Monday, February 7, 2011

I Quit

I am so disgusted. The thing is, once you get that way it is hard for anyone to do anything right in your eyes. I tell you, my family is on my list. This morning, as always S gets up five minutes before he has to leave. C and I had already been up for forty five minutes and had breakfast. Annoying. Then my dear son, scribbles his art homework and rushes through the timed reading. When he was done I said in my cheeriest mom voice "You were so quick, that is great because now you have time to add details to your art." Needless to say he started to scribble over the whole page. I just walked away. I am so angry with his lack of effort. For crying out loud it is art. He doesn't have a flipping learning disability in drawing squares and triangles. I however have a serious lack of understanding and compassion this morning.

I am tired of getting up at six only to have to entertain until 8:20. It is two hours and twenty minutes of Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! As it is we save part of his homework for the AM just to take up some time and get him in school mode. But honestly I am pretty sure that isn't working anymore.

We went to a Super Bowl party last night. Near half time I mentioned to S that if he'd like to stay for the whole game he could take C and I home at half time. Originally we planned on only staying until nine o'clock. S jumped on the chance, but he was a jerk about it, rushing us out the door, driving too fast all the way home. On the drive I was trying to give him directions back to our friends house and he was just so darn stubborn about it. His attitude completely ruined my evening. When he got back later after the game he was nice and all, but geez he really was such a jerk earlier. I hate feeling that way about my husband. But after a while it just gets so hard to let all that little stuff go. I have tried to talk to him about this but his response is always to point out where I go wrong too. It isn't a game of tit for tat! Besides that, I don't really want to play anymore. All weekend when ever he insulted me or acted self righteous I just shut down, not saying a word - sometimes leaving the room.

Currently C is in the kitchen smashing Lego's on the floor and running around the house like a maniac. I haven't said much since the art moment. I am thankful for the twenty minutes off but ... 

I am generally happy to be up in the morning, hard to believe with this rant, I know. I suppose I should just move on. It isn't like my husband is going to change or my son is going to magically love school. I love them and appreciate them. Currently I am just disgusted with them, let it not go unsaid that this translates into self loathing on my end. After all some people would kill for what I have.


Jamie said...

I so get ya on the shutting down when hub's is rude thing...that is totally me. Hope your day got better!

becca said...

I have been there and done that. Don't hate on yourself, I also do that. My husband is so sarcastic and stupid sometimes, you know what I go tjrough. And C and school,I feel ya there. I hate mornings! D is at his worse, C is yelling and T always leaves angry, same hting every morning! Wait to I tell you his latest idea...hang in there. I hope things get better, you can always come to MA for gas. That would be hystarical!!!