Friday, April 30, 2010

Life is Good?

I am borderline crazy today. First, my day started out well but a few happenings unnerved me. Details are not needed, but still, I stand uneasy. I did a whole bunch of stuff to busy myself and keep my mind occupied with good things, but still other thoughts crept in. Such as, life is a lot harder than it is suppose to be because I make it that way. Vague, I know.

Taking a break from F/B and blogging. It takes up too much time, time I could use to focus on other things. Also, I have postponed the idea of a yard sale. I don't have the fight in me or the ability to "do it all".

BRJ is coming over for the weekend. I can't wait. Babysitter tomorrow night and a girls night out. Much needed R&R.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Hunny Factor

So, you know how I said we don't do projects together? HAH! Well apparently we cannot do them apart either. My dear loving husband seemed to freak out because I wanted to sell our old VHS tapes. Seriously, we don't even have a VCR, unless you count the one in C's room that is built into his 13" TV. Next I ask about all these computer games I found in an unpacked tote under our desk, S's answer "Well how much would you sell them for?" My response "Like a buck, they aren't even compatible with Vista and the most recent one is 2004." Needless to say, now he wants to go through them. So then I ask him about his Starting Lineups. These things are pure crap and take up three totes, one of which is XL. I knew he wouldn't trust me on that one before I even asked. For crying out loud, how hard is it. "Hey can I just buy one?" "No, I am sorry my husband paid way TOO much for these umpteen years ago and now has to keep them as a set so he can recoup at least 1/8th of the original price." ..."Excuse me hot lady (that would be me) can I offer you 100 for them?" "Sorry, my husband is too stubborn, but you can go to the Goodwill this time next year. That is where I am going to put them if they are still taking up room in my guest room and our bedroom." And lastly "Hey sexy (also me) are you taken?" "Yes, to a man that loves starting lineups and tons of shit but, he has great taste in women. Thanks though."

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Yard Sale

It is so time to have a yard sale. I have so much stupid stuff filling every nook and cranny. I have been creating a sell / give away pile in the den and it is toppling over with clothes, books, and just plane junk.

S will be home in three and a half weeks. He gets so pissy when I have yard sales. He thinks I am going to sell his stuff or not sell things for enough money. It is no surprise to him and I; we don't do projects together, if we attempt we end up in bad moods. We know this of ourselves, hence the plan for a sale while he is away.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Retail Therapy

My shopping experience totally paid off. I feel so much better all around for the following reasons:

1. I got an apology from the school and a detailed promised of how they are going to prevent this in the future.

2. I bought nothing that was over a size 12. Several things I tried on I had to go back for something smaller!

3. I bought shoes

4. I bought more shoes

5. I realized I am so worth it, that is approximately 163.00 worth it :P)

6. I kicked butt in my exercise class today and totally rocked reverse sit up for the first time ever! Also, my spandex-ie capris that I wear there are no longer stretching, they are loose!

7. After everything I got to talk to one of my BFF's - so I am pretty happy

.... A few minutes later ....

I paused my entry to walk down to the bus stop. When the kids met me there was one missing! I asked his sister, where is your brother? I thought she was going to burst into tears when she explained that she didn't know. I had her come to my house and call her mom right away. Turns out her brother was in the office and they tried to catch his sister before she got on the bus but missed her. They were trying to tell her that he mom was on the way to pick them both up. What is going on at that school? Good grief. They should have called A to the office (the sister). That poor kid was so worried about her little brother.

8. Super thankful it wasn't my kid who had the rough day! Also we made it the entire day without a call from the nurse or the principle for behavior.

The Event

I called the school this morning regarding the event. The registrar assured me that she would also be upset and understands my frustration. She recommended I leave a message for the teacher. I vetoed that, explaining that C had a sub and it isn't her fault if she didn't know he was suppose to stay after school. The problem is that the after school program didn't know he was missing. So after 10 minutes of back and forth I finally got her to transfer me to the principles voice-mail. In which I asked her to call me after noon.

For now I am going to Khols and my exercise class. Retail and sweat therapy. I need it.

Monday, April 26, 2010

At 1:00 PM Did You Know Where Your Child Was?

Mine was suppose to be at school but instead he walked through the front door!

I am livid. I am beyond livid. I do not understand why I am having these troubles with this school. And to top it off I have no F'in idea why I am nice about it when I call or go in. I have had it. Once my nerves calmed down and I thought about the events of the afternoon I couldn't believe what had actaully happened.

C has school until 12:50 on Mondays after school he goes to a reading program until 1:50 and takes a different bus home. I meet him at the bus stop at approximately 2:05 (although the bus has been an issue in the past) Today was his last day of the extension program and the kids were suppose to have a party. C was looking forward to it. He has worked hard in that tutoring program since before Christmas. Well he didn't go. To top that off he has no idea why. He does have a substitute this week and I get that things happen, so at first I was just surprised to see him walk through the door at 1:00. I always meet him outside. I immediately said, "I better call the school, they are probably looking for you."

So I call, and they have no idea what I am talking about, so I leave a message. I was polite and kind. Then I sit down to read a few books with C when it hits me, I wasn't even suppose to be home! I was on my way to the post office when I remembered I had laundry in the washing machine and went to change it. From there I got side tracked picking up a few toys in the den. What if I hadn't been home?

I almost had a coronary. So I showed C how to use the phone. Seriously, he had no idea how it worked. Which is sort of scary because we have talked about 911 a ton, but I never showed him how to use our phones! (you have to press talk) So I write down my cell, S's work, and we practice. Then I realize that the door would most likely be locked. So I tell him if that happens to go next door or across the street to his friends. They all have my cell phone number.


I had the best-est dream ever last night! I was in the chocolate factory drinking a soda and browsing through the gift shop when I see Robert Pattinson. He was sitting on a folding chair with his arms out reached over the two chairs next to him while talking to a group that I assumed were friends and family. He was wearing a blue t shirt, jeans, and black chucks. And I blushed, seriously, I blushed. I didn't know I thought this guys was hot! I must have been in denial. Why or why did I ignore that one, only punishing myself.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Good Times

C and I met my parents and sister at Hershey Park this weekend. We had a blast. I think we all may have eaten our weight in sugar :P) luckily the pool and hot tub at the hotel were amazing and we could work it all off.

I really enjoyed the park. I thought the rides were great and I was really surprised at how big C is! He could go on every ride that he wanted too. I took him on a few kiddie rides and family rides while at other times he jobbed it in the arcade with Auntie M and my mom. The ski ball machines always get a lot of use from our family. While they were playing my dad and I went on the coasters. I hadn't been on a roller coaster in years. Soooo worth the wait! I loved it.

Oh well, it is back to the grind tomorrow. I think I am even going to save the unpacking until then too. For now C and I are watching Big Time Rush and wondering what, if anything we want for dinner.

Friday, April 23, 2010


I seriously was in the process of breaking down yesterday. My poor kid. He is just a mess at school. The thing that is so stressing is, he is okay at home. He is fun, silly, smart, easy going, and normally in a good mood. I can tell him we are going somewhere and then at the last minute change plans and he will just say "okay". Even if he is disappointed at something. He just rolls with it. But as soon as he is in a class room setting he is a different kid. Part of me wishes we could just pull him out and try again next year.

Today I volunteer in C's class, so that will help out some. I am nervous about going in there with a sub, but I put my big girl panties on this morning. I realized that the lunch thing really is important to me. Last night I was sure I was just on a psychotic rant over that, but after looking up some information on it today, I think I was onto something.

I will be petitioning the school board to change their menu. This morning I emailed the general mailbox for the county asking where to start. Their website is fairly comprehensive regarding the nutrition of school meals. They have a calorie chart and a detailed explanation of the guidelines they follow. They make it look good. But really, the count french fried smiley faces as a veggie. The chicken is all breaded, not actual chicken breast. Regarding the a la carte items, these are the extras the kids can add at will, one a day, that cost extra and the parents have no say, the county writes, and I quote:

These recommend snacks contain the following per serving:

* fewer than 300 calories
* 30% calories or less from fat
* 10% of calories or less from saturated fat
* no more then 35% by weight sugar.

Great one snack will be less than 35% sugar, so what 34%. It isn't good. It isn't right to teach kids to have a desert after every meal. Not only that, I saw on the nutrition guide that I was right about yesterday, C's blueberry pie did count as the fruit. They listed it as "fruit crisp" with 185 calories, 4.3 grams of fat, 1.7 of saturated fat, and 1 gram of trans-fat. How is trans-fat even allowed!??? And you know what - the sugar content isn't even on the guide. There has to be more kids out there that are sensitive to sugar and pure crap. I am officially a mom on a mission.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Oh Crap

So, I got two, yes TWO, calls from C's school today. One from the nurse, who called to say C said he had a tummy ache but was playing in her office and asking me what I wanted her to do. Really! Hello- send the child back to class! The second came from the vice principle saying that C was in his office today for "making bad decisions". The freaking wonderful angelic child was testing everyone in sight today. And you know what, I don't feel all that bad about it! I mean, I am sort of ticked at him personally over the deal, but as far as the school goes I am fed up. Case in point:

• Last week C got hauled into the office and I didn’t get a call. When I
questioned it I wasn’t all that thrilled with the response

• Every week there seems to be an issue, often time it is about
organization. I have had many talks with the school and his teacher about
papers coming home. When I volunteer I clean out C’s cubby but not
everything even makes it into there.

• April’s lunch menu
• A notice asking for glue which we have tons of and could have donated
• A notice saying his teacher will be out for five days starting today for her

So add all this to today’s issues. Number one C is being a little bit of a stinker. Two, the school is completely playing into it! For crying out loud I could have just kept him home today and he could have unpacked the mystery boxes in the laundry room left over from the last move!!!! But my point,
My child has a learning disability. His is hypersensitive to changes going on at the moment and isn’t aware of his own responsibilities. We’ve talked it to death in parent teacher meetings. I keep up my end of the bargain and then some. I feel like the school is slacking a little.

If I had gotten the three notices that are over two weeks old now on time instead of today, I could have reminded C that he had a substitute. Preparedness is half the battle.

Glue, well duh they just missed out on that.

And the lunch deal. I tell you, I am about to throttle Fairfax County. I am looking into how to lodge a formal complaint and see if I can volunteer on some sort of lunch committee or something in that nature. These assholes, I tell you, let a six year old pick between so many options, and they aren’t fresh. C had a chicken sandwich, blueberry pie, a cookie, and chocolate milk for lunch. WTF?? The pie was the F’in fruit? And you wonder why kids are hyper in the afternoon. Fuck you.

Obviously it is way easier to freak out on the lunch deal that the idea that C got sent to the office again for misbehaving.

An hour later ...

Just got off the phone with S and talked about all of the above. I feel a bit better about it all however it seems there is so much more to every problem these days. To many sides to a story.

Last Night Vs. Morning

A prayer I uttered last night before bed:

... and thank you for the opportunity to teach C that staying home from school isn't the way to get fun attention from mom and helping me with my resolve to strong .... And Lord, thank you for removing the majority of my nightmares, I have been sleeping through the night for over a week without waking up and haven't had a nightmare in a four or five days....

This morning:

2:00 woke up with the house alarm going off after the electricity flickered in a storm

2:20 happened again

3:00 woke up with horrid nightmare, four dead bodies in the house and I knew we killed them!

5:00 alarm again

7:00 "Mommy, I have a tummy ache can I stay home again?"

So here I am forty minutes later, and I seriously didn't know what to do, that is until I read a comment from friend. So kiddo - if you don't have a fever and your not throwing up you are SO GOING TO SCHOOL!

A prayer I uttered this morning

... Thank you lord, for helping me fall back asleep each time I was awakened last night, thank you for keeping C sound asleep while the alarms went went, and for my friends who are always close. And can you please explain the dead body deal? Please that one was scary and gross...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Super Clean

Ok, it is official, my dear husband is a slob. He has been gone just over a week and I haven't really had to clean anything since he's been gone. I vacuumed today and was pretty surprised that I didn't have to do the stairs. (S wears his boots in the house when he gets home)Also, I am caught up on laundry. Normally I have four or five loads in a queue. But without all his over-sized sweats laundry hasn't piled up. This might be a honeymoon phase. :P) The I miss you phase is certainly underway too.

In other news: C stayed home from school today with a tummy ache. I am not convinced he was really sick. But the last time I sent him to school in that state he threw up and I got a call to go pick him up less than an hour after I dropped him off. Anyway by 9:00 he was already itching to do something other than lay in bed and watch TV. I was thinking of taking him to school but just as I was about to tell him, he started saying he wasn't feeling good. Either he was just really sick or I am really a push over. Anyway, I lean towards the last one, so I was a real stickler all day. No video games, no sugar, no snacks other than veggies, no eating all day long, and no running around. We played a few board games, read books, I made him unload and load the dishwasher, put laundry away, and clean his room. He is hating life right now. And really, I am okay with that, the kid isn't sick. He is actually bored out of his mind and just wants to run around and play. He dying to go outside. I only wish I hadn't started off with TV, thinking he was really sick. Books, a few games and hard labor. That is how the past six hours have been - I don't think he'll be playing sick any time soon again.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Check Please

Yesterday was sort of crazy. C got in trouble at school, sort of, it is a long stupid story. In short: Two kids goofing around in line, one being C, they get separated and go on with their day. Later the second kid complains of feeling sick and goes to the nurse, tells the nurse he was punched in the stomach by C. Nurse reports to office and C gets hauled out of class. In the end the VP said there was no harm done, the kids were just being kids. But still -this took me hours to find out. I was pretty mad. The school should have called me when C went to the office. That is their policy.

In other news my mother had hand surgery yesterday. I was more worried about her than I thought I'd be. But for no reason, she is fine and is already feeling better than she did before the operation. Praises.

After school I took C over to the playground. There was a nice lady there watching her grandson. I ended up talking with her for about an hour while the kids played and agreed to meet her back their today. She is visiting from AL while her son is in Germany looking at houses. He and his family are moving soon. But he got stuck there because of all the volcanic ash, so in turn she is stuck here babysitting. There was no doubt that she is at the end of her rope. She was so happy to have a grown up to talk to. LOL - actaully so was I. I hate the playground.

Oh well, that is it for my boring updates. I'm off to my gym class. I am looking forward to working on my shoulders. My left one is so stiff from sleeping funny the other day.

On a side note, I am sitting on my Yoga ball. I sort of love this thing.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Taste of Home

I love cooking crap. Not the cooking of actual crap, I mean cooking related stuff. Today at the library I got a Taste of Home cookbook, I am in heaven. Granted I have years worth of subscriptions in the cabinet above the stove, but still I am loving the big book. :P)

5:54 am

I had this weird dream this morning. I dreamed that M, my sister, and I were shopping for fancy dresses. I found one that I loved, tried it on, and bought it. The next day I was getting ready for an event and went to put the dress on but it was WAY too small. The receipt said that all returns would only be accepted until 1:00 am on the day of purchase. M was crying because she felt responsible, thinking maybe she switched the dress with another when she was holding it for me. I was crying thinking I was out over a 100 dollars. Then I woke up. I looked at the clock, 5:54, and tried to go back to sleep. But instead I just laid there and tried to remember if I really did try the dress on or not. I kept hoping I would fall back asleep and finish the dream but instead I just kept analyzing it. It was really strange, who care about a dress, who cares if I really tried it on or not. And really, I have been out a 100 dollars for things in the past, that is what Ebay is for. Why were M and I crying? Why did I even care? Who knows, maybe because I ate so much junk yesterday and was sort of sick over it (both mentally and physically)?

C and I went out to breakfast, and I ordered Strawberry french toast. I didn't read the description just thought it looked good. It had strawberry cream cheese filled quarters with strawberries and whip cream. I don't like whip cream, and forgot to ask for none. When I got it, the cream cheese was actually this icing crap and the strawberries were in a sauce and the whip cream was covering ICE CREAM! I tried to eat it, but just thinking of it made me ill. It was so sweet and gross. In the end I ate one full piece of bread and a few strawberries plus a few bites of strawberry ice cream just to get the taste of the french toast out of my mouth. I swear I feel sick just thinking of it. C got Candy Cakes, we thought they were two pancakes with a little whip cream and a table spoon of M&M's on top, but when he got it that had ice cream too! When did ice cream and super sweets become breakfast food?

To top it off later we shared a large fry at McDonald's and two plain hamburgers. Then at night I had fat free ice cream. Not so fat free if you eat two / three scoops. I was so sick over the breakfast, the fries, and the idea of it all when I went to sleep - that must be where the dream came from. At least I got a really good work out in. But really I am feeling so sluggish this morning from all that gross food. Salad and Veggies anyone?

I am going to get in two workouts today. I have a biggest looser video that I loath ... I swear it is getting dusty, I suppose today would be good for that. Actually I have two, one Jillian and one Bob. I cannot get through the Bob one. Believe it or no Jillian's is easier for me.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sure Fire Restaurant Coloring Contest Winner

1. Use colors that aren't provided free (I always have extra somewhere at the bottom of my pocketbook)

2. Color in the lines and outline the picture in a dark color

3. Color very hard

4. Color the outside of the picture (the whole page)

5. Take a napkin and rub the page. You can just was it up in a ball and rub away, it makes everything shiny.

6. Take home prize

Works almost every time. This week C won a free meal. We cashed in this morning. Yummo! We needed it after all the exercise we got yesterday. ice skating, which was a blast. I felt like a kid and my kid felt like a big kid. It was really a fun thing for us to do together.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Those 8's Will Fit!

My feet shrunk. How weird is that?

There is no question I am skinnier. I have been dieting on and off for over a year. But - my point - my feet shrunk. I have always worn a 10 or even a 10.5 sometimes in sneakers. Well, my tens are now so big and loose that my feet have been hurting after the gym or walking dog. I bought a new pair of size 9.5 and even they seem a little loose. How strange is that? Today I wore these great flats that I lived in last summer and they were flipping of the back of my foot. Even my heels are sloppy, thanks goodness it is almost summer (80 degrees today) - I can wear those with bare feet which makes them stay on.

So I have these jeans that are an 11. I can button them and zip them, can't exactly bend over in them yet. A few more weeks. I also have a pair of size 8 shorts in the closet - they probably run big - but who cares - they say 8 and by July, I will be sporting them! But for now: my point: Feet smaller - ass same size...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I Lunged

Just a quick note of awesomeness. Today at my exercise class I did a complete knee to floor lunge. My first ever. It has taken like four weeks to be able to do that. Yipeee.

Also, my awesome day has continued as I got to talk to my best-est friend A.

Life is good my friends. Now if only I could get the ambition to put together the new swing set...

And I Don't Drink

Last night I went upstairs around 10:00 and took a long hot bath. That is where my memory ends. I woke this morning with a towel still around my head and my body tucked in snugly on my side of the bed. To my surprise both legs are shaved - so I suppose I am good. Most likely I fell asleep in the bathtub. This is another note of non-interest that could go on my list of Jamie facts: I take after my father, and my Pop-pop, I love a hot bath and can fall asleep in there for hours.

In other news: S in in Alabama. He has been gone a whole three days and I miss him terribly. I have gotten to talk to him a lot but unfortunately we've spent a good portion of that time talking about things he needs for the class and things he forgot. He didn't bring school supplies ... to a school. He didn't figure he needed a real computer, but really he does. Our laptop is just a 200 dollar wonder and we only use it to have internet access. Apparently he needs Word - which we have on disc never opened, so that was an easy one to send him. But then he needs dress clothes, which he didn't bring, for some dance / social they have to attend. Annoying - the whole deal makes me want to drink. (not really)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sometimes It Goes Your Way

Yesterday I had the big meeting with C's school about obtaining services after all his testing. They diagnosed him with a visual integration disability. It is fancy shmancy talk for he can't write what he can see. This is why the poor child is still reading at a DRA score of 3. The disability makes it difficult for him to blend sounds. He can depict a word, but cannot put all the sounds back together again. The solution is Occupational Therapy, and tactile aid during math and reading. His IEP will be in place in the next 30 days and we will see exactly what ration of aid he will receive.

C did well on the testing for the most part, his lowest score was the 5th percentile for writing ability, but the part that makes you scratch your head: He tested completely with in normal range overall because he was off the charts in articulation, comprehension, categorizing, and vocabulary (like 4th and 5th grade level). It was nice to hear that our suspicions were correct. I kept saying in the school meetings that C is really smart at certain things but just cannot get the information from his brain to the paper, and sure enough that is exactly the issue. I feel slightly vindicated. I also feel relieved that they suggested he stay back in the 1st grade. I think getting to repeat the first grade with help and focused extra help would be such a gift to give him.

However we still have 11 weeks of school left, so we cannot give up trying. Even if we can only get him to write his sevens in the correct directions, then we've made some improvements. Plus we don't know if he'd flourish really fast with help, so there is always a chance he'd move forward. But we aren't going to stress over it. Everything went well at the school, I felt that each person I met with only had C's best interest at heart - there was not a moment when I thought that they were looking out for a budget, or securing their testing scores. They were totally there for C.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

25 Things

You may or may not know the following, some I may have just realized. (ha, ha)

1. My favorite color is blue
2. I met my husband in High School
3. I love big dogs
4. I am scared of cats
5. I love word games but suck at logic games
6. I have a box of clothes that are way too small
7. I like going to church on Sunday
8. I like fall and spring the best
9. Shopping at thrift stores is fun for me
10. I trust everyone the first time I meet them
11. I like when my friends are more outgoing than me
12. I haven’t ever fought with a friend
13. I talk to my mom everyday our schedules allow
14. I call my dad every weekend
15. I love to play slot machines and bet on the ponies
16. I can not sing well or dance, I love to do both
17. I love to read trashy books and best sellers, trashy bestsellers are the best – Dark Lover is next
18. I exercise a ton, I eat way more than a normal person :P)
19. I like sheets that are no less than a 300 thread count. I prefer a 400 to a 600. 600’s get a little heavy
20. I cannot sleep without a comforter, a sheet doesn’t offer enough weight, I prefer my down blanket – I sometimes bring it on vacation with me. I hate hotel sheets and blankets
21. I love my family
22. I am a good driver, especially on Sundays
23. I cannot memorize a phone book
24. I wonder why the still make phone books? We burn ours.
25. I wish I had the super human power to manipulate inanimate objects, Will Ferrell wishes he could puke on command.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Amaretto Tea

Dear Neighbor,

You are so sweet. Thanks so much for having me over for tea and homemade gingerbread today. I loved the fellowship.


PS, I am so sorry, but I still don't know your name.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

1 Peter 3

While reading 1st Peter this morning I was smacked upside the head with logic. Chapter three focuses on inner beauty. It is apparent that I have let this quality, which is there for the taking, escape.

I sort of have this funny way of categorizing everything. If you read my blog and not met me I doubt you'd put me in the nice and kind category. If you met me and not read my blog I doubt you'd put me in the raving lunatic category. I do not intend to be two different people, I just like having a place to be a lunatic and still be able to function in normal society with out my frustrations and resentments being apparent to anyone else. i.e. two different people, but my point: I stick all these labels on issues and compartmentalize them so I don't have to deal with two or three "hard" things at once. I cannot function contently knowing that C is having school trouble, my in-laws are difficult, and my faith is tested all at once.

So, 1 Peter, beauty is from within. Having a reverence and submission for the Lord will result in a peace, a contentedness, a glow that will have to shine because that is the only way beauty from within works - you cannot mask it, you cannot hide the fact that you are pure and reverent. So, I'm in.

This isn't to say I can't be a hormonal nutcase when the moment presents itself. After all I am still Jamie. I just realize there are bigger things than my problems and if I let them consume me I will loose way more than I gain. And even though those rants can come off as silly there is some therapeutic quality there that allows me to let it go and not bring it to light in the whole world. Could you imagine if my in-laws ever knew how I felt in those moments? It would crush them. What if C knew I think the school issue is one big pain and I wish we could just resign to the fact that he should stay back and not have IEP? That isn't' exactly logical or in his best interest. I cannot always go around speaking my every thought or thinking that all my thoughts are exactly right. But I like spilling it all here. And today, I am pretty happy that Peter was able to explain to me what is important in my life today.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

You Suck

An Open Letter to You Know Who:

Dear You Know Who You Are:

Let me just tell you, and my entire five person audience, You SUCK. Your sense of Christianity is wicked. And I don't mean wicked like, wicked, I mean wicked like you big fat asshole heretic evil trolls wicked. So there.

And just so we are clear, you are not nice. Because you are not nice, I am certainly not being nice. Your wickedness is fucking rubbing off on me! I hate it. I don't want to be near you anymore. It makes me a complaining, angry, annoying, bitch. So thanks.

Just in case you are a little confused here are the highlights:

•Not sitting with Grandma and Grandpa during mass on Easter was disrespectful, embarrassing, and heartbreaking.

•Saying that another grandparent has “nothing to live for and should just die” made me cry. I am getting teary eyed now just thinking about it. Also saying it three different times in two days while trying to get me to agree was a series of horrid conversations.

•Pretending that we are the best family in the whole wide world and do nothing that is wrong, or slightly selfish, or anything but your idea of perfect makes me want to fucking puke.

•And just to be petty and rude – I was pissed off that you allowed C to wear a T-Shirt to church on Easter after I bought him a new shirt! Luckily, I am nicer that you and let it go. But now since it is obvious that your wickedness has rubbed off on me I have opted to just bitch about stupid crap.

•I almost missed out on the joy of Easter and family by allowing you to behave this way. I had a horrible attitude while visiting with my own family and almost missed out on the best holiday of the year. Fortunately my family wouldn’t let someone sulk. I was reigned in to a full contact Wiffle Ball game that rocked. My sister hid eggs for all the kids to find, we took tons of goofy pictures, played cards, enjoyed a great meal, watched the Sox, and everyone had fun – there was no bad vibes, no ill talk of anyone else, and smiles all around. Because in case you didn’t know – I have an awesome family, one that I would sit with at church even if it meant lightning would strike!

•You're just assholes and you make me sad. I don’t want to play anymore.

I can no longer put efforts other than prayer into this relationship. I don't want to be throwing stones in a glass house. I've said my piece and am not going to wallow in this pathetic state of mind. You are part of our family. Somehow I will learn to celebrate the good and let the less desirable fall to the side. However it is painfully obvious that we cannot learn this honor by watching you because as proved: You suck!


The girl who is attempting the high road after calling you names and being a bitch.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Sunny Days

The weather is perfect today. C and I actaully got to walk him to camp, which was awesome. The walk home was great - solitude at its best. I've been fighting sickness for about three weeks now - the flu has subsided but now I think I have bronchitis. Good times. Regardless, I am hopped up DayQuil and Sudefed, so I should be good for a few hours. We need a new lawn mower, So I might head out to get one. Blahhhhhh. Either that or work in the yard some. Either way, once my lunch is finished I am headed outdoors!

Too Busy

My time is not organized. My house is really not organized. My bank accounts are sloppy at best. My head is a mess. And, I can't find the dog. She might be sleeping behind the shed, but it is midnight and there are probably other things behind the shed this time of night - so I am in no way going out there.

I am reading the crappiest book. The facts are skewed and the commentary is showboating and one upping at its worst. "Look at all the big words I know, and how smart I am that I can write a three page sentence!" Opening Skinner Box is a very poorly written nonfiction work that paraphrases ten psychological "experiments". Thrown in for good measure are the authors own encounters, summations, and ideas - all of which are undocumented and hard to believe.

In one example the author claims to use a friends name, go to a psych ER and claim to hear "Thud". Holly Crap! This is like a psych 101 class experiment you read about (The Rosenhan Experiment from the 70's). She copies it, almost play for play. Then claims to get a prescription and then take said prescription for the false "thud". Ummmm yeah - that is fraud. Is she being investigated? But I go into the book biased, I looked up a few reviews before I read it and most were negative. So I had it preset that the book was inaccurate. Still, it is bad. I have book club on Monday and was really behind so last week I looked up the book to see if I wanted to cram it in. The thing is is that we are traveling from MA to VA on Monday, so I might not make it anyway. Why do I put myself through this crap?

(Just a side note - she totally says it is that same experiment - I just meant that anyone working in a psych ward would hear "Thud", or "empty" and would have alarms going off in their head that the "patient" is just trying to get meds.)

What the heck? Maybe I should try "thud?" This is the first time I have ever been to a shrink who didn't prescribe an antidepressant or anti-psychotic, weather I filled the script or not. Once I went to one who didn't have the right to prescribe anything, so they called my PCM and reccomended something that day. I don't know - maybe I am being to wishy washy on the whole "therapy" deal. The thing is, I am still having horrible nightmares. I had a few days of sanity in that department, but they have come back with vengeance. At this point, I just want a decent nights sleep. As stated, my head is a mess.

It is causing me to make silly errors in all sorts of areas. I double scheduled appointments, left the house in a complete mess after trashing all drawers and paper piles looking for a shoppers card and then left the card on the counter when I went to the store, and on top of it all I keep feeling like there isn't enough time. Lately around 12:00 I start to get anxious because C will be home in three hours. Yeah - this from the girl who up until September rarely had five minutes to herself.

I might just be in freak out mode because I am tired. I don't know. There is so much else I could go into, one fact - I actaully had a nice day. I used a gift card that S gave me for my birthday to go to the spa and I went to the movies. But happy horse shit makes for a boring blog I suppose. Back to the Psychosis.