Thursday, December 15, 2011

It's a Fish Thing

A few moons ago I went crazy at a book store's going out of business sale. 90% off books just about sent me into eternal orgasm, but I digress. At one point in the sale I didn't even know what I was putting into my basket, which explains how I ended up with a few books completely out of my comfort zone. One being an EROTIC romance novel. I got to about page 39 before it hit ... every flipping page. I have never laughed so hard reading a book. The positions, the circumstance, the everything was the cheesiest most ridiculous things I've ever read. At many intervals I had to stop and read a passage out loud to my husband. The whole time he was like "What are you reading?" Tears were running down my face as the main Character and her boss (also her soon to be lover) are trying to infiltrate a biker gang and stop them from selling guns. The boss says to the other, "You don't know what these biker initiations are like Jessie, there could be fighting and public sex." What???? Seriously, I almost peed myself while doubled over in laughter. I honestly had no idea about this type of book. I have read plenty of romance novels and as far as any of them go even the raunchiest one isn't in the same ball park as the Pornographic Lalapalooza that I just read. 

Which brings me to my next point and then I'll get back to the books. Funniest story ever that happened to someone else. My sister was working her part time gig at a book store one night and was talking with her co-workers. She casually mentioned that she has been trying to get her novel published for quite sometime. A few days later she goes back to work and these same co-workers are looking at her really funny. She finally asks "what gives" and they tell her that they googled her. {How is googled not a work in spell check yet?} Apparently there is another author with her same name who is an Erotic Romance writer! How did I really not know about this genre until now? So when she told me of course I had to google her too. I found her on Amazon and again, doubled over about to pee myself. Why am I finding this stuff so funny and not gross? I don't know apparently I am still 12 in some respects.

Now back to me. I also ended up with a horoscope book. Honestly that scares me more than cheesy porn novels. But whatever I read it. It was very interesting but complete crap. At first I just read the pieces part and I was thinking - yup that is me through the whole thing. Which is true, there were many parts that we spot on. But then as I read the 'perdicitions' for each month of last year - they were completely wrong. Not one thing was proven. An entire year of star gazing and this "expert" couldn't get one thing right. So here is my theory on this, it is pretty much hog wash. Being born in a certain time of year may predisposition you to certain traits but that is possible because of at what age you experience what seasons, holidays, and life milestones and how you remember them. Or perhaps the book is targeted to a certain age group, the colors, the font, the pictures, all geared toward generation Xer's or Yer's and that is why the personality part is applicable. In the end - coincidence - all of it. I wasn't won over. 

And now back to the porn. I didn't know I had the porn. I didn't know I bought the porn. I really don't even know if you'd classify it as porn. I apparently like typing the word porn today. Anyway - on a more serious note, because I didn't realize the content of this book I left it in my living-room. When my mother in law was here in November I suggested she look through the books and take what she wanted. Later she commented that many of those "weren't her style". Hmmm, I wonder if I have more porn? Hysterically embarrassing.

1 comment:

Becca B said...

LMAO!!!! In the course of my job evaluating blogs for NP and helping people make their blogs more visually appealing, I have come across some of those blog that focus on "erotic" fiction. I have even had the "pleasure" of chatting with some of the authors on line when evaluating their personal blogs. Funny stuff!!!!! It is funny because it is so implausible. I can't read them with a straight face. I totally agree with you, ROTF funny!! I can only imagine MIL picking one up.... I have a hard time writing romantic scenes, never mind a full on erotic one. Laura Kaye has some of the best romance books out there and walks a perfect line between romance and eroticism. I highly recommend her!