Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Nicknames

I still haven't come up with the witty, pun filled, and silly nickname for the clinic. There has to be one out there, but currently all that seems to be on my mind is nicknaming the people I work with:

Co-worker 1: The "Where's Waldo" of the fertility clinic. I've played more Where's Waldo in the last few days they I have my entire motherhood. However this co-worker is a girl, so it's more like "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" So co-worker #1 equals Carmen. Furthermore it has shifted from Where's Waldo as I get to know people because they've stopped all looking alike, lab coats, and really bad shoes. [ Are these people checking the mirror before they leave the house?]

Co-worker 2: The judge aka Judge-E-McJudgerson. She knows everyone and everyone knows her. And behind your back she tells everyone else all of your pitfalls. She has used terms like "incompetent", "hard headed", "a little slow", "brain dead", and "uneducated" to talk about almost everyone in the office and I've only known her for a few days. Also, she's been there the longest of any employee in the office (including the doctors) and she has already been asking me how to do things. Scary. (oddly I find old grannies quite endearing and like her in spite of her judgmental ways.)

Favorite nurse = Favorite nurse, there's only one and she is my favorite.

Grouchy nurse = Grouchy nurse, there is one in particular but this could serve as several nicknames in one.

Doctor 1# Late all the time. Runs up to two hours off schedule. Very sweet, very caring, very nice. Slightly passive aggressive. Nickname = Herb.

Doctor 2 # Young guy, nice, prompt, obviously a favorite amongst patients, although so is Herb; to be fair, has a slight case of  'I'm the doctor-itis', but overall pleasant, slightly confrontational in a passive aggressive manner. (He's coming to give you what for ... then he pussies out) I'm great ul he's a puss. Although it would be completely inaccurate to call him such all the time. He's a work in progress. Doctor 2 will have to suffice. 

Then there is BFGG. Bodily Function Gross Girl. She burped on me today. It was so disgusting that I almost threw up. Her job and mine are closely related, I pretty much cannot do my job without her. Plus everyone in the office loves her. I find her repulsive. Really. Nasty. BFGG. 

Today after the incident I was in a daze and handed Doctor #2 a chart without bringing his patients back. Then when he asked where they were I said, I'd bring them back and accidentally brought them directly to him instead of having them wait in his waiting area. He was totally unprepared, I was still fighting the urge to vomit, and I swear the smell of BFGG was following me around, Doc 2 then becomes slightly confrontational in the most passive aggressive way and I was thinking "dude just send me an email - do you not know that I was almost killed by BFGG?!?!?!? I might actaully die right here, right now."

And then there is "corporate" which is anyone at the main hospital, pain in my ass. My response to their constant comments and picking today "I am too new to be wrapped up in these politics." Obviously I will be speaking to my favorite nurse to help.


Becca B said...

I love hearing about your job. It is so much more entertaining than mine and the crazies who buy random groceries at 6 AM. (I mean who comes out to buy one can of cat food at 6AM, seriously!)BFGG sounds like a winner, I feel so bad. I hope you continue to like it, I can't wait to hear more stories.

Chickenpig said...

Your work place antics brighten my day. Which is good, because it needs brightening in the worst way :)