Saturday, February 26, 2011

Just a Few Thoughts

We have been talking a lot lately about our future. 2011-2012 is sure to be a test. S's contract is up in one year and orders can come anytime. He works with a few individuals who are in the same boat only ahead of him a few months -  they haven't yet got orders - so he has somewhat of a gauge. Furthermore our lease is up in August and we are trying to have a baby. However one ball that had been flying around our juggling arena has dropped - I was notified today that I was not selected for the government job I had interviewed for 5 months ago. They sure waited a long time to say "no thanks". This isn't great news but really I am more relieved than anything,  now at least S can look for a better assignment without as he says "pigeon holing" himself to this area. So we are open for anything. Plus I am really happy about working at the new hospital. I start on Tuesday. :D

In other news: I won't be blogging much in the up coming weeks. I have opted to give up social  internet media for Lent. And yes that would include Facebook. I wonder if I will find I have more free time or just fill it up with other nonsense. LOL - a true experiment. You know because if I am not stalking my friends every thoughts what will I do with my time? Ha, ha.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Big Day

Tax refund came through at Midnight! We can pay today. I cannot believe how much money we were able to come up with without borrowing a cent. God is good. A friend of mine even made a comment earlier that that sure is a lot of money needed in a short time but she'd be praying for us. Amazing. There is just no way we did that on our own! We actaully came up with more and are able to put a little money back into our VK / Emergency fund.

In other TMI / IVF news; they have me on birth control and my body hates it! My period has lasted 9 days so far and there is no 'end' in sight. The same thing happened last time. I remembered that after a week of normal things got stringy and spotty - no exactly pad worthy, just pantyliner sort of stuff. (I said TMI) Anyway, on a hunch I went through my medicine cabinet, I thought there might be an old pack of pills in there from my last IVF cycle but I didn't think it was the same because the pack was different. Sure enough though on the top shelf in the back was a little white pack, the new ones are in a pink pack, and they are the same brand. I am going to have to call the nurses and get a different brand. I am worried. Last time this all ended only days before the egg transfer and started up again afterwords, and that was bad - really bad.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

IVF Updates

I spoke with Nicole at the IVF office yesterday. She gave me some great news; the cycle has been extended and working around S's two week TDY is possible! We were so worried, the dates originally over lapped. The next hurtle in the timing is my new job. 

It occurs to me that I haven't really blogged about the job. Last week I got a call from a different fertility clinic (how ironic!) offering me the part time job I had interviewed and volunteered for a few weeks back. I start training next week! I am very excited. But with all the excitement comes the realization that making the new job line up with my 'active' patient status as an IVF participant at a different hospital might be a problem. The issues: I cannot miss work as it is only every other weekend and the hours are the same as my IVF clinic are open. and I cannot miss IVF appointments. So my hope is that I will be able to schedule around my job. I think that if I simply explain my situation to my doctors they will do what they can to help. If the dates are set in stone I am sure I can talk with the office manager at the new job - again the irony.

Today I am going to my local bank and cashing out the account. Later this week our tax return is due. Earlier in the week I transferred money from our VK / Emergency account. Hopefully by weeks end I can add all the funds together and pay the impending $6018.00 bill. As noted before after seeing what non-military pays after my volunteer hours I am happy to pay!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

True Love

A conversation between C and I

Me: "C, what do you think if mommy and daddy try to have baby?"

after a slight pause

C: "Good and bad, I mean I don't want you to be in pain when a doctor cuts a baby out of you, but man would I be an awesome big brother."

He went on to tell me all the things he could teach a brother or sister and the time table each talent would take. (this kid sure can talk!) Eventually I had to end the conversation and just tell him that dad and I were thinking about it and his opinion was important to me. He then reiterated the fact that he would be awesome brother because he has so many talents. Ahh, our son, he isn't short in the self confidence department!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Real Life

We had a fun family weekend. Poor S was so sick, yet he just kept surprising us with how willing he was to push through it and join us for family fun. We all went to a cub scouts meeting / tour on Friday night, and instead of leaving S at home to recover we went to the play on Saturday instead - that way we all could go. It was so cute - the high-schoolers did a great job and C just loved it. The Magician was played by a very talented young man and it just made the show. We all managed to have full days filled with happy times.

Yesterday the three of us managed to do a little shopping, play outside for quite awhile; tossing an old football around, and play a few rounds of Rock Band together. It was quite a nice day, filled with family time and plenty of non-media downtime. I've been on a tyrant about that over the past few days. Somehow my rule, of one  free hour of TV or Video games for C a day has become an hour before school and an hour after plus! Needless to say I was a stickler yesterday and it really paid off. We were able to enjoy each other and have fun. Granted Rock Band is media - but I figured it was activity based and all of us could play at the same time. C did the drums at first but then totally rocked the microphone. He is a good singer in general but what really surprised me was his ability to read the lyrics! I was so excited for him.

I love our little family. Skunky dog and all. Sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if it does so happen that it stays just us if that is okay, because when things are good - they are just so good, I can't imagine anything topping it.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

It Appears

Facebook is annoying. I am actually on it less and less these days as I move past the "I want to know what you are doing every minute of everyday" phase. As I say less and less, know that means I am down to a few times a day. I changed it from my home page and permanently logged out so that every time I visit the site I have to relog my user name and password - it is actually a pain to type my email and an eight letter password - SO LAZY! Regardless, as I was saying it is annoying. I almost feel like I have nothing to talk about because it is all on Facebook. To call up and ask a friend "how are you?" seems like a farce - I already know the answer - either life sucks and they're just trying to get through the day or life is so good they must post that they are in day X of potty training their youngest and so and so it in big girl panties with only one "boo-boo". Yeah - really it's been posted.  Furthermore it is a narcissistic endeavour that preys upon my love of myself and the need to be 'liked' or commented upon. Yup, apparently I am that lame. Case in point my post today (in short) " Cub scouts, a play, and M is coming to visit -yeah!" translation, I am the best mom ever and everyone who is anyone comes to visit me!

It appears that I am that ridiculous. My next post if I should grace the others with the fortune of friending me "I am sooooo important". And where does this all come from? A realization, an epiphany, an A-ha moment? Nope - just self loathing at its best. Keeps me grounded right? Not really. I suppose a blog offers the most narcissism. After all I can post openly to the whole world - and the whole world can comment  -or not. 

I wonder what 'ol Jesus would think of all this. Do you think in ancient times he spent his days knowing that the internet would consume so much of my time? Probably, after all he knew how many hairs would be on my head before I was born. 

I wonder what would happen if I didn't browse blogs and Face book for awhile? What if I just checked my email in the afternoon for bill and job info? Hmmm, Lent is coming up. What if I didn't post for 40 days and 40 nights? Just responsibility/ obligatory web use - bills and directions? A media nix? A total famine of www and http? Apparently I am having my epiphany now. A-HA! 

Friday, February 18, 2011


WOW, what a week. Up and down and all around. The three of us were fighting off colds. I got it the least, with just a few aches and pains, C just had a cough, And S got all the symptoms and has pretty much gone straight to bed when he's gotten home from work for the past few days. Poor guy. Sickness on top of headaches, a messier than normal house,the dog getting sprayed by a skunk, AGAIN, IVF drama and the everyday stresses of our lives have rendered this week, one we will leave out of the history books.

Despite the prelude our spirits are high. Tonight C's cub scout den is having a tour of the local police station and we are planning on going to see the play Alladin after that as a family. So the weekend is looking promising. 

Also, I have been avoiding the fact that I have gained 12 pounds since I started taking the Thyroid medicine. At first my Thyroid was too high at 3.8 and now it is almost too low at .7; but the normal range is .7-3.76, my body loves medicine - no kidding, it loves it too much. Especially altering drugs; like hormones, steroids, or anything meant to change your normal body process. Anyway, I complained to the IVF nurse and she agreed to retest me and talk with the MD about switching my dose. However, this is delaying IVF even more. Furthermore, this week I laid off the carbs and lost a few pounds of that 12, but seriously, I can't live without them forever! So unfair. However, I just keep thinking we are getting delayed for the right reasons and the better overall health I am in the better, so I am not angry or anything, just a little bummed out that I am the reason we aren't moving forward with IVF as quickly as we'd like.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

No Thank You

I had another whopper of a headache. It was so bad that S was begging me to let him take me to the ER. Sadly I refused. I made a follow up with my PA instead and just got back from that visit. She switched out the meds she gave me and referred me to a neurologist. She said it just doesn't sound like a migraine. And I posed the question "well, to me it seems that I hear and see a lot of people claiming to have a migraine, but they are functioning. I cannot even blink or open a door without excruciating pain, so does this mean that the "other people" cope better, aren't having migraines, or am I not actaully suffering from a migraine but something else?" Her answer, "well hopefully the specialist can help - it is their job."

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Happy Heart

Yesterday C, S and I went out to Dinner for Valentines day. We didn't go anywhere fancy, just Ruby Tuesdays, but I tell you, it was so nice. The boys gave me flowers and a necklace, so sweet. Then at dinner C had to sneak under the table because he dropped something and when he was getting back up he sat with me instead of S. S says "oh, buddy, why don't you come back over here to our side?" and C says "Nah, that is okay, I like sitting next to a pretty girl."
My family makes my heart sing.

Monday, February 14, 2011


It is so wonderful outside. I walked the dog just under three miles this morning and only wore a sweatshirt! It is glorious. Granted it is also soggy, muddy, and dirty out, but who cares; just a week ago I was bundled in my wool coat with a scarf, hat, gloves, boots, and layers of clothing. It is suppose to be very windy later today and tomorrow and then these 50 + temps are suppose to hang around for a few. Just what I needed in order to stay positive and out of my funk.

Sunday, February 13, 2011


Yesterday I finished our taxes. Amazingly enough it wasn't too bad. The best part is we are getting a larger refund than expected. So much larger that we are going to use it for IVF instead of borrowing from our retirement account. We've managed to save quite a bit in cash and with the refund it looks like we will only need about 500 more. So we are pretty thrilled in that department. Plus after working in the clinic yesterday (a fertility clinic) and seeing what non military pay I feel pretty lucky and blessed!

In other news; I had a migraine earlier today. Horrible. So bad that I almost ended up in the ER. Fortunately I was able to double the migraine meds and take Excedrin at the same time. Eventually I was able to move without constant pounding, it got a little better after that and I was able to sit up and if I stayed still the pounding subsided. Now it has been a few hours of TV and Internet and I am fine. I am not sure how people function with those headaches - I know there is no way I could even blink without excruciating pain. Hopefully it doesn't come back as strong, otherwise it is off to the ER - no hesitation.

Despite the migraine the weekend has been nice - no weekender, as in the past two! Plus we've had a lot of family time. Last night we had a fire and watched the newest Veggie Tales movie, super cute. We also went to the mall for awhile and managed to play a few games. It really has been an enjoyable weekend overall.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Movin' On Up

Yeah me. I had a great morning. I went to the hospital / clinic to do the shadowing / interview and it went wonderfully. The Office Manager said I seemed to be a "great fit" but to be aware that HR moves slowly and it might take awhile to get a start date. Sooooo, does that mean I am hired? I am still not too sure - but it sounds like it. The job is part time, every other weekend, and is scheduling and insurance payments for a clinic. How great is that? The best part - it is the weekend and the phones are turned off :)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

On Another Note

So, I posted last week about the interview and all. But what I didn't feel like mentioning was that they never called or emailed me back about the "shadow day". I was pretty bummed out thinking that I didn't get to the next step of job interview after all. But today I got an email asking if I could join them on Sunday. So I suppose there is still hope. Good News.

65, 67, or 72: What's the Age?

The other day I was checking our bank account when a side panel poll caught my interest. It asked where is better to retire, Wisconsin, Texas or a few others. I would think Wisconsin would be better - blue skies, green grass, tall trees. Anyway after clicking my choice a little box popped up that said Waco, TX was the first choice amongst USAA customers. Hmm, well since USAA is a bank based in Texas, I think the poll is a little biased. 

A long time ago, I received one of those emails where you answer all the questions and then forward it on and hope to get it back filled out with your friends answers. I guess that trend has passed - lol. Anyway one of the questions was "Where do you want to retire?" and the popular answers going around were Florida, California, and some place tropical. My favorite one however was when a friend responded HEAVEN! I have copied that answer plenty of times since then :D

Lately S and I have been wondering what we need to do in order to retire. (here on earth that is) We have decided to borrow money from one of our retirement accounts to pay for IVF. We can borrow at 2.5%. That is so low that our payments would be less than we already contribute per month. So our monthly contribution would just be lowered by the payment amount. We have all the paper work filled out and ready to mail, however we are holding on to it until it is really needed. Also, we can change the amount anytime - already we have twelve hundred or so to put towards it, and every dollar we can come up with in cash before the deadline will lower the amount borrowed. So naturally all the loan talk and savings has us revisiting our retirement plan.

As it stands we hope be be fully retired by age 65. Of course earlier would be better - LOL. Anyway we have 6% going to a pretax account, 5% after tax going to IRA's, and about 6% going into liquid savings. Obviously we don't meet the 20% recommendation but we did start in our twenties, so the money is starting to add up. Our original goal was to raise the risk in our pretax account and our contributions in increments. This year we had hoped to bump that up to 10%. Now I am not sure. I think less needs to go to liquid savings. We need to establish a better emergency fund and stop using it for vacations (ha, ha). I don't know, it is confusing. Especially since we are currently trying to fund something thirty years down the road and on one income. 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Pity Party Canceled

So, I have generally been in a bad mood (on and off) for a solid week. What the heck is wrong with me? Well, the laundry list could continue but quite frankly I am tired of hearing myself bitch. Life is complicated and I have chosen to be upset about the smallest details and pitfalls so I don't have to deal with big picture sort of stuff. WHO ME? YEAH, I DO THAT. Shocking isn't it?

Things to be in a better mood about:
  • Yesterday C and I went to Chuck-E-Cheese, just because, it wasn't crowded and we had left over tokens from last time we were there so it didn't cost us a thing. We both rocked at ski-ball
  • Last night the whole family piled into our bed to watch Jeapardy and Wheel of Fortune, half way through Jeopardy we gave up because our physco dog wanted to play and kept jumping up and jumping down and barking at us, we were are laughing and joking that daddy should have been wearing some protective gear. Poor guy. 
  • This morning I played with Maggie out side while I talked to my mom. I love my mom.
  • Today I am going to do some shopping for the house and refrigerator. MEATLOAF FOR DINNER! YUMMO!
  • I am laughing at myself about the excitement over meatloaf. 
  • My soap has gotten even crazier and I cannot wait to watch yesterday's episode. Last week was PHENOM! LOL. Seriously, they "made" a twin out of a bad guy and swapped him with the good guy.
  • I have NO Dirty Laundry and nothing on my "I should really was that" list. All the comforters, all the sheets, all the TV blankets, all the curtains - they are all clean :)
  • I have NO dishes to do, none in the sink, none in the dishwasher - everything is clean and put away.
  • C requested a 'just us day' after school. He has instructed me to be ready for serious Lego action. I can't wait.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Finer Things

C: "Mom can I PLAHEEEES stay up late to watch the new Power Rangers? You know I have been waiting for that to come on."

Me: "Alright, teeth brushed, hair combed, faced washed and you can watch it in my room, I'll watch too."

C: "I knew you'd let me! YES!"

C @ 8:00: "Mom my teeth are brushed and everything- I am ready for my show."

Me: "Awesome, lets snuggle up and get our Power Ranger on."

C: "Really mom?"


I Quit

I am so disgusted. The thing is, once you get that way it is hard for anyone to do anything right in your eyes. I tell you, my family is on my list. This morning, as always S gets up five minutes before he has to leave. C and I had already been up for forty five minutes and had breakfast. Annoying. Then my dear son, scribbles his art homework and rushes through the timed reading. When he was done I said in my cheeriest mom voice "You were so quick, that is great because now you have time to add details to your art." Needless to say he started to scribble over the whole page. I just walked away. I am so angry with his lack of effort. For crying out loud it is art. He doesn't have a flipping learning disability in drawing squares and triangles. I however have a serious lack of understanding and compassion this morning.

I am tired of getting up at six only to have to entertain until 8:20. It is two hours and twenty minutes of Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! As it is we save part of his homework for the AM just to take up some time and get him in school mode. But honestly I am pretty sure that isn't working anymore.

We went to a Super Bowl party last night. Near half time I mentioned to S that if he'd like to stay for the whole game he could take C and I home at half time. Originally we planned on only staying until nine o'clock. S jumped on the chance, but he was a jerk about it, rushing us out the door, driving too fast all the way home. On the drive I was trying to give him directions back to our friends house and he was just so darn stubborn about it. His attitude completely ruined my evening. When he got back later after the game he was nice and all, but geez he really was such a jerk earlier. I hate feeling that way about my husband. But after a while it just gets so hard to let all that little stuff go. I have tried to talk to him about this but his response is always to point out where I go wrong too. It isn't a game of tit for tat! Besides that, I don't really want to play anymore. All weekend when ever he insulted me or acted self righteous I just shut down, not saying a word - sometimes leaving the room.

Currently C is in the kitchen smashing Lego's on the floor and running around the house like a maniac. I haven't said much since the art moment. I am thankful for the twenty minutes off but ... 

I am generally happy to be up in the morning, hard to believe with this rant, I know. I suppose I should just move on. It isn't like my husband is going to change or my son is going to magically love school. I love them and appreciate them. Currently I am just disgusted with them, let it not go unsaid that this translates into self loathing on my end. After all some people would kill for what I have.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

In Which I Contemplate Alcohol

The weekender happened again. What the heck? I am so not use to this crap and seriously cannot handle it. It seems petty once I reconstruct it all in my brain, but at the time it sure hurts. So much so that I took a five hour nap on Saturday. So much so that I went out to put gas in the car today and returned three hours later. I feel like crap. I don't know if I am getting sick, am sick, or just fed up.

The good note of the weekend. I finished my sister's book. She wrote this one over two years ago but she's rewritten it and I swear it is a best seller. Biased? Of course. But I am still amazed that my little sister can do that. Anyway the book is completely different. Names and faces are about the only thing that remained the same. Well, that and the main story line. But even that is different. This has to be it. Her big break. The book that makes her the published author she's always wanted to be.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Sad Face

I miss my friends.

It is not even nine o'clock in the morning, the house is clean, yesterday's laundry is in the washer, the breakfast dishes are done and put away, C and all the neighborhood kids are off to school, the dog hasn't even gotten up yet, and I wish I had a friend to have a cup of coffee with.

Although I do have an amazing book to keep me company. Thank God for that.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I Really Don't Give A Lohan

Are all young stars train wrecks? Apparently. Personally, I'd like better news please.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Shadow Me Baby

So, my interview was interesting. I charmed them of course. The next step is for me to go in for a few hours and shadow someone. The idea is to see if I like the job. If I do, then we talk money, scheduling, and the likes. Or so I think. The women I interviewed with were most likely my age give or take a few years and very personable. As I was leaving the HR rep said that she would contact me this afternoon and let me know the exact date / time of shadowing. So, we'll see. One better perk - the actual job is in Annandale not Rockville, like I originally thought. Good times. Hopefully good details to follow, either that or some juicy stories :D

And She Forgot ...

How is it possible I forgot to mention I have an interview today? IDK. Anyway, I have an interview in a few hours at a local hospital. The job is for a intake rep on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Those are the only hours I am really available for, so the fit would be nice. However the job is in Rockville, MD. Which is about 40 minutes away, on the weekend with no traffic. 40 minutes isn't too far - I was just hoping for something local. But let's face it, with only 10 hours available a week and only certain hours on the weekend, the part time jobs aren't exactly loving me. So, we'll see. I am optimistic but also a little worried. With all C's time off I feel like I haven't even had time to think about the interview, brush up on the newest health care laws, or even dye my hair the right color. Three tones going on here: Brown, dark brown, and lots of GRAY. Oh well, hopefully I can hide the gray with a french braid. Good times. :D

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Let's Play!

Yesterday C and I went swimming over at the community center. We had such a good time. The pool was pretty empty and we were able to have to shallow end to ourselves most of the time. I was so happy to see how much stronger C is as a swimmer. He's always been a fish in water - no question there - he basically taught himself to swim at age 3 - but without much practice he was swimming across the pool the long ways without stopping, something he couldn't do over the summer. After our paid hour was up we headed home, wet hair and all to our warm cozy house. 

Today I think I am going to take him ice skating. There is a program that runs in Ashburn called CheapSkates at the ice rink. The admission is knocked down to six bucks and skate rental is free. Normally the cost is 19.00 for the two of us to go, so 12.00 is looking pretty welcoming. Weather permitting we'll be hitting the ice later this afternoon. 

More snow and ice are suppose to hit tonight and the idea of him actaully going back to school is threatened. I love hanging out with C on a snow day here and there. But after seven days I am running out of 'fun mommy' things to do. This morning we were up at six and by seven we were playing board games. It is now just reaching nine and C has already played outside, watched Batman, played toys, played with the dog, cleaned his room, had forty million snacks, and is wondering when I am going to play more. LOL - I think I am going to have him run some errands with me and maybe we'll head over to the library for a spell - if the roads are clear. (icy rain last night) Until then I have been summoned to help build another fort and have a dance off.