Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Annual Thanksgiving Review

 I am sure I've posted about this in years past, but it stands for repeating. Also the story seems to get better with age.  Bear with me, Its long.

I actaully don't love Thanksgiving. [Insert Gasp Here]. Seriously, we spend days cooking and cleaning then the whole family, if you are lucky, squeezes around the table and inhales for like twenty minutes. Then there is the football nap, kids always get in trouble because they are bored, and someone always makes you turn the parade off. Oh - and I don't really like turkey. Oh - and often times you have a rouge uncle who says the prayer and starts crying - that part is mildly entertaining. Which brings me to the funniest most humiliating and weird Thanksgiving ever. You may need to sit down for this one. (Names have remained the same - sorry family something just seemed lost in translation with initials.)

A few years ago my parents came down and we all headed to Uncle Jeff's. Uncle Don and Cynthia were there too. It was actaully pretty awesome to see everyone and the football game wasn't so boring because Jeff's boys were there and Nick loved playing with Cooper. I thought that part was fun. 

Ellen and Jeff somehow had miss judged the turkey and we ended up eating pretty late at night I want to say it was almost 8:00. Anyway Ellen was putting food on the table and Jeff calls out "Turkey Time" or something equally goofy. And we all find seats around the tables. Jeff's house is pretty big, so we just had a few tables end to end to accommodate everyone. As everyone sits Ellen gets on Jeff to say grace but Uncle Don stops her and proceeded to explain that he'd like to say a few words. Being good Catholics Scott, Cooper and I expect the usual "God is Good..." and do the sign of the cross and lower our heads. Then we hear all this clinking and realize my parents are EATING! Mom was serving herself some sort of weird Jello mold and dad was chowing down on Sweet Potato casserole. 

Next Don pipes in with the sappiest story in history that he got ... wait for it ... off an email chain. On and on he goes reading, crying, telling us how this relates to us and how we should all be thankful for soldiers in the middle east. At this point I couldn't tell if Jeff was crying or laughing. My sister was busting a gut. Her whole body was shaking trying to hold it in. My husband was just looking around the room like - "You gotta be kidding me" and there are my parents eating. They ate and ate and Don read and read - While he cried and cried. Poor Ellen was still standing up holding this huge plate of turkey. My sister had started snorting at this point as she was still hopelessly trying not to the laugh and the awkwardness of family togetherness. Scott and I at some point opted to stop the bowing of the heads (as did some others) only to notice that the somber reading was very touching and even one of the girls was a little teary eyed. And then as if a gift from God, Don shuts up. Then Uncle Jeff says a real blessing and announces that it is time to eat. 

This is almost 20 minutes after we sit down to an 8:00 dinner. Then the phone rings, it is for Ellen - she goes to talk and takes the turkey with her. But she returned in just a few minutes. Needless to say my parents had started every dish with in reach and were already done eating. Missy had to excuse herself due to severely swallowed giggles. Cooper was asking to go to bed. The teens were inhaling the food. Don was probably still crying. Ellen was still getting stuff out of the kitchen and my parents are clearing their plates. Scott leans over and whispers. "I thought your pop was going to chew off his own arm." Then I loose it, I start laughing and cannot hold it in. I pass the dishes to the left and load up on whatever is passed to me, all while laughing. 

Ellen's sweet potato casserole was to die for. I was so glad it's 'home station' was near my plate. It was just far enough away from my parents that they only, out of respect, reached for it a few times during the prayers, so there was plenty left and no one seemed to care that I had thirds on that. In the end it was a great dinner. We stayed around the table for hours after cleaning up and were really having fun. But man, every time I think about my parents eating during grace I just have to shake my head. I cannot believe I made it through my teenage years with them. They are masters at embarrassing you at key life moments.

As stated previously, my life really could be a sitcom.

Spectacles. All of us.

1 comment:

Jamie said...

LOL Wow I was busting a gut reading it. Your family cracks me up!