Since Friday

The cleaning continued, the pain got worse.

I picked up prescriptions this morning and took them immediately. Percocet I normally do well on, just get wild dreams. I also has an RX for tranquilizer. I suppose that is an old term for it - lol, I am getting old. the drug is called Adovan. I wasn't going to take it, but the pain was so intense that I decided I would try it. It works well with the percocet. One kills the pain and the other makes you not care about it. Although, I feel like I could go to sleep now at noon, and sleep until the next morning, even though I got a TON of sleep last night. I was out like a light by 11:15 and C and I both slept until almost 9:00.

The List

• Cleaned the sofa - again! The poor dog has a tail that keeps bleeding and when she wags it blood gets every where. I was drinking a cup of coco this morning while sitting by the window and looked over at the couch and couldn't believe how much blood was all over the bottom of it.
• Scrubbed walls - again, for the same reason
• Washed everything in the house. There is nothing left. Anything that fit into a washing machine was washed, some things twice
• Re-washed covers to chairs in living room, C spilled RED crystal light on it.
• Cleaned windows
• Organized C's toys. We took about 1/3 out for Goodwill, and 1/3 we put in boxes in the shed - we'll swap them out in a few months. There are just too many.
• Tball was canceled because the fields were too muddy, so we went out to eat and to a ball game instead. C dressed up as Iron Man because it was super hero night at the park. He had a great time and so did we.
• On the way home from the game, things got really worse for me. I didn't end up needing a D &C or the medication to induce one naturally. It just happened. Our car seat will never be the same.
• Cleaned seats in Car
• Pulled towels out of Goodwill bin to sleep on.
• Put towels in TRASH
• Continued to clean aimlessly
• Cleaned out tub in our bathroom again. Apparently the whole cleaning while in the tub didn't work all that well.
• Read another 100 pages or so of the fourth Twilight book. I like it, but it is so out there. I suppose I am not really a "science fiction" reader so things like vampire babies growing at a rate of a week for every two days just makes me laugh
• Rented car to go home for a week. Dad called, said, "don't spend the cash, I am coming to get you and C on Friday" I love my parents! They are also bringing my mother's living room chairs down with them because they got new ones. They don't match a thing in the house, but they are comfortable and nice.
• The guilt of the L situation got to me, so I fixed it with a white lie.

The white lie:

S's Mom, L called me. I answered the phone. I planned on ignoring any family calls for a few days, but the caller ID had different plans. That day S was working in DC at a different location than normal. He called and a 202 area code came up on the phone. After I hung up with him a 202 number rang and I figured it was either him again or the doctors office because it said DTSW which is a government phone. I answered it and it was L. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to wallow in self pity and clean. But as I said, caller ID had a different plan.

So I talked for a while and tried not to cry, but I couldn't help it. This was only a day after we found out. So D, L's husband, S's dad, emails us over the weekend and offered his prayers and told us if we need their help in anyway they are here for us. So, I get the email and return this message:

Hey Dad,

Thanks for the kind words. S and I are doing fine, just still a little bummed out. {SO NOT TRUE} What really helped was Mom's phone call the other day. I hadn't planned on answering any calls from family or friends but the caller ID made it look like a local number calling, not your number for some reason. So I answered it expecting it to be a doctor or S and it was Mom. I cannot tell you how much this meant to me. To know she always does everything in her power to take care of me, to know how much I mean to her, to know that she was just as sad as I, was comforting and uplifting. You both are the best,

J

It isn't true, we feel like crap - still. We are mad at God, directly. We know this is unreasonable, but the grief is strong. I didn't want to talk to Mom that day. I didn't really feel better after getting off the phone, but I did know the things she meant were truthful and honest and from her heart - it just didn't comfort me because I am not ready to be comforted. Some might think if you are only six weeks along you can get over it in just a few days, but I am not so sure about that. Anyway - Dad passed the note along to L and L returned a note to me praising me for being such a fantastic daughter. The feud is on hold. I really cannot be mad at her.

I could keep going here for hours. But C is calling for a snack - and I think chips and salsa sounds really good too.