A doctor in my office meant to put the huge honking probe in a lady's lady parts today but missed. Wrong hole.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
last week completely sucked. Whatever - I'm over it.... Almost.
Things that sucked:
1. Work was grueling. The Baby Factory is suppose to be fun and socially awkward - not demanding, nerve racking, and causing panic attacks. (okay that last part is an exaggeration)
2. S is in California.
3. Thankfully I am having another mom pick C up in the morning for camp last week and this up coming week. I am already freaking out over his next trip.
4. I slept on my shoulder weird about four days ago and it still hurts.
5. Raul the Sexy Beast - aka my car, has a service light on. I just got him serviced and breaks fixed last month.
6. C's flipping dentist office is impossible to work with. I've called and called and left messages for them to call me at work but every time they return a call it is to the house. It took me a week to make an appointment for a new wax bit for him. I paid for his retainer last month and still don't have it because of this darn issue. So annoying.
7. C called a girl an Ass Hole at camp after she wouldn't accept his apology for beaming her in the head with a dodge ball. If he gets "written" up again he will be kicked out of camp. But seriously - they still let kids play dodge ball? Whatever - I wasn't even mad, I probably should have been but I honestly was just annoyed that the situation wasn't managed better, did no one else see the girl get hit? No grown-up could assist this situation? Not that C wasn't wrong - he certainly was, but as I said - I was just annoyed not mad, in the end we just grounded C for a few days for good measure.
8. Everyday when I pick up C from camp it is a damn mad house. I swear it is like no one is watching. Kids are all bored, misbehaving, and being completely ignored. There are counselors at each "station" but really it is a darn free for all. He isn't going to this one next year.
9. Back to work. It completely sucks some days. On Friday we had a bad day in the office. An ectopic pregnancy, random folks just walking in thinking they had appointments. Every I that went undotted or T that went uncrossed in the last six months came to light and every women in the office was pissy. It has me seriously considering looking for another job. Really - it is the bad OB's - it is too real.
10. While thinking I should look else where - I induce serious bouts of anxiety - and I can hear myself screaming inside "NO _ YOU WANT TO BE HERE! YOU WANT TO BE PREGNANT!"
Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream - STAT.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
And "What?" you ask is the reason for the big return ... angst, general disgust, with a peppering of annoyance, anger, flustered aggravation and of course disdain for the the general public. Also I finally think I figured out how to stay logged into blogger.
Everything has actaully been going well lately. The family is good. Work is okay/good, although Dr. baby face is getting on my nerves - but still things are running smoothly. Perhaps actually things have been too hunky dory. One stupid fact has proven to be my undoing. Suddenly I can see all the things I've been very good at ignoring for the past months.
I found out what someone's income is. It is more than triple of what S and I make together. Once I learned the number it is like a veil of blissful ignorance has been lifted. With in just a few days of work I began to realize I cannot keep working where I am and making what I do if I ever want to retire - ever. I make peanuts compared to other hospital systems. I have a huge degree and I am a receptionist. So there's that. I've become down on myself for no valid reason. The downward spiral starts here.
Next I have been spotting the waddle. I swear I can tell a women is pregnant before a flipping blood test can. Last night in Khol's there had to be ten pregnant ladies in the shoe department alone. Deep dark angst starts here. The obvious: I am not pregnant. And at this point I don't think my chances are that great. I so want to try again - but we still have bills from the last four rounds. See the downward spiral beginnings above.
S has been and is going to continue to travel a ton. Daycare through the summer is a headache and a half. Summer camp starts at 7:30 in the morning. I am already an hour into my work day by that time and I cannot go in late. I've arranged for another parent to pick C up in the morning; and am just praying it all works out. Moreover I still feel like C could walk to camp! You can see it from our house. I am not kidding. If you look out our back door across hole 2 of the darn golf course you can see the community center where he goes to camp. General disdain and annoyance start here and just keep escalating to anger.
I need a deep breath, a Diet Coke, and a better plan. I've been making lists and countdowns but with no real plan of action. How can I expect to make more money if I do not seek it out? How can I expect to be pregnant if I do not make an appointment at my own darn place of work? How can daycare get easier - well that one is a fucking mystery to me and might always be.