Really?

AI wasn't all that great. Although, my boy Kris was totally fantastic. Heartless was awesome. C is going to love that version. I DVR'd it, so I had to save it for him. Adam was weird. He is too strange for my taste. And Danny - well, I don't exactly not like him, I just don't really like him either - but Paula's song choice kind of screwed him at the front. At least that is my thought. I am going to have to download Heartless - man it was good.

Biggest Looser was pretty cool. I was surprised that Helen won. I wasn't all that enamored with her because she sent her daughter home. I was kind of pulling for Mike and Tara at the same time. At times I didn't like Tara and was actually hoping the green team would get voted off. But once she stopped whining about a target being on her back, I was back on her side. Mike was cool too. He won me over half way through the season when he gave the yellow team chick his prize. It was so sweet. But oh well - just because I have opinions doesn't mean they are the golden standards - LOL.

One Tree Hill sucked this week. Although I don't really like wedding episodes of any show, so I was already on a negative track before the credits even rolled. The show moved along with too many references to Jamie getting kidnapped, "slutty, wedding sex", and the fact that Julian had a date. Then as if to make the whole thing even more cheesy - Haley becomes a pastor on line before the wedding because their original one called to say "he's over booked?" And if it all ended on a happy note, it all got flushed down the ol' crapper because the previews for next week show Payton laying on the floor and then a flash forward to her in a bed ( it looks like ) with blood all over and also on Lucas. Oh yeah - and they made this crazy reference to Payton being eight months pregnant. Hello - the women became pregnant like eight weeks ago. Gotta love TV time warps.

So that is what I have been doing since eight and it is now past midnight. I don't really want to go to bed. I am tired, but my mind is racing. The test is in seven hours. And then I'll hear the answer maybe by the end of business, or the next day. I don't want to go. Still scared.

I think I might try a shower and a cup of hot coco. Chocolate can always make a girl happy after all. Then I have three or four episodes left of How I Met Your Mother Season 2 to watch. My sister lent them to me at Christmas, and I though I had finished them. But then when I was looking at the box this morning I realized I never finished the second one. If you don't watch the show - your missing crude and wonderful humor.

Back to the scared part. I really wish I had bought a pregnancy test today. I thought of it,but then I just felt like it was cheating. I don't want a phone call with the words "I am sorry" on the other end. Granted I actually don't think they call with a negative result since I am having the test done at the clinic here on base and not at the IVF place. But they'll have the results faxed to them, and then the phone call with eventually follow because they'll want us to set up the next cycle. Okay, Okay - a shower and coco. I could go on with these what if's all night.

It is just so not like me. I am not a worrier by nature or one that harps on the negatives. I have just lost my focus on the positive today.