Monday, May 23, 2011

Never Ending

I know there are quite a few of my friends out there who know exactly what this is like. Knowing you are pregnant and knowing you are loosing or have lost the baby. This time around, even if I was / am just a little bit pregnant it still hurts so bad. Today's test is about the same just a fraction less. I retest of Friday. Unless the HCG level is zero I could possibly need a D&C. Last time I took drugs at home, this time I'd have to go in due to the OHSS. Unbelievably the period I just had didn't do the job or I would have tested at zero this morning. There is just this little life that once was holding on in there, in me. Broken me. I thought I was ready to hear the news, I was wrong. 

Normally I would be obsessing over cleaning every inch of every thing right about now but I am so tired. My body hurts and is sore. Every joint feels swollen and achy. When will it be out turn?


Jamie said...

Jamie, I do not know what to say. I am sitting here bawling...and the tears will not go away for you. I am SO angry!!! WHY!?!? WHY!?!?!? I'm so sorry. I wish I were there to hold you, cry with you, lift you up. I'm praying for you and I love you.

Becca B said...

:( words are so unworthy. Love and prayers are all I can offer, It's so unfair. I can not say any more than Jamie said :(