My time is not organized. My house is really not organized. My bank accounts are sloppy at best. My head is a mess. And, I can't find the dog. She might be sleeping behind the shed, but it is midnight and there are probably other things behind the shed this time of night - so I am in no way going out there.
I am reading the crappiest book. The facts are skewed and the commentary is showboating and one upping at its worst. "Look at all the big words I know, and how smart I am that I can write a three page sentence!" Opening Skinner Box is a very poorly written nonfiction work that paraphrases ten psychological "experiments". Thrown in for good measure are the authors own encounters, summations, and ideas - all of which are undocumented and hard to believe.
In one example the author claims to use a friends name, go to a psych ER and claim to hear "Thud". Holly Crap! This is like a psych 101 class experiment you read about (The Rosenhan Experiment from the 70's). She copies it, almost play for play. Then claims to get a prescription and then take said prescription for the false "thud". Ummmm yeah - that is fraud. Is she being investigated? But I go into the book biased, I looked up a few reviews before I read it and most were negative. So I had it preset that the book was inaccurate. Still, it is bad. I have book club on Monday and was really behind so last week I looked up the book to see if I wanted to cram it in. The thing is is that we are traveling from MA to VA on Monday, so I might not make it anyway. Why do I put myself through this crap?
(Just a side note - she totally says it is that same experiment - I just meant that anyone working in a psych ward would hear "Thud", or "empty" and would have alarms going off in their head that the "patient" is just trying to get meds.)
What the heck? Maybe I should try "thud?" This is the first time I have ever been to a shrink who didn't prescribe an antidepressant or anti-psychotic, weather I filled the script or not. Once I went to one who didn't have the right to prescribe anything, so they called my PCM and reccomended something that day. I don't know - maybe I am being to wishy washy on the whole "therapy" deal. The thing is, I am still having horrible nightmares. I had a few days of sanity in that department, but they have come back with vengeance. At this point, I just want a decent nights sleep. As stated, my head is a mess.
It is causing me to make silly errors in all sorts of areas. I double scheduled appointments, left the house in a complete mess after trashing all drawers and paper piles looking for a shoppers card and then left the card on the counter when I went to the store, and on top of it all I keep feeling like there isn't enough time. Lately around 12:00 I start to get anxious because C will be home in three hours. Yeah - this from the girl who up until September rarely had five minutes to herself.
I might just be in freak out mode because I am tired. I don't know. There is so much else I could go into, one fact - I actaully had a nice day. I used a gift card that S gave me for my birthday to go to the spa and I went to the movies. But happy horse shit makes for a boring blog I suppose. Back to the Psychosis.