An Open Letter to "Mother Nature"

Dear Mother Nature,

WTF? You'd think I was new at this! For the sake of over sharing to the point of making you throw up in your mouth, I'll explain. No worries, I'll keep it brief, after all I am pissed at you and don't really want to hear your lame ass excuses in return.

For over four weeks you had me hemorrhaging and cramping. For eight weeks before that I wasn't allowed to have sex. So for the sake of argument, I haven't gotten my kicks since April! So finally the attempt is made, and it sucks.

Yes, sex is now sucky. I repeat, WTF? The bang did not produce a big bang. Things are wound so tight that {as said before} you'd think I was new at this. Yes, I mean literally tight, as in small, as in no room down there, as in OUCH.

That covers my complaints today. I would appreciate it if my anatomy could return to normal.

Signed,
No O Face For Me!