Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Mega Wand

As promised lots and lots of over sharing.

So sonogram wands look like giant dildos. There is no polite way to put that one. Anyway, you'd think by now I'd be use to the big honking thing, but no, it still makes me laugh hysterically and it hurts. It especially hurts if I've partaken in some marital togetherness the eve before. So last sonogram the doc comes into the room and there is no wand. After leaving briefly he returned with what he called an 'old fashioned' wand that he hoped would adapt to the machine. Apparently 'old fashioned' meant two times bigger and flipping COLD! Needless to say regardless of the previous evenings activities that fucker was going to hurt. And as I thought this while laying on my back with feet in stirrups it was almost impossible not to crack up until that it the doc said "now, you will feel more pressure than usual" because then holy freezing cold and OUCH! Plus a little resentment - because he actaully knows how this feels??? Can at one point in my life I be  willfully assaulted with  the magic wand by  a women? Also, to add to the grossness, he started way at the top of my lovely women-hood and then slid the thing down into 'position'! There was that gross lube everywhere. The pair of undies I wore after are obviously ruined because no amount of baby wipes could get that goop off and out.

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