Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Weekender

Is there a darn rule saying that couples must fight and make up every weekend? Yesterday I was ready to kick S in the shins for being such a stinking man. Eventually we had to just move on and be happy. We ended up going to church and then braved the crowds at Olive Garden. Well worth the wait. Our soup and salad were so good that we forgot we were bickering and just had a nice time. Too bad we aren't the types for make up sex, or the night really could have ended with a bang.

Today has been very laid back, practically in a literal sense, as I haven't been out of bed for more than 20 minutes and that was only to make my self a breakfast bowl of pasta. S said I needed a break and I didn't argue. I've watched hours of "The Nanny" and have started on "Sex in the City". My taste is so bad. I am okay with that :D.

S and C have headed out to lunch and "guy stuff" and told me to be ready for pick up around 2:00 for a movie over at the Army Base. So that should be fun. Family togetherness at its best. I think I might actually get out of bed and get dressed so that I can pack my "Movie Pocketbook" for the show.

Despite all the sloth like behavior I was actually productive yesterday. C and I were up early and went to get S's car inspected for him and then registered it in VA. Believe it or not we'd been in VA for over a year and still didn't get that taken care of. Military does get a bit of a pass with that stuff but it is confusing. Anyway we got a renewal registration notice for DC and is / was due tomorrow so on Friday - to be on the safe side I logged into their site online to pay the bill and instead of being able to send them the 115 bucks they bounced back an error message saying that because S doesn't have a DC license and the registration cannot be renewed. Huh? Boy we're we surprised. So we called our insurance company  and asked for help and as it turns out VA is so much cheaper and for a little leg work on Saturday we could save some big money, inspection, registration and insurance were all cheaper. So C and I managed to get it all done. Savings: over 200.00 a year! Plus we raised our coverage on our insurances. Amazing.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Good Times

Just a Fun Day!


Yowzaaas! No school again today for the third day in a row. I have had my super mom cape on endlessly. Monopoly, snow forts, snowmen, snowball, forts inside, lego cities, iCarly marathons, making books and crafts, baking goodies are just some of the things we've been doing to enjoy our time. Yesterday we ventured out and were amazed at how many abandoned cars were on the road. We saw at least a dozen just on our side of the road. The towing had begun but apparently the cars were just everywhere.

Today we are having a book bananza. C and I already made three books each. My creative bugs just weren't buzzing yet so I wrote about Mork and Mindy and the Golden Girls. Seriously - my kid thought they were the best stories ever. I didn't tell him they were sitcoms. LOL. Next on our list in one cartoon and then off to see if we can read 50 books before lunch. Sam I Am, here I come. Hopefully C won't want to write book reports on all the books he picked!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Snow! Snow! Snow!

Boy did we get hit with a whopper. We got about 8-9" of the heaviest snow in history. S even has the day off from work. That never happened before :D Luckily he got home last night okay mid storm. But our poor neighbors, two different ones, left work at 4:00 and 5:00 and both got home around 11:30! The highways were complete grid lock because it was snowing over three inches an hour for a while there and it just backed everything up. I am actaully surprised we have cable and internet. Since the snow is just hanging on everything.

So after hours of shoveling our driveway and our neighbors we are taking a well deserved break. After lunch we are going to build a snowman - so that should be fun. I almost feel like a kid again. Snow, snow, snow, no school - hot chocolate and homemade goodness for lunch.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I Smart


I had no idea what this meant. T and I went into DC today and got lost in the main Art Gallery for a few hours. I kept seeing these signs that said Flemish and was so clueless. Apparently I am not as cultured as I thought. LOL -according to the ol' internet it is Flanders or Dutch. That would make sense, considering the room we were in. 

But I did at least start off on a good note and managed to score a free parking spot in DC. Imagine that! So glad I opted to drive in instead of taking the subway. The subway is just so darn expensive. 6.50 to park! 3.60 each way to ride the train! I figured even if I paid 15.00 for a parking garage I'd at least have my car and the trip would take less time.

Anyway the trip was nice. It was a little strange being there without four kids, her three and my one, pulling on our coats, running through the hall, asking questions, and overall being the cutest kids who also happen to be the loudest with us :D And what did we do most of the time? Talk about our kids.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Tea Time

In an effort to keep myself off the sauce I elected to drink tea tonight instead of my normal cold night special of coffee, extra cream, two sugars. It could be the honeymoon period on that, but so far, I am loving it. Yumm-o!

In the latest make an ass of your self news: I got an email from the Ashburn library saying I had two books over due. So I logged into their website and renewed them, however this was just so they'd stop accruing fees, as I was certain I returned them. Just to be on the safe side, today I rechecked their website and they still had them checked out to me, so I figured I'd better head out there and find the two things - actaully one book and one CD myself. Before I left I searched library books normal hiding places in our house and the cars. I actaully found the book under my seat in the car. No surprise there - it was the one I was thinking that maybe we didn't return. So now I just had to find the CD. The exact CD that I remember going back into the house for after we loaded the car to return our loot a few weeks ago. The same CD I remembered putting in the book drop myself, but I digress ... For certain it wasn't in our house or on the floor of my car. So I headed out to the library and pillaged through all of their CD's. After a half hour I was empty handed and decided to ask for help. The clerk was really nice and offered to look up my account to see if there were any notes, which there was "returned case w/o CD". So, I ask the question "how much does it cost?" and then make plans to pay for the CD if it doesn't turn up in the next week. I even ask the clerk if she could check below the bin under the return slot where I am certain I returned the CD. She assures me they check it daily and the CD is not there. Okay ... and then it occurs to me, I didn't check one place - the CD player in my car.... Tada - Missy Higgins. I wish I could of just slipped it into the book drop - but alas it had no case. So embarrassing.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Off The Sauce

It has only taken a week, more or less to get off the caffeine in Diet Coke. For a few days I took Excedrin and for a few after that Tylenol and alas, I am onto an equally disturbing amount of Caffeine Free Diet Coke. Coffee is another story. Is two cups all that harmful? Probably not. Plus even if I have to give it up during IVF it isn't like that will cause major headaches.

So, speaking of IVF: Apparently it is a secret. How flipping annoying is that? I hate secrets. They cause me immense amounts of stress and worry. Apparently my dear husband completely didn't hear me the dozen or so times I said I wasn't keeping it a secret. It came up after I told him I told my dad when I talked to him. S got really upset, stressed, worries, almost angry over it. We talked about it some last night but I couldn't keep 'beating a dead horse'.I thought I was going to hurl right then and there. I don't want to go through the emotions of all this before we even get to it. I can't take it. In the end our compromise is one neither of us like, sadly we just don't have time to talk it over. No, not being over dramatic. The topic came up last night and by the time C went to bed we were almost out of time ourselves, as S had to get up at 5:30 so we could take him to the airport. He'll be back Wednesday. So maybe then we can revisit the whole deal.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


I have spelled out this fault of mine in the past. No, I am not a clutter junkie. I don't save garbage or collect mementos from every outing; I hoard $$$ in strange places. It isn't ever all that much and it is normally accounted for somewhere on some spreadsheet (NERD!) somewhere, but I forget about it. For example, there is two hundred dollars in a random saving account down the street. There is about the same amount in quarters under S's night stand and maybe 50 or more in my piggy bank. Then there is Paypal. I constantly sell stuff and then forget to transfer the profits over to my bank account. I am actually afraid to keep savings all in one place. Weather realistic or not, I fear that if it is all together we could A. be the victim of some sort of scam or mishap and B. I would justify using it for a vacation. The later is obviously the most likely. 

S and I took some time over the last weekend to talk in depth about IVF and the cost ; emotionally, physically, and monetarily. Just like last time, we are focusing on the later because it is easier. Honesty at it's best. We are ready for the emotions of it all; as best we can be. Physically, yup I'm in. Chin up and all that jazz. So anyway back to the big money plan. :D 

We know we can come up with at least a grand in the next six weeks if we really try. Hopefully all the piggy banks and weird nominal savings will just be icing on top of that cake. For starters Smoking Grandma gave us a hundred bucks for Christmas - boom 1/10th of the way there! I can sell, sell, sell on line. We have some random rebates coming in too from our insurance and purchases. Although the norm these days is to get rebates in the form of gift cards. On top of all this S will be traveling a few more times between now and IVF payment day which will profit us a few hundred dollars, or so we hope. 

So does anyone want to buy a Ritz cracker with the impression of Mary on it? How about a old scrap pile of wood? Or maybe just a bunch of old pennies? Maybe I can run a name our baby contest? LOL. I might be crazy. One thing is for sure, I am selling C's old V-Tech system. We have so many games and additional components that were never really used.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I swear sometimes people in general lack a sense of humor. They're just this huge cloud of BS crushing all the fun out of things.

I am so done with bad attitudes and fun suckers!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My Kid = Funny

I was helping C get ready for scouts [after a rousing dance off in which my son rocked! LOL. Both of us were pretty wound up] and I asked him where his uniform shirt was. It was right in front of me. He starts giggling and says "Maybe you need to see Uncle Ferris". Ferris is an eye doctor, and I swear I don't even know how he put that joke together, it isn't like we talk about him in that respect. Too funny.So once I got him all decked out in Scout Gear we headed downstairs to calm down and read a book before his meeting.

C was doing so great reading his new Star Wars book to me ... until he was trying to read the word BODY and instead said BOODY. We were hysterical. A few minutes later he did it again, saying Boody Armor instead of body armor. We were almost crying.

So after the whole Boody Armor deal we really had the giggles. Then I got my serious mom face on and said to C "We really need to pick something to do that helps us stay quiet so that you are calm and ready for Scouts tonight" He was still laughing and saying Boody over and over. So I repeated myself and said "C can you think of something that will help us stay quiet" and he replied without skipping a breath "Duct Tape?" Again we were both hysterical. I had tears running down my cheeks.

Good Morning Vietnam!

I woke up my usual chipper self this morning. I was never a morning person until C came around. But when you wake up to the cutest little kid it is hard not to smile. I certainly need my cup of coffee but honestly I am normally happy to be up, even a six AM. This morning I was particularly happy to see ice on the deck. C has been sick and I really don't want him to be home from school. He has been doing so good, I just do not want him to miss anything. I was really hoping for a delay, that way his cold medicine wouldn't wear off before the end of the day. To my surprise school is completely canceled! Bring on the board games and hot coco!

In other 'Jamie is so important news' : I got to talk to one of my best friends this week, J. It was so nice to hear her voice and the sweet sound of her youngest daughter saying Hi.

I finished the book Witch and Wizard by James Patterson last night. It was really good. Although I am little burnt out on the whole Young Adult Super Natural stuff. It is almost getting predictable. Imagine the irony of that. This book was almost Hunger Game-ish meets Harry Potter. Okay, so I have never read or seen one Harry Potter book or movie, but I get the jist. Book 2 is called the gift, I think I will try to get that one from the library.

S, C and I have been watching a ton of movies lately. S and I watched the Book of Eli, violent and slow but had a cool ending - sort of. Vampires Suck, hysterical, but I wouldn't admit in public that I saw it. Sex in the City 2, raunchy and so not funny in most parts. C, S and I watched a plethora of goodies from our vault, Transformers, Goonies, Wallie, and more. Being holed up from sickness sure has given our media equipment a work out.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sleigh Bells Ring

It hasn't slipped my brain that I haven't posted a darn thing about Christmas. Probably because I associated a little post traumatic stress syndrome with the family visit. I was so sick the entire time. Plagued with those darn headaches, then there was the incredible smoking grandma, a mini blizzard, trying to sleep in a home that was above eighty degrees, and tying to keep our dog away from smoking grandma. It was work. A lot of work. The saving graces were certainly my sister, my daddy, friends, and S's family. Seriously, S's family - they were really nice and flexible and didn't say anything when we could only see them a few times. In a nut shell it was chaos. But despite the chaos there was a lot of moments of true beauty.

For starters this was the first Christmas I can remember (as an adult) where my entire family exchanged gifts from the heart, not just for the sake of buying something. My sister actaully made me a pair of awesome Pirate PJ's and a new MP3 player. I am always complaining about my old one - it was hooked up to the computer when we got a surge of lightning and it hasn't been the same since, but it works (sort of) - and M was so sweet to give me a new one. And that is just one example. Our friends and family all gifted C such nice things and toys, ones he truly loves. Lots of Lego's! Not one toy fell apart, was a double, or was just for the sake of buying something, everything was thoughtful and a real gift - really for all of us. It was fun to receive and to give.

E's gift, the fan club in a box, was a huge hit. She loved it! We all gathered at my cousins house on Christmas Eve and the kids got to open presents first. We went by age, so E was in the middle. Her gift was such a hit that I actaully felt a little bad for the kids who went after her - LOL - but only for a second, all the kids were just so cute and all so excited and well behaved! All of them! C, my cousin, put on a great family party. J, our bestest family friend dressed up as Santa, it was a riot. She's a pretty curvy girl and to see her laugh and say Ho, Ho, Ho had us all busting a gut! One of the older kids yelled out "how come Santa has boobs?" We were all tying to be grown ups about it, but we just couldn't stop laughing.

We gathered with lots of friends. I got a chance to get together with my oldest BFF, Mar. I always feel like I am home when I see her. I feel younger, in a better mood, and almost giddy. Mar and I met up with our old friend N. I hadn't seen N in about 12 years. Yeah, I am old enough to say I haven't seen them in over a decade! Seeing N was amazing. To see her thriving and happy was so wonderful. I have worried about that girl over the years. I hope we can gather again soon, man were we laughing and carrying on. Just such a good time. I also got to see my friend B with her boys one afternoon. We took the kids bowling and to McDonald's to play. The kids were all so good - we were so grateful and surprised. Ha, ha. It is amazing how much we have in common. It is funny, but she sort of reminds me of my sister - will do anything for you, is way smarter than me, book obsessed, writer, and generally the sweetest person in the world. It was fun. Lots of fun.

S and I together saw J,K, & Baby A. Oh man that kid is cute. Possibly the cutest 1 year old ever. He was just learning to walk and it was so neat to see him cruise around. It is also fun to see our friends just be completely melted by him. Babies do that to you. On another night we got together with S's friends from his high school class. I actaully didn't want to go to that, but as it turned out it was so fun. It was neat to see a few people I remembered from our teenage years.

So how does this ad to all the chaos and stress? Well I take it all personally. I felt terrible that I didn't have more nights to meet Mar, or J&K, I wanted so badly to just spend one night in Boston with M, but there wasn't time, and I wanted to be able to just relax, never really happened. In the mist of all the visiting, outings, gifting and family togetherness we got busy and lost sight of the season. Or maybe I got worn out, sick, and harboring feelings of guilt.

Looking back, we sure had a lot of fun. But right after, I wasn't as excited about it. Grandma was smoking like a chimney, and was so disgruntled; grieving yes, but also just a darn curmudgeon and I let it bother me to the point that my sister actually took me for a walk and told me I needed to let it all go. She was right. Sometimes I wish I could be more like her. I was tying too hard to keep everyone happy. So it took me a few weeks to let it all go, but I am almost there. I can look back and say; it was fun.

All, right now I've recorded it all for posterity. In a new nutshell, Christmas VK was fun and busy. Amazing how that works. :D

Thursday, January 13, 2011

6 Weeks

Looks like we've got 6 weeks to prepare for IVF. We didn't make the January cycle after all and that is just fine. If we are going to do this we want the best chance possible for it to work. I've just finished making a list of things I could do in the next six weeks to prepare:

  • switch to caffeine free Diet Coke 
  • take vitamins
  • keep my eyes open for money trees :)

I've Got A Plan

Game Plan:

I am not in control. I will not be in control until I let God take over. I had the most comforting sleep last night and feel amazing this morning. I realized that It doesn't matter how much uncertainty there is, we still have way more certainty. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and working towards that goal. I do not have to feel guilty or prideful in a negative way for doing so. As long as I am following the truth and creating goals from that. I got it now. Reminder taken. I am not in control and that is okay. There is an 'end' I'd like to see, but if there is a bigger plan out there for me, I am positive it will be way better than anything I could come up with.

The Plan of Truth:

I was put on this earth to be a wife and mother. That is my personal truth. Maybe it isn't as deep as some other women out there who might add a profession or ministry work to that, but it is my truth. The core of who I am and who I want to be.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


S and I have 100 what ifs going on. Here are the major 'up in the air' components:

  •  His contract for this assignment is up in February of 2012
  • Our lease is up in August of 2011
  • His military enlistment is on until January 2014
  • My prospects of landing a very good government job are still out there and recently I heard a brief "you're still in the running"
  • IVF is in DC it isn't available to everyone, it isn't an option at other locations for the Air Force
  • S could volunteer to go to Korea next year, that would keep us here and then he could chose his follow on as VA, DC, or MD to keep us here a few more years (only if I land said job) 
We feel like we are juggling and at any moment could drop everything. In real life here is what could happen.
  • S could get orders as early as October
  • Our lease might not be renewed 
  • IVF might not work and then we won't have time to save up the money for the next cycle before we get orders
  • IVF might work and then what do I do if I get said job?
  • Said job may not happen
Blah, blah, trust in God. I got it. It is just hard to see the forest through the trees some days. 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I've Got Other Rants

I worked on a ranting post this morning but lost sight of my bad mood. Good for me, so there it sits in my saved profile. In other news: I just finished our budget for the year. If we start eating mac and cheese four nights a week now we can do IVF, have a few weekender VK's over the summer and go to Hawaii. Okay I am being over dramatic. We're in good shape for the most part. Flipping back through last years worksheets had me notice that we owe "the man" four thousand dollars less than we did last year. LOL - I am not sure if that is something to cheer about or cry about. I am cheering. We also increased our savings hugely this year thanks to better IRA's and an TSP (like a 401k) increase. We didn't make much in 2010 but apparently we weren't as haphazard as I feared. We did get a little sloppy over the summer with 101 vacations, even if we did save for them. Oh Well - on to the new year!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Closer or More Lost

I slept hard last night. Cold medicine and Tylenol PM served me well while offering me a zillion realer than life dreams. The last one, a nightmare only because it ended. I was at the doctors office and the doctor was showing me ultrasound pictures, my pictures and it was twins. 
No doubt IVF is on the brain hard core. No doubt I was slightly if not fully on edge because I received toddler formula samples in the mail on Friday for a baby that never was. No doubt I  am prone to all kinds of crazy dreams anyway - but geesh. Why are things so hard again? For a while they seemed so much better, and then poof it is back in full swing. 

Here are the problems: We most likely will not be in the January cycle, thyroid and S are both problems. S is too busy. In fact off to Tucson today. (great place to be this week huh?) In the mean time - it all messes with my head. Steadfast and true, I'm trying.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Note to Self

When attempting to be organized, don't forget to pay your bills. Despite the holiday season, businesses still want their money. Oops. My bad.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Revolving Resolutions

Resolution is a word that seems to have a negative connotation. Yet somehow I feel obligated to make one every year at the drop of the ball. I've made moderate efforts this past year to nix negative habits that didn't make me feel better or good in anyway. (complaining about the in-laws at every turn, weighing my self everyday, watching America's Most Wanted and mentally cataloging bad guys in case they might be one of the homeless guys at the library or a new neighbor, and a few other things here and there) We're not talking life changing elements here just a little more common sense. Regardless the new year is upon us and the obligations to resolve is heavy on my shoulders. To sum it up: I think resolutions are negative, I do not need negativity; yet I want a resolution. Hmm. No. I changed my mind. I don't want one. 

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Here We Go Again?

Let's face it, the stork is never showing up. I had some prelim testing and procedures done to see if my body might be ready for another IVF cycle. Despite the huge probing penis wand the saline sonogram went well, and the blood tests looked good despite the Thryroid. The doc says we have to get that in check before we start again. Plus S needs to redo all his testing. God knows why... it isn't like you can teach those little guys to be better swimmers. There are two cycles in the next five months that we could join. One is at the end of the this month and the other in the spring. We aren't jumping in and running ourselves into the ground to make it into the first one, if it happens great, if not we will be there in the spring, maybe.

Our lives have been really screwy lately. S is traveling all the time. A few months ago his boss promised that there would be no traveling in January because the office needed some serious attention, but when he went back to work on Tuesday (after his VK) there were plane tickets on his desk. He leaves Monday night. Then at the end of the month he goes to CA again for 6 days. The idea of him being here for a month straight is what tempted us back into the IVF deal. But the timing now couldn't be worse. I spoke with the doctors at Walter Reed about it and they said it is possible to fit me in at the end of the cycle which runs into the first week in February, but either way, S may or may not be here. I don't want to set us up for disappointment.

It has been a long time since we attempted IVF. In fact, we are still paying for it. But there was a point that I realized that owing money is just that owing money. It isn't as daunting as a car you can't afford, or a credit card's charges that you cannot explain. It is a more or less part of our family planning and we do not need to feel guilty or overwhelmed by that. Looking at the bill every month does not mean we failed, we just aren't done. So we're open for another round, we'll see how all our cards fall. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Still Standing

How am I still standing? I couldn't tell you, other than autopilot or by the grace of God, I have no insight. The scoop: I have been sick for three weeks and three days. I've been to the ER and have spoken with my doctor. I've had a slamming headache that at times has rendered me catatonic. Rewind back to a few posts earlier in the year where I complained about random pains that shot through my body; those have been worse in the last three weeks. I had been seen by our primary care "physician" a few months back, actaully all the primary givers around here are only PA's. Which kills me. Anyway; the results of that visit were inconclusive and the "doctor" summed me up as an active case of Fibromyalgia. When I left her office I filed all the "paperwork" she gave me in the trash can. Paperwork = print outs from Web MD. Seriously, Web MD. I have had this diagnoses one time before in Minot, and knew the doc was wrong then too. So all through vacation my husband has been trying to convince me that I need to go back to the doctors and be treated for this disease. His heart is in the right place but I was positive Fibromyalgia isn't it. A headache and sharp shooting pains are only two out of hundreds of symptoms.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. Although at this point it could be a mirage. When we returned from VK there were tons of messages on my machine asking me to call the IVF clinic. (more on that later) They had taken my blood before Christmas and found a problem, a Thyroid problem. According to a real doctor (not a PA) someone with a Thyroid dysfunction can have fatigued muscles, and especially in people who walk and run regularly, the muscles can twinge and ache and although a three week headache isn't common it can be a result of my body trying to fight back, fighting back against the IVF cycles AKA sub-clinical. Okay, so I get the medicine yesterday, but there is a problem. There is an old script for this stuff that doesn't match the new script. The glitch; when I went to the doctors months ago, they had tested me for this too but never told me and then when I went in for a follow up didn't even bother to check the labs and handed me a crackerjack box diagnosis, the reviewing REAL doctor put in the script months ago. 

I took the Thyroid medicine this morning. I still have a headache but I'm hopeful that the once things even out I'll be good as new.

Saturday, January 1, 2011


It appears another year has come and gone off the calender. 2010 in review: six in one, half a dozen in the other. It could be classified either way. Honestly, I don't think I can sum up the whole year using words. If I had any artistic inclinations I might be able to whip up a masterpiece or two - but alas, I am still inept in that area of talent.

Normally I can yammer on about myself for hours on this platform but lately I've felt that too many people know too much about me. I rarely have a secret concerning myself, I don't care to keep them. It is the open book concept - in a way. Over sharers Unite. But now there is a blip in that theory: I have to censor myself here and there out of respect for others. AKA: fake.

I am not loving this realization. Possibly I am being too hard on myself or perhaps I am just facing the fact that all this constant posting about the mundane and the not so monotone isn't always the best idea. I'm sure there is a New Year's resolution in there somewhere.