The highs and lows of working at a fertility clinic continue. Today two couples "graduated." Two OB ultrasounds in a row with positive results. Although continuously struggling with jealousy I truly am so happy for these couples. But then there is what we call a "bad OB." Normally the nurses or the doctors escort these patients through the back door so they do not have to be cheerfully greeted by us up front while we ask for their co-pays and offer to make additional appointments. But then there are some that make their way up to the front desk. It is so heart breaking to see myself in these patients eyes. And I swear it is me, there on the other side of the counter, trying not to cry too hard, trying to function but really just completely ready to crawl into a dark hole. I just want to give them a big hug and tell them everything is going to be okay. Even though those words offered me no solace when I was in their shoes, I just want them to know I was there too and I know it sucks, and I am so sorry they have to endure this crap, and I know it isn't fair.
This job is hard. I am not sure I can sugar coat things too much there. I've been going strong for about six weeks and still do not think I could function through 8 hours alone. I just never know how the day is going to go, it ranges from everything in between hormonal bitches that assume they own me because they are paying the clinic fees with their hopeful first-born's college fund and the actual sweet as pie sweethearts that probably fart rainbows and butterflies that you cannot help but love to piece the second they walk through the door. It is hard to balance what I hold onto and what I brain dump at the end of the day. It is also way harder than I though it was going to be to brain dump the unwanted memories.
It is also hard to brain dump the happenings of the employees. BFGG coughed on me today. She also spewed more chips into my general direction, although this time they landed on the counter not my shirt. Thirdly during lunch she not once took a breath in or out of her nose, complete mouth breather... icky! Carmen is good - she is growing on me. The judge is back from VK, thank God, I really do work best with the old ladies - must have been one in a former life :P). The doctors are ok, I am still not in love with either one of them and it is obvious the feeling is mutual. All in all, I would say I'd rate the job a 6. Considering my up bringing and the Constantine family motto of "It's work, it's suppose to suck," a 6 is a pretty high rating. Hopefully I will start to feel a little more comfortable there soon.