Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Mega Wand

As promised lots and lots of over sharing.

So sonogram wands look like giant dildos. There is no polite way to put that one. Anyway, you'd think by now I'd be use to the big honking thing, but no, it still makes me laugh hysterically and it hurts. It especially hurts if I've partaken in some marital togetherness the eve before. So last sonogram the doc comes into the room and there is no wand. After leaving briefly he returned with what he called an 'old fashioned' wand that he hoped would adapt to the machine. Apparently 'old fashioned' meant two times bigger and flipping COLD! Needless to say regardless of the previous evenings activities that fucker was going to hurt. And as I thought this while laying on my back with feet in stirrups it was almost impossible not to crack up until that it the doc said "now, you will feel more pressure than usual" because then holy freezing cold and OUCH! Plus a little resentment - because he actaully knows how this feels??? Can at one point in my life I be  willfully assaulted with  the magic wand by  a women? Also, to add to the grossness, he started way at the top of my lovely women-hood and then slid the thing down into 'position'! There was that gross lube everywhere. The pair of undies I wore after are obviously ruined because no amount of baby wipes could get that goop off and out.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Hi Ho Hi Ho

Life is crazy busy. Our cousins were here for a week (tons of fun!!!) and now life goes back to completely insane! The probing wand begins. Grandma L's estate is being divided up. C is going to camp (during the day). I am going on a diet. (AGAIN!) And so on and so on.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


I think I am done with Facebook and certain aspects of blogging. There isn't really a big juicy story or anything other than being busy with vacations and parenting over the summer and then the meat off the bone ... I have a few snoopers. 

I am not exactly what one would call a 'private' person. I over share and have story for everything. I am quite open to the fact that we want more children after adopting our first and have been struggling with infertility since the get go. I complain, I rant and rave, I tell a good fart story once in a while; case in point; today at the movies an old lady kept dropping bombs and eventually I just had to change seats! It really was that bad. But I digress, as I was saying ... pretty darn open. I like when people read my blog.

There is no reason to hide the fact that you read it. Totally willing to share. Please don't say you don't know I have a blog or facebook page when you've visited it multiple times in the last week. I can see that you know. It is under stats :) 

If anyone needs a soap box, mine is now available. 

Also, I say I am done, but FET is coming up, so you know I'll be over sharing about the big probing magic wand at Walter Reed! Good Times. See you after a while.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Highlights

Vacation was so nice. J,K & baby A were a blast to hang out with and I think we all generally had a great time playing at the beach and seeing the sights. Baby A (who is almost a tot!) called me May-ME all week. While bidding adieu to our friends at the airport J said "bye May-me", Crap... that is going to stick. :) Truly an awesome vacation, and here as promised are the highlights.
  • Lots of fun on the beach 
  • The water was above 80 degrees, for my New England couterparts this is not really comprehendable, but I swear to you my friends you do not have to spend 40 minutes 'getting used to' the water one toe at a time, you can just walk right in
  • The pools at the condo were great and for the most part not that crowded, my personal favorite being the hot tub and then the lazy river
  • Myrtle Beach and North Myrtle Beach have tons of tourists traps, we tried out as many as we could :)
  • Ripiley's believe it or not museums, Ferris wheel ride, banana boating (just S and C and J went on that one), A Midevil Times type show called Pirates Voyage (super cheesy w/ a slice of Dolly Parton - it was great!) and an even an alligator farm.
  • Tons to eat. Way too much. Including a trip one night to Mr. G's ice cream where I saw a sign for T-shirts 12.99 and Banana Pajamas I forget their price. But as we were standing in line K points out a picture of the Banana Pajama, a huge banana split sundae ... I seriously was thinking it was pajama bottoms. We had a pretty good laugh at me over that one. PS - I was the only one out of five who liked the ice cream. Not a place we'd recommend. Even Cooper complained, what 7 year old doesn't like any type of ice cream? It must have been gross. But who cares - we were at the beach!
  • On the way home we didn't want VK to end so we went back to Myrytle Beach for a little while and then once we were on the road we stopped at South of the Boarder. What a hoot. If you know my husband you have to check out his pic on facebook near Pedro, the mascot form there. It is a riot!
Truly a great VK!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Hot Tubs & Ocean Breezes

Oh man I love this place! I cannot believe how fast the time is flying by. The hotel / condo is pretty darn nice; two bedrooms w/ private balconies and bathrooms, large living / dining / kitchen combo and easy access to pools and the beach. Well off to some banana boating and more body boarding!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Just Beachy

Vacation is in the air. We leave tomorrow for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I cannot wait, although you'd think I would have been packing all week with how excited I am ... oh yeah, there was a funeral.... Well at least I have an excuse. Anyway, I have one bag packed with six towels. That is it, six beach towels. I assume our friends won't be able to back a bunch of extras because they are flying, so I added a few for them. Also as I sit here wasting time I did take a moment to actually read the condo rental agreement. Get this: They only give us a starter pack for the place which includes two roles of toilet paper and a small bar of soap. Ummmm they obviously forgot that the I will be bringing my husband and for the matter J, of J & K and baby A. Guess I better pack extra toilet paper too. Well and clothes for that matter. 

Hot mess. 

FET Update: A new pharmacy is making the Lupron and is suppose to ship it to the rental unit at the beach. Hopefully they send needles too, only God knows how I ran out of the small ones, I've got probably 400-500  fatter gaged ones. Figures. I think tomorrow I am just going to ask the nurses at work if they have any extra needles and quite possibly Lupron.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Lupron - Oh CRAP

Yeah - so my notes say 6th Lupron / 13th stop BC. I remembered the 13th... didn't start the Lupron on the 6th though. In fact, I never picked up my scripts. Errr.

What an interesting day. First, I forgot our dog outside and went to the store and out to eat with C. It is 97 degrees out - poor baby. She was fine, I just felt bad. Then I saw my FET notes and realized I am two days off with Lupron. So I called my nurse and asked if she could call the scripts into the shipping pharmacy instead of Walter Reed. All of this was no problem until the pharmacy reported that they do not have Lupron and cannot get it for 72 hours. In 72 hours I will be in SC and it will then be 5 days post start. Crap. Then a silver lining. I tore apart my drug closet, yea I have one of those, filled with thousands of dollars fertility drugs, and found Lupron, just enough to get me by. It looks like being two days late on it isn't that big of a deal because the nurses had me starting it early as a precaution. I am a mess people, a hot mess.

Thursday, July 7, 2011


Well, it has been a sad, interesting and disheartening couple of days. Saying farewell to my Grandma was hard. The end of an error really; now my mom and my mother's sister and brother are the heads of the family. To quote my aunt "now there is a big gaping hole." I feel it. 

Along with the two wakes, the funeral, the family gatherings in between and after, and 'shopping' in my grandmother's house I am mentally drained. It amazes me what people will say and do in the aftermath. The wakes were sad. We were in the same funeral home as my grandfather just a short time ago. Thank God my cousins were there. M, my sister, was too of course but she was a mess; and my heart almost fell completely out of my chest when I saw her crying. C, my oldest cousin was there and I am very thankful. She is the one who knows that I get more afraid of these situations than sad and she is the one who can crack a joke just under her breath so that I am the only one to hear - and vice-versa. Anyway; the happenings at these events were manageable but just sad. It was the shopping that has shook me.

In between the wakes everyone went back to my grandmothers house for lunch and to pour over old family pictures. It was meant to lift the spirits and remember the best of times, and for the most part, it worked. Until my aunt N, who is a very lovely women and so sweet, asked me to take a look around and jot down anything I wanted. I knew this was coming, but it felt so weird. So after choosing a few small memorable items my aunt urged me to choose something else because if we didn't take it it would just go to an auction. I asked if I could have my grandmother's bedroom set. It is very nice, not antique or anything just a nice set that if we gave C, would last him until he was married and beyond. So that went on my list. Months from now everyone's lists will be divided up and the value of what we chose will be taken out of our respective parents inheritance. Once all the bills, taxes, and dust have settle we can go to NJ and pick up our treasures. 

It was weird. What was even stranger was that another aunt (G) was urging S to pick stuff out. And he felt really out of place and didn't want to. Even odder was that G shouldn't have been telling anyone to take anything. My mother's brother R and his wife, my aunt N, are the executors of the estate, they are running the show. Without getting into even more family business than one needs to know but with certainly crossing the family privacy line. S and I speculate that G wanted us to beef up our lists because she wants some big ticket items from the estate. The more S and I choose, the more money that would come out of my mother's portion. Sounds crappy doesn't it. Why do I even care, why do I even know this stuff? In grief people do and say things that just don't make sense. One thing G did was to tell people she wanted my Grandmother's car but only if it was valued at 10K or less because she knows she could sell it for 15K. But that isn't how it is suppose to work, you don't make money of someones death. It is all just so disheartening.

None of the shopping made me feel anything but greedy and upset. Hearing what the other grand kids chose, and hearing what was left was awful. And as odd as Aunt G was she was the one who suggested I take the curio cabinet in the dining room. Which if I remember right she is the only one who knows that I helped my grandfather pick out more than half of the little crystal figures in there. My grandmother's birthday was in the summer and I always seemed to be the one visiting the week before and grandpa would take me out to help him shop. One year Aunt G had driven me down to NC where they lived for a short time and she and I went with grandpa to pick out a bear for the cabinet. That part is all very sentimental. That is until I heard someone say that the crystal is very expensive and this lump started to form in my throat. Maybe it all is just a ploy to get more money in column A than B or C. I hate thinking that way. 

There is more. And I pretty sure I blogged about it before but kept the post private. Well, to sum up, a few weeks ago I went to my cousin's (3 of them) graduations from high school. In the middle of the ceremony I got a call from a family member telling me about another family member's surprising pregnancy and  sudden miscarriage. I was horrified that she'd call me over it. I was trying to be nice and supportive and concerned but all I could do was listen and try to get her off the phone. There I was just finding out that we were not pregnant, AGAIN, and very sick and I was suppose to support someone who seemed to be relieved that someone else had a miscarriage. I just kept thinking that no miscarriage is a good thing - ever - no matter what people think. It was too much to handle and after the ceremony I was basically sobbing to my parents over it. (they drove) Anyway, I got a real apology at the funeral. A real heartfelt, kind, and thoughtful apology. My mouth was pretty much open for catching flies but I accepted the apology and said my thanks. Honestly I don't think anyone has really apologized for being an ass in this form to me before. I am still not sure how to take it all, other to forgive and let live.

I so need this vacation coming up. I have no plans to do anything other than lay on the beach and have fun with our friends.

Monday, July 4, 2011

2 Sides to Every Pancake

Friday I had the most awesome mommy moment. I was dropping C off at nature camp and as we pulled into the park he said "Oh no, I forgot to tell you I needed a bathing suit today." I told him that I would talk to the counselors and see if he can just wear the shorts he was wearing. So we walked up and asked and were told it was okay. But at the same time all the other kids were pulling out their swim shorts and showing them off. I looked over and C looked so bummed so I told him I'd run home and grab his suit. He gave me a pretty big smile and a thumbs up. After that I headed back to the car but before I was there I heard the tell tale signs of elephants behind me, which always means C is running. When I turned around to look I was slammed into with the biggest hug in history. I just said "you are very welcome buddy." Without a word he just turned and ran back to his group. It was the sweetest thing he has done in quite awhile.

We've had a nice family weekend. Tons of family time and then again lots of time to just chill out and not be busy. Last night we went to a minor league ball game and today we went to church and out to eat.     We also managed to give C and the dog haircuts, watch movies, play games, ride bikes, and play in the kiddie pool. I love my family; we have a good life, and that is why sometimes I feel so guilty for thinking it is all bittersweet.

And now for the downer: I have seen so many pregnant women this weekend. At the game this week there must have been a dozen women waddling around with perfect basket ball shaped bellies. At church this morning another three plus a brand new baby. The newest addition to the congregation was in her mother's arms and the mom was so thrilled, bathing the little one in kisses as they made their way to and from the alter. Obviously I ate my weight in chocolate peanut butter ice cream this evening.