Try Not To Spit Out Your Drink

A doctor in my office meant to put the huge honking probe in a lady's lady parts today but missed. Wrong hole.

What's A Girl To Do?

last week completely sucked. Whatever - I'm over it.... Almost.

Things that sucked:

1. Work was grueling. The Baby Factory is suppose to be fun and socially awkward - not demanding, nerve racking, and causing panic attacks.  (okay that last part is an exaggeration)

2. S is in California. 

3. Thankfully I am having another mom pick C up in the morning for camp last week and this up coming week. I am already freaking out over his next trip. 

4. I slept on my shoulder weird about four days ago and it still hurts. 

5. Raul the Sexy Beast - aka my car, has a service light on. I just got him serviced and breaks fixed last month. 

6. C's flipping dentist office is impossible to work with. I've called and called and left messages for them to call me at work but every time they return a call it is to the house. It took me a week to make an appointment for a new wax bit for him. I paid for his retainer last month and still don't have it because of this darn issue. So annoying. 

7. C called a girl an Ass Hole at camp after she wouldn't accept his apology for beaming her in the head with a dodge ball. If he gets "written" up again he will be kicked out of camp. But seriously - they still let kids play dodge ball?  Whatever - I wasn't even mad, I probably should have been but I honestly was just annoyed that the situation wasn't managed better, did no one else see the girl get hit? No grown-up could assist this situation? Not that C wasn't wrong - he certainly was, but as I said - I was just annoyed not mad, in the end we just grounded C for a few days for good measure. 

8. Everyday when I pick up C from camp it is a damn mad house. I swear it is like no one is watching. Kids are all bored, misbehaving, and being completely ignored. There are counselors at each "station" but really it is a darn free for all. He isn't going to this one next year. 

9. Back to work. It completely sucks some days. On Friday we had a bad day in the office. An ectopic pregnancy, random folks just walking in thinking they had appointments. Every I that went undotted or T that went uncrossed in the last six months came to light and every women in the office was pissy. It has me seriously considering looking for another job. Really - it is the bad OB's - it is too real. 

10. While thinking I should look else where - I induce serious bouts of anxiety - and I can hear myself screaming inside "NO _ YOU WANT TO BE HERE! YOU WANT TO BE PREGNANT!"

Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream - STAT.

It's Been Awhile

Understatement. 

And "What?" you ask is the reason for the big return ... angst, general disgust, with a peppering of annoyance, anger, flustered aggravation and of course disdain for the the general public. Also I finally think I figured out how to stay logged into blogger. 

Everything has actaully been going well lately. The family is good. Work is okay/good, although Dr. baby face is getting on my nerves - but still things are running smoothly. Perhaps actually things have been too hunky dory. One stupid fact has proven to be my undoing. Suddenly I can see all the things I've been very good at ignoring for the past months. 

I found out what someone's income is. It is more than triple of what S and I make together. Once I learned the number it is like a veil of blissful ignorance has been lifted. With in just a few days of work I began to realize I cannot keep working where I am and making what I do if I ever want to retire - ever. I make peanuts compared to other hospital systems. I have a huge degree and I am a receptionist. So there's that. I've become down on myself for no valid reason. The downward spiral starts here. 

Next I have been spotting the waddle. I swear I can tell a women is pregnant before a flipping blood test can. Last night in Khol's there had to be ten pregnant ladies in the shoe department alone. Deep dark angst starts here. The obvious: I am not pregnant. And at this point I don't think my chances are that great. I so want to try again - but we still have bills from the last four rounds. See the downward spiral beginnings above.

S has been and is going to continue to travel a ton. Daycare through the summer is a headache and a half. Summer camp starts at 7:30 in the morning. I am already an hour into my work day by that time and I cannot go in late. I've arranged for another parent to pick C up in the morning; and am just praying it all works out. Moreover I still feel like C could walk to camp! You can see it from our house. I am not kidding. If you look out our back door across hole 2 of the darn golf course you can see the community center where he goes to camp. General disdain and annoyance start here and just keep escalating to anger.

I need a deep breath, a Diet Coke, and a better plan. I've been making lists and countdowns but with no real plan of action. How can I expect to make more money if I do not seek it out? How can I expect to be pregnant if I do not make an appointment at my own darn place of work? How can daycare get easier - well that one is a fucking mystery to me and might always be. 

 

HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have 14 weeks until we go to Hawaii. Seriously - I am beside myself with disbelief! Consequently we will be coming back Sept 1, which is my outlined start date for IVF. So I have a few countdowns going at the same time. Not to mentioned I never stopped my debt countdown, although I have completely ignored the weight countdown :\) Whatever. Let the new Countdowns begin!

Sloshing Back

Alright enough wishy-washy emptiness. In the fall we are doing IVF again. Between work, new primary insurance, and a company discount we can afford it. If not we'll charge it. What is another ten grand right? September. I am ordering my medical records from Walter Reed this week. I'll get a yearly pap, and a new referral - perhaps Tricare will pay for the office visits or something, if not UHC will cover what my deductible doesn't.

Sookie Go Bye-Bye

I have a ton of Sookie Stackhouse novels (can you really call them that?) on loan from a co-worker. I am on book two - and there I shall stay! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO 50 Shades of Gray! Just bought the trilogy.... Pray for me - seriously - I just keep reading more and more filth and loving it!

It's A Pain In The Ass

Both sets of parents are here. I am pretty sure that is enough said.

Great Parenting 101

At 8:45 today my phone rang at work, It was C. I say "Hey C why aren't you at school?" (he should have left 45 minutes prior) to which he replies "oh that, I don't know, I just called to say hi." 

The sitter never came to get him. I left work in a rush and was able to get him to school by 9:45. An hour late. Please also note that it is Monday, and all Monday's in FX County are half days. C was at school a grand total of 3 hours today.

Summer!

Oh Man, It is almost summer!!!! We just paid for C's camp, planned our family VK, and mapped out all the fun! Plus I mowed the lawn, took C to CCD, warded off some J-Ws, paid our bills, shopped, and still had time to relax a bit - topping it off - it is only two o'clock. Life is good.

Funny Things

I heard a co-worker refer to our place of employment as "the fertility farm". If I wasn't part of the IVF patient herd at one time, I may have found that funny. I still like my nick name better. 

Funny things that have happened this week:

C used the word "interpretation" yesterday by commenting "the books interpretation of this movie ..." LOL - sorry kiddo - is the other way around - but kudos for using such big words!

At C's annual IEP meeting today one of the teachers comment on how big C has gotten, to which I added "I know - all of his clothes are too small and the newer ones too big." and then his teacher added "I know - Last week his boxers were below the end of his shorts." Obviously I expressed the fact that S gets him ready for school these days :P)

At the Baby Factory a women asked if she could go into the "collection room" with her husband. I said no and she ask why. I explained that it is against policy and she proceeded to tell me that her husband has a tough time getting an erection due to an accident and he really needs her in the room. I then replied "although I do sympathize with your situation my best advise is to collect the sample and home and bring it into the office at the specified time" to which she replied "well that is gross." ... Really - you'd rather do the nasty in the doctors office??? I was a little baffled.

In other Baby Factory antics: A patient forgot their medication chart on our desk. (happens almost daily) I gave her a call and let her know that she can come by before four or I can fax it to her if she'd like. She said "isn't that a HIPPA violation?" To which I replied "Okay, so you'd like to pick it up than?" Then she went on to tell me how inconvenient that would be and why was I unwilling to make this process easier. I almost started to laugh right then and there but I held off my giggles.

CPS, DSS, Whatever You Want to Call it, We Should Probably Call It.

This weekend was so crazy that work felt like time off today. Seriously. 

In other news, Late Breaking, Panties in a Bunch News, we found out yesterday that mom of the little boy we had sleep over the other night was out of town that night. Oh wait and there is more. The 11 year old sister was home alone. OVER NIGHT! We are beside ourselves. She so could of been over here eating pizza, playing games, and loving homemade pancakes in the morning! More so, she was ALONE, and she didn't really seem to care, like it was no big deal. We didn't see the mom's car until late afternoon on Sunday. S and I agreed that the boy cannot sleep over if his mom isn't in town, (that was our reasoning for him not spending the night last weekend)  but now we are thinking  - those kids better sleep over here or they will be left alone all night. We are so disgusted.

And in all about me news: Obviously I do not have to feel bad about C being alone for 10-15 minutes T-F after school. Just look at others and I swear you'll feel so much better about your self!

A Day in the Life

What a busy day. It started with CCD, groceries, a ball game, mowing the lawn, cub scouts, hiking, pizza, and now C has a friend sleeping  over. I almost cannot wait to go to bed. LOL. But it is so nice to be watching TV and playing on the computer. And really the day was very nice.

Life is so busy lately. Too busy. Between work and C's sports and scouts we are booked all the time. Making time for nothing is almost impossible. Of course when we have 'nothing' to do we want something else to do. Figures.

Blogging About the Baby Factory

It is most likely that I will be leaving Blogger. It is okay, take a deep breath. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, jump off a bridge. You will be okay without me. Either that or you could follow be over to a new blog :P) My charm will transcend onto a new platform I promise. Why the switch? Logging into Blogger is pain in the butt. I have to log out of my email and then keep trying to log into here until eventually I can view my own blog and have the option for a new post. Sometimes I try a few times and then just give up. For example, I had very good Baby Factory stories to tell this week - but got beat down by the internet log in fairy saying I have multiple accounts.... But I digress, The Highlights:

1. I had to explain to a affluent 30 something year old man what ejaculation meant, in person.

2. Once he left I expressed how odd I thought it was that a man in a suit whom seems affluent enough would ask such a thing. My coworker then said "who the heck is affluent?" Me: "The guy who was just here" Carmen: "No, his name was John..." (Oh Carmen, stay in school sweetie.)

3. Carmen really is back in school for her masters. She is now doing homework all day at work. If you need her, you can now find her at her computer cursing out a teacher. But no worries she really won't be doing much of the work she gets paid for.

4. Old Lady and I now walk at lunch together. Sometimes I am freaked that she is going to fall and break a hip. I suppose that isn't racists but perhaps age discrimination. I am probably going to have to attempt umpteen hours of penance for that one, especially if you add in the fact that when anyone complains about her I just say, "it's okay she's 70 - probably just a little Alzheimer-ish." I say this with a complete straight face.

5. Back to the men. One guy dropped of his sperm for his wife's IUI later that day and kept putting it on the counter. I told him the Andrologist would meet with him to collect his sample and he replied "oh it isn't a sample, this is all of it." They he said "Well I'm in a hurry can you just check it to make sure it is enough?" I almost busted capillaries trying to hold in that laugh.

It was a crazy busy week. I sure wish I could remember all the fun stuff that happened. But as stated before Blogger was being a bitch. So, back to the beginning - I must blog shop. Suggestions?

For the Ones in the Know

I had training at the main hospital this week. They showed us the following video which spawned from some research and regular length commercials that they did in target areas. I seriously L-O-V-E my job. It is four minutes of hilarity. Best Line: "It's been 11 months since we took the goalie out." Fertility Comedy at it's best!

Rebounding

Funniest story of the week: 

Warning: You in absolutely no way can use this against me in the future. You must only laugh hysterically at my pain and then move on. 

C and I went to a place called Reboundz today. It was awesome! An all trampoline gym, they were on the floors, and walls and you just jump and jump and leap and leap and have so much fun. I felt like I was a kid again. Unless you count this minute detail. Every time I jumped a little too high I peed a little bit. 

I'm not kidding. I didn't have to go at all, yet something about coming down on the trampoline that hard just pushed my bladder a little too hard. Thank goodness they had free pads in the ladies room. Okay go ahead - laugh, it is completely appropriate. 

Despite the incontinence the gym so really a blast. I even managed to wear the correct bra - a uni-boob sports super bra - didn't even jiggle a little bit. Now that is quite a feat. Other moms were not really jumping all that much. Perhaps they were giving themselves serious bust related injuries or perhaps, just perhaps they didn't see the free pads in the ladies room.

Really?

Today in JCP I wanted to try on a dress. The dressing room had a line but it was all children (In the ladies section) so I figured they were all waiting for their moms and I peaked around the corner to see if there were any other rooms available. What I got was a vision full of naked. Like four women completely in the buff in the hallway of the dressing rooms. I am by far no prude - but geez, there are all these kids everywhere and the sign clearly says "LEAVE UNDERGARMENTS ON WHEN TRYING ON SWIMWEAR". In the end I bought the dress hoping it will fit well. If not I have a back up Easter dress from a few years ago. 

Which leads me to my next topic: The closet purge. For Lent I gave up buying clothes, shoes, and purses. I was horrible at it. A week into it I realized that putting things in an online cart and saving them for Easter Sunday is NOT really giving up shopping for myself. Then one day I bought C clothes and just added a few things for myself. I returned them. Then the other day I was at the thrift store looking for C and found a pair of jeans for myself. As soon as I hit approve on the darn CC machine I realized it and low and behold one cannot return anything there. I figured I'd leave them sit in the drawer until after Easter. But man are they good jeans! Brand new with tags that say SALE 129.99! Michael Khors, size 12, perfect fit. They were 4.99. Which is a great deal there - most times when things have tags they way over price them. I saw on pair of LEVI's for C that were marked 19.99 but they new tags from a department store said 17.99. That was the new price at the regular store. Anyway - back to the closet purge. 

So the first week of Lent I cleaned out my closet. I put away my winter clothes. (we basically skipped that season here) I donated bags and bags and more bags of clothes and shoes that I either never wear or were just ratty and over washed. Then for three weeks I did nothing but think about how badly I needed to go shopping. (so not the point of LENT!) However I did realize that I do have some nice clothes, I just didn't wear them all that often. So I started wearing the dresses in the back of the closet, making sure that my clothes were set up the night before work, making sure things that needed to be dry cleaned were actaully dry cleaned and not thrown in my dryer with hopes that it would be okay, and most of all just plain old taking care of what I had and getting rid of stuff when it was time. In then end I actaully did remember that I can be responsible and moreover reasonable when it comes to what I really need in the fashion department. Unless it comes to shoes and then I am totally screwed, I just love them too much.

C's Jokes

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? FROSTBIT

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? BECAUSE THEY KEPT SAYING BACH, BACH, BACK which followed with a "Huh, I don't get it." Which made me laugh harder than the joke.

Baby Factory Antics

Dearest Men of Semen Analysis Appointments,

Please oh please stop trying to pass your jizz over the counter to me in the little cup. And please, provide me with some warning if you are actaully going to bring in your goo inside the container inside an old tube sock. I can only choke back laughter so long before I start crying with fits of uncontrollable snorting.

Please just bring the cup in the bag and sign in, really I promise the lab tech will take the sample from you. You really do not want me to take it. Really.

Dearest Nurses,

Please stop passing off your pain in the ass patients to us. Please oh please just tell them yourself that the doc is booked until May. I will bring chocolate. PLEASE!

Dearest Pain in the Ass Patients, 

Please do everything your doctor or nurse tells you - please: YOU MUST GET PREGNANT THIS CYCLE!

It Always Goes Back To It

Today I took C shopping. We were on a mission for clothes for him. The most important thing to find was a navy blue blazer and tie for his first communion in May. I hoped that once the Easter season was upon us I'd find a good deal on that stuff. Obviously I was right. We scored a blue blazer with gold buttons (In a size 12!) with in the first 10 minutes of shopping. So why then did it takes us four hours to finish? What-evs, we got him what he needed, did a little grocery shopping, and picked up some household good along the way. Actually we had a good time, although by the fifth or sixth store I could tell my little guy was getting bored. He is such a good kid, no complaints, no begging for toys or candy, I was so thrilled. 

In other news: I want IUI. Scott, not so much, he wants IVF. We are at a stand still. I am 35, I think the standstill is killing me. A while ago I overheard one of the doctors complaining that a patient wasn't being unreasonable about not having a successful IVF cycle and the doc said "Well she's old, I mean from a reproductive standpoint." The patient was 39. That darn sentence was so flipping ridiculous and it is stuck in my head. It is obviously completely out of context - don't doctor hate - it is just me, I feel old. C is 8 going on 21. We're actaully considering letting him stay home along four days a week after school for 15-25 minutes! How is he so big already - why don't we have four more kids by now? How can we almost be done with daycare? IUI is faster, cheaper, and there are less miscarriages with it, I don't want to loose another - I want to have one!

And in news that doesn't revolve around me, although I will probably make it sound like it does, my dad had knee replacement surgery last week and is doing well. My sister, bless her heart, is taking the week off to spend with him. I am so glad she is there - but of course feel horrible for not doing my part. There isn't much I can do from 500 miles away. Granted my father would argue that it isn't quite 500 miles. I have to be at work, C has to be at school, S at work and so on and so forth. 

Bad Blogger

I have been so busy lately, between work, scouts, baseball, the unbelievably good weather, and life in general I have had no desire sit in front of the computer. But alas here I sit. And wouldn't you know I do not have a thing to say that is important or witty. So here is just the update for posterity's sake.

• I am getting better at my job. The more I understand the more I realize it is the same old same old day and day out. Nothing is really a new deal everything recycles and I am getting better handling those issues every time the walk through the door.
• The debt countdown continues, even with the new car added we are 47881.00. The new job is so helping. 
• We let C stay home alone three times this week in the morning before school. He did so good. The neighbors came over to pick him up for the bus stop and everything ran pretty smoothly. Although one day he did forget to shut the front door. Luckily S is back from CA so this week C won't be alone even for a minute :P)
• S was in CA last week. It was wicked hard on me. Monday we had Scouts, Tuesday baseball, Wednesday Scouts again - and that meeting I had to run - solo. It isn't that I couldn't do it all, it was just exhausting. Every night we were eating dinner on the fly and rushing from point A to point B. It was just hard. I was so glad when he came walking through the door on Thursday.
• On Friday I was ready to send him back. 
• Which brings us to Saturday - I have basically slept all day. I woke up around nine and went back to bed around two. My allergies are kicking my but and my head just hurts. I woke up around six to my husband watching TV in our room while organizing his darn baseball cards! I was so pissed off. Why on earth would he do that? Men. 
• Now he is at the store buying crap for Nachos. Gross. I am have actaully grown to not like those so much. We went to the store last night and bought enough food for the week - now today he doesn't want any of it. Annoying. But whatever at least I didn't have to go. 
• On a much happier note, we heard that friends of ours are having twin girls! I am so excited for them. I cannot wait to buy matchy, matchy clothes :P) Also on the baby front one of my favorite patients called yesterday and let me know that her Beta was 518. Um yeah - she might have twins too! So exciting. I love baby news. Especially when it is to those who want it so badly.