Friday, January 30, 2009

Are We Done Yet?

At noon I started to get this creeping headache. It moved up the back to my neck and has progressively entered the frontal lobe region. Poor me. As all the extra hormones exit my system from the IVF I am left with killer headaches and am really tired. In fact, for the last week I have been in bed by 9:30 and sleeping until 8:00. It is like PMS to the ninth.

In other news. I may be addicted to my blog, facebook, and email. Upon checking to see if I had any messages, comments, or emails I noticed an extreme amount of notes from me ... So here I sit, blogging, and internally complaining that I have no time to fold the laundry or make my bed. It is 2:08PM. I am pretty sure God is about to stick me with a large fork in the backside.

This fork would not only be for actively procrastinating everything this week, but also for calling the clerk at the commissary a piece of Monkey Shit, and actually meaning it. Those weird thoughts are still clouding my brain. Moreover, this Sunday we also skipped church. We got bad news about the IVF ending on Saturday and just didn't want to face the world. So I have been racking up the hellish points all week.

So here goes, I am made myself some coffee. That should help out the headache, a little caffeine can't hurt. Then I am going to log off this website, X out of my facebook and email accounts, and do something productive. My score with God and Jesus will be settled privately, any readers may want to pray for me because seriously I am still giggling at the idea of calling someone anything that has to do with poop.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

A Letter to the Commissary Part Two

It is my own fault. I know the place is crooked yet I continue to return. Last time they wouldn't check a price this time they wouldn't take a valid coupon and were horribly rude. (Even worse then the last time) Well, I am done, that is it. NO MORE. I wrote a letter of complaint and seriously this time and considering mailing it. Now for your reading pleasure:

Dear Provider,

Your continuous quest for mediocrity and obscure customer service is still undeniably the best in town. Today, January 29, 2009 my family was shopping in your Washington DC location. One item that we were interested in was displayed with a coupon. The coupon asked that the purchaser but two items and receive a discount. I bought two items. Upon checkout the clerk would not accept my coupon stating their was no bar code. I asked her to accept in since it was posted with the item, she refused. I asked her to make sure she told someone the coupon was there and her response was "I di-in't put it there, it ain't my fault." (please note, I did not spell didn't incorrectly, her pronunciation was lazy and argumentative, and ain't is NOT A WORD!) She also was rude, became oddly defensive, and burped while shoving my change at me. (the change fell to the floor)

SHE is a piece of monkey shit. I just thought you should know!

Sincerely , Your Piece of Monkey Shit charged me for a green pepper when I bought a red so ha, ha!

Monday, January 26, 2009

I am OK

The initial shock of the moment has passed, and like most bouts of bad news it has come with some sort of blessing in disguise. The money we laid down is still good, because we hadn't gotten to the part our health insurance didn't cover yet. So we do not need to front another 6800.00. What we actually need, I do not no yet, but it won't even be close to that. Also, as Joe and I have much discussed, it is better to be put on hold than get a negative result after all is said and done. So we are on hold until April. Until then I can eat a little healthier and keep that caffeine to a minimum which can only help. Also we can focus our attention to moving- which we constantly put on hold because of its cost and inconvenience. Well - maybe I guess just one step at a time.

Did I mention we need a new car. URGHHH what a headache - We are praying and still I got nothing. The car I thought we would buy tonight actually sold over the weekend. Go figure. The worst economy since the 30's and we still can't purchase a large ticket item. It feels like when we were trying to buy a house. Life is weird sometimes.

Hopefully I will be back to my joking candor soon - this serious perspective is sort of boring and a little overwhelming - makes the whole mooning the doctor thing seem not so bad.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Exiting Stage Left

It is over. Our cycle was canceled because my levels plummeted even further. We have an option to start over in April. We both are so sad. There really isn't all that much to say on the topic, it is just over for now.

Friday, January 23, 2009

You're up You're down, You are a MESS

It is an interesting roller coaster, IVF. Today we were told by the good doctor (the guy) that everything is looking great and my estrogen levels are suspected to be normalized. He sent us to pre-op, we reviewed the HCG shot, and he happily announced surgery would either be Sunday or Monday.

Later that day... we get a call from the nurse. She says my levels plummeted and the eggs will be no good unless they can get them back up, but we only have one day for that, because then the cycle begins to end. If they don't go back up, we will be canceled. Tears, tears, and more tears formed into a crown at the end of my chin. I am so sure she new I was crying, but I did my best to hold it together. Telling the news to Joe was even harder.

Joe is brunting a lot of the emotional stress for both of us. He is on a quest to make this a easy as possible for me. His quest is greatly appreciated. However it seems because he is bearing all the stress, things are having greater impact on him.

I just keep telling myself that the nurses are more cautious and do not want to see you go to surgery and then be told there were no good eggs. They don't want to you feel that horrible feeling of disparate hurt any later than you have to, because the further along you get into the cycle the more emotional it becomes. Doctors in this case, want you to stay positive, and avoid stress so your chances are better. This is in our case anyway. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Doc will see your back side now

The IVF appointments continue. Today was day six in a row, blood work and a sonogram with a side of horrid humiliation. Which went something like this.

Assistant with a nasty case of the morning crankies "Wagner"
Joe " OOOOOH that is us"
Assistant with a nasty case of the morning crankies "Uhhhhuhhh, this way - undress from waist down, there's a sheet." Assistant with nasty case of morning crankies then points to exam room and places a post it with our name on it to the door.
Me " Joe, can you move the chair this side of the room?"
Joe " Yeah, sure"
I proceed to remove sneakers, jeans, and hot pink bikini panties, next I bend over and slide the pile of clothes under the chair but before I can stand up, the new Doc knocks and walks in at the same time.
Doctor with awful timing "You ready? Oh, nooooo, UMMMM, I'll be outside."
Me "Just give me a minute"

Yes, a minute, now instead of seeing the full moon, you can see the oasis of my lady parts while I try not to cry, flinch, or worse; enjoy it as you stab me with a huge probe.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The IVF continues

For the past three days I have had appointments, actually make that four. Sunday, I had to go in to have blood drawn, then that night I got a call from the doctor that my estrogen levels are too high, and as a result I need to half my dosages of drugs. Unfortunately that doesn't mean I get to take any less shots, only that the meds inside are less {oh, poor, poor me} So, I continue to get a bruise from the shots, daily, four times daily. Can't wait for those HCG & Progesterone shots - Yeah! Well, that is if we make it that far.

My estrogen levels have not gone down, so today I was given an antidote of sorts and told to wait for a call about doses. Around 3 the lab called and said to continue the other doses I was taking and do not take the antidote. As usual, they couldn't tell me why because, they didn't have my chart. You know, I am a little peeved at that one, for crying out loud, charts are electronic, turn your damn computer on! But I digress. Yesterday when they called they mentioned that my cycle could be canceled if the levels don't return to normal. I would just like to know, if they are the same or did the level go down - hello - fragile state of mind here.

Monday, January 12, 2009

IVF Appointment One Follow Up

Today we had the "baseline" appointment. Everything ran smoothly, like clock work pretty much. First I had an ultrasound, transvaginal - which is really wierd! Then registration (that took less that 60 seconds.) Then we waited for the pharmacy to open. Once it opened the line sped through. I have never in my life seen such a place. There was none of this turn in your script then wait an hour for your drugs, it took minutes. We handed over our ID, then the pharmasists were motoring to fill our bags with injectables. We were there all of five minutes. Next we were off to a conference room to wait for our injection class. It was calm, supportive, and well worth the time. Although we had to practice at the end. I gave my self the small shot and Joe had to do the one in my butt. (oh - so glam!) That one killed, and still hurts. So tomorrow I take no pills that on the 14th start the lupron, then on the 15th the whole shabang. I feel pretty comfortable with the ordeal concidering the emotional toll.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

IVF - Appointment One

The first appointment is tomorrow. We have to leave the house at 5:00AM. My stomach is turning at the slightest thought of food, I am really hot, and I cannot seem to concentrate on much. Although I did manage a 65 minute bath, which was awesome. Half way through I let the water out, and started over. Brought in my new MP3, Joe brought me a Diet Coke (caffeine free - I read somewhere that no caffeine might up our chances - I had a major migraine for three days - but seems to be doing fine now - more on that battle later ) and because C is at a friends house tonight, I had no, yes I said it, NO interruptions.

The next scheduled appointment is inauguration day - YIKES - we were so scared the bridge to get back to our home in DC was going to be closed, and that we would not be able to get to the hospital, but we are good. We have a huge alternative route to get there, and getting home should be a mess, but we will get there; Traffic and all. Go Obama!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


I have a new love affair with spray butter. It is creamy, sweet, salty, and has no calories. My commonsense portion of the brain knows it must be hiding something beneath that beautiful yellow and blue curvy bottle, but it just feels so right.

Consequently, I have consumed a larger than normal amount of popcorn in the last two weeks, as well as, floss - lots and lots of floss.

Today I picked a kernel out of my teeth with tweezers because I could not find the "little flossers" I adore so much. Maybe popcorn companies should package the flossers with the kernels - I am just saying.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A Letter to the Commissary

Dear Provider,

Your quest for mediocrity and obscure customer service is undeniably the best in town. Today, January 4, 2009 my family was shopping in your Washington DC location. One item that we were interested in buying was not marked with a price. There was no pricing for the item on the shelf, above or below the item. After picking up several small items we proceeded to the check out. After a short wait in line, I asked the cashier to check the price of the item. She refused. When I questioned her response she refused again and explained that she was not allowed to do so because of her new register. The conversation was as follows the red italics are your employee.

"Good Morning, how are you?"
"Paper or plastic"
"Neither, I have my own bag thank you, however could you please check the price for this item before we begin check out?"
"No, you can go to the back of aisle four or thirteen"
"I am sorry, What?"
"No, we can't check prices up here now that we have the new registers, we are not allowed."
"But your register has the capability?"
"Look, I am sorry those are the rules, besides wasn't there a sign below the item?"
"No, there was not a sign, and I did not see the price scanners at the back of the store, can you please check the price for me this time?"
"No, those are the rules."
"I do not want the item, this rule has cost the store a sale, and the cost to put the item back."

For obvious reasons I will not be returning. Also, you might want to school your employees on the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber. You are not only loosing dollars and cents on item returns but also in error.

Signed, happily paying cucumber prices.

Friday, January 2, 2009

New Year With a Bang

There seems to be a strange silence when you know you are so wrong.

Point in case, two days ago I was so angered at Joe that I was short, annoying, and most likely quite a B. He made an appointment for a gastro consult because his liver has been out of control. The appointment is at the end of cycle, and I was so hurt. Granted I knew this was a very important deal, but just couldn't accept the fact that IVF is not always the most important thing in life. Yesterday Joe was complaining of horrible stomach pains. He kept downing loads of Metamucil to no avail. Around four he spiked a fever and we knew it was an infection, off to the ER we went. He was diagnosed with DVT given hours of drip antibiotics and then we were sent home with a plethora of scripts.

So for days before there was this weird silence, if I wasn't fussing about something unimportant I couldn't talk. I didn't want to communicate because I new I was so wrong.

God works in funny ways sometimes. The ER visit was amazing, I mean painful for Joe and all, but in the last two hours C passed out in a chair and we just talked, really talked. Suddenly I am okay with it all. I am ready to move on, go forward with it all. It isn't just me, I am not alone.