Right; so I've got a lot going on.
First, C is having way more problems with school and socializing than we thought. Going to his class last week opened my eyes to a whole new array of issues and concerns. I was so bothered by these that I spent my next therapy session talking about them. Dr M suggested she meet with him and just see how things are going. S and I really liked this idea so we took him in. Dr. M is a play therapist specialist for children, so it was a natural fit.
After his session she suggested at least six months of therapy for him, citing stress issues surrounding school and his adoption, internal fears, and aggressive thoughts. My heart actaully cracked in half. I had chest pains all day after I heard this.
The poor child hates school, he doesn't understand why there are rules, he feels really bad about things he cannot do, and he is really confused. To top everything off, C has decided that he likes his "own schedule" as he puts it. This means he has been getting up in the middle of the night to have snacks and at school has been deciding that he already knows everything and leaving the classroom to sit near his locker.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. We are approaching this one step at a time, hoping that if we make small changes we will be able to keep our focus on the big picture, a well adjusted and balanced child. Step one, we changed our video game rules. We let C think he chose this option; From now on he can play video games every day for up to one hour as long as they are rated E. Formerly the rule was anything goes but you can only play on the weekend. He was playing rated T and even two rated M games. We thought since you can turn off the swears and ultra violence with parent controls that the games were okay, but they are too real and make it hard for C to be creative and see a better path, i.e. killing is cool and I don't have to follow the rules because I am going to be a solider who kills aliens and they don't have rules. So step one ... so far so good.
Step two, I am going to continue volunteering in his class. Any one and one time has to be positive and his class room allows just that. On the negative side, his teacher already canceled for today, saying that she has a lot of meetings and they are having a sub so the day is going to be a little different. Hmmm, also, she said Monday's are a bad day to volunteer because that day is a little different. ?? When is a day or week all normal? Regardless, I'll go in tomorrow and keep my focus on helping my child focus.
Those are the only changes we've committed to thus far. I am taking C to see my therapist again on Saturday. He really liked her and I am looking forward to her insight. In the mean time I have to find him his own therapist with in the Tricare network. I have an appointment for him with his PCM tomorrow in order to obtain that referral.
I talked about Military One Source formerly. They are the company that I was told to call regarding counseling. Any one active duty or dependent can obtain counseling free of charge from them. But there is a HUGE flaw in their system of goodwill. They only do one family member at a time, they cannot refer you to the same counselor again, they do not take specific requests. So, here is the kicker, I go to therapy because I am having nightmares (still horrid by the way) and the therapist suggests it is because I am not allowing myself to work out stress and my body is basically doing it for me when I sleep. Her and I identify these stresses and as it turns it all revolves around my family, the fear that they aren't doing as well as they could, the knowledge that C is behind in school and I am at a roadblock in helping him, and the knowledge that building our family any larger is not happening anytime soon. The focus here is family. This means it isn't just me, my whole family would benefit from seeing her. But because Tricare pawned me off to Military One Source, we can't use the same therapist. It is seriously, devastating. Dr. M doesn't take Tricare.
It shouldn't be legal for that company to refer me to someone who doesn't, I even specifically asked that question to the Bolling referral office when they told me about Military One Source. I am pretty angry over this. Starting over with a family therapist isn't the path I want to take. Explaining to C why he can't see Dr. M after next week is going to be hard and not a road I want travel. In the mean time Dr. M is allowing me to exchange my visits for his, steeling from Peter to pay Paul I suppose. It is such a double edge.