were two more! I went straight to the mall. This time I used the B&BW's one too, plus a Hallmark one that was in one of my magazines. I have gotten so much free stuff lately. I am wondering if I should start waiting at the mailbox every afternoon just in case there is something good in there. Maybe I should set up a tent. Maybe I should start looking in my neighbors recycle bins to see if they are on the same mailing lists and thrown out the coupons? Extreme Couponing has obviously made an impression on me.

Tis The Season

Apparently I have overcome my pissy mood by shopping for TOYS! Just call me Santa, although I am happy to report that my stomach is no longer jiggling like a bowl full of jelly. I am not really sure what got into me the other day but pretty much the second the W's pulled out of the driveway I thought "Time to do the Christmas shopping." I've even printed all my cards and addressed all the envelopes. Today I went to the dreaded Toys R us and I got a lot of great deals for C. He's sort of in between kiddie and big kid stuff and I was afraid I'd be limited to over priced Lego sets, but that was not the case at all. I only spent $150.00 and bought C all his presents, stocking-stuffers, wrapping paper, labels, cards, plus gifts for my sister & S. I will probably end up paying about 150.00 more for grab gifts, my portion of my parents gift and donations . I don't think I've ever been able to keep the cost this low before. 

Well, better go, C and I are having a dance party. Thank you Phineas and Ferb for the most annoying and oddly catchy songs on earth. Time to bust a move.

Just One - A Real Zinger

Alright here it is, the one I cannot resist to share. I feared I'd be struck by lightening today at church ... it is that good. 

My in-laws are here. I am obviously in the middle of some 34 year old crisis and as stated previously my bullshit tolerance is lower than usual. With all that being said the visit has been trying. The hubs is on some super diet and it has been the talk all week, it is grating on my nerves. No so much that he is dieting just that with his surgery recovery and all his job woes it seems all that anyone is talking about is worrisome issues. I need positivity. I need a damn cheerleader. Thank God for my mother! Seriously - she has talked me off a few ledges this week. But I digress. Here is the juicy part:

Today after getting home from work, and saying friendly hellos to all,  I brewed a nice hot cup of coffee. My family was outside with S's parents and I just needed ten minutes to unwind before I had to entertain, and lets face it, be the life of the party because everyone else would be too busy complaining. So, I take my coffee downstairs and put it on the table and proceed to the bathroom where I STEP IN PEE! The smell was so gross! I started gagging while I washed my foot off in the sink. Seriously - sock and all. There is a shower in that bathroom but there is a nice medical seat in there for S, because apparently he has the body of a 99 year old. So I threw out my sock - and scrubbed. Next I went to the cleaning closet and got all the appropriate gear to clean up the missed target. I was repulsed and so upset. I understand that C is 8 and that S is basically one legged but a toilet bowl is pretty big - I think I could hit the blue water standing up! So I clean and I am mad. I finally get to my coffee and it is cold. I was now really really mad. 

Now there were a few exchanges in between the next part of the story but basically that is the background. I was in no mood for anyone's shit, or pee for that matter. Later in the day we go to church. S doesn't go because he is still recovering. C, S's parents and I went to an afternoon Mass. It was actaully a very good one. But at the end I notice L (S's mom) is basically weepy and teary eyed. I ask her if she is okay and she says in a tone that sounds like she is going have her heart wrenched out of her chest at any moment "It just feels like there is a is a hole in my sole without my boy here." to which I reply "Well he isn't dead"

I was ignored for hours - it was a little slice of awesome.

Surrender

It is amazing how crappy a few days of bitching can leave me. Some people might actaully feel better once they've 'vented' - me, I always feel worse. I feel awful about everything that has transpired in the last few weeks. I'm up one minute and then crashing the next. Normally I would drown myself in Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream. This time however, I am playing Game On with my family and cannot eat junk except on my day off once a week & more so, Turkey Hill may have changed their formula a little bit because there isn't near enough peanut butter in that tub of goodness that there use to be. 

In the last twenty four hours I have yelled at my husband, scared my neighbor, welcomed my in-laws, and shopped til I dropped. The later has put me in a slightly better mood. But here I am still bitching and not feeling the light, being my own stumbling block, and wishing things were different without really doing anything about anything. I am sort of at a stand still of the injustice of life. I want to yell and scream that this isn't fair and I want to take my ball an go home. 

I feel so defeated. Even today while in a parent teacher meeting at school all I could say is "I know, he is" or "I am aware of that yes." I felt so exhausted when the teacher said "He back-talks." I felt entirely too defensive when they said "He needs more small group interaction" I wanted to yell back - "Hello, you are the school." And when I was asked if we were reading at home I felt horribly indignant. Of course we read, we read about a gazillion pages of the worst Hardy Boys & Star Wars books on the planet every day. But I just answered yes and relented that we could add a Q&A session after we read a chapter. Sure, that should zap the fun out of it. I missed any good comments while steaming over the above. Old Chinese proverb: If Jamie goes in with a shitty attitude, Jamie leaves craving more ice cream."

I have a disease.

Just A Slight Breakdown

We've had a crap week. Now there really is no sugar coating that would make it seem like this is the way that life is suppose to be, or make us think "oh Thank God" for this or that. This week sucked. It sucked so horribly that I tried to pretend it didn't. I pretended by Thanking God for the good that is here and trying like heck to focus on that . When, in fact if I had just faced the fact that sometimes bad crappy things happen perhaps my public breakdown wouldn't have been such a surprise.

In just seven days there have been surgeries, boo-boos of epic proportions, multiple snobby snubs, plenty of salt poured on open wounds, and other disastrous happenings. At one point I even "aired my dirty laundry" of facebook. Oh yes me, I typed it alright, claiming that I wish I drank! The weight of the world was to much to bear as I took our son to the dentist to have a filling replaced - a filling that I accidentally took out while flossing his teeth, only to find out that filling could easily be done but that he also had a abscess and needed another tooth pulled! Tooth Extraction = surgery #1. 

But the heck that is our week started even before this when I came down with a fever Sunday night. The fever was so bad that I could not function. By Monday I was worse, I topped off at a steamy 105.4 But I still had to take C to school that morning. Normally I walk down to the bus stop and wait with all the kids in the neighborhood until the bus comes. But I was seriously on deaths door, so I drove down and sat in the car. C was the first one there and then two others showed up. Their mom always walks them down their street and watched them cross over the busier street to the bus stop where we are. I always wave. Well today she let her kids cross but then didn't go back towards her house. I watched her for a minute and then saw her catch up to the kids and walk down to the stop. Then I heard the kids say "Oh she's in her car" and the mom turned around and left. Wait - what? That is when I realized that this mother - who isn't particularly friendly to me - who doesn't even know my name is counting on me to watch her kids at the bus stop. I felt a little put off. She's never said anything to me other than a quick hello if we see each other somewhere. So I tried to just tell myself she was making sure that at least someone was there for my child. Maybe she was wondering if C needed someone there. I was too sick to really care, or so I thought - I had no idea I was just putting it into the pity bank for later use.

Eventually I had to take an ice cold bath just so that my eyeballs would stop sweating. Wait Monday, wasn't that Halloween you ask? Why yes it was. I had to cancel my volunteer commitment with C's school, skip pumpkin carving, and starve while there was chocolate everywhere. I couldn't keep a thing down on account of the inferno burning under my skin. That is until about 5:30. All of the sudden my hair stopped matting to my head. My head felt like my head and not some basketball backboard in the middle of a game. And although I was exhausted I did perk up.  So I volunteered to go trick-or-treating. After ll I was still running a little warm and the cool air sure would fell nice. S said he'd go, but the man was still hobbling around on a cane at this point. Now this story is getting super long so I'll cut to the Halloween part chase:

• I take C door-to-door, I fall and skin my knee, rip my favorite jeans, and sprain my ankle. We keep going. ( it is still hurting, especially the knee)
• We meet up with neighbors and the kids go together
• I am introduced to our neighbors boy friend
• Next thing I know the neighbor and her boyfriend are in their car and I am walking alone with the kids. 
• I was completely snubbed. Why wouldn't all the grown ups walk together? Do I smell? Suffer from halitosis? 

And the week goes on just like this: being snubbed, emergency dental work, getting my PT canceled because Tircare really does suck sometimes, a sale falls through with some furniture I sold and I did a lot of work for it, we spent a ton in gas going back and forth to Ft Belvoir for S, and I was pretty sure I was PMSing.  More so S has spent the better parts of three weeks dieting for his bi-annual Physical Fitness test and he is getting really paranoid. He weighs less than he has in years but has put on a few extra inches in his waist due to inactivity (because of the surgery in July that he still isn't healed from) and his paranoia is getting harder and harder to calm. But wait - it gets even more annoying.

Thursday night I realized that I needed to be at the ER due to an infection. Listen to this stupid turn of events!!!! Last weekend I was doing some laundry and put C's clothes in his dresser for him. When I was reaching into one of the drawers I got a huge piece of wood stuck into my thumb. Lots of little splinters into my skin and under my nail. After cussing out the inanimate object I took out the splinters and went back to the joy of folding other peoples underwear. But the thumb didn't heal. It actually got bigger and then my skin started to split and get all zombie looking. Thursday night I was in agony. Off I went to the ER by myself. 

The ER was a slow and painful process. The waiting room was certainly the worst part. Me and another lady had to ask the attendant to turn the TV channel twice! They were playing the most inappropriate material. In fact I have and three nightmares about a child abuse case that was featured on a news show they played since then. Why would they put that on? But I digress - Once I was actaully seen I was surprised to find out that apparently to remove old splinters you get injected with tons and tons of nerve stunting juice and the doc just cuts right in and stitches you up later. The diagnosis was actaully quite bad and the doc was surprised I didn't come in earlier. I'll have antibiotics for a spell and have to go back to have the stitches removed. Technically a rogue splinter removal =Surgery #2. 

Friday my husband had is deformed foot re-operated on to remove screws that the doc put in originally. Surgery #3. The screws were loose. [ insert over used jokes here]  The surgery actaully went smoothly and Ft Belvoir has the most beautiful new hospital I have even seen. The only downer is that it is just a little over an hour away and S had to be there at 6:00am. So off we went just before five to get him there. I dropped him off then we had to come all the way back to bring C to school. Once I got C to school I drove all the way back to be with S. I spent over 5 hours in the car all before noon. Anyway - when it was time for S to be discharged a nurse told me to get my car and wait at the front doors for him, an escort would take him down. So I got the car and waited only to be approached my a guard... 

This is where the breakdown happens. Suddenly I realize that I have been running on empty all week. I wonder why my neighbor let me trick-or-treat with her kids (who I am very fond of actaully) and stayed in her car with her boyfriend, I wonder why another parent is using me to watch her kids, I wonder how on earth I am going to heal from my broken bones if physical therapy is canceled, I wonder how on earth we are going to pay for C's tooth extraction, I wonder if S will really heal from surgery this time, I wonder how on earth I am going to cope with the in-laws here next week, I wonder why my back still hurts - maybe it is not PMS?Then there is the whole S / fitness deal - will he get a waiver? Can he loose two more inches? Will we ever have pizza again? Am I going to have bad dreams about child abusers all week? I am so deep in thought that when the guard says "how long are you planning to stay here? I could give you a ticket, it is a no parking zone." That I start to heave and the hugest tears start to fall and I just loose it.

The tears are falling fast and I don't even know what I tried to say but the guard felt so bad that he didn't give me a ticket and told me everything was going to be alright I just needed to move my car. He even started asking if S would be alright and if the injury was really bad. Huh? I thought - but then I couldn't really correct him either, I was ugly crying and could barely see to drive. I parked in a near by lot and just kept crying. Some one knocked on my window to see if I needed help. Some kid walking past with his mother said "mom there is a big lady in there crying." Great - now I am big fatty bawling my eyes out I thought. I couldn't stop. Eventually the phone rang and I went to get S at the door, but I was still crying and my face was bright red. We went home and even though he was the one who had surgery I am the one who need recovering.

Today is a new day. C had CCD this morning and then we volunteered with the Scouts. We delivered empty grocery bags to our neighbors for them to fill up next weekend with donated food to a local food bank. Next week we'll go around and pick up any donations. But for today we just walked, sipped on hot coco, and picked up peoples newspapers for them while we stuck bags under their doormats. It was a nice morning.

This afternoon I am heading out to do a little shopping and pick up some movies for a family night. We aren't going anywhere important and we don't have any plans other than church tomorrow. The in-laws won't be here until Monday night and I've got plenty of ideas to keep them happy. Obviously that is a joke - but I can dream.

The Annual Thanksgiving Review

 I am sure I've posted about this in years past, but it stands for repeating. Also the story seems to get better with age.  Bear with me, Its long.

I actaully don't love Thanksgiving. [Insert Gasp Here]. Seriously, we spend days cooking and cleaning then the whole family, if you are lucky, squeezes around the table and inhales for like twenty minutes. Then there is the football nap, kids always get in trouble because they are bored, and someone always makes you turn the parade off. Oh - and I don't really like turkey. Oh - and often times you have a rouge uncle who says the prayer and starts crying - that part is mildly entertaining. Which brings me to the funniest most humiliating and weird Thanksgiving ever. You may need to sit down for this one. (Names have remained the same - sorry family something just seemed lost in translation with initials.)

A few years ago my parents came down and we all headed to Uncle Jeff's. Uncle Don and Cynthia were there too. It was actaully pretty awesome to see everyone and the football game wasn't so boring because Jeff's boys were there and Nick loved playing with Cooper. I thought that part was fun. 

Ellen and Jeff somehow had miss judged the turkey and we ended up eating pretty late at night I want to say it was almost 8:00. Anyway Ellen was putting food on the table and Jeff calls out "Turkey Time" or something equally goofy. And we all find seats around the tables. Jeff's house is pretty big, so we just had a few tables end to end to accommodate everyone. As everyone sits Ellen gets on Jeff to say grace but Uncle Don stops her and proceeded to explain that he'd like to say a few words. Being good Catholics Scott, Cooper and I expect the usual "God is Good..." and do the sign of the cross and lower our heads. Then we hear all this clinking and realize my parents are EATING! Mom was serving herself some sort of weird Jello mold and dad was chowing down on Sweet Potato casserole. 

Next Don pipes in with the sappiest story in history that he got ... wait for it ... off an email chain. On and on he goes reading, crying, telling us how this relates to us and how we should all be thankful for soldiers in the middle east. At this point I couldn't tell if Jeff was crying or laughing. My sister was busting a gut. Her whole body was shaking trying to hold it in. My husband was just looking around the room like - "You gotta be kidding me" and there are my parents eating. They ate and ate and Don read and read - While he cried and cried. Poor Ellen was still standing up holding this huge plate of turkey. My sister had started snorting at this point as she was still hopelessly trying not to the laugh and the awkwardness of family togetherness. Scott and I at some point opted to stop the bowing of the heads (as did some others) only to notice that the somber reading was very touching and even one of the girls was a little teary eyed. And then as if a gift from God, Don shuts up. Then Uncle Jeff says a real blessing and announces that it is time to eat. 

This is almost 20 minutes after we sit down to an 8:00 dinner. Then the phone rings, it is for Ellen - she goes to talk and takes the turkey with her. But she returned in just a few minutes. Needless to say my parents had started every dish with in reach and were already done eating. Missy had to excuse herself due to severely swallowed giggles. Cooper was asking to go to bed. The teens were inhaling the food. Don was probably still crying. Ellen was still getting stuff out of the kitchen and my parents are clearing their plates. Scott leans over and whispers. "I thought your pop was going to chew off his own arm." Then I loose it, I start laughing and cannot hold it in. I pass the dishes to the left and load up on whatever is passed to me, all while laughing. 

Ellen's sweet potato casserole was to die for. I was so glad it's 'home station' was near my plate. It was just far enough away from my parents that they only, out of respect, reached for it a few times during the prayers, so there was plenty left and no one seemed to care that I had thirds on that. In the end it was a great dinner. We stayed around the table for hours after cleaning up and were really having fun. But man, every time I think about my parents eating during grace I just have to shake my head. I cannot believe I made it through my teenage years with them. They are masters at embarrassing you at key life moments.

As stated previously, my life really could be a sitcom.

Spectacles. All of us.