Monday, April 30, 2012

CPS, DSS, Whatever You Want to Call it, We Should Probably Call It.

This weekend was so crazy that work felt like time off today. Seriously. 

In other news, Late Breaking, Panties in a Bunch News, we found out yesterday that mom of the little boy we had sleep over the other night was out of town that night. Oh wait and there is more. The 11 year old sister was home alone. OVER NIGHT! We are beside ourselves. She so could of been over here eating pizza, playing games, and loving homemade pancakes in the morning! More so, she was ALONE, and she didn't really seem to care, like it was no big deal. We didn't see the mom's car until late afternoon on Sunday. S and I agreed that the boy cannot sleep over if his mom isn't in town, (that was our reasoning for him not spending the night last weekend)  but now we are thinking  - those kids better sleep over here or they will be left alone all night. We are so disgusted.

And in all about me news: Obviously I do not have to feel bad about C being alone for 10-15 minutes T-F after school. Just look at others and I swear you'll feel so much better about your self!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

A Day in the Life

What a busy day. It started with CCD, groceries, a ball game, mowing the lawn, cub scouts, hiking, pizza, and now C has a friend sleeping  over. I almost cannot wait to go to bed. LOL. But it is so nice to be watching TV and playing on the computer. And really the day was very nice.

Life is so busy lately. Too busy. Between work and C's sports and scouts we are booked all the time. Making time for nothing is almost impossible. Of course when we have 'nothing' to do we want something else to do. Figures.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Blogging About the Baby Factory

It is most likely that I will be leaving Blogger. It is okay, take a deep breath. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, jump off a bridge. You will be okay without me. Either that or you could follow be over to a new blog :P) My charm will transcend onto a new platform I promise. Why the switch? Logging into Blogger is pain in the butt. I have to log out of my email and then keep trying to log into here until eventually I can view my own blog and have the option for a new post. Sometimes I try a few times and then just give up. For example, I had very good Baby Factory stories to tell this week - but got beat down by the internet log in fairy saying I have multiple accounts.... But I digress, The Highlights:

1. I had to explain to a affluent 30 something year old man what ejaculation meant, in person.
2. Once he left I expressed how odd I thought it was that a man in a suit whom seems affluent enough would ask such a thing. My coworker then said "who the heck is affluent?" Me: "The guy who was just here" Carmen: "No, his name was John..." (Oh Carmen, stay in school sweetie.)
3. Carmen really is back in school for her masters. She is now doing homework all day at work. If you need her, you can now find her at her computer cursing out a teacher. But no worries she really won't be doing much of the work she gets paid for.
4. Old Lady and I now walk at lunch together. Sometimes I am freaked that she is going to fall and break a hip. I suppose that isn't racists but perhaps age discrimination. I am probably going to have to attempt umpteen hours of penance for that one, especially if you add in the fact that when anyone complains about her I just say, "it's okay she's 70 - probably just a little Alzheimer-ish." I say this with a complete straight face.
5. Back to the men. One guy dropped of his sperm for his wife's IUI later that day and kept putting it on the counter. I told him the Andrologist would meet with him to collect his sample and he replied "oh it isn't a sample, this is all of it." They he said "Well I'm in a hurry can you just check it to make sure it is enough?" I almost busted capillaries trying to hold in that laugh.

It was a crazy busy week. I sure wish I could remember all the fun stuff that happened. But as stated before Blogger was being a bitch. So, back to the beginning - I must blog shop. Suggestions?

Thursday, April 12, 2012

For the Ones in the Know

I had training at the main hospital this week. They showed us the following video which spawned from some research and regular length commercials that they did in target areas. I seriously L-O-V-E my job. It is four minutes of hilarity. Best Line: "It's been 11 months since we took the goalie out." Fertility Comedy at it's best!

Monday, April 9, 2012


Funniest story of the week: 

Warning: You in absolutely no way can use this against me in the future. You must only laugh hysterically at my pain and then move on. 

C and I went to a place called Reboundz today. It was awesome! An all trampoline gym, they were on the floors, and walls and you just jump and jump and leap and leap and have so much fun. I felt like I was a kid again. Unless you count this minute detail. Every time I jumped a little too high I peed a little bit. 

I'm not kidding. I didn't have to go at all, yet something about coming down on the trampoline that hard just pushed my bladder a little too hard. Thank goodness they had free pads in the ladies room. Okay go ahead - laugh, it is completely appropriate. 

Despite the incontinence the gym so really a blast. I even managed to wear the correct bra - a uni-boob sports super bra - didn't even jiggle a little bit. Now that is quite a feat. Other moms were not really jumping all that much. Perhaps they were giving themselves serious bust related injuries or perhaps, just perhaps they didn't see the free pads in the ladies room.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


Today in JCP I wanted to try on a dress. The dressing room had a line but it was all children (In the ladies section) so I figured they were all waiting for their moms and I peaked around the corner to see if there were any other rooms available. What I got was a vision full of naked. Like four women completely in the buff in the hallway of the dressing rooms. I am by far no prude - but geez, there are all these kids everywhere and the sign clearly says "LEAVE UNDERGARMENTS ON WHEN TRYING ON SWIMWEAR". In the end I bought the dress hoping it will fit well. If not I have a back up Easter dress from a few years ago. 

Which leads me to my next topic: The closet purge. For Lent I gave up buying clothes, shoes, and purses. I was horrible at it. A week into it I realized that putting things in an online cart and saving them for Easter Sunday is NOT really giving up shopping for myself. Then one day I bought C clothes and just added a few things for myself. I returned them. Then the other day I was at the thrift store looking for C and found a pair of jeans for myself. As soon as I hit approve on the darn CC machine I realized it and low and behold one cannot return anything there. I figured I'd leave them sit in the drawer until after Easter. But man are they good jeans! Brand new with tags that say SALE 129.99! Michael Khors, size 12, perfect fit. They were 4.99. Which is a great deal there - most times when things have tags they way over price them. I saw on pair of LEVI's for C that were marked 19.99 but they new tags from a department store said 17.99. That was the new price at the regular store. Anyway - back to the closet purge. 

So the first week of Lent I cleaned out my closet. I put away my winter clothes. (we basically skipped that season here) I donated bags and bags and more bags of clothes and shoes that I either never wear or were just ratty and over washed. Then for three weeks I did nothing but think about how badly I needed to go shopping. (so not the point of LENT!) However I did realize that I do have some nice clothes, I just didn't wear them all that often. So I started wearing the dresses in the back of the closet, making sure that my clothes were set up the night before work, making sure things that needed to be dry cleaned were actaully dry cleaned and not thrown in my dryer with hopes that it would be okay, and most of all just plain old taking care of what I had and getting rid of stuff when it was time. In then end I actaully did remember that I can be responsible and moreover reasonable when it comes to what I really need in the fashion department. Unless it comes to shoes and then I am totally screwed, I just love them too much.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

C's Jokes

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? FROSTBIT

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? BECAUSE THEY KEPT SAYING BACH, BACH, BACK which followed with a "Huh, I don't get it." Which made me laugh harder than the joke.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Baby Factory Antics

Dearest Men of Semen Analysis Appointments,

Please oh please stop trying to pass your jizz over the counter to me in the little cup. And please, provide me with some warning if you are actaully going to bring in your goo inside the container inside an old tube sock. I can only choke back laughter so long before I start crying with fits of uncontrollable snorting.

Please just bring the cup in the bag and sign in, really I promise the lab tech will take the sample from you. You really do not want me to take it. Really.

Dearest Nurses,

Please stop passing off your pain in the ass patients to us. Please oh please just tell them yourself that the doc is booked until May. I will bring chocolate. PLEASE!

Dearest Pain in the Ass Patients, 

Please do everything your doctor or nurse tells you - please: YOU MUST GET PREGNANT THIS CYCLE!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

It Always Goes Back To It

Today I took C shopping. We were on a mission for clothes for him. The most important thing to find was a navy blue blazer and tie for his first communion in May. I hoped that once the Easter season was upon us I'd find a good deal on that stuff. Obviously I was right. We scored a blue blazer with gold buttons (In a size 12!) with in the first 10 minutes of shopping. So why then did it takes us four hours to finish? What-evs, we got him what he needed, did a little grocery shopping, and picked up some household good along the way. Actually we had a good time, although by the fifth or sixth store I could tell my little guy was getting bored. He is such a good kid, no complaints, no begging for toys or candy, I was so thrilled. 

In other news: I want IUI. Scott, not so much, he wants IVF. We are at a stand still. I am 35, I think the standstill is killing me. A while ago I overheard one of the doctors complaining that a patient wasn't being unreasonable about not having a successful IVF cycle and the doc said "Well she's old, I mean from a reproductive standpoint." The patient was 39. That darn sentence was so flipping ridiculous and it is stuck in my head. It is obviously completely out of context - don't doctor hate - it is just me, I feel old. C is 8 going on 21. We're actaully considering letting him stay home along four days a week after school for 15-25 minutes! How is he so big already - why don't we have four more kids by now? How can we almost be done with daycare? IUI is faster, cheaper, and there are less miscarriages with it, I don't want to loose another - I want to have one!

And in news that doesn't revolve around me, although I will probably make it sound like it does, my dad had knee replacement surgery last week and is doing well. My sister, bless her heart, is taking the week off to spend with him. I am so glad she is there - but of course feel horrible for not doing my part. There isn't much I can do from 500 miles away. Granted my father would argue that it isn't quite 500 miles. I have to be at work, C has to be at school, S at work and so on and so forth.