Clean Slate

I cannot wait for Christmas this year. Our whole family is looking forward to ringing in the New Year with lots and lots of holiday cheer, because lets face it, this year has been less then stellar. Not that we didn't have some good times, we did, but the hardships were really hard. I spoke with my cousin last week and we totally agreed that this season we are all ready to celebrate and stop grieving the situations and lives of the past. 

In this same spirit, everything I've been stewing about, I've made steps towards changing. Just yesterday I spoke with C's teacher and worked out another new plan, contacted my boss to work out the Christmas / New Years debacle, and worked on a plan to keep the Cub Scouts in check. (interesting story about my anti-volunteer rules and how breaking them completely backfires and causes stress) I hate stress, I am not an 'only happy when it rains' kind of a person. I need positivity. I need the people around me to be in a positive state. Not that I don't lavish in the occasional bitch-fest, because really that feels so good sometimes, but seriously I am ready to enjoy life and its challenges again, not get caught up in the stress of things. As noted yesterday - that is what passive aggressiveness is for. (ha, ha) .

So what is a girl to do when she wipes the stress slate clean? SHOP!!! I was on the right track last week, I should have stayed there. Click, click, spend, spend, was just as much fun as a Toys R Us free for all, even on a budget. Even though I shopped for household stuff and only a few Christmas items, I still had fun this morning. I also managed to do the dishes, a load of laundry, mop the kitchen floor, get C and the neighborhood kids to school in the rain, pick up random kid trying to walk to school on a main road with no sidewalks in the rain (positive I broke some type of law there, still can't believe the kid got in our car - but he did know one of the kids in the back seat and we knew his name), and I've still had time to watch the entire Today Show :)

Report Card Season

After reviewing my child's report card and stewing about it for a week I have opted for a passive aggressive approach to a solution. (Obviously, passive aggressive behavior is the most ideal for any situation) The highlighted portions is the translation of such an approach.

An email, sent this morning to C's Teacher:

Hi Miss D,

I would like to request a meeting with you. S and I are very concerned about the path C seems to be on at school. It appears he is taking major steps backwards in behavior and effort which, if not already, will have a negative effect on his learning progress.

You are getting on my nerves. C is worse than ever at school and I think it is your fault. How can he get good grades in everything except effort?

I was first keyed into this at our conference at the beginning of the the month and since then, as a family, we have put a few new 'rules' and 'attitudes' into place here at home, but after seeing his report card and talking with him more we are convinced that there is a bigger problem then we'd hoped. Quite honestly I personally wanted to cry after seeing his report card and cannot imagine what is going on at school during the day for his effort grades to be that horrible. Most importantly we may be missing the bigger picture of what is going with C that is causing these bad grades.

You blindsided me at the last meeting and I was on the defense, hardly hearing what you were saying. You gave my kid bad grades because you are too sensitive. I think that sucks!

My schedule is very flexible and I can meet with you at your earliest convenience. Or if you feel these matters can be better addressed over the phone you can reach me at xxx.xxx.xxx Also, if you'd like me to talk with Mrs P first, feel free to forward this message to her. Our goal is to smooth out some rough spots for C not cause you distress.

I don't really want to meet with you either but won't say it. I am hoping you pick up on this and just call. Better yet, have a different teacher call, one I like a little more.

Thank you for your time and special attention with this issue,

There wouldn't be an issue if you could pay attention.

Jamie Wagner 

Pissed off Mommy.

The Count Down

November:

 

42883.97

 

October:

43953.00

 

September

45108.68

 

Weight - just a few more pounds to go before pre-IVF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am on a roll. 

The Mailing Lists

I swear I am on the best mailing lists! I keep getting these coupons for $10.00 off a purchase of $10.00 at JcPenny, Victoria Secret, and even Bath & Body. Just last week I used the Penny's one and the VS one, and yesterday in the mailbox there were two more! I went straight to the mall. This time I used the B&BW's one too, plus a Hallmark one that was in one of my magazines. I have gotten so much free stuff lately. I am wondering if I should start waiting at the mailbox every afternoon just in case there is something good in there. Maybe I should set up a tent. Maybe I should start looking in my neighbors recycle bins to see if they are on the same mailing lists and thrown out the coupons? Extreme Couponing has obviously made an impression on me.

Tis The Season

Apparently I have overcome my pissy mood by shopping for TOYS! Just call me Santa, although I am happy to report that my stomach is no longer jiggling like a bowl full of jelly. I am not really sure what got into me the other day but pretty much the second the W's pulled out of the driveway I thought "Time to do the Christmas shopping." I've even printed all my cards and addressed all the envelopes. Today I went to the dreaded Toys R us and I got a lot of great deals for C. He's sort of in between kiddie and big kid stuff and I was afraid I'd be limited to over priced Lego sets, but that was not the case at all. I only spent $150.00 and bought C all his presents, stocking-stuffers, wrapping paper, labels, cards, plus gifts for my sister & S. I will probably end up paying about 150.00 more for grab gifts, my portion of my parents gift and donations . I don't think I've ever been able to keep the cost this low before. 

Well, better go, C and I are having a dance party. Thank you Phineas and Ferb for the most annoying and oddly catchy songs on earth. Time to bust a move.

Just One - A Real Zinger

Alright here it is, the one I cannot resist to share. I feared I'd be struck by lightening today at church ... it is that good. 

My in-laws are here. I am obviously in the middle of some 34 year old crisis and as stated previously my bullshit tolerance is lower than usual. With all that being said the visit has been trying. The hubs is on some super diet and it has been the talk all week, it is grating on my nerves. No so much that he is dieting just that with his surgery recovery and all his job woes it seems all that anyone is talking about is worrisome issues. I need positivity. I need a damn cheerleader. Thank God for my mother! Seriously - she has talked me off a few ledges this week. But I digress. Here is the juicy part:

Today after getting home from work, and saying friendly hellos to all,  I brewed a nice hot cup of coffee. My family was outside with S's parents and I just needed ten minutes to unwind before I had to entertain, and lets face it, be the life of the party because everyone else would be too busy complaining. So, I take my coffee downstairs and put it on the table and proceed to the bathroom where I STEP IN PEE! The smell was so gross! I started gagging while I washed my foot off in the sink. Seriously - sock and all. There is a shower in that bathroom but there is a nice medical seat in there for S, because apparently he has the body of a 99 year old. So I threw out my sock - and scrubbed. Next I went to the cleaning closet and got all the appropriate gear to clean up the missed target. I was repulsed and so upset. I understand that C is 8 and that S is basically one legged but a toilet bowl is pretty big - I think I could hit the blue water standing up! So I clean and I am mad. I finally get to my coffee and it is cold. I was now really really mad. 

Now there were a few exchanges in between the next part of the story but basically that is the background. I was in no mood for anyone's shit, or pee for that matter. Later in the day we go to church. S doesn't go because he is still recovering. C, S's parents and I went to an afternoon Mass. It was actaully a very good one. But at the end I notice L (S's mom) is basically weepy and teary eyed. I ask her if she is okay and she says in a tone that sounds like she is going have her heart wrenched out of her chest at any moment "It just feels like there is a is a hole in my sole without my boy here." to which I reply "Well he isn't dead"

I was ignored for hours - it was a little slice of awesome.

Surrender

It is amazing how crappy a few days of bitching can leave me. Some people might actaully feel better once they've 'vented' - me, I always feel worse. I feel awful about everything that has transpired in the last few weeks. I'm up one minute and then crashing the next. Normally I would drown myself in Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream. This time however, I am playing Game On with my family and cannot eat junk except on my day off once a week & more so, Turkey Hill may have changed their formula a little bit because there isn't near enough peanut butter in that tub of goodness that there use to be. 

In the last twenty four hours I have yelled at my husband, scared my neighbor, welcomed my in-laws, and shopped til I dropped. The later has put me in a slightly better mood. But here I am still bitching and not feeling the light, being my own stumbling block, and wishing things were different without really doing anything about anything. I am sort of at a stand still of the injustice of life. I want to yell and scream that this isn't fair and I want to take my ball an go home. 

I feel so defeated. Even today while in a parent teacher meeting at school all I could say is "I know, he is" or "I am aware of that yes." I felt so exhausted when the teacher said "He back-talks." I felt entirely too defensive when they said "He needs more small group interaction" I wanted to yell back - "Hello, you are the school." And when I was asked if we were reading at home I felt horribly indignant. Of course we read, we read about a gazillion pages of the worst Hardy Boys & Star Wars books on the planet every day. But I just answered yes and relented that we could add a Q&A session after we read a chapter. Sure, that should zap the fun out of it. I missed any good comments while steaming over the above. Old Chinese proverb: If Jamie goes in with a shitty attitude, Jamie leaves craving more ice cream."

I have a disease.

Just A Slight Breakdown

We've had a crap week. Now there really is no sugar coating that would make it seem like this is the way that life is suppose to be, or make us think "oh Thank God" for this or that. This week sucked. It sucked so horribly that I tried to pretend it didn't. I pretended by Thanking God for the good that is here and trying like heck to focus on that . When, in fact if I had just faced the fact that sometimes bad crappy things happen perhaps my public breakdown wouldn't have been such a surprise.

In just seven days there have been surgeries, boo-boos of epic proportions, multiple snobby snubs, plenty of salt poured on open wounds, and other disastrous happenings. At one point I even "aired my dirty laundry" of facebook. Oh yes me, I typed it alright, claiming that I wish I drank! The weight of the world was to much to bear as I took our son to the dentist to have a filling replaced - a filling that I accidentally took out while flossing his teeth, only to find out that filling could easily be done but that he also had a abscess and needed another tooth pulled! Tooth Extraction = surgery #1. 

But the heck that is our week started even before this when I came down with a fever Sunday night. The fever was so bad that I could not function. By Monday I was worse, I topped off at a steamy 105.4 But I still had to take C to school that morning. Normally I walk down to the bus stop and wait with all the kids in the neighborhood until the bus comes. But I was seriously on deaths door, so I drove down and sat in the car. C was the first one there and then two others showed up. Their mom always walks them down their street and watched them cross over the busier street to the bus stop where we are. I always wave. Well today she let her kids cross but then didn't go back towards her house. I watched her for a minute and then saw her catch up to the kids and walk down to the stop. Then I heard the kids say "Oh she's in her car" and the mom turned around and left. Wait - what? That is when I realized that this mother - who isn't particularly friendly to me - who doesn't even know my name is counting on me to watch her kids at the bus stop. I felt a little put off. She's never said anything to me other than a quick hello if we see each other somewhere. So I tried to just tell myself she was making sure that at least someone was there for my child. Maybe she was wondering if C needed someone there. I was too sick to really care, or so I thought - I had no idea I was just putting it into the pity bank for later use.

Eventually I had to take an ice cold bath just so that my eyeballs would stop sweating. Wait Monday, wasn't that Halloween you ask? Why yes it was. I had to cancel my volunteer commitment with C's school, skip pumpkin carving, and starve while there was chocolate everywhere. I couldn't keep a thing down on account of the inferno burning under my skin. That is until about 5:30. All of the sudden my hair stopped matting to my head. My head felt like my head and not some basketball backboard in the middle of a game. And although I was exhausted I did perk up.  So I volunteered to go trick-or-treating. After ll I was still running a little warm and the cool air sure would fell nice. S said he'd go, but the man was still hobbling around on a cane at this point. Now this story is getting super long so I'll cut to the Halloween part chase:

• I take C door-to-door, I fall and skin my knee, rip my favorite jeans, and sprain my ankle. We keep going. ( it is still hurting, especially the knee)
• We meet up with neighbors and the kids go together
• I am introduced to our neighbors boy friend
• Next thing I know the neighbor and her boyfriend are in their car and I am walking alone with the kids. 
• I was completely snubbed. Why wouldn't all the grown ups walk together? Do I smell? Suffer from halitosis? 

And the week goes on just like this: being snubbed, emergency dental work, getting my PT canceled because Tircare really does suck sometimes, a sale falls through with some furniture I sold and I did a lot of work for it, we spent a ton in gas going back and forth to Ft Belvoir for S, and I was pretty sure I was PMSing.  More so S has spent the better parts of three weeks dieting for his bi-annual Physical Fitness test and he is getting really paranoid. He weighs less than he has in years but has put on a few extra inches in his waist due to inactivity (because of the surgery in July that he still isn't healed from) and his paranoia is getting harder and harder to calm. But wait - it gets even more annoying.

Thursday night I realized that I needed to be at the ER due to an infection. Listen to this stupid turn of events!!!! Last weekend I was doing some laundry and put C's clothes in his dresser for him. When I was reaching into one of the drawers I got a huge piece of wood stuck into my thumb. Lots of little splinters into my skin and under my nail. After cussing out the inanimate object I took out the splinters and went back to the joy of folding other peoples underwear. But the thumb didn't heal. It actually got bigger and then my skin started to split and get all zombie looking. Thursday night I was in agony. Off I went to the ER by myself. 

The ER was a slow and painful process. The waiting room was certainly the worst part. Me and another lady had to ask the attendant to turn the TV channel twice! They were playing the most inappropriate material. In fact I have and three nightmares about a child abuse case that was featured on a news show they played since then. Why would they put that on? But I digress - Once I was actaully seen I was surprised to find out that apparently to remove old splinters you get injected with tons and tons of nerve stunting juice and the doc just cuts right in and stitches you up later. The diagnosis was actaully quite bad and the doc was surprised I didn't come in earlier. I'll have antibiotics for a spell and have to go back to have the stitches removed. Technically a rogue splinter removal =Surgery #2. 

Friday my husband had is deformed foot re-operated on to remove screws that the doc put in originally. Surgery #3. The screws were loose. [ insert over used jokes here]  The surgery actaully went smoothly and Ft Belvoir has the most beautiful new hospital I have even seen. The only downer is that it is just a little over an hour away and S had to be there at 6:00am. So off we went just before five to get him there. I dropped him off then we had to come all the way back to bring C to school. Once I got C to school I drove all the way back to be with S. I spent over 5 hours in the car all before noon. Anyway - when it was time for S to be discharged a nurse told me to get my car and wait at the front doors for him, an escort would take him down. So I got the car and waited only to be approached my a guard... 

This is where the breakdown happens. Suddenly I realize that I have been running on empty all week. I wonder why my neighbor let me trick-or-treat with her kids (who I am very fond of actaully) and stayed in her car with her boyfriend, I wonder why another parent is using me to watch her kids, I wonder how on earth I am going to heal from my broken bones if physical therapy is canceled, I wonder how on earth we are going to pay for C's tooth extraction, I wonder if S will really heal from surgery this time, I wonder how on earth I am going to cope with the in-laws here next week, I wonder why my back still hurts - maybe it is not PMS?Then there is the whole S / fitness deal - will he get a waiver? Can he loose two more inches? Will we ever have pizza again? Am I going to have bad dreams about child abusers all week? I am so deep in thought that when the guard says "how long are you planning to stay here? I could give you a ticket, it is a no parking zone." That I start to heave and the hugest tears start to fall and I just loose it.

The tears are falling fast and I don't even know what I tried to say but the guard felt so bad that he didn't give me a ticket and told me everything was going to be alright I just needed to move my car. He even started asking if S would be alright and if the injury was really bad. Huh? I thought - but then I couldn't really correct him either, I was ugly crying and could barely see to drive. I parked in a near by lot and just kept crying. Some one knocked on my window to see if I needed help. Some kid walking past with his mother said "mom there is a big lady in there crying." Great - now I am big fatty bawling my eyes out I thought. I couldn't stop. Eventually the phone rang and I went to get S at the door, but I was still crying and my face was bright red. We went home and even though he was the one who had surgery I am the one who need recovering.

Today is a new day. C had CCD this morning and then we volunteered with the Scouts. We delivered empty grocery bags to our neighbors for them to fill up next weekend with donated food to a local food bank. Next week we'll go around and pick up any donations. But for today we just walked, sipped on hot coco, and picked up peoples newspapers for them while we stuck bags under their doormats. It was a nice morning.

This afternoon I am heading out to do a little shopping and pick up some movies for a family night. We aren't going anywhere important and we don't have any plans other than church tomorrow. The in-laws won't be here until Monday night and I've got plenty of ideas to keep them happy. Obviously that is a joke - but I can dream.

The Annual Thanksgiving Review

 I am sure I've posted about this in years past, but it stands for repeating. Also the story seems to get better with age.  Bear with me, Its long.

I actaully don't love Thanksgiving. [Insert Gasp Here]. Seriously, we spend days cooking and cleaning then the whole family, if you are lucky, squeezes around the table and inhales for like twenty minutes. Then there is the football nap, kids always get in trouble because they are bored, and someone always makes you turn the parade off. Oh - and I don't really like turkey. Oh - and often times you have a rouge uncle who says the prayer and starts crying - that part is mildly entertaining. Which brings me to the funniest most humiliating and weird Thanksgiving ever. You may need to sit down for this one. (Names have remained the same - sorry family something just seemed lost in translation with initials.)

A few years ago my parents came down and we all headed to Uncle Jeff's. Uncle Don and Cynthia were there too. It was actaully pretty awesome to see everyone and the football game wasn't so boring because Jeff's boys were there and Nick loved playing with Cooper. I thought that part was fun. 

Ellen and Jeff somehow had miss judged the turkey and we ended up eating pretty late at night I want to say it was almost 8:00. Anyway Ellen was putting food on the table and Jeff calls out "Turkey Time" or something equally goofy. And we all find seats around the tables. Jeff's house is pretty big, so we just had a few tables end to end to accommodate everyone. As everyone sits Ellen gets on Jeff to say grace but Uncle Don stops her and proceeded to explain that he'd like to say a few words. Being good Catholics Scott, Cooper and I expect the usual "God is Good..." and do the sign of the cross and lower our heads. Then we hear all this clinking and realize my parents are EATING! Mom was serving herself some sort of weird Jello mold and dad was chowing down on Sweet Potato casserole. 

Next Don pipes in with the sappiest story in history that he got ... wait for it ... off an email chain. On and on he goes reading, crying, telling us how this relates to us and how we should all be thankful for soldiers in the middle east. At this point I couldn't tell if Jeff was crying or laughing. My sister was busting a gut. Her whole body was shaking trying to hold it in. My husband was just looking around the room like - "You gotta be kidding me" and there are my parents eating. They ate and ate and Don read and read - While he cried and cried. Poor Ellen was still standing up holding this huge plate of turkey. My sister had started snorting at this point as she was still hopelessly trying not to the laugh and the awkwardness of family togetherness. Scott and I at some point opted to stop the bowing of the heads (as did some others) only to notice that the somber reading was very touching and even one of the girls was a little teary eyed. And then as if a gift from God, Don shuts up. Then Uncle Jeff says a real blessing and announces that it is time to eat. 

This is almost 20 minutes after we sit down to an 8:00 dinner. Then the phone rings, it is for Ellen - she goes to talk and takes the turkey with her. But she returned in just a few minutes. Needless to say my parents had started every dish with in reach and were already done eating. Missy had to excuse herself due to severely swallowed giggles. Cooper was asking to go to bed. The teens were inhaling the food. Don was probably still crying. Ellen was still getting stuff out of the kitchen and my parents are clearing their plates. Scott leans over and whispers. "I thought your pop was going to chew off his own arm." Then I loose it, I start laughing and cannot hold it in. I pass the dishes to the left and load up on whatever is passed to me, all while laughing. 

Ellen's sweet potato casserole was to die for. I was so glad it's 'home station' was near my plate. It was just far enough away from my parents that they only, out of respect, reached for it a few times during the prayers, so there was plenty left and no one seemed to care that I had thirds on that. In the end it was a great dinner. We stayed around the table for hours after cleaning up and were really having fun. But man, every time I think about my parents eating during grace I just have to shake my head. I cannot believe I made it through my teenage years with them. They are masters at embarrassing you at key life moments.

As stated previously, my life really could be a sitcom.

Spectacles. All of us.

Fall Hike

 

I had the best day. I hiked at Great Falls NPS in Virgina. The falls were absolutely amazing and the colors were breath taking. 

EWWWWWWW

Dear Laundromat,

Yesterday I ventured over to your Sterling location and pretty much got the scare of my life. So much so that I didn't even dry my clothes there - just got out as fast as I could. Driving home with wet laundry and looking over my shoulder the whole way.

As you are aware this laundry service location is a massive store with lots of extras like flat screen TV's and a convenient store selling soaps, snacks, drinks, and lotto tickets. There had to be at least 100 washing machines and even more dryers. The place smells like Tide and Downy, has clean floors, and bright lights. Well, it is all a facade. After all it is still a laundromat; complete with crazies and unattended children running around banging their heads on folding tables.

When I first walked in I felt perfectly safe. It really wasn't really crowded, after all it was noon on Tuesday. So I picked out two machines (The Super Loaders @ 5.75 a load) and squeezed a weeks worth of laundry in each. That part was sort of impressive. Once my loads were spinning I leaned against the folding table and watched the Spanish Soap Opera that was on; only catching the main idea not each word. 

As I am watching TV another patron put his clothes in the washer next to mine. He screwing up the directions and trying to turn the washer on before he put his clothes in. I nicely told him that he had to load first then add money. He seemed grateful for tip and went back to his work.  Then things start to get a little weird. 

This man then asks a clerk to change the channel to either 4,5 or 7. The clerk was trying to help him by handing him a remote but he wouldn't take it. "It is your job not mine" is what I thought he said, but that certainly couldn't have been,  or so I thought. So then the clerk puts on channel 457 and I notice this and say to the man, "I don't think she understood she isn't turning on your channels, she combined them to four-hundred fifty seven."  Here is where things got scary.

The guy was staring so intently at me and just spewing A LOT of racists remarks really loudly, telling me all about his life in the Navy and how he can re-up anytime but then telling me he was in in the 70's. He wouldn't stop talking. I just sort of said a lot of 'uh-ha' and 'oh's. But I said nothing in response to any racist comments. He was basically ranting to himself for 40 minutes. I tired to look busy at a snack machine - he just followed me. I crossed my arms over my chest; he still stared. I attempted to talk to another lady - she didn't speak English though. Then when my wash was done he says "so are you just heading back to your house now - I am not busy or nothing, I could follow ya." To which I replied "Oh well thanks, interesting listening to you, have a good day." And then I ran ... FAST. OGLING RACIST CREEP. 

Obviously you need to add to the sign that says "Fluff and fold services" to explain to dumb ass hicks "No racists rapists allowed"

Sincerely,

One Who Cannot Wait to Have Her Washer Back!

The Countdown

Last Month:

45108.68

This Month:

43953.00

Not bad for 30 days! And that includes C's cavity. The AMEX is gone! This months goal is to finish up the last of that pesky student loan  and start on the Volvo. I have been selling lots of stuff lately so I am going to use that money for groceries and use my grocery money to pay off that debt. I just need to figure out what to do when I am out of crap to unload.

Weight:

I am down a few more pounds! Yippee!!!!! I might fit back into my skinny jeans just in time for them to go back out of style :)

GAME ON!

My family is doing another round of Game On. We did this a few years ago and had a lot of fun competing and having an excuse to talk to each other every day. Dieting group style. Here we go!

Just to recap for my geriatric future self: Game On is a fun diet. The idea isn't really loosing a ton of weight but to build new good habits and get healthier. Everyday you score your eating, sleeping, living, and water consumption up to a certain amount of points for four weeks. Once the weeks are through you total the team points and see who wins. We are all betting $40.00 to see who will take home the prize and bragging rights. I plan on winning, obviously. [ I got my $40.00 from selling stuff on Ebay and Craigslist last week - I am not taking it away from the budget - go me!] 

My team consists of two of my aunts out in OR. One I talk to pretty regularly but the other I just see on Facebook once in awhile, so it will be nice to talk to her more. Plus they can remind me to stay away from my bad habit - which would take away 50 points from my score every time! My bad habit: spending money outside of the budget. I am keeping my oath of working down that debt. No shopping for clothes, gifts, or kitchen gadgets (I've got an illness there). In fact, I am going to replace my bad habit with a good one (well that is just part of the game) A new good habit: I shall not complain about the mother-in-law. I know, I know, I have professed this one before, but this time around - she'll be here! And although I do not rant about her antics on this blog like I use to, I still have work to do. I will appreciate her. I will accept that she might be a little wonky but tries to be sweet and kind. I will acknowledge that she only means the best. I will not harp on the fact that she ...... nope, not going to say it, and I am going to try like heck not to think it.

All right, Game On!

The Arts

I am reading The Help. So far A-. I am only halfway through so the A, or A+ could still happen. Even still, I cannot put it down at night. That part of history is so compelling yet foreign to me;  it is hard to believe it wasn't all that long ago. 

I am listening to She & Him. So far C+ ish, maybe a B-. I read in Entertainment Weekly that their newest album was more or less folksy and cute ... it is more like listening to the oldies station with a small clue that it might be recent. I am mildly entertained.

I cannot find my MP3 favorite player anywhere. I keep thinking it might be in my mother's car. I haven't seen it since vacation. Anyway it might be in a suitcase somewhere or hidden under a seat in the car. Every day I go to reach for it and it isn't there. I am annoyed that I keep forgetting to ask mom and actually put effort into finding it. Certainly not like me. I mean I don't stress when I can't find something, I always say "it will turn up." And low and behold eventually it all does. But since it has been over a month this time I am not so sure.

My media content on the computer is insane. I have 3000 + songs and totally need to start  burning them to CDs,  erasing the crap, uploading them to one of 4 MP3 players between C and I. C cannot get enough music. I was even thinking of getting him a CD player for Christmas and making him a bunch of CD's. Right now he just hooks up his MP3 Player either to my alarm clock (odd feature) or his iDOG speaker but I know he'd like to be able to sort the music better. But, one thing at a time; pictures first.

I am working on organizing all my family pictures and making CDs of all the digital pictures. Originally it was a daunting task that I hated. However, now it is so fun. For a couple of hours a week I have been rearranging, getting things in order, ordering copies of digital prints for albums, and attempting to trim down and streamline the photo albums. I have found quite a few treasures. I have also vowed to continue keeping those organized.

In other project news, I was looking for a small craft project C could construct for Christmas presents. There is a cool idea with buttons that I like in one of my magazines plus a few ornament / picture ideas we might try. But as of yet nothing is speaking to us, most likely because it is October.

It's Okay, You Can Call Me That

I am off my rocker. High and low, up and down, an all around Hot Mess. At least I do not lack focus. The big countdown is moving along. Today is payday and as promised the American Express is now paid in full. I called to cancel the card this morning but they won't let me, apparently it is the one and only thing in my husbands name. (How'd that happen?) Next on the list is some random school loan. As reported on multiple occasions on FB 'THEY'RE PAID", well apparently I lie. There is one left for 750 something. Those things just sneak up on you, I swear. Then in crushing big countdown news we totally had to use a credit card in the last month. C had a cavity (257.00!!!!) and S put gas on one by accident. Still we owe less this month than we did last. For some reason my spreadsheet is for the 21st of each month. So I suppose I'll wait until then to calculate, who knows I might manage to pay down a little more before then. We've been selling crap from the shed like hot cakes.

Which leads me to the baby stuff. Seriously my heart aches just thinking about it. To think that it only got used by one little guy and a few babysat tots just seems so ... unplanned. I sold the pack and play yesterday and the only item left to sell is the highchair. Next week is the big city clean up where they'll take all your big items (they do it twice a year) and we are putting out the changing table and a few other random baby items. Well, along with all the crap my husband wouldn't let me pay to have picked up. Still a sore spot! Once the trash picker uppers come all the baby stuff will truly be gone. I just want to feel happiness when I think about that not that we won't be using them again. So; I'll keep the memories not the heartache of what should have been. 

The other countdown is weight related. I lost two pounds last week. I am pretty happy about that but sort of annoyed that it could have been better. Over long weekend we ate like crap. I swear S and I make each other fat. We are such food hoars. But alas we are both counting the calories. He's even been riding the bike every day in the den. Battling the bulge is way harder than admitting you have a credit card problem.

Emotional Eating & Hoarding

It appears we are worse than I originally thought. This weekend the husband and I cleaned the back shed. Good God there was a lot of crap back there. The items found including a swimming pool pump, we got rid of the pool last year, and a cover for the pool. Then there were piles of lawn care products (most expired) and lots and lots of sports equipment. So much sports stuff that we were able to sell some of it to a sports store later.

Among other disastrous things were totes of maternity clothes that I never got to wear, an old highchair, a changing table, and multiple other baby / toddler related stuff. Insert instant bad mood once the maternity clothes were found. Realize too that the this was totally missed by my husbands radar. We were pregnant once; you know for that whole 6 weeks, and my friend was so excited that she dropped off all her maternity clothes. Hope for a minute, that's what we had.

If you need me I'll be searching for peanut butter and chocolate ice cream. I'll diet again later.

You Might Be A Red Neck If...

You know that wedding I said I'd be in? The one I told my self was going to be so much fun because the dresses were going to be pink? Yeah that one ...

There's been a venue & theme change. It is now going to be held at a dude ranch and have ... wait for it... a NASCAR theme. I seriously was told the groomsmen are going to wear pit crew outfits and the bridesmaids need to wear Jeff Gordon colors. 

You just can't make this shit up. God I love the bride, really, really, really, love her. Thank you for giving her the foresight to plan the wedding a year in advance, it gives her plenty of time to change her mind. 

The Countdowns

For the last two weeks I have finally been on a real diet. No craziness, just 1750 calories a day and exercise, and low and behold I lost five real pounds. Because lets face it I could eat only meat and cheese and loose five pounds in a day only to gain seven the next day because I added a glass of milk. Anyway real pounds gone. This got me thinking; this is the first time in about three years that I haven't been dieting to get ready for IVF. I am not trying to get pregnant. That means I can run until I am blue in the face if I want. I want. That means I don't have to stop as soon as I reach 185, which I always do because then it would seem to be time for another cycle. Go ahead GASP at the number now. It is no secret that I am not a Skinny Minnie. But maybe I can be? This should be interesting. The countdown begins. For now of course the goal is my pre-IVF cycle weights which is the gasping 185. Interesting idea that I do not have to stop there. 

As you may or may not know, but certainly should know, the newest season of Biggest Looser is on. The show is always so darn inspiring until I hear that they are running marathons and working out 15 hours a day; then reality sets in that I am in no way willing to do that. Hmm, maybe that show is a little counter productive. Who cares? After all, I normally watch it while riding my stationary bike. 

In other countdown frenzy news the debt ceiling is crazy but still on track. Get this, I have actually been able in the last 30 days to balance my checking account. People, this has NEVER happened. Ever since on-line banking took over I sugar coated the notion of balanced books by accepting the fact that the bank does it for me. (I have an accounting degree! Insert another gasp!) So imagine my surprise that our accounts are exactly what I think they are to the penny. Imagine me, Jamie W knows what the balances are and what has cleared and what hasn't. I am confident our plan will work if we keep this going. 

And in non-relate go-me mews: My mother said yesterday "oh I got my first Christmas present in the mail yesterday." To which I replied "you mean you ordered something for someone already?" and her nonchalant reply "Yup a dress for your sisters doll." I could go on with the details of this one but just think about that. It is the first week in October, so the shopping was done in September, and my sister is 33. ????? I love my mother and told her so. I am not shopping early this year. You've heard it here. I am not shopping early this year, nor am I going black Friday shopping, nor am I ordering anything on Cyber Monday. This year I am simply going to wait and see. Last year Wal-mart tried to kill me. You can read about it HERE. I post this one to Facebook whenever someone complains about the place. Craziness. I don't want to over spend so we are just going to wait and see what we really can afford before we purchase every Lego set for C and un-needed nick-knacks for the family. The stores however have different ideas. Way different. More on that later. 

Best Story Ever

Best Birth Story I've Ever Had The Pleasure of Reading.

Happy

Jack Johnson is one of my favorite singers. I could listen to him all day every day and never get sick of his voice. And I've pretty much been doing that all day while I work around the house. Good day. Happy day. Nothing earth shattering to deal with, no real stress or issues to take care of, just a normal day. I made a cake for C's birthday and the house smells heavenly. I made a homemade card for C to take to a different b-day party this afternoon and it came out so adorable, sometimes I surprise myself there. C got home from school, threw his backpack on the chair and said "great day Mom, I'm going to play!" I love that, when the weather is perfect and the kids can't wait to get outside and run around.

Tyrant Jamie

I have been a real tyrant about money lately. I am not just talking about clipping a few coupons or turning the lights off after C leaves a room, no I have been a full blown cheap ass. I have been refusing to go out to eat or spend money on things we can do with out. (Obviously my shoe obsession doesn't count :) So this month is the first time in a long time that we aren't going to be negative 14.00 when all the bills clear. This month we have money. We have enough for C's "way too expensive" Laser tag party. We have enough to buy groceries and put gas in our cars. This means that on the 15th we won't be paying of CC charges from the first half of the month and low and behold we might just have cash then too. We just might be able to leave the money in the savings account where it belongs. Imagine that.

So to keep us in the clear we have a plan. We've done it before, the snowball effect, and it works well. We unfortunately gave up on it during IVF, FET, and me not working full time. I am the main budgeting person in the house but I really could be better at this job. My problem is paying too much. I see a balance on a CC and I just want it gone so I pay as much as we have at that moment not leaving us a realistic amount for every day essentials. It has been a bad habit that has left us cash poor. Now we do have a boat load of debt, but it really is only IVF, FET, Education, and the SUV. At least we know where every penny went.

The snowball is simple. You drop all of your payments down to the minimum due except the lowest. You pay double to triple the payment on your lowest debt until it is gone. When that debt is gone you take the amount you were paying on that and add it to the minimum payment on the next highest bill and so on and so forth. The key is not to acquire more debt in the process. I.e. a new car... got mine fixed BTW - no new car for me.

So our lowest debt is 474.10. That was just from July into August when we weren't paying attention and charged gas and groceries. Lesson learned. That will be paid in full the 15th of Oct. The next smallest bill is one more random student loan (the last one, for real this time) which is just over 700.00. Then the big guns hit; the vehicle, and medical bills. But if we have a plan we might be able to cut our debt in half by this time next year.

Some of my friends who have a mortgage probably think I am being simple. That is okay, I like it that way. The simple facts are: We cannot afford to live like we have two full time incomes, S makes good money and we should be managing it better, Life is too short to owe credit card companies money, We shouldn't have credit cards for everyday use, I am smart and should act like it when it comes to the budget. Simple planning, I got it.

The Big Debt Countdown Begins!

45108.68

8

Oh Lord! How is it that we have an 8 year old today?!?!?!?! LOL - we are so excited. Today is C's birthday and we are celebrating. Chuck-E-Cheese after school, and a real party at Laser Tag on Saturday. He is thrilled and so are we. For the last month - two months C has been saving his money for a birthday trip to Toy R Us. To my surprise he doesn't want to go tonight but after his party. 8, wow, I can hardly believe it. I might be the luckiest mom in the whole world.

What to Do?

I need a new car. Over the weekend S and I crunched all the numbers and realized that we could afford one. Funny thing is, once we realized that and he was okay with it I suddenly wasn't. I'll have to shelf it anyway; we are going to have an estimate done to see how much it will cost to fix mine first; then make a decision. 

In other news I got the nicest compliment this morning. We had our semi annual house inspection from the rental agency and then inspector said "you keep a very nice house, you make my job so easy." I thought that was very sweet and it made me feel good, especially since it was the second time someone said a similar thing just last week. 

Last Thursday I sold some roller skates my sister had donated to the Cooper College Fund. (CCF). The lady who came to look at them complimented me on our furniture placement and tidiness. Then she proceeded to skate on our hardwood floors and gave me a slight heart attack. After that I didn't really thing about her compliment. But you know, that really is a nice thing for a stay at home mom to here. 

Doing a good job at the job I have is hard sometimes, especially when we are questioning our budget and looking at a mountain of medical debt. (thanks IVF)  I get overwhelmed and cranky. It seems like every time we pull out the family ledger (really just an Excel printout) we are questioning if I should be working full time. It maybe a little simplistic but hearing that I have been doing a nice job here at the house sure gives me focus and helps me appreciate the life I have.

Laughing

I had the best phone conversation with a friend last night. At one point we were laughing so hard we were crying. Bonding over thick thighs and protruding butts was just what the doctor ordered. K, one of my bestest besties, (I know neither are real words - I've notified Webster's with no success) has asked me to be the matron of honor in her wedding next year. Normally, I decline all of these offers - I've only been in  one that wasn't my own and it cost me more money than I could fathom and that didn't include the gift. But this is K; she was my maid of honor and she is so excited to have a real wedding that I cannot help but be over the moon for her; plus she wants hot pink dresses - so how can that be bad? LOL - they may or may not make a movie out of us.

Best Quotes

I am reading a book called I Like Everybody (and other atrocious lies) by Laurie Notaro it is an autobiography - which is funny because I didn't know that until just now when I looked at the cover to get the authors name. Anyway here are the best quotes from this recommended funny read:

• "..I plopped my Pull My Finger Fred Doll, my cow that pooped brown jelly beans, and my giant roll of butt floss on my desk..." Honestly the context doesn't even matter. I was rolling.
• "Elevator People!"
• "Canadians are specially bred to be overtly nice... and sometimes they seem mildly retarded" 
• "I blew a mammoth orb out of my nose ... A bubble, a big, nasty bubble, nearly the size of Christina Ricci's head came right out of my face."
• "It was nothing short of a miracle that I did not suddenly lay a big brown egg in my pantalones..."
• "Cancer of the upper asshole"
• "Who would steal a cabana? Picnic Pirates?"

I began reading this book yesterday afternoon while C was in an extra curricular activity. (Parents usually just hang out in the halls of the community center while the classes are in session) I laughed so hard at one point that I snorted. And get this, I am only on page 26. 

On Monday I finished a book by Ali Vincent, she was the season 4 winner of the Biggest Looser (of which I am obsessed) and her book Believe it, Be it was a nice little cheerleader style read. Maybe 150 pages of her experience on the show and how her life changed after.  The rest was filled with lots of pictures and some tips along the way. Nothing I'd read again but cheerful - so it makes my "I read that" list. 

Last week S, C and I went to a book store's going out of business sale and really got some deals. On the first day C and I got about a dozen books for $4.00 but that was because we had old gift cards to use up. A few days later we all went back and the prices had dropped to 80%-90% off. This time we got about 30 books for $30.00. So we have a new library wing here at the house.

I Can't Not

One of my oldest and dearest friends has a young daughter who is pregnant. My friend K, wants her to put the baby up for adoption and it is a long shot. The daughter wants to keep the baby. Her mom keeps saying, she has no man, no job, no future, and no plans of a future for this child. I've been asked to contact the daughter and encourage her to choose adoption. My heart of hearts tells me this teenager is going to keep the baby but I can't not try. We have an adoption package that just needs a little updating, and a personal letter to this teen would be easily heartfelt and loving, but the idea of a maybe sure is raw with the potential of being so painful. So staying emotionally detached is going to take some effort. 

My intuition says, don't get involved, but I can't not jump in with both feet. If this birth mother chooses adoption she needs to know that people love her and that her child can love her forever too. We are the couple that can ensure that. Adoption isn't a road we were going to travel again, but we know the path to get there, and aren't afraid. Even if this young lady chooses adoption for some other deserving couple or chooses to keep her baby I still want her to know that she is loved and we will always hold a special place for her in our hearts.

Who Me, Over React?

This morning I walked into work and turned on the lights, the only person there was my boss who started my day with "Don't worry Jamie, you are going to have a way better day today." I took the first deep breath in hours and listened to her tell me she figured out which patient I had the mishap for and that everything is okay. This is all before I could even really say good morning. I have had other jobs that really would have read me the riot act for the most honest of mistakes. I am not use to this stuff ... and it is great. In health care you always have to worry about HIPAA laws and I was just assuming because I mixed patients up they'd have to be notified and I'd either be written up or fired. That is the way it seems to generally work right? Yeah - no. Scheduling is totally different from Medical Records (my working history) and I don't work for assholes (also my history).

Um Yeah I Got Other Things To Worry About

I totally screwed up at work today. Royally. I am not sure what I can do to fix it. I emailed my boss the issue and asked for her help. I am not sure but this might warrant getting written up or fired. Truly a mistake but a mistake nonetheless. I feel pretty shitty about it but on the other hand I have so much else to worry about right now. 

Prioritizing-ly speaking, my job isn't ranking so high. I do like it. I am good at it and have a degree to prove it, but at the same time it is a part time gig. I'll be bummed if I get fired. But I did mess up, I scheduled the wrong patient in the wrong time slot. When I realized it and removed the appointment I couldn't remember the right patient. So this poor couple out there think they have an IUI appointment on Monday... My only saving grace is that we've got 24 hours to fix it. Hopefully patients and doctors are understanding. And if not, well it was a good run. 

The Sumit

Here is the point in which I get tired of listening to myself bitch. The conclusion; that in order to proceed I must put on my big girl panties and deal. Proof: Last night I had a dream that I opened a restaurant and I was inviting celebs to an after graduation party. Eight grade ... yet I was doing shots. It was weird and very long. Disturbing mostly. My life is what is and changing it all at once, fixing the parts that drive me crazy or dissatisfy me, will only create more chaos and resentment. So like I said, big girl panties, or take the stick out of my ass which ever you prefer. Time to take my own advice and prioritize using baby steps.

The Bullshit Meter

My Bullshit Meter is at low tolerance. Although I am feeling better than I was yesterday, the following list are things that just make me want to flip people off:

• My son got a card from my in-laws cat. With money in it. Weird.
• My dog has fleas. We bought the vet prescription preventative stuff and it still doesn't work. Poor thing.
• I cannot seem to find Caffeine Free Diet coke for under $8.00 a 24 pack.
• S is going to call down to some 'orders guy' for his career field and ask for a remote using his clearance today. A remote in going to happen? Great.
• I keep finding crap that should have gone to the yard sale. An old hope chest, a 19" TV, toys, clothes. You name it.
• I need to clean the carpets. 
• I think I found the skunk home. I keep filling this certain area with dirt and yet every night it gets dug out. Right between the driveway and the sidewalk. I have a huge bag of rock salt, I wonder if that will make that little fucker move. 
• Aflac comercials
• Why on earth are K Cups so flipping expensive. 12.99 for 12 at Wegmans! I really need to get out to the commissary. But chances are my car won't make it.
• My car. We used fix-a-flat in one tire and now I should buy the replacement, but chances are if we get orders that is the first thing we'll sell. So for now, it is in town driving only.
• Christmas. Yup already. I am still going to push for Hawaii. 
• My husbands bum foot, the other foot, his leg / knee, and every other health issue. I know, I know in sickness and in health... errr.
• My bum arm. I cannot wait to run again. I actually tried yesterday, I got about 1/100th of a mile before I understood why I can't. OUCH! I walked instead, but that doesn't relieve the stress as much. If I am not breathing like a 1000 pound man in the hot sun then I don't have enough distraction and can think. I need to not think in order to think clearly later. 
• I am human. Not super human. 
• There are only 24 hours in a day.
• School fundraisers. School newsletters. 
• Blah, Blah, Blah. Pity party.

On A Tirade

I am mad; not just a little annoyed but really upset. I am angry with C and S. I am angry at Walter Reed for not calling with follow up. I am angry at the stupid Power Wheels for not working when someone came to buy it. I am mad at our house for being so cramped. I am outraged at the amount of paperwork and bills I have to sort through. And to top it all off; I am mad that after a week of dieting I weigh the same. I am so POed that when one of my BFFs called last week, I ranted for like 25 minutes before I asked, So how are you? And no I do not have my period, I was just that overwhelmed with it all. 

The highlight real will most likely encourage me to start drinking the sauce so I will just piss and moan about the major one ... my husband. [ Disclaimer: He is amazing. I love him. He loves me. The sex is great. We're a good team. Yada, Yada, Yada ] He infuriates me sometimes. I have been working my butt of the last two weeks to clean out the house and purge the un-needed items. I had a huge yard sale. Me, not him. I dragged all the furniture outside, priced it all, set up the tables, and got up while it was still dark out to do so. S set up a small area of his baseball cards and golf balls. He helped me move the freezer from one side of the sidewalk to other and took a few sales. He made us some money, sure, but the heavy lifting and responsibility was mine. And that was okay with me, it was my yard sale not his. 

What is not okay with me is his asshole-ed-ness about getting rid of stuff. His judgemental and selfish attitude about material stuff to me is unfathomable. It is just stuff. Nothing is priced right for him. He gets mad if I give stuff away. He doesn't really think we should get rid of most it. He cringes when I want to donate stuff to the Good Will. He says things like "oh geez" and "ahh, I don't know about that" when I try to change anything. He is the one who tells me we are due for orders. He is the one who admits we have too much stuff. He is the one who keeps saying he wants to get rid of stuff. (And I totally agree, and say the same things) Yet he seems to always be there with a criticisms. 

Just last night I had a lady coming over to buy some toys. One was a Power Wheels car and the other a tent. I told S that if she buys the car I was going to give her the tent. And he argued with me. The tent was marked $5.00. The car was $75.00. I was so mad. Just the icing on the cake. At every turn there is resistance. (in the end I only sold the tent because the car stopped working - go figure - I was actaully pretty embarrassed.) Nothing is good enough, nothing is right. 

Oh and there is plenty more. After all this cleaning and purging there is a pile of crap the Good Will won't even take. A broken coffee table, a crib mattress, gross and disgusting outdoor items, and the likes were just sitting on the curb. The city does do a Fall Clean Up in October, where they will come through and take your big items, but it is still 5 weeks away and we have all this stuff now. So I called the city to find out how to get rid of all this stuff and they told me I could pay a small fee ($35.00) and they would come by any day and pick up anything and everything. I was thrilled. That is really cheap. So I piled even more stuff out there and bagged up what I could. 

By the time S got home from work there was a mountain of garbage out there. I was pretty proud of my accomplishments, I had cleaned out the front shed - really cleaned it out - not just reorganize the same crap, I had picked up the back yard - got rid of ripped tarps and a kiddie pool, I was on fire. But nope, that wasn't good enough either. S doesn't want to spend the $35.00. He wants up to wait until the clean up day with the city. So this morning I hauled all this stuff back into our back yard, piled it as high as the fence and condensed as much trash as possible to go out with the normal pick up. I called the city and canceled our bulk pick up. Now there is a pile of pure shit in our backyard. And in case you were wondering, I still have a broken arm.

I was so mad last night that I could feel my pulse racing through my body. I do not think I have ever been that angry about so many different things. And I am still just that upset. There is more to the story with S. He called yesterday to say that the orders he was expecting from New Mexico were denied and he has to go on a short tour next. He was having a really bad day. A short tour means he goes to Korea for 1 year or some other remote assignment without C and I. My heart sank in my chest when I heard this. Even though you know it could happen, it still surprises you when it does. But to my credit, I kept it light, I said that everything was going to be okay, we'd work it out, that C and I support you (S) no matter what, that we can handle it and he doesn't have to worry about us - just work on getting the best remote for his career that he can and that we'll be here when he gets home. 

There was a mini argument between this next one. All you need to know really is that I was right. It was about 6:30, C and I just got home and dinner wasn't even started. The dog was barking, the kid was yelling, S was on the computer, the doorbell was ringing, and I still had my keys in my hands. It was mass chaos. As if all this craziness wasn't enough once dinner was actaully cooked and we ate the boys wanted more and I had only made enough for one serving each. So they were heating up more. We were just watching TV anyway so we paused it and I quickly went to the computer to remove my Power Wheels ad from Craigslist, only to find out that C had been in a fight on the school bus (my email is my start page). So then S and I had to argue about how that was handled. 

Later that night once he was home and C was in bed we talked about it a little more and that is when  it all just fell to shit. I asked S when he'd go and he said March. I suggested that if that happens, C and I could stay here until the end of the school year and then move back to Massachusetts for the remainder of the time. S freaked. He certainly doesn't want that. He was acting like that was in stone or something and making accusations like "It sounds like that it what you really want to do" as if I wasn't considering his opinion or if we could even make that work. We were just talking in what ifs. I tired to explain my suggested option by saying I'd like the opportunity to explore that option, and asking him to see this from my point of view;  I am scared, he might be gone for an entire year and I have no one here. My friends have moved and my family lives 8 hours away. I only have a part time job and no real ties. Furthermore C won't have a dad around, and I thought his God Father and his grandfathers would be good for him. S's reply "don't you think I am scared too?"  Asshole, you totally missed my point. Your right - it is all about you, sorry I forgot to stroke your fucking ego for two seconds. But that isn't what I said. I just placated the situation and asked that we wait until he actaully has orders before we make any plans and I suggested we just watch TV and relax.

This is too much to handle. Is it so wrong to want a cleaner house, a kid that doesn't get in fights, a husband that can just let me be right without a fight, and to not just be heard but understood and validated? Apparently so.

The Funnies

Me: "So C how did you like Cub Scouts tonight?"

C: "Pretty good. Casey was there with her brother."

Me: "Oh how is she?"

C: "Good, we played tag. I wasn't so sure about Scouts this year, but if Casey is going to be there, I'm in."

Me: "You sure like her, huh?"

C: "Well, so far this year Augusta is my girl friend, because Casey is in another class, but if Augusta isn't there, then I like Casey."

2nd Grade PEOPLE! 2nd! He is a riot. He also explained that another little girl he is friends with is going to be his girlfriend next. He's a player. Hard Core.

PURGE & SPLURGE?

Wow, we just had the mother load of all yard sales. S and I inherited some furniture from my grandparents after they both passed and once we actaully got it into our house (thanks to my mom and dad) we realized their used 30 + year old old-lady furniture is way nicer than our move around the country garage sale and family left over finds. So we got rid of a ton of our stuff including chairs, tables, a bed room set (although we sold that one on craigslist a few weeks ago - it couldn't wait) plus a whole slew of stuff C out grew, including his armoire and end table. So happy to see all that crap go! Once we established that it was the end of the day I loaded my car and high tailed it to Good Will. Now, what to do with the $$$

The cash didn't even last until the end of the sale! Scott had to leave and register C for CCD, that cost $100.00. Then S was like, "hey I need $50.00 for my fantasy football league", and then C was like, "where's my cut?" then S says "oh, and we need $25.00 for the concert tonight and money for parking" There isn't much left over but I'd say it will buy us a nice lunch tomorrow and maybe even a few gallons of gas.

Blogger Sort of Hates Me

I am not quite sure how I am in, but I' m in. Blogger won't let me log in saying that I have two accounts with gmail and blogger using the same address. Well, yeah - how many email address does one need? I am so confused :)

The latest with my arm: The elbow healed fast, but after seeing the ortho doc it was determined that I had five broken bones in my arm (two are fingers - so those might not really count) and an unconfirmed number of broken ribs. I was too bruised for xrays of my chest. But as the swelling goes down I can pretty much pin point the three if not four that are broken. So if you haven't been counting .. that is a total of 9 possible broken bones, 5 confirmed. All because our neighbors left their dog unattended in their front yard. 

Honestly I could have really sued our neighbors. But it was just an accident and the dog was not vicious by any means. So, they ended up paying for a replacement pair of glasses and we called it a day. The homeowner even came over last night to express how sorry they were and to thank us for not reporting them. But you know, accidents happen. We have a big dog too, and what if she got loose and wanted to ride a bike with someone too? I am just trying to add to the karma bank; I suppose. 

There is so much to update on but to keep it short: I am trying to stay positive and thankful but the chip on my shoulder is growing so heavy that I am having trouble standing up straight. FET is over, no good news there. My bones are broken and I am sore. We are do for orders but so far nothing. S is freaking. S had surgery on his foot (planned) but he isn't healing properly and the pins that were put in have shifted and caused infections. I could go on and one. But to switch it up, there is some good.

C started 2nd grade today. He looked so darn cute in his new shoes and backpack. Such a sweetie! We had a great couple of weeks with  my parents. One week here and one in Massachusetts. I got to see one friend when I was home, Mar - who just happens to be a sweetheart and always visits with my family too. We also had a family BBQ, with full contact Wiffle Ball, it is becoming a tradition. 

Well, the to do list is extensive and includes unpacking heading out in the rain for Diet Coke. Good Times:)

The Leash Law

Huge accident. Me, bike, two dogs, flipping, sliding on gravel, multiple contusions, sprains, bruises, and a broken elbow. Owe. Right arm - new cast coming on Friday, maybe I'll be able to type some then. No real news anywhere else either.

No Results

No results. I have to call back tomorrow and hope for the best - but the lab tech said the results will probably come back Monday. What a flipping pain.

Where's My Call

Oh Come On! Still no phone call. They make the happy calls first ... and it is getting pretty late for the office to call back. I really am a mess. 

Also, I have some kicking breath. C and I ate a mini loaf of garlic flavored artisan bread with olive oil for a snack this afternoon. Just so you, carbs do make almost everything better.

Just a Quick Funny

I follow a very good blog that I recommend to all called High Heels & Huggies. The women is rather funny but I don't think she tries to be and she is honest and seems like someone I'd like to know (although I do not) who is also struggling to have a baby. Anyway; recently I got a friend request on Facebook from someone who had a similar pic to High Heels & Higgies, but I wasn't sure. So I emailed the person;  "Are you High Heels & Huggies?" Those were my only words. A week later this is the reply I got:

You sick F***, I will not wear a diaper and stripper heels for you. I just thought you were someone else. Don't contact me again. 

I did not cut and paste, the person did not use an punctuation which is a personal peeve :) 

Ummm, that is just gross. Obviously not my fellow blogger. LOL.

Frantic

So, I am suppose to be home from my beta test already. Unfortunately C is sick and was virtually impossible to wake up this morning. Normally between six and six-thirty he is wide awake, but last night I gave him some cold medicine and I suppose he was still sleeping that off. Poor little guy. But alas, he is awake now and eating breakfast and listening to Hit List (his favorite music channel)

Something sort of funny about C, maybe not so much as funny as quirky and wonderful. He loves music. I don't mean he just likes the radio or CD's, he is borderline obsessed with it. For awhile he was turning on VH1 or MTV in the morning. I fussed enough about it but honestly; any 'punishment' I would enforce couldn't keep him away. Then we got FIOS. FIOS has twenty different music channels that do not have videos or commercials. Just music and still pictures of the artists. What an awesome compromise. Now every morning while he eats breakfast he watches the music channels. It is nothing to hear him busting a move between bites of pop-tarts or pancakes. It is also nothing to have him ask "Um Mom can you please make me some more breakfast." and for me to ask "Why buddy, are you still hungry?" and for him to reply "yeah because while I was doing my moves the dog ate my waffle."

I lost It

Oh crap. I lost a medication instruction sheet. I know I am suppose to downgrade some of the drugs today, but gosh knows which ones. I am so busy obsessing over POAS tests that I completely forgot to pay attention... to most everything. Better call the MD office and confess - I am a FLAKE. Although, they are well aware of this fact.

Is it bad luck to think this could have worked? Probably, but there you have it. I've got every symptom. And yes the side effects to some of the meds coincide; so that is a downer. I am so hopeful. This of course makes it so hard not to make every twinge, pang, or tired moment seem like a positive.

Resistance

I stayed clear of the pee tests. But seriously, I am so buying a dozen next time I leave the house.

WAITING,WAITING AND MORE WAITING  

11dp & Back to School

I could test. 11 days post fertilization is a good wait. But alas, I am too chicken. One minutes I think, maybe it worked and the next I feel nothing and have no faith in any of it. AKA chicken. 

C and I are going to the movies today. (1.00 movie day!) After I am planning on running over to the dollar store to p/u some stuff for dinner, I know they sell pregnancy sticks there, sooooooo. 

In other non-related FET news: I took C school shopping the past few days and got some great deals. It all actaully started at the beginning of summer with a great find at a church rummage sale. We got 8 pairs of jeans for 2.00 and at a clearance sale I got him a pair of Nike sneakers for 7.00. The jeans are used, but decent, and we all very good brands - so when he outgrows them they'll be an easy Ebay sale. With those pre-purchases and the school supplies at 20.00 I was starting off with a 29.00 toll. 

Starting the past week, at Old Navy I found pants one black & one khaki for 7 bucks each plus a few T shirts. Then at Wal-mart we bought a clearance set that had shorts, pants, and a T for 8.00. Then the biggest recent score, we went to Unique Thrift and found eight different shirts, all were brand new, plus a pair of camouflage jeans for just over 20 dollars. Then we were really surprised when we popped over to Kmart to look at shoes. I cannot believe how expensive kid shoes are. We probably went to ten different stores looking for a decent deal in C's size. In the end Kmart was the best. They had really nice looking sneaks for 12.99! C picked out a nice black pair of high-tops with a bright green sole. They were actaully pretty sharp looking. Plus black sneakers = no need for dress shoes :) Another great deal was at JcPenny. We got a 10.00 coupon in the mail for a purchase of 10.00 or more so I went and bought 12.00 worth of socks for C and it only cost me two bucks! The last thing to add to the list was a new backpack and lunch box. Toys R Us had the best deals. C picked out a Darth Vader backpack for 12.00 and we got a free lunch box with it! With tax, 117! Before tax 109! This kid is so set. 

I think that covers all of the best deals. If I minus the twenty bucks for school supplies - after all they don't really count since he doesn't keep them; they just go to the school. Then the total is 97 bucks. We did good. 

Just one last deal I have to mention:  a really unbelievable deal was at Office Depot. They had glue for a penny. The limit was five so that is all I bought. The bill really was five cents!

2WW FET 5dpt5db POAS

To be or not to be? Err this two week wait is driving me crazy. Actually it isn't even two weeks, but that is just what the wait is called in all the cool girl cliques. I am completely mental. Last night I had 1001 dreams before midnight and ended up giving up on sleep by 2:30am. Do you know how much crap is on TV in the middle of the night? Obviously my DVR is pretty much empty. 

So, I am dying to POAS. That would be Pee On A Stick for the out of cliquers. LOL - really I just saw that abbreviation this week. How is it I did three rounds of IVF and now one of FET and still don't know all the lingo? IDK, anyway, as stated earlier, I am completely mental. 

Last round I knew by day 4 or 5 after transfer that I wasn't pregnant, why you ask? because I got my period, even on progesterone. Go figure. So this time I have no period symptoms, so there is a plus. But I would exactly call that a sign. Odd cramping, not period cramping, and a little tiredness is all. But all that can be from the drugs. You know, and the 2:30am wake up calls.

Who Was That?

I cannot believe I just posted this morning. Obviously I did not have enough coffee yet. The update: I feel way better. I just ticked down the list and fixed what I could. 

• C is not going to MA next week.
• C does not have summer camp, but we can take advantage of all the cheap and freebie deals for the summer, like two dollar movies on Tuesday and one dollar movies at Regal on Wednesday. Then there is the free farmers market and show on Thursday and there is always the base pool. I am looking forward to spending it with him.
• Yes we did FET and yes the blood test seems far away but as it turns out it is the day before my parents get here, so at least I'll know. And if it is negative (pray it is not please!) I'll go on every roller coaster in that amusement park until I puke. And if it is positive (pray it is!) I'll hold the all crap, while everyone else waits in the hot and bothered line, sipping a caffeine free diet coke with a GIANT SMILE!
• I requested a swap with another girl at work for Labor Day weekend. She wasn't interested in swapping but will take my hours over. Hot Damn! I am thrilled, a weekend off and I don't have to make it up :) Granted no pay, but I'll live there.
• I called my favorite sister to wish her a happy birthday and she told me not to mail the gift, she'd rather open in person with me. She's awesome. 

I recently suggested to a friend that if she prioritized maybe she'd be able to focus and sort of pick and choose what she needs to worry about when. (I am sure I put it better than that) It amazes me when I am able to take my own advise. This is where my dear readers, or fan club, which ever you prefer to be called, I pat my self on the back and bask in the thrill of a new day. 

I should give a disclaimer of not being on narcotics. Nope, not on those kind of drugs.

More Crazy

It's Friday! It is C's last day of camp, S's last work day home from surgery, and my third day of crazy. I think everyone needs to know that I am in no state of mind to make decisions or pose questions. In fact I have made a slight disasters of the remaining three weeks of Summer vacation due to the crazy that is me. The long and short:

• I agreed to let C go to Massachusetts w/o us for a week, but then when the timing comes down to it, I realized that means he will be in MA for a week, then with my parents here for a week, then back to MA for another week. It is a little much. 
• I canceled next week's summer camp for C
• I agreed to go through FET just before we have company, and I agreed to go to an amusement park...
• I finally got my sister's b-day gift in the mail,  today is her b-day - so that is going to be late. 
• I agreed to go to MA for Labor Day and then realized I have to work that weekend. I've asked for a replacement but haven't heard anything yet. 

I feel really out of it, like I am in a fog. I am not sure if I need a day at the beach, a day shoe shopping, or a day to snuggle up with S & C and watch movies. Maybe all of the above. 

LIfe After Transfer

Great. It has only been 24 hours since transfer and I am already going crazy. Every twinge, every ache, every random thought is driving me insane. I have ten days until the blood test. I don't think I've gotten this way before. Although last time I was reading baby name books. God only knows why.

TRANSFER

We did it. Frozen Embryo Transfer. It was totally painless and non eventful. Physically of course. Mentally I am completely drained. So, well see in a few weeks if this one decided to stick. I sure hope so, but we're so jaded that we both are very cautiously optimistic. 

Mocha Frappe

Yesterday I ordered a Mocha Frappe from McDonald's. I drank it around three o'clock in the afternoon... It is almost seven in the morning, and I am still awake! Wide Awake. Also the meds, although not that many, are making me so freaking hot. I have the AC on 74 degrees and I am sweating so badly. I even had the fan on with no relief. 

On a good note, I just spent the night watching the Sox (they won). Then I caught up on HGTV Design Star, I so do not love Kathy this season. However I do like Meg and the blond girl. They have some potential. I also caught up on Secret Life, which is actually good this season, total surprise. Then I watched a cheesy Lifetime movie. Sadly it did not have Tori Spelling, but it did have the mom from Malcolm in the Middle. Although that is a little scary since she was the guest star on Wilfred this week. She played a sexed crazed lawyer. 

No more Mocha Frappes. Although I did just forgo the caffeine free Diet Coke and made a cup of Coffee. After all C will be up momentarily. I think I'll go make pancakes.

FET

We have been scheduled for an FET on the 10th. So far the whole cycle is different. I have only had a few appointments coupled with only a few meds. I am currently on Progesterone, Estrogen, and Doxycycline. That is it. Of course I was hysterical when the nurse called me after this weeks appointment to tell me my Estrogen levels were too low so instead of taking 6 pills over the course of the day I was to bump it up to 8 and the last two need to be "inserted into the vagina". REALLY??!! More whoo-ha medication. It is bad enough with the progesterone, what is next? I swear I am so tired of shoving things up there that just don't belong. Needless to say all this crap leaks all over the place. I am sure that is a picture I didn't have to paint.