Saturday, May 30, 2009

We Don't Know

The spotting:

I have been spotting on and off for four days. The nurses said there is "nothing to worry about until there is something to worry about." They gave me some warning signs to look out for and wished me luck. The warning sides being, cramping, clotting, and heavy bleeding. I had some mild cramps but I am not there yet although the spotting got worse today, so much so that a pantie-liner wasn't enough protection. Then when I switched to a pad I only had a small dime sized dot after church, going out to dinner, and shopping. Things aren't really looking good, but they aren't totally awful either. I have certainly cried enough in the last four days to last awhile, but we are still hopeful.

We have an ultrasound / sonogram on Wednesday it seems like a lifetime away. Heck, Sunday still seems so far away (that is when my sister gets here) Time is in slow motion and we just don't know anything yet.



This morning I completely forgot I was suppose to watch my friend's little ones.

Around 8:30 S tells me that he is going to take C over to the Tball field early. (they had a game) He originally thought that the game was at 9:30 but he had this bad feeling it was actually at 9. So him and C get ready to go and I am slowly getting out of the shower, getting dressed, and trying to do something with my long wet hair when the doorbell rings. My friend A is there with her two kids and Scott answers - so he calls up the stairs "ahhh hunny - A is here?" and then she calls up "so you you need car seats?" and I am just then getting the towel off my head and am utterly confused, I just am like "oh hey - what car seats - no why?" Then A tells me C is in the car waiting for us. And still I as thinking - why would I need more car seats I only have one kid?? So then A kind of comes the rest of the way in the house and I am just still don't get it and say "So, what's up?" and then she puts her baby down on the floor and her three year old bounces in and asks for a snack. Still, I was thinking - why are you here? Don't you guys sleep until nine most days? We are getting ready to leave... and then A says - "Oh that's right, C has a game this morning, do you want a Stroller so you can bring my kids?" Then finally I remember - Oh yeah - I can bring them because I am babysitting this morning...DUH! I swear they were here a good four or five minutes before I realized they were staying!

S was laughing at me when they left. Normally if I forget something like that I remember just before they get here or sometimes when I see their van, but at least I remember! If I had not been so poky with getting dressed this morning we totally would have been at the ball field already. I don't even know if my friend realized I forgot, she seemed pretty happy to be going to work and dropping off the little ones. LOL - only me.

In other news: S called his dad last night. His dad confirmed that they only told three family members -his grandparents and grammy. S said he almost feels a little invisible to his family sometimes. We talked about it for a long time last night. I think we both realize that sometimes things just don't go the way we want and that even if it isn't fair, or right, or fun, or the best situation, we still have each other and we always live up to our each other's expectations, no outside family needed there - so we can just focus on the good from them and really try not to let the semantics of a situation play such a big role.

Friday, May 29, 2009

To Be or Not to Be

I've got issues. Actually I have problems, major problems, and most likely they are all in my head. I am harboring some major anger and cannot seem to let it go. I mean I am really pissed. I can't stand being so ticked. It is like an infection starting in one area and spreading through out my body. Today, I slept on the couch for about an hour (I feel like a truck keeps running me over) and I dreamed about the anger hurting my little sesame seed of an baby. I woke up thinking that I need to go on a vacation - ALONE! So here is the quick sum up - I make no apologies - good or bad.

I am upset with my in-laws. Their reaction to the news of our pregnancy wasn't what I wanted. Basically L said "well as long as you didn't do anything against the Church." and IVF is not on the Catholic approval list. So when my husband told her this she back tracked and tried to say that God would understand why we did it, but not in those words. The congrats and the happy cheers came, but they seemed almost fake after the initial shock. I could be wrong, I hope I am wrong, but my gut feeling tells me that they don't approve and will just accept our choices, but not quietly. I should be clear that they didn't say this to me, they said it to S. To me they just said they were happy and congrats. And S said he did bring up a religious aspect of things because it was on his mind when he spoke to them. Like I said, it could just be in my head.

Just when I was starting to put that line of thinking behind me I get an email from L. She says congrats and tells me how excited they are and then writes "we'll be praying for you because things don't normally work out for us W's." I was so crushed. The morning I read this email I had started spotting and was frantically trying to keep myself busy until my IVF nurse called me back. Damn her, you know, she is just so negative and doesn't even realize how cruel her attempts at humor come off. Why would you say that to anyone? I have been trying so hard to just be happy with them both D & L, but I just don't know how anymore. They have horrid timing and even worse cases of "open mouth insert foot". I don't want to have to communicate with people who make me cry.

They are coming to visit in two weeks, or so is the plan. I don't know how I am going to put this anger behind me. I guess I will just be a zombie when they are here. I had to do that one other time, years ago. They came to visit close to a visit we had in Mass that was awful. In fact it was the worst ever. I was still seething when they got off the plane so I just kept it short and sweet. Do you know those people raved to S after they left that I seemed so much more pleasant and was eating so healthy these days. I ate NOTHING in front of them except dinner one or two times, NOTHING and I barely talked. When S was at work and they were fussing around the house I locked myself in the garage and said I had homework to do. (our garage was a room in CA) I barely saw them. My defense is always to shut down, it really isn't fun and I don't get any satisfaction out of it - I just can't deal.

***UPDATE*** Hours after my rant:

S, C, the pup and I just went for a nice family walk. As we were leaving the house S says "hey, has any of my family called?" I knew just what he was getting at - why hasn't any one called with any congratulations? I am angry, but he sounded genuinely hurt. He is even going to call his dad tonight to see what is going on. S knows I am a little ticked that they didn't roll out the red carpet for us when he told them the news, but I have kept everything else to a minimum, I don't want to turn him against them - they are his parents. Now I just feel complete sadness for him. He sees and hears all my relatives calling, emailing, and some even sending cards, and feels so sad that it isn't from his side of the family. I forget to think of it from his side sometimes, how sadness and disappointment can really impact things. So, my anger is basically irrelevant, my husband has a family that he feels doesn't support his dreams and wants out of life. I don't think he feels devastated, but he certainly doesn't feel good, and I don't want to add fuel to that fire.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Sunday Seems Far Away.

My sister will be here on Sunday and it just feels like forever away. I got an email from here today suggesting we go to a movie while she is here and until then I didn't realize how happy I am that she is coming down. We actually planned on doing nothing but eating cake and watching cable and still I am really excited to see here. I know - I am a dork. And it doesn't stop there - here is a list of my favorite things about my sister:

  • She has nice hair
  • She kicks ass at Trivia
  • She can't run worth a damn, but she can certainly move through a casino (family trait)
  • She gets made if you get rid of a book
  • She loves if you read something she suggests
  • She puts up with me
  • She is really funny and knows a ton of movie quotes
  • She has the worst handwriting I have ever seen and yet she doesn't want to be a doctor, even though she is way smarter than any doc I have ever met.
  • She is a fantastic author. I love her teen angst writings.
  • She has funny taste in men. She likes those skinny white boys.
  • She is the only one who understands my love for rock, pop, crappy top 40, and bizarre genera's of other assorted crap and joins me full force.
  • She is supportive and keeps a secret safer than a vault!
  • She is awesome, and she has business cards that say so.
  • She is really pretty.
  • She is the best.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

He Was Not There

C, S and I went to the White House today. It was pretty neat. We had been on the grounds before but had never been inside. D, S's dad, set up this visit through his congress women in Massachusetts. It was meant to be all of us, but because they had to cancel their trip it was just the three of us. We actually drove downtown instead of taking the train. GASP - I know! We are normally way to cheep to pay for parking, ha, ha. But we had an alternative agenda.

So we line up outside the white house, show our ID cards, get checked off on a list, go through a metal detector and walk through the blue room, the red room, the green room, the conference room and the hallways and suddenly we realize we are outside and the tour is over. We were in and out in less than 30 minutes - LOL. Glad we didn't drive all the way from Mass for that, ha, ha. There were tour guides in each room that would answer questions but it was all pretty basic stuff, and their were plaques in each room that said what it was used for and who decorated it. One cool thing was all the paintings of the presidents. None of Obama yet, his were all photographs. Kennedy was cool and so was Regan and oddly I likes Wilson's. Although I do not like his bridge (Totally a DC joke)

Our alternative agenda Ben's Chili Bowl: ending: Pretty awesome. Ben's is a DC icon that we hadn't made it too yet. Barack Obama has been there a few times with our mayor and we always see it on the news but neither were there today <> So we headed over and it was great - although we paid 23 bucks for three hot dogs one thing of fries and three small drinks. Oh well, fun was had by all. On kind of funny thing: we see the place on the left and turn right to find parking on a side street. We were so thrilled with ourselves when we found one right away. So we load the meter with two bucks and get a whopping 48 minutes and head over, just to see a sign inside that says Free Parking in Back. HA - normally we can't find a parking space anywhere in DC let alone a free one.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

This & That

I have been so tired this last week that I cannot believe how little I have accomplished. But, I am not complaining, just pointing out the facts. I am actually starting to feel pregnant and I am really excited about that. On Friday I got a present in the mail from my dearest friend J, and it was a baby gift. The tags said NEWBORN all over them, and I cried. It was really so sweet of her to send something this early on. I know all my friends are just so happy for us and it means a lot to me. Then yesterday I got a call from my friend A. She asked if I wanted her maternity clothes. Huh? I thought, why? Then I realized, oh yea - I am pregnant. So now, I am tired and happy. LOL.

In other news: I have new 'maybe' friend, Coach C. She is the co-coach of C's Tball team. She has four kids and C adores her two boys, so we made plans to get together the other day. All started off great but then she kind of scared me with a bout of over sharing the other day. In fact after a while I sort of stopped talking. I don't think she realized. Coach C (CC) seems to enjoy having a grown up to talk to while the kids play. I don't know, I might I have to scale back on my friendliness a little. This women sent a bunch a red flags over to my court, including pregnancies in high school, rape, drinking, smoking, and offers from Swingers - yikes. I don't know how much is really true or just a bored mom telling me things she thinks might interest me. What I really wanted to hear about was her job at the church, her homeschooling practices, and the good things about her life. I think if I brave another get together, outside of Tball, I will try to steer the conversation towards those things. Who knows what she will babble about if I stay quiet. As always, I sure can attract them.

I had this friend S in California who was the same way, classic over sharer with an abusive and controlling husband. After a few get togethers I just sort of stopped asking her to do stuff during the day. We stayed friendly but kept a distance. She was a demo party guru and always was having pampered chef, body shop, or party light shows, of which her husband wouldn't be at, so that was the limit of our friendship after the over sharing didn't stop. I am not sure about CC, it might have to be the same deal, but I am willing to give it another try - but not this week, maybe in a few, after I recover from all her news.

So T is on VK this week. The neighborhood will be so quiet without her three running around. C was sad when they left this morning. He must have asked me a dozen time who he was going to play with while they were gone. I am going to have to try to do some extra fun things with him during the days. Hopefully I will be able to get my butt of the couch!

Today the boys are at a baseball game. They should have a good time. I agreed to go to a BBQ at a friends house around three. Part of me is wishing I hadn't accepted the invite only because I feel really sick and tired. But I am sure a glass of milk and maybe a little caffeine will perk me up. It is so weird not having diet coke all the time. The other day I had one at the pool and I couldn't even finish it. In January when I opted to give up my addiction to caffeine I finished my last eight cans in one day and that night had to have tea because I felt like I had nothing to drink. Now, I can't even finish a 12 ounce can, it actually tasted kind of gross and I had to have S go get me two bottles of water. The good part is, if I am sleepy a swig of coke or Dr. Pepper perks me right up. BTW Dr. Pepper is my new favorite thing. The other night I was dreaming about it and had to go buy a bottle the next morning. LOL.

But speaking of dreams I have had some wicked ones lately. Last night I dreamed that I was planning on going to a foreign country and on the way home was going to smuggle drugs. I was at the airport and couldn't find my boarding pass in my pocket book. (Last night I went out with A for a while and I was joking about never finding anything in my new pocket book) So finally I find the boarding pass and realize I left my passport at home. The security guards at the airport were just staring at me and I said quiet clearly. "No hago mi pasaporte." I don't have my passport. So I had to go home and as I was walking out of the airport I had a complete conversation in Spanish with the cab driver about having pay the drug dealers back my plane ticket money and all the gifts they gave me. I don't know friends, I must watch too much Locked up Abroad, for this isn't the first time I've had a drug smuggling dream.

There is so much more stuff to catch up on, but then I would be an over sharer - LOL I already am, well on my blog anyway. But here is a quick run down.

  • The W's are suppose to be here this week but L got really sick and was in the hospital. She is alright now but isn't ready for a big trip so we are rescheduling that.
  • S has been really busy with school and baseball. I don't think I have really seen him all that much since our big night out last week.
  • At church this morning I thought I was going to be sick, then afterwards I ate a donut and actually felt better. Now that donut has given me heart burn.
  • My sister and I disagree about the acidic properties of milk, so I think I am going to look that up today.
  • I have lost three pounds since becoming pregnant???
  • My feet are huge, either that or sizes are getting smaller? I have been on a search for new flip flops, my old ones have dog bites on them they are size L or 9-10. All the 9-10's I have tried on this year are too small! The 11's are too big. Apparently I am a giant.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Summer Time

Oh the nice weather is here - yippeee. Hopefully it is here to stay this time :O)

T and I took the kids and one neighbor kid over to the big park today. They played for over an hour and it was really nice. No news there - the kids love to go to the park, and normally they all have a good time. So what is there to complain about? Oh my dear readers - you know me too well there is plenty - so here is a list.

  1. To the Mother with four kids under three: Can you stop yelling please - really even for one minute?
  2. To the home day care provider in the brown jacket: Can you please get off your phone? You are louder than all 20 kids at the park and your charges are running wild.
  3. To the other home day care provider: Can you please get of your phone too? See reasoning above.
  4. To the mother of the other neighborhood child that came with us: Can you not tell us how protective you are? Really - you let your seven and four year old out from three to seven almost everyday to run around and not be supervised. Are you kidding yourself?
  5. To the mother of the other neighborhood child that came with us: Can you not tell us how wonderful you are for just two minutes. I really don't care that you run a 5K every other day.
  6. To the mother of the other neighborhood child that came with us: Can you please tell you children not to run a half mile ahead of us? This would be because T & I just got finished telling our group not too. Really - your four year old is allowed to go over a hill and around a bend where you can't see him and then cross the street too????

But I digress, fun was had by all.

In other news, the Idol song by Kara sucked. It wasn't even a little bit good. Seriously what is AI thinking? Can they please stop the last song crap? It is either the winner records it, someone wins a contest for submitting, or like last night, it just makes us throw up a little bit in our mouths. I'm just saying - SUCKED.

I voted for Kris three times before the line was too busy. I was pretty happy with that.

Also In One Tree Hill news: Payton had her baby. At the end they showed her strapped in a car seat in the back of her car smiling and easily being almost nine months old! Hello - only in the hospital for what a week? I am so over this show. Babies, Nathan made it to the MBA, side line stories of a rockers love interest, teenage vagabonds - I can't take it anymore! Seriously - this must be the most successful high school class ever. Here is a list of their careers thus far. Mind you only one seems plausible.

  • Payton, record producer with hit artist on label
  • Lucus, published author
  • Haley, singer song writer and X teacher, and last week she recorded a song for Nick Lache
  • Nathan, NBA Star
  • Brooke, Designer and CEO of major clothing line and her own magazine
  • Mouth, Sports reporter
  • Skills, home baby proofer

So compared to my class of '95 they are way ahead of us, according to face book we have, lots of stay at home moms, office workers, one guitarist who plays dive bars, and plenty of people still trying to figure it all out. TV should never make one feel so inept. LOL - I can't wait for next week.

Also the new Secret Life start at the end of June. I am looking forward to that, but am sure it will sugar coat the whole teenager is a mommy now deal. Oh poor Amy can't go to the prom because she doesn't have a sitter? Oh poor Amy can't sleep in today - but she can tomorrow. Angst - I love it.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

So Fun

Joe and I went to the Melting Pot last night to celebrate. It was so fun. 130 something dollars later - we vowed to go back the next time we were celebrating this big of news. We had a blast. Although my husband, in true form - always embarrasses me. He was taking pictures! Goof ball. Anyway one shot he had me take was of him holding up a piece of meet on a skewer and he had this silly expression on his face. It was quite a riot. My favorite parts were the lobster and the brownies.

Something kind of silly: when we were looking at the menu, I totally didn't understand it. Normally I am the one who gets that type of stuff - anyway ... So S pretty much orders for us which was great and then he is like oh and I'll have a Raspberry twister something or other. And I was thinking "oooh that sounds good" - ahhhh yeah I am kind of pregnant and can't drink alcohol. After all that is what we were celebrating! LOL

One more note: It took me three spell checks to spell skewer right. Screwer , scewer, squewer -then the spell check picked of skewer - what the heck is wrong with me today? ha, ha

Friday, May 15, 2009

I got ONE!

I heard my beta count this morning, it is 103 which is pretty consistent with one baby. YIPPPPEEEEEEE. Hearing the words "Your Pregnant" from the doctor was so nice. I had every intention of buying another box of tests LOL - but now I don't have to.

Kind of Funny

I woke up early this morning and of course instantly needed to go to the bathroom. Then I realized that I had one last pregnancy test left, but it was downstairs. I attempted to go back to sleep just to have a dream about peeing in the ocean! I woke up just in time. LOL. So then I go downstairs and grab the test, I could not get the darn thing open. I was kind of hopping around trying to tear it open, and then the dog woke up and was jumping all around - almost knocking me over. So I let her outside and grab a knife from the kitchen. I must own ten pairs of scissors - but can I ever find one? NO.

Finally I get the test open and well, take it. Today's plus sign showed up instantly - and I cried, again. This morning C and I are going to the clinic for another blood test - Next week sometime I will hear the beta count. Yippee.

Oh well, I better log off and call the doctor's again. My progesterone is about to run out and I called the pharmacy to have the refill sent to me, and when the customer service rep opened the script it had a different name on it. I am going to run out by Monday - soooo, I kind of need them to step on it. Oh well - such is life.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Just an FYI

I took another home test - and it too was positive.

Also, C found one of the sticks and asked if he could use it as a gun. I told him it wasn't a good idea because I peed on it. He just gave me the strangest look. So, we told him about maybe having a baby in my stomach. He kind of had a clue because of all the doctors appointments anyway, so we figured we'd clue him in on the whole deal. He is pretty excited and has given me a list of boy names:

Bruce Wayne
Logan Wolverine
Tony Stark

HMMMM, I sense a theme. After he gave me his list he asked "mommy, are the eggs going to hatch and then the baby will walk out of your tummy?" Just when we thought he might understand how the whole process works - LOL.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

An Open Letter to the Bolling Clinic

To Whom It May Concern,

On Monday, May 11, 2009 I placed a call to your facility and inquired about beta pregnancy testing. I explained that I needed to have my blood drawn on Wednesday and asked if the Bolling Air Force Base clinic could preform this test. I was assured that there would be no problem and told to come in before noon, because that was my best chance at getting same day results.

This morning, May 13, 2009, at 9:15 I arrived at the laboratory and signed in. After a lengthy 45 minute wait my name was called. I handed the tech my written order and explained that it is an out of the ordinary request and will not be in the system. He proceeds to look in the system. He then says, "wow they have ordered everything else under the sun for you." and I reply "yes, but not the beta test, that is why I hand carried the order, Walter Reed Army Medical will not order this, we need to have the results faxed to them." He responds by grabbing a supervisor that was walking by. I explain to her that this is for the IVF program and will not be in the system. She looks anyway. Then makes an executive decision to have the tech draw the blood while she has one of the clinic MD's put the order in for us - to save time. I would like to commend this person on their ability to handle any situation and take charge. I appreciated the way she handled it, and was pleased that she was able to get the job done.

By now the time is past 10:00 and I am back in the waiting room. The supervisor needed to bring back a copy of my order because if everything is positive I'll need to go back on Friday to have the test done again. When she brings me my order she explains that Bolling doesn't do this test and it has to be sent off and will be available maybe Monday or Tuesday.

Now, as you are aware I called the laboratory just a few days before my test to make sure they could complete the test for me. As, you can imagine I was really upset by the news. I would like to take this opportunity to explain to you that you now owe me $13.65. That is the cost of a box of EPT pregnancy tests. I walked to the Base Exchange immediately after I left the clinic to purchase them.

Once, home I peed on the stick and it came back with a plus sign. I will continue to pee on multiple sticks until the results come back from your office. If I feel the need to purchase a new box of EPT tests, I will send you a second bill.

Thank you and have a great day,
A Positive Tester

Dear Friends,

Don't get too excited. WRAM makes me do a second test to make sure it isn't a chemical pregnancy, meaning there is still HCG in my system from the shot and the embryo's didn't really implant. So the positive test, might still be a no go. But I tell you, I have never had a positive sign, and believe me when I say that after ten years of being married I pretty much should have owned stock in the First Response and EPT companies. LOL - But really - get excited - and praise GOD.

Love you all so much!


AI wasn't all that great. Although, my boy Kris was totally fantastic. Heartless was awesome. C is going to love that version. I DVR'd it, so I had to save it for him. Adam was weird. He is too strange for my taste. And Danny - well, I don't exactly not like him, I just don't really like him either - but Paula's song choice kind of screwed him at the front. At least that is my thought. I am going to have to download Heartless - man it was good.

Biggest Looser was pretty cool. I was surprised that Helen won. I wasn't all that enamored with her because she sent her daughter home. I was kind of pulling for Mike and Tara at the same time. At times I didn't like Tara and was actually hoping the green team would get voted off. But once she stopped whining about a target being on her back, I was back on her side. Mike was cool too. He won me over half way through the season when he gave the yellow team chick his prize. It was so sweet. But oh well - just because I have opinions doesn't mean they are the golden standards - LOL.

One Tree Hill sucked this week. Although I don't really like wedding episodes of any show, so I was already on a negative track before the credits even rolled. The show moved along with too many references to Jamie getting kidnapped, "slutty, wedding sex", and the fact that Julian had a date. Then as if to make the whole thing even more cheesy - Haley becomes a pastor on line before the wedding because their original one called to say "he's over booked?" And if it all ended on a happy note, it all got flushed down the ol' crapper because the previews for next week show Payton laying on the floor and then a flash forward to her in a bed ( it looks like ) with blood all over and also on Lucas. Oh yeah - and they made this crazy reference to Payton being eight months pregnant. Hello - the women became pregnant like eight weeks ago. Gotta love TV time warps.

So that is what I have been doing since eight and it is now past midnight. I don't really want to go to bed. I am tired, but my mind is racing. The test is in seven hours. And then I'll hear the answer maybe by the end of business, or the next day. I don't want to go. Still scared.

I think I might try a shower and a cup of hot coco. Chocolate can always make a girl happy after all. Then I have three or four episodes left of How I Met Your Mother Season 2 to watch. My sister lent them to me at Christmas, and I though I had finished them. But then when I was looking at the box this morning I realized I never finished the second one. If you don't watch the show - your missing crude and wonderful humor.

Back to the scared part. I really wish I had bought a pregnancy test today. I thought of it,but then I just felt like it was cheating. I don't want a phone call with the words "I am sorry" on the other end. Granted I actually don't think they call with a negative result since I am having the test done at the clinic here on base and not at the IVF place. But they'll have the results faxed to them, and then the phone call with eventually follow because they'll want us to set up the next cycle. Okay, Okay - a shower and coco. I could go on with these what if's all night.

It is just so not like me. I am not a worrier by nature or one that harps on the negatives. I have just lost my focus on the positive today.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm Not Ready!

So tomorrow is the big test day and as you may have guess from today's title, I am not ready. I have been obsessing over this darn test all week and yet I don't want to go. I don't want to hear bad news. I feel nothing as far as pregnancy signs go, nothing. All my 'symptoms' can be explained by the side effect tag on the progesterone shots and from my discharge sheet after surgery and transfer. The feelings of:
  • tiredness
  • dizziness
  • weakness
  • odd twinges & cramps
  • a sore uterus, I know sounds weird, but if I move to fast I can feel it stretch.

But that is it. It feels like PMS only a little more. It could just be because I am "listening" to my body, just waiting for a sign. Dammit, I just want a baby to start kicking in there - NOW. Hmmm, I guess that isn't very realistic is it - LOL, I am just a mess. But really, I don't want to take the test tomorrow. I am scared.

In other IVF news: This no sex thing sucks. Per doctors orders no sex for two weeks. Which a week ago I was convinced I would never want sex again. In fact I was pretty repulsed by an odd sex dream I had. But you know - the swelling from the surgery is gone and now, well, I want it. Sex that is, not the swelling to come back (ha, ha) It is so weird. It isn't like we haven't gone two weeks before - it isn't like we are newlyweds. Just something about being told you can't I suppose.

So, tomorrow... errrrr.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Soooo Tired

The title says it all. My butt was planted on my couch from 8:30-11:00 and 12:30-4:30. I managed a shower and school with C in between. Randomly, I also had the kids today, but they got here at nap time and were woken up by their dad when he came to get them - so my couch sitting continued. I watched a crap load of TV, started the third Twilight book, and slept. Nothing very productive. C was so tired he slept from 12:30 to just before 4:00. It has been a quiet day here.

Yesterday we drove up to New Jersey to see my grandparents, parents, sister, and extended family for Mother's Day. It was really nice. Although, I should know better than to let my mother tell me about the place we are going. Case in point, a phone conversation from last Monday / Tuesday -ish:

"Hey Ma, do you know where we are going for Mother's Day dinner?"

"Yeah, the Circle Landmark, Grandma and Grandpa love that place."

"Oh what's it like?"

"Nothing fancy. Oh so, John is getting mega hours this week at the Home Depot, he's pretty happy."

Well, shit - I missed the big clue. When ever she randomly starts yammering about the Depot, I know she cannot be taken seriously. What was I thinking? Well, I'll tell you what I was thinking...
Hmmm, those new capri pants make me look pretty skinny, they'd look nice with a pair of flats and a springy blouse I have. That will look nice for the Mother's Day dinner and be pretty comfortable in the car. (four hours to get there and four hours back in the same day). So anyway... I wear my pretty spring outfit and drive north.

When we get to gramma's C and I go into her spare room to get him changed. He was still in pajamas because we left so early. So, I step into the room and see my father's one and only suit jacket hanging on the door, accompanied by my mother's favorite pink and black three piece suit. Oh crap - I didn't bring a change of clothes.

Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house I went just to go to Walmart and buy a new dress. Really MOM! NOTHING FANCY! We had a private room for crying out loud. My father didn't wear jeans, that alone tells you something. The man wears blue jeans or shorts 363 days of the year and that takes into account one wedding and one funeral. Nothing fancy my ass. I take refuge in the fact that I am not the only this happened too. My sister was also caught off guard. She arrived at my parents house in Massachusetts at 3:30 in the morning just to find out she too was under dressed. Luckily she had a spare skirt and shirt at their house, but she was wearing tennis shoes, so over the river and through the woods she went just to go to walmart to buy shoes too. LOL - my family is so embarrassing.

Although I must hand it to my mother. Her shoes didn't match, they were hot pink with huge round toes and hot pink bows and her hair was a wild white women's fro - as always. But, she was not, I repeat, NOT, wearing a children's head band with a huge bow and polka dots like she was the last time I saw her wearing that suit. Ahhhhh, I love my mommy.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

A Day as the Races

A cousin of mine posted on facebook that he was spending the day at the track. I am jealous. I miss watching to horse races. We use to go in California all the time. Funny thing is, is that there is a track here and it is only about ten minutes up the road - but we haven't been in over a year. The one here you have to pay to get in, and it is a little dumpy - so we just stay away from it. I think we might have to try it out again. Sounds like fun.

Friday, May 8, 2009

I Kid You Not

Yesterday, as soon as I finished my post about the dishwasher guy, he showed up. He was rude, and I was rude right back. (not one of my finer moments) Eventually he comes in the house, tracks mud and grass through the living room, dining room, and sun room takes a two second look at the connection to the dishwasher under the sink and storms out. His partner, I then realize has a new dishwasher outside and starts to unpack it. An hour later I have a new dishwasher. Third one in two years. Did I need a new one? No, got a new one last summer. Did I need a new one then, nope got one that winter. These people are so lazy. It is just easier for them to replace it than have to come back with a part and get dirty trying to take apart the dishwasher and put it back together. What a waste of money!

In non related news: C and I go to the park with T and the kids. T has triplets courtesy of IVF and lives next door. At least once a week, if not more we get the kids together. Anyway we are kibitzing at the playground and she says something like - when you get your test next week you have to ask the number. I have no clue what she is talking about. Despite some people's quest to know as much info about the process as possible, I am oblivious to much of what goes on. I have more or less been in robot mode, just doing what the doctors tell me. So she says a pregnancy test level shows the hormones at 25 or grater. Hers for he triplets was over 600. Then she says - as if to read my mind over the last few days, "Are you going take a home pregnancy test? - First response brand will pick up early signs." And to my surprise I answered quiet fast and said "nope, I only have until the 13th, so it is just five more days." I am so proud of myself - Go Me.

**On a side note: I T just knows all of these dates. She puts two and two together and knew just when our retrieval was and transfer date. Once she knew those, she knows when every next step will be. She is an IVF expect. Sometimes it is kind of cool - other times, it is a little strange knowing that your neighbors knows - everything.

So Anyway, Speaking of the 13th I called the nurses at Walter Reed and they explained that my testing date has nothing to do with the date of transfer, that it actually is based on the retrieval date. Our embryo's were transferred at day 5, which means I would have already been 5 days into the whole shebang. Ahhhh, I am starting to get it. Okay - back to "how to get pregnant 101"

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Coke, It's the Real Thing

I cannot believe my eyes. My dog is sprawled out on the floor and a baby is rolling around tugging on her ears, tail, and paws. She doesn't even care. The Coke can with the pennies totally worked. It has only been two days of me following her around with it! She is still jumping and crazy but we are making progress! I am so excited. This totally gives me a mission for the next week.

Oh - listen to this story. So yesterday I sent a nasty email to our housing management office about our dishwasher. It has been broken since the winter. When I logged on to their site I could see a review of all my service calls this year. I had 8, yes 8 reports of mice. I had one report of the dishwasher on 3/27 but the not next to it said it was canceled! So I really let the place have it, explaining that the guy said he would be back and never showed up again and that I have called every week since then. (The later is slightly inflated - I waited like three weeks after before I called to check on it) Anyway, a service tech calls me this morning and was like "Can I come over?" And I was like "No, it isn't a good time." Do you know this F'er wouldn't take no for an answer. But heck, I had dishes in the sink from breakfast, I had last nights dinner dishes still in the dishwasher - I use it as a giant drying rack, C and I both were still in PJ's and we were expecting the kids at any moment. Eventually the guy took no, but said if I postpone until tomorrow he won't be able to order the part because all orders for the month have to be in tonight. (They should already know the part - but at this point that is a moot point) So I agreed to have him come between 12 and 4. Anyway - once I begin to hang up I start to open my blinds and see the guy is right outside my house! I hang up, I see him hand up. He writes something down then speeds off. Unreal.

Anyway, while the kids played I did some light house work. I am limited for a few weeks. I asked the kids dad to bring my vacuum cleaner downstairs for me, I felt so silly - but I knew S wasn't going to do it. I had been asking him to vacuum for three days. I was starting to step on little pellets that leaked out of a stuffed animal, and I was babysitting today, but I digress. Anyway, D the kids dad brought my vacuum down and I slowly pushed it around - not the best job but certainly clean enough for the baby to play on. Then I did the dishes and attempted to organize the dining room a bit. That room is hopeless. There just isn't enough space for all the school stuff and regular life. I just made a pile in the corner and called it a day - LOL - as long as I can't see the mess from my chair in the living room - maybe it really isn't there.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Mid Afternoon

I woke up this morning in a very pleasant mood. The sun was at least trying to peak out of the clouds, the dog was down stair snoring, C was still asleep, and S was already gone. Immediately I knew some prayers had been answered, as I was feeling worlds better than I had in the last two days. Yesterday I was so ill in the morning that I was certain I would no hold in / down any food I consumed. Also I have had this weird pressure at the top of my stomach and the pain was really getting bad. Well, I woke up and it was all gone. I am well. However, this certainly brings up a few questions ...

1. Isn't being nauseous a good thing considering my circumstances?
2. If I am not nauseous is that a bad sign?
3. Now that I am better, does this mean things didn't work?

The answer to all three, NO. I figure, I am doing everything the doctors told me to do, so we will just wait and see... Ohhhh, your so faithful J, oh your such an inspiration, oh you are so blah blah blah, you say? Not exactly.

This morning, after rejoicing in feeling well, I began to get worried and was harping on those questions. After a pep talk to myself I opted to start the day. C and I headed to the post office, the library, and Starbucks. I was freaking tired after only one stop, let alone three. The only reason we went to Starbucks is because I needed to sit down for a while. It took us over a hour and a half to go in a one mile loop around base. LOL - So I traded the nausea for a little weakness. I'll take it. Weather my test is positive or negative isn't up to me at this point, but for some unknown reason - the 'signs' are a little comforting if not just wishful thinking.

In related news: I had been looking at all the forums for IVF and I read this post from a woman who had just completed an IVF cycle. She was certain she was going to have twins saying "I felt two twinges the day after the embryo transfer." and then went on to say that she had had some bleeding, and took a home pregnancy test that day which was negative. Her actual blood test was the next day - and she had no follow up posts. Certainly she wasn't pregnant. If the home test is negative - your chances are pretty low, I would think. Which brings me to my point, I really have been wondering about this test deal. I saw so many women post that their home tests were negative - why would they do this to themselves? Am I going to do this?

It is only Mid Afternoon & I, obviously am already obsessing about it. I am scheduled for a blood test on the 13th. But honestly - I need to call because if I remember right that was determined before my transfer was postponed a few days. Which means I shouldn't be tested until the following Monday. Anyway - even though the above mentioned post was a year or more old, I felt really bad for the women. Twins will show up on a pee stick up to a week or even a little more early. Double the hormones, you know? I don't want to be her.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I Did It

Both C and A are asleep. The dog is happily lounging on the couch and the baby is cooing away in the pack-n-play - he also fed himself his bottle of cereal and formula (yea!). The kids have been great over all and it has been an really enjoyable morning.

I even made homemade rock salt ice cream with the kids, C loved it! So did I. A thought it was pretty gross. LOL - a little too much Coco in hers, and a little too much rock salt made its way into her ingredients bag. I gave her a scoop from C's when they weren't looking and everyone seemed happier.

So I was feeling bad about the dog for nothing. For the bulk of the day I convinced C and A to play in the den with the door shut and just Maggie out with me and the baby. Every time the pup went to close to the babe I just shook this coke can we have filled with a few coins. It works great. I might have to attach the can to my belt loop or something - could this be the way to train my unruly pup? I need to get moving on that!

The W's will be here in two weeks and two days. If the dog jumps on L she will be bruised from head to toe. Somehow the time from December to now has just flown by.

On a random note: I over drew our checking account this week. How weird, it is only the 5th right? I mean we just got paid. I think I over paid a few things by mistake. Fortunately I have some cash on me and I already went grocery shopping. So no real big deal there, it is just annoying. I transferred some money from my savings account but it was suppose to be to pay for the down payment on our new vehicle ... oh well, steal from Peter to pay Paul. You know, I think I better log off this laptop and draw up a budget.

Open Season

I've got kids today. All that free babysitting has to be repaid, . Their mom has jury duty today. I've got Jury duty in June, so we agreed to swap. So it is worth it. I just feel bad for the dog, I have to lock her in the den all day when we have little ones around. She is just too playful and big. Anyway, today should be fine but listen to this next story.

When we started this last IVF cycle I had a major meltdown because friends A & D were suppose to watch C but bailed on the first week because they forgot about a vacation voucher that was going to expire. So, I got over it, but it is still a bit of a sore spot - well, I thought I was over it until the other night, that is.

I dropped C off on Friday night and talked with A for a while. And she shows me this pamphlet for a second vacation voucher. Now, I knew about this. We had been talking about it since they got these "Deals" last year. I had agreed to watch their kids for three or four days so they could go on a mini vacation. We were looking at late July or early August. But upon further review of her brochure A realized that the deal expires soon. Err, not again. Apparently this voucher expires the first week in July. Well, A is going home for a month in June, so that only leaves us a few weeks in May. S's parents are coming for the last two weekends in May, so that leaves us only like two weeks. Apparently D has to take leave and is looking at a Thursday - Saturday type of thing, which really would work fine - in the Summer.

I really like having their children here over all. It is just that it is going to end up being at the same time I find out if IVF worked or not. So if it is negative having someone else's infant might be kind of tough. Even that is workable, I am a grown up after all. I just don't get how this is the second vacation voucher and the second time they didn't know the expiration dates. Lesson learned for me: NEVER get vacation packages from time share presentations. It seems like they are just pressed by all these deadlines and are also finding out they can't use the vouchers exactly when they want - no weekends, for example.

Well, enough complaining for one day. I better get dressed, the rug rats will be here soon. It actually isn't raining for a minute - if they managed to bring warm clothes I could take the kids to the park. Ha, warm clothes, not when their dad drops them off. :P)

Monday, May 4, 2009

Transferring Fears

Today I had some very irrational transferring fears.

This morning at approximately 11:00am I may have become pregnant. For anyone wondering, compared to the whole IVF process- having sex in front of an audience would have been better than going through an IVF transfer. Just so you know. But on the bright side, we made it this far!

So here is the brief rundown of the "show". First I "undress from the waist down." {I swear that is their favorite saying!} and then I go into the transfer room. It smelled and instantly brought back the memory of dissecting earth worms in biology class. It was like this formaldehyde mixed with Lysol stench that seriously was making me ill. So then I assume the position in the stirrups that I love so much and the doctors totally take the "privacy sheet" and lift it up over my stomach. One explains that they need to do an ultrasound. Right..... a regular ultrasound. I was thinking the who-ha kind.

So randomly I have never had a real ultrasound like this one and it was one of the most painful things I have ever felt. Anyway, one doc puts all the "equipment" in me and the other begins this ultrasound. The one with the equipment is yammering about not seeing the right spot, the one doing the ultrasound is putting all her weight onto my pelvis and pressing so hard that my bladder was spasming and I was practically convulsing from pain. I was crying and could barely talk when they asked me "what's wrong?". Then as if to answer my prayers they switched places. The next ultrasound didn't hurt at all. The lady just slid more goop around and used the wandy looking thing to show me my uterus on the screen. She just kept saying "wow your bladder is still spasming, we never really see that".

Oh right! That is becuase You just had the bionic women pressing all 175 pounds of her into me and I am quite sure she may have been trying to kill me! Granted I didn't share these thoughts.

And the first doc that was killing me with that found "the spot" with out a problem. This was good, because just two or three minutes later I watched on the screen as they injected two embryos into the "sweet spot".

I guess that wasn't that brief.

The next step is just to lay there for ten minutes and wait for the embryos to "stick" and that is when all this irrational fear started to overcome an sense of logic and education I brought with me. I actually made S ask the nurse if they could "fall out." She told me know, but that just didn't sooth me, so I asked her when she came in the room: "what if I sneeze really hard?" She said no and I just continued "what if this ...." "What if that..." and then she smiled and said "think of it like a grain of sand and your uterus as a tablespoon of peanut butter - the sand isn't going to fall out" So I relaxed for a few minutes and finished off New Moon.

As I was leaving I realized that while we were waiting for the transfer I had heard someone mention peanut butter in another room. This was after another lady was wheeled out of the transfer room. Ha, I wonder how many times a week they hear the same questions I asked?

So we have a test in about two weeks to see if the transfer worked. At this point we have a 50/50 shot. Both embryos were day five blasts which is just IVF talk for "pretty". Each one has a 25% chance of implanting on their own. We are really hopeful. Still, we are having the left overs frozen, for two reasons, one we can try again if it doesn't work and two we can try again if it does :O) Go forth and multiply my friends!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The New Car

Apparently I can get a little scatter brained - well, that might not be news to some. Anyway we ended up with a Hyundai Santa Fe. It is a 2008 and we got is for about five thousand less than what it is worth. We were pretty happy with that, also we got great financing so the cost stays low for us. It is a dark gray and looks just like the picture above. It has cloth seats and tons of features including XM radio. Although we have no idea how long XM will last. The car use to be a rental in Orlando - so we figure it probably had a two year contract and the XM will just stop one day. But for now we are liking it - a lot. One kind of odd thing: There were no floor mats in the car - so we took the ones out of the Jeep. Those ones were randomly really nice and ended up being a good match.

So our only standard for buying a vehicle was, it could fit three car seats across the back. The Jetta barely fit two - LOL. This car is plenty wide enough. And if by chance we have more kids you can buy a way-back seat from So we are covered for a while.

The Blood of Christ

An Open Letter to Catholics,

Really? WTF? Swine flu is not carried by the blood of Christ. Swine flue is not carried through the body of Christ. Who voted on this weeks ruling anyway? Certainly not CHRIST! Granted Christ wouldn't ask WTF either... Err.

So, maybe this isn't too clear. At Mass this morning the priest explained that we would not be shaking hands granting each other peace today or sharing the wine. The same wine which Catholics believe is the blood of Christ because in order to be with Jesus after this life you must first be "not of this world" by eating the flesh of Christ and drinking his blood. By taking out the wine we take out an important part of the formula. Not a man made formula either. I am so disgusted - the Swine flu really? We aren't talking black plague or TB, we are talking about a new strain of the flu. I am so not an alarmist. Wash your hands and stop complaining! Thank you to all the alarmists who have taken out my favorite celebration of Sunday Morning.

Thank you to all who are over reacting and creating a mass frenzy over the flu. Thank you to the dioceses of Arlington who made a choice for me that I did not ask for.

But most of all, Thank you Lord for making me a Christian above all else because as you can see the Catholic in me is not amused. Why make the rules just to break them because of a weakness in faith.



PS: Thank you for the hot dogs that followed the really cool reading that replaced Sunday School after Mass. The readings and the message were encouraging, and the hot dogs filling. (but I am still ticked about the wine)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Talk

Over the last few days S and I have had some very interesting talks.

Talk One:

Yesterday S told me he wanted to get his truck looked at because the check engine light was on. I was feeling pretty good, so I agreed to follow him in my car so we could leave his car at AAMCO.Before we left we had to jump my car, again. This is a constant problem with no explanation - we have replaced the battery and other parts and it just keeps happening. Anyway, we tooled around town for a while, shopping and going out to eat. When we went back to get his truck we found out that the repair would cost 600.00. S was pissed, to put it lightly. He came over to my car and was like "Can you believe this, we just took it to a mechanic who said nothing about these problems, I don't want to put anymore money in this car." I just smiled and added fuel to his fire saying "Yeah - my check engine light just came on when we were sitting here and I am pretty sure this driveway is going to give me a flat tire." S sighed and ran his hand through his hair. So I just blurted out "there is a dealership across the street, why don't we just trade them both in?" We did it. And by the time we were driving away in our new car my Jetta did have a flat tire.

We have never done this before. When ever we need a car we stress over it for weeks, check out all the dealerships and private sellers in the area. When we find one we always take a day to "sleep on it" - well that is until now. We are thinking of trashing that rule. This is the best thing we have done in a while. Our car payment went up 75.00 and our insurance went up 11.00 a month. Big whoop. The 86.00 beats the 400 + a month we were spending on car repairs. We slept like babies last night.

Talk Two:

I was scheduled for the embryo transfer this morning. We arrived a WRAMC at 8:30 and waited in the small waiting area for a while. Finally a doctor came out and said "who are you?" When we said our names he said "great follow me". He was a little quirky, and we hadn't remembered ever seeing him before. So he takes us into an office and proceeds to tell us the grade of our 14 fertilized eggs. Then he tells us he "thinks it would be wise if you waited for transfer." My heart instantly sank to my stomach. But, it was a false warning. The doc was really up beat and explained that I has so many eggs (6) that were perfect for transfer that they wanted to wait until the next cell phase to get the best two. He explained that they don't always do this because some people eggs aren't that great of quality, but ours are "darn near perfect" according to him. By waiting until the next phase we could up our chances from 48% to 60%. Needless to say we left with out our implanted embryos :P) We go back on Monday.

Friday, May 1, 2009


I am having the strangest dreams - all brought on by the pain meds I am sure. Last night I kept dreaming that I was awake and having to do stuff I forgot to do. I also dreamed that I made C sleep in my room while I cleaned his. It was so strange, all so vivid. When I woke up in my own bed and C wasn't there I was a little confused.

Last night, as I posted, we had two little visitors come over. Their parents went to a ball game and I wasn't sure when they would be back, so I put everyone to bed here. Around midnight the parents came back and picked them up. Not that they couldn't of stayed, but since S went to pick them up unexpectedly (the gate they parked next to was closed by the time the game got out) they figured they might as well get them.

Something gross: A wanted to sleep in C's room. Under his twin bed we keep an extra twin mattress just for these occasions. So I pull it out only to find mouse poop all over it. Thank God I had a sheet and a cover on it. The infestation continues. It is just so gross and creepy.

Well, got to go, Iron Man wants to play. In costume and all, I might have to don the hulk mask ... err that thing just doesn't breath. (Yes, I have experience)