Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Maybe You Need the Training

I took Maggie to Pet Smart today for her updated shots. The tech was so darn rude! She told me that Maggie needs to be trained, is 30-40 pounds over weight, and that we are killing her by not brushing her teeth everyday.

1. Mags certainly needs more training, but the dog was really good there, actaully she was the best shes ever bet at the vets and I was so proud of her.

2. The dog is exactly where she should be. In fact our trainer told us to take her off the light and fit food and put her on a nutritiously dense food plan because she is so muscular and "IN SHAPE".

3. You F'in brush this dogs teeth! She is 92 pounds! You asshole. Plus she eats the Little Greenies this office told me about so that I wouldn't have too.

4. I told on you, you freaking meanie!

Commercial & Hind N Seek Cleaning

When M and I were little we'd be sent to our room for hours on a Saturday with the pretense of our room needing a good cleaning. HA. I think dear old dad just needed some peace and quiet, but I digress. M and I would pile everything up in the middle of the room and create a huge King of the Mountain style hodgepodge of toys, clothes, and miss matched Barbie shoes. Once the pile was ready we'd spend a good amount of time jumping over it. Our beds flanked the walls and the pile would be in the middle, so we'd go from bed to bed. Eventually dad would make his way in and inform us that we'd better get moving and stop playing around or we'd be there all day. (We were always there all day LOL) Once dad left we'd play Hide N Seek. 1...2...3...4...5...6 one kid would count while the other one put at least three things away and then hid. It would take us hours to get all the crap put away. The funniest part; the room was small. I had a full bed, M a twin, in between the two beds were two small dressers, at the end of one bed was a set of plastic shelves and at the end of the other the door. We probably could have cleaned it in ten minutes and that includes changing the sheets if we weren't so hell bent on playing and having fun.

I think M still does the big 'pile in the middle' sort of thing once in a while, I know I do. But these days I am more fond of the commercial cleaning technique. I put my shows on and park my backside in my favorite chair until the commercials. Yup, takes me hours to do something that could have been done in ten minutes.

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Hairy Ass Texter & A Chocolate Eclair

Yesterday two teenage boys sat in front of us at church. The above title accurately describes them. One kept texting and his pants went way too low and I saw things I SHOULDN'T! The other had a on Dunkin Donuts shirt and obviously just came from work. They were more detracting than the two year old next to C that kept babbling away. How annoying. It was Palm Sunday, so it was the reading of the Passion. You'd think these kids would be more interested. Midway through I looked around and half the ladies were crying. Heathenistically; I was thinking about Jesus Christ Superstar and how the play made Herod seem a flamboyantly gay.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Should I Feel Annoyed?

I am pissed. As usual it is at S's family. The newest issue actaully kept me up last night.

Yesterday his mom called to plan out Easter. I told her my family would love it if they came, she declined, always does. Then I told her that my mom & dad haven't made exact time plans because they wanted to work around you. (The W's are having a rough family time at the moment because Grammy, L's mom, has been in the hospital from a stroke and two broken hips) So, my mother didn't want to plan a huge early dinner if the only visiting hours from Grammy were at the same time.

I explained this to L. She didn't think it was nice or considerate of my family, she was bothered that we want to go see Grammy. I blocked her out for a few minutes as she went on a tangent about how awful Grammy is and how she looks like death. (Great pep-talk!) I reeled the conversation back to Easter, again by inviting her and dad to my parents house. She declined again, always does, and then I said "Actually I figured you would get together with dad's family, have they planned anything yet?" And then she tells me...

Not only did the family plan something, but they declined and aren't interested it that. Wait, what? WE ARE! I want to see S's other grandparents and cousins, I want to go to a family luncheon at a nice restaurant. But L explained that she "want's no part of it". It is so sad. They live in the same city and can't even manage to get together on Easter. Then we are stuck not participating too because we certainly cannot leave his parents home alone.

There is some background: On Saturday we invited everyone to the Olive Garden to celebrate S's graduation. L & D will both be there. L did say it is just too much for her to do both occasions. But this is way after she explained how much her and dad don't need dad's side of the family. They / She never even considered how S and I might like to celebrate the biggest holiday of the year.

The thing is, is that L makes so many excuses and creates so many stories that you never know what the right one is. This whole deal could be that she is ill (she really is) and she cannot go to two big outings in two days with out major repercussions and she had to choose. But it could also be one big fat lie so that she doesn't have to go out with Dad's family, whom she doesn't like. I am leaning towards the latter. Because if scenario A was correct she would have left it at that. Instead, she explained that the Black and White restaurant that the family is going to is 35.00 a person and that they are all so loud and boisterous and that who knows who will actually be there.

Then she dives into a whole guilt trip attempt because we invited them all to S's luncheon. whatever, I didn't even bite. We invited all family in the area, we knew some can't come because they won't be in Worcester until Easter day. So what, Olive Garden only holds up to 16 people and we invited 35. We so weren't offended by any negative RSVP's. I don't have to clear our guest list through L.

So it kept me up. Last night C randomly came in my room and asked if he could snuggle up. I thought it was around six or so, so I said yes. He climbed in and I noticed it was only 1:00. S however, wasn't in bed yet - he was staying up to watch 24 on DVR, so I let C stay. Two minutes later C is snoring and I am thinking about the W family. About us missing a holiday celebration for the wrong reasons. I am thinking that L is really a piece of work. I am thinking that I agreed to go to church with them and then go to their house for a few hours after and that that is a waste of time, we could have gone to church and then gone to be with my family or theirs. They want everything so isolated. It is weird.

My compassion is obviously at a nil grade. Being sick doesn't give you a license to be manipulative... oh wait - it does if your name is L.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Just Let Him Do It

My husband is taking C to school today. They have been back three times. C is going to be late.

A series of events

8:10 all dressed, lunch, back pack, show and share sun glasses, umbrellas, kisses good bye from mom and both boys leave for the bus stop

8:20 in the rain, both boys running back in the house, "Why are all the kids at the bus stop in pajamas?"

8:21 We check the school calendar, there is no mention of pajama day.

8:22 C wants pajamas.

8:23-8:25 we search for jammies that actaully fit and aren't too small.

8:26 We find a pair of Xbox pants that are okay, they aren't clean. I tell the boys they are anyway.

8:27 Boys load in car to go to school - now they have missed the bus

8:28 S runs back in, they forgot C's lunch

8:29 C runs back in, he forgot his sunglasses

8:30 They leave. School starts at 8:40. The car drop off line is crazy - he will probably be late.

I normally despise days S has off on a weekday. Especially in the morning. He sleeps in and then has all these appointments - too busy for me (boo who). So this morning when he actaully got out of bed I was pretty happy. HA. How about this - tell the kid "Sorry kiddo, we didn't know it was pajama day, oh well there is your bus". Or even better "good thing next week is school VK and you can wear pajamas every day!". Seriously, you run home in the rain to check with me about that??? If I had known obviously he would be wearing pajamas, clean ones that fit. Hell - we would have gone to Walmart last night to buy some.

Watch - the kids will all be wrong - wearing their robes and my kid with Xbox high waters.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

What a Day

Whoa. What a day.

In order, the list of good things that happened

1. We got refund
2. I went to C's school for Muffins w/ Mom's and didn't leave with a headache
3. I went to my toning exercise class and didn't get completely killed
4. I fixed the Xbox 360. It broke the other day when C and I were watching a movie, S was all upset over it complaining that all our things are breaking all at once. (he has a totally valid point)
5. I got our winnings back from Game On. It was 76.00. But I paid 60.00. So we won 16.00. If my sister ever pays me back we can bump that up by 20.00. LOL.
6. Our heating bill came in, it was less than last month
7. I took a nap
8. I might not even make dinner. The day is just too good.

Of course to put a damper on things here is a list of things that have broken in the last two weeks

1. A regular XBOX controller (cannot buy new ones any longer)
2. A PlayStation 2 controller broke
3. The Xbox 360 had an error code on it E 74, but see above - that is fixed for now
4. Our couch is in rough shape the tears are getting bigger and one leg went missing last time we moved. This last week we noticed too that it will not come clean and is an overall embarrassing. I bought it at a yard sale in Minot, enough said there.
5. Two coffee cups.
6. Maggie's harness
7. Our big ass TV is on the fritz. S hasn't noticed yet. There is this purple line that scrolls the screen, super annoying once you see it once you cannot stop looking at it. (refurbished TV, replaced our original one through Vizio - so we always expected this to happen - we won't be replacing it if it goes all out)
8. Our rocking chair. I use to be able to fix it when these flaps fell out of the bottom, this week I tried, but they rotted and fell apart. Note to anyone over 40 pounds - don't sit there.

Honestly I could care less about most of this crap. We know we need new furniture. And we have four TV's and only three of us, so if the big one goes, it goes. The controllers were bound to expire eventually and the 360, well we did buy it used. The coffee cups kinda sucked, but what can you do - one tired mom and a tile floor = an occasional drop; sometimes even two in one week. And Maggie's harness - well we are training her, so we don't even need it anyway.

If Your Looking for a Sign

We got out tax refund today. The IRS website said it would be here April 20th. I guess they were feeling generous? I am so relieved. If it hadn't come we would have had only 40.00 left over from our next paycheck. Seriously, 40.00. Granted 450.00 of that check go into savings, IRA's, and TSP (sort of a 401K) but it isn't like we can just take that money out either. So after tithe, savings and paying bills we aren't keeping much of the refund. VK's are just too important. I'd rather eat mac and cheese all year than give just one up. Still, I am thrilled - all that talk about me going back to work has us on edge.

For now it is put off until S returns from the USAF school in May. Then there is the whole vacation schedule:P) Things are looking more and more like September-ish. We'll see.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I am not fond on Wednesday and Thursday mornings. C has to be at school at 7:30. Which means we get up around 6:30. To early to function. The coffee cannot come quick enough. Although this is the last week for this early morning tutoring program, I got a note last week saying Thursday was the last day. I wonder why? I suppose I should email the teacher on that one.

Speaking of email: scottandjamie@hotmail.com is no longer working. I have another email: jamie.wagner@park.edu that I've been using but I don't love the new school set up through Google. I might just open a new hotmail account - but at the moment I am too lazy.

I have that Aflac interview today. I don't think I am going. They never replied with the job title. But it did get me thinking - maybe I should go back to work full time. Life is so busy and S is away so much that it is just really hard to work it all in. We are still up in the air over it. Plus we have all these trips planned for the summer ... excuses, excuses. We need more money.

My store is in a slump this month. I think I need to clean it up and reduce some prices. More so I think I need to rotate the inventory for spring. People are getting ready to by shorts, not jeans.

Blahhh - 7:00. Better go get us dressed and a lunch packed for C. More coffee PLEASE!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Quack, Quack

I got this really strange call last night. A lady from Aflac Insurance said a recruiter forwarded them my resume and they'd like me to come in for an interview. I have no idea what the interview is for, or how they got my information. I let them set up the interview. If it is going to drop in my lap I might as well check it out, but how strange. I replied to their confirmation email asking the job title - if it is sales there is no way I am even going. I might as well sell Mary Kay or Avon -LOL. But they did say it was at their headquarters building so it could be HR or payroll. We'll see.

Also adding to the weirdness, the call came about ten minutes after S and I were talking about our $$ situation. We were at the table and I said "Obviously the best thing for us to do is have me go back to work full time." and we sort of left that hanging in the air.

Monday, March 22, 2010

I Was Almost There

I had a good dream last night. I haven't had a good one in so long that I cannot remember the last time. This past week I had one that was not as bad but still I was plagued with shootings, a hurricane, a sink hole in the front yard, impeding doom while riding my bike, falling down the side of a mountain and landing in a bear den, and loosing my family multiple times and ways. But this morning I woke up to the sweatiest snoring little kid curled up next to me and I could almost remember the good dream. Who knows how long C was there, who knows how long the dog was there, who knows how long S had been sleeping in the guest room. The alarm clock started going off a few minutes later both boys woke up. I tried to move over but I had six extra legs wrapped up in mine. Finally C turned off the alarm clock and said "Morning Mom, I am going to have yogurt and play." Then S sort of rustles out of the guest room and I ask what he was doing in there and he said something about it getting to squished in our bed. I just laid there for a minute and relished in the fact that I didn't have nightmare, that there was actaully a good dream in there somewhere.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I'd Like Some Waffles

I could go for some waffles, but I suppose this coffee will have to do for now.

We are so cash poor this week. S needed a ton of new uniforms, 600+ dollars worth. Then we bought a plane ticket for C for our June vacation for 50.00. Then normal crap added up and pow we have only double digits left until payday. However, the uniforms can be paid with from savings, I'd just have to transfer the money - but I really don't want to, it is a big chunk.

The USAF gives S a couple hundred or more dollars every year for uniforms. We never use it. In fact he only has one of each uniform, has been wearing boots he got for free when we lived in Minot! Yup they are eight years old... and get this - they don't fit, never have. Also, he has no authorized jackets, belts, socks, or even the right T-shirts. Also he's had the same dress uniform since he came in and I think the shoes that match those are at least six years old and they only have one insert left in the sole of one shoe. Also, they smell. Soooo, S has this six week school coming up and he realized that he better not wear his regular jackets, tube socks, leather belt, boots that look like ass, shoes that look worse, and t-shirts that aren't exactly the right color. The man went shopping. Long overdue shopping. I remember us spending so much on uniforms and replacement crap when he worked on a base, LOL - we are just so spoiled here.

Umm, getting back to the plane ticket: So we are planning a few vacations this summer, one to Disney World, one to Myrtle Beach, and a few weekend camping trips. We are trying to get the Disney one set. We have free tickets to the park from doing volunteer work. Scott has enough miles from United for a free flight for him. Also he had a 300.00 voucher from them he had to use before it expired (he used it for C). We are going to wait to buy mine, I might take a different airline to save money or see if S gets more miles from United. The hotel will be paid for with frequent traveler points also, so it is going to be a cheep weekend getaway.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Don't Play For Money

You know, I should know better. S said last night "So tell me again, how come we didn't win if we won?".

Game On is over and our team won. We won by .03 of a point. But the players voted that that was too close and decided to split the winning pot. It isn't really fair. Our team had three people on it and the second place had two players. Which means split 50/50 the other team gets more money than we do per person, even though we won. If I was on the second place team I would have voted to give it all to the winning team, but I suppose that is because I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. S voted to split the pot 60/40 so that each "winning" person got the same amount. But that didn't happen. So basically we all won about 10.00 I think. Four weeks of strict diet rules ... I am not sure if it is really worth 10.00. We could have just played for bragging rights, and that would have been funner looking back.

I didn't know funner was a word?

Friday, March 19, 2010

A New Day

I think I am going to rearrange my MP3 player. I have so much stuff on there, that is good, but I seem to FF through too many songs. I am actaully lucky enough to have two, so I think I am going to have one that is upbeat workout stuff and the other with my favorite songs of all time. Lately my taste has reverted back to James Taylor, of whom I always go back to. I am adding a few new favorites to the list as well as some old ones I can't live without. What is your favorite song? My favorite on of all time is Jersey Girl by Bruce Springsteen. There happens to be an entire list floating around in my head. Last night I dreamed that I was DJing a wedding and loving life. Just as I put on Georgia someone yelled from across the room, "You are terrible!" and they throw a large object at me. I didn't see what it was. But you know, it was true - my favorite songs are slower and almost always raspy, not exactly dancing songs - hence the need for two players.

Favorite Artists: in order of what is on my CD player now:

1. Citizen Cope (Clarence Greenwater)I need this guys older stuff, but it is a little hard to get. He has one album that was never released and then another that was really limited. His last three are in circulation though - and they are phenomenal.
2. One Republic, certainly moved up on my list since I saw them in an acoustic live preformance
3. The Script, had this great breakout hit with the Man that wouldn't leave and to my surprise that album was even better. I got some older stuff from them and found it in heavy rotation on my stereo rather quickly. So they are new for me.
4. James Taylor
5. Carole King
6. Bruce Springsteen
7. Rise Against, sound like Lincoln Park, but one of my favorite songs of all time is silly and sweet and they sing it perfect. "Swing Life Away" the rest of it I could take or leave, although White Flag Warrior is good, it is their newest (I think) If I separated favorite songs from artists this one would have to move to the songs list.
8. Gavin Rossdale (with Bush or without)
9. Matchbox 20, however pop they are, I love them
10. Ben Harper anything he sings is amazing especially the compilations with Jack Johnson
11. Jack Johnson and together with Ben With My Own Two Hands
12. The Wreckers, totally a combo band that wasn't meant to last, but I liked their album
13. OAR, when I first moved to DC they were being raved about as a "local" band and then suddenly they were everywhere and I think rightfully so.
14. 3 Doors Down: S and I saw them in concert last summer and despite a crappy set up thanks to DC and airport traffic flying overhead they were amazing. The energy was contagious.
15. Bon Jovi, Just a childhood favorite. Most of their new stuff sounds alike these days which is unfortunate because I've always liked their lyrics.
16. Eric Clapton cliche I know
17. Paul Simon yeah - I know cliche too, but who cares I listen to his greatest hits all the time.

I just realized I could go on forever. :P)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Sometimes It Just Is

The sickness continues. I was really hoping to make it to my exercise class today, but no such luck. Around 9, medicine I took at 6:30 wore off and I started to feel even worse that before I took it. The good news of that is that now cold medicine is working, even if only a little. It was four hour stuff and I was able to take it again at 10:30, but still it didn't seem to kick in enough to go bouncing around a gym. My sinuses are throbbing and I cannot stop sneezing. If I went to class I'd have to bring an entire can of lysol with me and keep offering my gym-mates a squirt of purell. I can see it now

"Okay class, everyone grab a partner - Jamie use your imagination"

Anyway, I cleaned up around the house and folded some laundry instead. After only 40 minutes I am completely pooped and wishing I didn't have the dog trainer coming over today. Commitments - blahhhhhh. Until then I am going to try to figure out my email account. I am not receiving any emails. Not sure what is going on there. Suggestions anyone???

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Blog Hopping

Have you ever looked at someones blog who you don't really know? I suppose everyone has, at one time or another. Anyway, tonight I caught up on my sisters blog, which is normally self deprecating and ego boosting at the same time. The girl has talent. So not my point though, so anyway, I catch up on her awesome blog and notice a comment from someone with the screen named poopik. Which when said fast is pretty stinking funny. So I hop over to this person's blog.

Holly Crap it was the most boring thing I ever read in my life and the worst thing is ... I COULDN'T STOP! This dude just gives these one liners about his day such as "I am going to make a grilled cheese sandwiches" and We're almost ready to go to D.C., I think. I've packed almost everything. Mara has packed most of her stuff. We're checked in for our flight. Mara is out buying a new pair of shoes at the moment."

The whole blog reminded me of an accident on the highway - you just have to look. Or worse I can never pass a dog that is taking a crap without looking - I ALWAYS notice, Always.

A special thanks to Poopik who proved I have nothing better to do with my day.

I'm Going Back to Bed

Last night I managed to watch a two hour Idol and a two hour Biggest Looser from DVR starting at 9:30 and ending at 11:00. Can you believe that math? Four hours of TV in 90 minutes. Granted on Idol I fast forward through a lot of Kara's comments - she looked a little out of it yesterday, and on Looser I FF through the deliberation of who is going home. But still minus commercials and a few small parts and geez I would have wasted so much time if I didn't have the DVR. I might be too in love with it.

In other news, I am still sick. Yesterday was pretty brutal. This morning I am able to breath, a little. All in all I'd say I haven't been this sick in a long time. My left eye, ear, nostril are all clogged and runny. What a combo. Yesterday I put some drops in my ear hoping to unclogged it but it hurt so unbelievably bad I had to stop. Then I spent the next two hours with the worst dizziness ever. Finally my equilibrium balanced and I could walk again - although I still have slight dizziness today - but I had that before the drops. Also, there have been other issues ... ones that caused me to loose six pounds since Sunday. Gross.

I've been sleeping in the guest room. Our old bed is in there and boy was it soft and comfortable. I store ALL of our extra blankets on the bed. We have very little closet space here, and I figure why not just pile them up on the bed. There must be four comforters and three extra blankets on there. I slept on top of them all and it was like sleeping on a cloud. Perfect when one is up and down all night. Plus I am thinking I may only have to wash the top one after I am done being sick. But really, I know I will get obsessive and strip the entire room - who am I kidding after all.

Yesterday I got a call from C's school. They are ready to have one of the meetings involved in the IEP and testing. So on Friday I have to go to the school and give them "early history as it pertains to C" according to them. HA! I've already told them, we don't know!!!!!!!!!! Wait until they see the Russian forms. They are going to freak out. There is this entire booklet on him saying he has a neurological disease, which is completely false, false because people who are not Russian can not adopt healthy children in Russia. And that is all we have; a fake record. We know he was probably close to term, his birth mothers may have smoked and may have had two other children. Period, that is it. But alas, I must go and tell them all this again. I just want the plan to be in place so we can start helping our son.

My efforts to be productive are failing. I have sales to wrap up with Ebay and then I am going back to bed. The dizziness is back full force. So not fun.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I'm Siiiiick

The cold is full blown awful now. Even water is leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I was up at 5:30 with no hopes of going back to sleep. Hot and cold flashes plagued me all night and have continued this morning. I took some Day Quill and am able to at least breath but the pressure continues. I am hoping I make it to my gym class today, but it isn't looking good.

We had our therapy session with Dr. M last night. It went well. We ended up just talking about C and barely ourselves, but I think knowing that he is going to be okay is the biggest obstacle at the moment, and it felt good to know we were doing good. The doctor suggested going a few months without any food restrictions for C. Can you imagine letting your child eat whenever or whatever they want? We thought she was nuts!

But the doc had a valid point. C isn't other kids. He was adopted. He spent the first nine months deprived of food and love as we show it. Dr. M suggested that somewhere in his subconscious he is having anxiety over this. She laid out a plan that is a little unconventional, and it took some explaining and prodding to get us on board. Her convincing argument was that once C's anxiety over this, which he cannot identify or understand, is put to rest, he will be more apt to be able to identify other sources of anxiety and feel more comfortable at school.

Dr. M was very candid saying clearly "C needs special education, he does have a learning disability and needs to be evaluated not only by the school system but medically too, but he will be okay." She stressed that he will be fine.

So the plan is to get rid of any junk we have left in the house. Honestly there isn't much. We have a box of Pop Tarts, a tin of Pringles, and a half eaten bag of tortilla chips. Non of us are really junk food people. I know, hard to believe huh? S and I love big dinners and hot breakfast foods, C loves yogurt, chili, and of course candy (he is a kid after all). Anyway, our plan is to just let him eat when he wants. He has always been allowed to grab fruit or veggies without asking but now it needs to include anything in the house without a bunch of interference. I swear this child is going to eat us out of house and home. But we are up for anything. If he get's too round who cares? He has all summer to run and play and enjoy life.

Game On ... The Last Day

Staying positive for 28 days has proved to be a good habit to tackle. It kept my spirits up and aided in loosing 12 pounds! Granted a few of those pounds were gained in a gluttony weekend just a few days before I started Game On. Over all it was a neat game. I am going to keep up with the sleeping habit, 7 hours minimum. My personal truth there was that although I do like my sleep I would skimp on it in order to get time alone. I didn't realize this made me more crabby and made me want more time alone. If I had just gone to bed before midnight, life would have been a little easier.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Game On Two More Days

I went through all my summer clothes. I had to throw out a bunch of shorts and capris that are too big now. Motivation just keeps on coming.

Just Not In The Mood

I have a cold. It isn't all that bad. A little bit of a sore throat and a stuffy nose. Just enough to make me feel a little wiped out.

Life has been pretty over whelming lately. The nightmare issue just opened up all this other stuff and it feels like we are tackling so much in order to calm things down. If feels counterproductive and like we are missing our mark.

Years ago I worked with this one manager in the heath care field. To be honest, I couldn't stand him. He was condescending and rude. However, higher management loved him and were fond of his "dedications". But the truth as I saw it was: He was always busy being busy. Because he put in long hours and never took a deep breath he lacked focus and could not prioritize tasks. For more than two years I traveled to the Cleveland Clinic over and over to help him out. When he was transferred out to the Virginia area after that, guess where the company sent me next? Eventually a top manager asked me if I could explain the problem and I candidly told her that it is hard to identify priorities when things are in the moment. I didn't throw the guy under the bus, but I did hint at it.From there we developed a training manual and a goal list that exactly spelled out what the priorities were for a site manager. If seemed to be a very corporate thing to do. Still it didn't fix this too busy being busy manager, it was his way. His waste of time way. And this was a very long explanation to detail how I feel about life at this moment: we are too busy being busy and cannot prioritize.

The bright side, is that S finished school in two and a half weeks. I think once that is done we'll be able to think more analytically and be able to pinpoint the aspects of our lives that are creating the most chaos.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Game On ... Almost Over

Three more days. Actually, I am surprised at how fast it has gone by. I am longing for Diet Coke and regular pasta! The good part, I have lost quite a few inches. I bought this dress about two months ago that I didn't try on. Only God knows why I do that. If I try it on 9 times out of 10 I don't buy it. Anyway, once I got home I tried it on and thought I looked a little lumpy in it. I was going to take it back, but it was a super clearance final sale. So I tried it on this morning, it looks really cute. So, you know - go me.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Saturday's Game On

I had the dog trainer here today for Maggie and boy did I get a work out. We were doing the sit and stay exercise and I kept having to crouch on the ground and pop back up. Certainly no lack of movement over here. Another good note S, myself and my sister are in second place. If we can manage a perfect week, we have a lot of chance to win. :P)

Friday, March 12, 2010

Game On Day ??

I got way more exercise than needed today. I was leaving the kitchen and going to go eat my lunch at the table when I noticed a sock hanging from the light fixture! My darling son flings his clothes everywhere. Literally. Anyway it grossed me out so I decided to power clean. I even scrubbed the hearth! Taking five to have some water and them I am going to do the bathroom upstairs and just make sure our room is clean before I pick S up at the airport. Actually I might want to change out of these clothes before I do that last part. LOL.

One more good point: I spelled exercise right. Game On did that. Now if it could just help/train me type the word because correctly. :P).

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Game On Day 20 something

I've got a week left of Game On. I am glad it is short. I am loosing my resolve. Today I had the new exercise class, I didn't go. I have never been in so much pain caused by exercise before. But, in step with keeping things positive, I plan to return Tuesday. If it wasn't for the game, I would be eating a hamburger and french fries for lunch. :P)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Rock, Really???

I volunteered today at C's school. When I arrived all the kids were at their tables writing. My son was playing with a rock. His notebooks were all put away. He had no pencils. He didn't know what he was suppose to be writing.

I jumped in and helped him out as best I could. Later his teacher asked how things were going today and I complained saying that he wasn't working, he was playing with a rock, expressing my concern that there was nothing in his notebook past last Wednesday, when I volunteered, and urged her to help him be more organized. She replied with "I know, we set him up everyday, but..." and she shrugged. What the fuck is wrong with her? I get it, there are over 20 kids. 15 of them need attention one on one in order to learn at their fullest potential. I get it. But for fucks sake, the child was playing with a ROCK! AND HE HAD NO CLUE WHAT ANYONE ELSE WAS DOING!!!!

I am really mad. I almost always side with the teacher, but this is crazy. A ROCK, he was playing with a ROCK. He cannot even sound out words, his phonics are non existent and his reasoning is just backsliding. No wonder, he is allowed to play with ROCKS instead of work! All the other kids were at least three sentences into their stories. So he'd been at the rock deal for a while. A ROCK.

Why did I stop homeschooling? This IEP score crap better get a good result, or forget it, homeschooling next year. A Friggin' ROCK! Not even a damn eraser or pencil or ruler and rock, from the playground. A ROCK!

With all that being said, the day ended better. I dismissed him early for the MD appointment and we drove out to DC - there really wasn't even that much traffic. Then C and I went out to eat and the waiter was so nice. When we were packing up the left overs he asked if we wanted some extra rolls. He gave us a dozen! C and I love these things and were wicked excited. The next time the waiter came back C said "hey, thanks for all the bread" and the guy said "sometime you time it right, we just made a ton and can only keep them an hour in the warmer, and the time was about to end. I could tell you guys liked them (he brought us extras two times) so I saved them all for you." That was really cool. I froze a few of them for another time. But C is going to love his turkey sandwich tomorrow. :P)

Game On Day 20

Well, I made weight by an ounce. I think I way over did it on my day off. But, still I did good. The class yesterday kicked my butt. Literally my butt feels like I was kicked. It hurts so much! Plus I cannot go down stairs. Up is tolerable, barely. The upside? Once I am healthier or more in shape, I am hoping I will crave these classes.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Rated E

C and I went to the mall today. I suggested we go buy a new video game, what kid wouldn't jump at that chance?!?!? So after school we ventured over to Game Stop. He had three rules to follow:

1. The game had to be rated E
2. The game had to be under 20.00
3. The game had to be one he really wanted to play

I was surprised at how good he was there. A few times he said he regretted chooses only rated E games in exchange for playing everyday, but I was able to redirect him by saying "We are at the store today because you made a good choice, your reward is a new game, so let's focus on that." He chose a racing game that was only 10.00, so I let him get a cute Indian Jones Lego one that actaully had two sides, the other has Kung Fu Panda on it and it was also 10.00. It has been a really long time since I took him to the store and just spoiled him. I feel like the NO monster sometimes because I never give in. I suppose it is different when that is the plan though. Either way, it was really nice for both of us.

In other news: The knew aerobics class is rough! My legs are so tired that I have to think about going up and down stairs. To my dismay the class is more strength training than jumping around, and apparently I am freakishly weak. Oh well, this one runs twice a week, so maybe I will get a few more results than from Zumba, which was fun but didn't really shed any pounds or inches. In fact looking back there were a lot of XL type of girls in there.... Even the instructor ... Hmm weird thought.

Next topic: We found a new babysitter. YEAH!!!! She is awesome, her mom is great and we all love her. She came on Saturday and everything was perfect. We are so excited to have a good sitter. We found her from Craigslist, but really after a bad choice I was ready to give up on that route.

The story: in the fall I used craigslist and found a decent sitter but she charged 8.00/ hr. Recently I needed a sitter and contacted her but apparently she either got a new number or moved. So I posted a new add and had a seemingly nice girl reply that she was 19 and babysat regularly. I figured she was in school or worked part time. When she mentioned she had a big family I thought maybe she was taking classes online so she could help out. We had her over twice.

The first time I tried not to judge her by her appearance, which was sloppy at best, and everyone was all smiles. (she had a five or six inch rip down the thigh of her pants and she was really spilling out of all her clothes) Two days later we asked her over and she let C play a video game on a week night (he wasn't allowed too then) and eat ice cream from the carton after we showed her exactly what snacks he could have.

We got home at 8:30 and he was just running wild, not even ready for bed. I stayed in the car and S went into to get her so I could drive her home. I could see C running through the house because all the curtains were still open and every light was on. S said the front door wasn't locked either! So anyway, S goes in and I wait in the car but it starts to be like five minutes and suddenly my cell phone rings - it is S and he says "Hey I don't know what is wrong with her, I think she is either sick or dropping a duce because she's been in the bathroom since I came inside." I just busted out laughing. In fact once she actaully made it to the car I kept giggling just thinking of what S said.

I kept my composure for the most part, but I was really annoyed by the time I dropped this girl off. She was sending text messages the entire ride. I asked her questions and she only gave one word answers. I found out she doesn't work, barely babysits, doesn't help out at home with her nieces and nephews that live with her, doesn't go to school and has no plans for the future and has no desire to attend any type church.

When I got home I told S I didn't like her and we shouldn't use craigslist anymore. He agreed but we had one more email from the website so I checked it out. It turned out to be a mother from our church who has a 15 year old daughter who has only babysat a few times other than family but who is a really sweet and dependable girl. The mom, H, wouldn't let her daughter come over until she met us. So we invited them over after dinner one night. They stayed for over an hour and they were so nice. So the girl, J, babysat for us over the weekend and it went swimmingly.

We got home around 10:00 and all the dishes were done! Her and C made peanut butter cookies, played games, cleaned up toys, and read books. She even wrote down a list of things she wasn't sure about, telling us that she said no just in case but promised C she would ask and if it was okay she would do it with him next time. Love it, Love it, Love it! This is really a relief. I feel much better about S going away knowing I have a good sitter if I need one.

Another thought: I want to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

Furthermore: Yesterday I was way overwhelmed with life in general. Today I feel a little more relaxed. It has been hard to take care of myself and my family, but the balance is starting to be rewarding. Today's class was good.

One last thought: I asked C if he'd like to go out to dinner tomorrow. He said "Why?" and I said "It is my birthday and I need a date." He got the biggest grin on his face and said "Yes, but I don't dress up." I just started laughing and then he said "What, I don't want to get pasta sauce on my shirt." Notice the way he just assumed we were going out for pasta! LOL! This kid is going to be just fine.

Game On Day 19

I messed up my day count. I think this is actually day 22, because I took my allotted days off ... oh well, not overly important.

I lost a little over a pound this week so far. I have to loose just a few ounces more to make weight tomorrow. This shouldn't be hard, as I am venturing to a new aerobics class today. The good things about Game On today is that I know I would skip this class if I wasn't committed to the game. My ankle is killing me - reason unknown - and I am overwhelmed from the whole family / counseling / Tricare issue. But Game On means, well Game On, I don't want to let my team down, or me.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I've Got Issues

Right; so I've got a lot going on.

First, C is having way more problems with school and socializing than we thought. Going to his class last week opened my eyes to a whole new array of issues and concerns. I was so bothered by these that I spent my next therapy session talking about them. Dr M suggested she meet with him and just see how things are going. S and I really liked this idea so we took him in. Dr. M is a play therapist specialist for children, so it was a natural fit.

After his session she suggested at least six months of therapy for him, citing stress issues surrounding school and his adoption, internal fears, and aggressive thoughts. My heart actaully cracked in half. I had chest pains all day after I heard this.

The poor child hates school, he doesn't understand why there are rules, he feels really bad about things he cannot do, and he is really confused. To top everything off, C has decided that he likes his "own schedule" as he puts it. This means he has been getting up in the middle of the night to have snacks and at school has been deciding that he already knows everything and leaving the classroom to sit near his locker.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. We are approaching this one step at a time, hoping that if we make small changes we will be able to keep our focus on the big picture, a well adjusted and balanced child. Step one, we changed our video game rules. We let C think he chose this option; From now on he can play video games every day for up to one hour as long as they are rated E. Formerly the rule was anything goes but you can only play on the weekend. He was playing rated T and even two rated M games. We thought since you can turn off the swears and ultra violence with parent controls that the games were okay, but they are too real and make it hard for C to be creative and see a better path, i.e. killing is cool and I don't have to follow the rules because I am going to be a solider who kills aliens and they don't have rules. So step one ... so far so good.

Step two, I am going to continue volunteering in his class. Any one and one time has to be positive and his class room allows just that. On the negative side, his teacher already canceled for today, saying that she has a lot of meetings and they are having a sub so the day is going to be a little different. Hmmm, also, she said Monday's are a bad day to volunteer because that day is a little different. ?? When is a day or week all normal? Regardless, I'll go in tomorrow and keep my focus on helping my child focus.

Those are the only changes we've committed to thus far. I am taking C to see my therapist again on Saturday. He really liked her and I am looking forward to her insight. In the mean time I have to find him his own therapist with in the Tricare network. I have an appointment for him with his PCM tomorrow in order to obtain that referral.

I talked about Military One Source formerly. They are the company that I was told to call regarding counseling. Any one active duty or dependent can obtain counseling free of charge from them. But there is a HUGE flaw in their system of goodwill. They only do one family member at a time, they cannot refer you to the same counselor again, they do not take specific requests. So, here is the kicker, I go to therapy because I am having nightmares (still horrid by the way) and the therapist suggests it is because I am not allowing myself to work out stress and my body is basically doing it for me when I sleep. Her and I identify these stresses and as it turns it all revolves around my family, the fear that they aren't doing as well as they could, the knowledge that C is behind in school and I am at a roadblock in helping him, and the knowledge that building our family any larger is not happening anytime soon. The focus here is family. This means it isn't just me, my whole family would benefit from seeing her. But because Tricare pawned me off to Military One Source, we can't use the same therapist. It is seriously, devastating. Dr. M doesn't take Tricare.

It shouldn't be legal for that company to refer me to someone who doesn't, I even specifically asked that question to the Bolling referral office when they told me about Military One Source. I am pretty angry over this. Starting over with a family therapist isn't the path I want to take. Explaining to C why he can't see Dr. M after next week is going to be hard and not a road I want travel. In the mean time Dr. M is allowing me to exchange my visits for his, steeling from Peter to pay Paul I suppose. It is such a double edge.

Game On Day 18

Game on is nice way to keep portion size in control. It gives easy guidelines to follow. For example, a fist size portion of carbs. A thumb size portion of a healthy fat. I like that.

Bark Busters

We stumped the professionals. We stumped them so much that they didn't charge us. Our dog is an original. In fact, we could visibly see that the trainer, M, had his confidence knocked down a few pegs before he left. He was shaking his head and rubbing his temples on the way out the door. The Story:

M got here and gave us a little presentation on the type of training they use for dogs. He explained that their approach is passive and doesn't require ever hitting or swatting at the pup, which is just what we were looking for. They have these little toys that have a link of chain in them, when you throw them or shake them they make a high pitched jingle. We were instructed to use these with a Err or Baaahh sort of sound instead of 'No'. I felt super silly, but did my best.

So anyway,the first tackle was jumping. We cured that in about two minutes. Just by throwing those little toys near Maggie and saying Baaahh. Then we worked on sit and stay. She needs a lot of work there, but we got down the exercise and were told to practice. By this time the trainer had been here over two hours and he wanted to see how she walked on a leash. Well, she didn't.

We hooked on Maggie's leash and she just dug in her paws and wouldn't move. It didn't matter how hard you tugged. She even let S drag her in the street. M, tried squirting a little water near her feet to keep her moving, but she didn't even care. They we tried "water bombs". We took little zip lock bags and filled them with water. When she wouldn't move me said "Baahh" and threw the water bomb on the ground near her... she couldn't have cared less. We tried to get our dog to walk for almost an hour. She totally won. Nothing M did or tried even remotely made a difference.

Once we all got back inside we were suppose to go over the contract. 795.00 for a life time contract that includes between 1 and a million visits to our liking in order to have her trained the way we want. Anything from obedience to tricks they cover it. M even does some protective training because he use to train police dogs if we want. (we don't) So we sit down and M says "listen, I can't with a good conscious charge you. The truth is, I have only see this resistance one other time out of eight years and 5000 dogs trained." then he further explains "I am not confident that we can train her the way you want. Next week I think my wife should come out, it might be that I scared Maggie and now she is resistant to me" then he says "If that doesn't work we can't take you money, what we can do is recommend a different type of training with another area trainer". He apologized up one side and down the other.

Here is the thing though: We were okay with it. By that evening we had fixed two major problems. One the jumping, and two, constant barking outside. We had a sitter that night and she said that Maggie was fine. In fact, the baby gate we use to block her out of the TV room wasn't even moved from the side of the freezer - where we store it! Then yesterday it was wicked nice out. There were golfers galore. We only corrected barking once or twice. We didn't' even have to use words, we just shook that little toy. One thing M said was that I shouldn't walk Maggie this week. He said that we can't give her the opportunity to be in charge. I'm going to miss our little walk/run every morning. But I do agree with him.

So in the end, I feel confident we picked the right trainers. And I am sure next week will work better. Can you believe they didn't charge us? I can't. I mean this is a home run business of a husband and wife. I am sure 795 bucks this week would have been nice for them.

Oh well, better run. I have a life to live...

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Game On Day 17

I love love love the day off. However I am now more inspired than ever to just be good on my day off. Pizza and McDonald's almost killed me. But it was the movie popcorn that did me in. LOL. I think the game is teaching me a lot about control and portion size. Even if I get it wrong sometimes.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

And the World Spins

I've had an enlightening / rude awakening moment. Because I am not in the mood to deal with the massiveness that is this "awakening" I shall complain about the idiotic nimrods that I have encountered today.

Dear Lady with the cell phone in the hallway at CCD, You aren't more important than the rest of us. Also, you pronounce the works AS-K not AXE.

Dear Lady with the licky lips child, you child is creeping me out, please instruct him to keep him tongue in his mouth. Also, you pronounce the word PIC-TURES not PITCHERS. Pitchers of Abe Lincoln are not the same as pictures of him. I am not pouring iced tea from his top hat!

Dear Man with your hand in your wife's back pocket, Please wait until you are outside of the Catholic school before feeling up your wife.

Dear Man in the red car, Yeah! I WAS WALKING THERE.

Dear workers of McDonald's on Elden Street, you spell men, M_E_N not MAWNS. The room is incorrectly signed.

Dear Driver of the white van, My bad - sorry.

Game On Day 16

It is my day off. It doesn't get much better than that. I had a hamburger from McDonald's and french fries. It was amazing.

Friday, March 5, 2010

What Did I Start?

S and I worry that C doesn't get enough socialization outside of school. We both remembering playing with friends after school every day. C has a sport every quarter, he goes to the youth center once a month for a kids night, and he goes to birthday parties here and there, but he doesn't have that one best friend.

So, the kids across the street are a bit older but asked to come over the other day. I said yes and the kids were all really good. Today, they all just assumed they could come over and came right in after school. Yesterday another friend came over. Three days in a row isn't tons, but I hope this isn't an everyday thing. He cannot go across the street, there is no parent home.

C has kids night out tonight at the youth center. We are meeting friends for dinner during that time. It should be fun for all. I am wondering if I should make a desert or something special to offer our friends after we eat out. Play cards - eat junk food? Sounds like a grand time to me. We'll see.

Also, I returned all my MADD ribbons. Get this; I asked for more. In the end I actaully like doing it. Plus I didn't feel guilty watching Days of our Lives this week because I was doing something productive for the community at the same time. LOL - really what the heck am I doing - extra kids everyday, more volunteer work - baking??? I better go do something before I take on even more.

Game On Day 16

Hmmm, well my weight loss has slowed. Now it is just an ounce or two a day - or so it seems. But the good part is that my aunt has done the game four times and has hit these small periods of maintaining and she breaks through, so I am sure I will too. Encouragement.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Strangest One Yet

This afternoon I slept for about an hour. I had the strangest dream. I was in a doctors office and giving myself shots. All the while I was on the telephone on hold. Then I started to spill saline solution as more doctors came in the room. It was really crowded and from memory there were four male doctors and three women. There was one woman behind this small counter and she was asking me questions regarding IVF. Another doctor, a male with a beard was whispering things to me about my feelings and some of the doctors were talking amongst themselves. I was nervous and confused for a few moments but then I began to understand the doctors were trying to figure out what was going on with me. They were having this "round table" discussion about me. Just as I was about to figure everything out the alarm clock started blaring.

Before the nap I got a phone call that really upset me. The repercussion from it is going to be a pain in the ass next time I see Dr. M the therapist. Background: Dr. M asked me to get my hormones checked out. After a week of trying to get my GYN changed to a closer location I gave up and left a message for my PCM to call me and put in the labs, that was last Thursday. Today a nurse practitioner calls me back. She wants to know what hormone levels I need. I didn't know the answer. So she started scrolling through my records saying that I had everything under the sun done in April and June. Then she asked if I was pregnant in that time. Then she says "well, I don't know what this therapist wants so I'll print all these for her. You'll have to fill her in. I don't know what was going on with you then." I know Dr. M doesn't want those. I know, but once the women asked me if I was pregnant I couldn't speak and just wanted to crawl into bed.

I went directly upstairs and crawled into bed. Sometime shortly there after S called to say he got tickets to a hockey game for tonight. That isn't a bad thing. Apparently I like to wallow alone.

The Lucky One

I have a great mother. I don't always give her the credit she deserves. But, I tell you, she is my biggest cheerleader. She never quits, she never criticizes me or those I love because she loves us all, she always is on my side, she always assumes I am the best kid ever, even at 32. Unconditional, unwavering, true parenting.

Game On Day 16

Food tastes better.

After a few weeks of minimal white flour and sugar my taste-buds are loving life. Whole grain bread, bring it on - olive oil instead of butter, again, bring it - a sweet potato instead of french fries, not so bad. When "Game On" is over, I can't see going back to processed food all that much. I feel better, have been sleeping better, and things taste really good.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Plan

Part of C's teacher's plan was for me to come into the classroom twice a week and work with C during writing time. Today was day 1. Holy Crap that place is a zoo. Organized chaos at best. There is too much going on. It seems obvious to me, but that is the way these days, I suppose. So many stations, not enough teacher involvement. She has little control over her room. This isn't teacher bashing, it isn't for lack of trying. But good lord, there were three to four boys just totally not even caring, doing their own thing, three girls with their little noses so far up the teacher's ass she could barely walk, and then the whining and tattling is crazy.

The basic premise for the classroom, which I understood at the first of the year, is that each table of four to five kids, move from between learning stations together. The day is very planned and very structured, but there is no room for error. There is so much going on and so many stations that the kids who are ahead (it seemed like almost all the girls and a good portion of the boys) would finish and then vie for the teachers attention and then get to do an extra "fun" learning activity. As a result there are kids coming and going all over the place. C can't focus on his own to begin with, God knows how he's gotten this far.I am glad I have been invited to help out in this way, just while I was there I could see that C does no real work during this hour and a half station writing plan. His notebooks were a mess, he didn't even have pencils at one point. But today, with me there he was able to focus and actaully do a good portion of the work.

The second part of the plan sucks. It has good intentions but it sucks. A special "C box" that he can go to during writing times when he gets flustered with the task. To C this means "great, don't have to do that I can go play with flash cards". I am not seeing the silver lining in that one, but will support it. I have to assume I don't know everything here, Miss T knows exactly what she is doing, we're just along for the ride.

An Open Letter to MADD

Dear Louden County MADD coordinator;

I don't love volunteering. In fact, I stay away from it at all costs ... Most costs. However when free tickets for Disney are involved my resolve for anti-community becomes shaken. Please know, I would never admit that to you in person.

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that I do appreciate the impact your associated organization has on our cities here in NOVA. Your ribbon work and coordination on activities helps raise awareness and reminds everyone that drunk driving is one epidemic that can be avoided. You work inspires hope that one day a Mother will not loose her son or daughter to an impaired motorist.

Now that we have all the niceties out of the way; You are a tad over bearing. I don't know how to change my information in the Disney Database. I am sorry you are getting emails on it. I did fold all my ribbon exactly in half the way you showed me. (IT ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE) I did not choose your campaign for volunteering because it was the easiest, I chose it because my six year old and I could do it together. There are only a few options that include kids his age. I didn't choose you just because of Disney - I don't appreciate the remarks regarding that. (see above, how I would never really admit that) I will return your ribbons shortly. Also, obviously I will limit all volunteer activity.

Just another person trying to get something for nothing, but who gets quite indignant when that fact is pointed out to her.

Game On Day 15

I lost two pounds this week. Yippee.

I like the communication rule. You have to contact one member of an opposing team each day to earn five points. Everyday there are two to four new emails for me to read. Now that the game is underway people are feeling more confident and the trash talking is beginning. It is pretty funny. I still feel strange about telling someone else they aren't doing good. Fortunately I can passive aggressively spin anything to say I am great, and you might not measure up.:P)

This is fun.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Game On Day 14

Two weeks down, two to go. Man that was fast. Time flies when you are having fun.

That's It? That's the Plan?

Yesterday after all the after school drama C feel asleep. When I went up there he looked so peaceful and sweet. Thumb in mouth, knees pulled up to his chest, and a stuffed animal under his arm. I backed out, shut the door and praised a big thank you.

After an hour I went back in to wake him. With juice in had and a big smile I approached his bed. He started crying right away and I easily calmed him down by giving him the juice and a hug. I talked to him about the lunch deal and explained why I was upset over that (just that) and told him he couldn't by lunch for two weeks. He was sad, because he thinks getting pizza on Friday is the "bee's knees". So, one ant hill climbed. Next I asked him if he wanted to talk about school at all and boy did he.

Fortunately Miss T, his teacher, had called before he woke up. This offered me some insight. She had a plan to last us until our testing dates. I wasn't all that impressed with them, but at least it was something. She had alternative exercises for him to do when the other kids are way ahead and asked if I would come to school two days a week to help C stay focused in writing. The area where he is most behind.

Okay, so I talked to Miss T, I talked to C, I related all the info to S. Then S and I talked it to death, then we talked to my therapist about it. Now on Saturday we are taking C to see her. She had a way better plan than the school district and was compassionate and offered lots of idea and ways to help. So, I like her. She cares.

Monday, March 1, 2010


I am so mad. MAD, MAD.

Currently my son is in his room, with no possibility of parole. And really, I am over reacting. I know I am over reacting and I don't care. I need time to process life at the moment.

There is a whole back story, which I will bore you with.

I thought C was hording paperwork in his cubby at school. He's also gotten sick two times (throw up) just before school activities. I suspect it is either a lactose issue or nerves. I am leaning towards to latter.

Some very old work has come home in abundance in the last week. It is all bad. In fact, it looks like a preschooler did it. On math pages he is asked to draw a four inch line and he zig zags and draws a man. On a story page he is asked to write about a tree and there are letters everywhere and nothing is readable. On one quiz he got two out of twenty five questions correct. I felt that these items should have been coming home in a more timely basis so that I could re-do them with C.

I emailed Miss T, his teacher, and informed her of this suspicion and expressed my concern for the papers not making their way home. She emailed back, first thing this morning (to her credit) that she can send the papers home daily, but that she kept the majority of C's work for "reference". Miss T also says that she will call me today to talk about the concerns. Yup, great, no, still not to my point, but I am getting there.

So C comes home today. The bus is 7 minutes early and the bus goes half way past the stop because I am a few steps away! I started waving my arms and finally they stopped. So aggravating! C said he was yelling at the bus driver that he could see me and to stop but she said, "sorry, she'll have to pick you up at school". But then she saw me and did stop. I was less than twenty steps away!!! So he was upset, I was annoyed and the dog was, well she is always crazy.

On the walk home I asked C how school was and he said it was not good. He said that the class was taking a test and he didn't want too because he likes "my own schedule" and he left the class room to go sit in the little seating area. His teacher came out to have a talk with him and told him he cannot take a break. C also said she called him lazy. Now, I always side with the teacher. I know parents are suppose to be on their child's side, and I feel guilty there, but honestly - he can't just get up and leave because he wants a break! Then again, he could be making himself sick because he is so far behind the others. Everything is getting harder for him, even stuff he use to do without trouble. I am sure Miss T didn't call him lazy, and I am sure to C that is exactly what it sounded like. She most likely said that she can't allow him to have a break during a test because that action would be lazy and she probably explained that he had to do the hard work too. But I digress...

So we're walking home and I feel horrible. C keeps begging to be home schooled and is whining about everyone being mean to him. When we get into the house C says "Oh and I bought lunch today."

Here is where I am so pissed off. He has done this three our four times over the last month when his lunch is perfectly fine in his backpack. All morning he annoyed me with the what I was packing him. And you know what - the darn child didn't even open his backpack when he got to school. Homework - still in there. Report card - still in there (has been for two weeks). I am mad. Obviously I may have kept my cool if I'd heard about a better day. Guilt, sadness, and slight annoyance has caused me to over react, specifically:

"You what?"

"I bought my lunch"

"Did you even open your backpack?"

"Well you didn't pack my lunch"

"OPEN Your Backpack" Said through a clenched jaw.


"CJW GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T COME OUT!" Angry mom voice, or you know, yelling.

I was hoping that his teacher would call all this while. I don't love the idea of her calling while C is running around. I suppose I need to go talk to him. I don't even know what to say. Maybe I should just mumble something about PMS and anxiety over therapy tonight... Maybe I should show him the commandments and guilt him into honoring and obeying ... Maybe I should just hope he's fallen asleep and wakes up happy ... Maybe I should ground him from TV or the likes for disobeying me with the lunch deal ... Maybe I should just leave him in there until S get's home... Maybe I'll just go take a hot bath...

I was hoping Miss T would have called so that I could feel better about his school situation so that I could in turn be motivated to help him into the right direction. Soooo, not Miss T's job.

Freaking Out

So; way freaking out this morning.

The whole therapy deal is moving along. I've been two times to see Dr. M. She is okay. Last week she didn't have her notes and I wondered if she was confusing me with someone else a few times. Nothing major, she just asked a few questions by saying "you mentioned that you felt ***" and she would insert a word I didn't use. In fact at one point I couldn't even think of a synonym I could have used. The statement didn't fit. But, moving on, a married chick cannot go to therapy with out the therapist wanting to meet the husband.

So Scott and I have to go tonight. I am not looking forward to this, I can foresee it causing a lot of little fights in the future. Resentment is already rolling this way.
Nothing like a positive attitude, I know.

The doc's theory, in short, I am too happy during the day and when I go to sleep my body fully relaxes and all the stress catches up to me causing nightmares. She also feels I have some depression associated with past work and IVF. I tell you, IVF really screwed me up. That much I am sure of. Not just losing a life, the entire process; I cannot even see the exit sign on 495 for Walter Reed Medical without feeling like I got punched in the stomach. Just thinking of it makes me physically ill. Mentally it just drains me.

Game on Day 13

Good Morning,

My pants are falling down.

Enough said.

The Happy Dieter