Who's the Crustiest of all the Land?

C's Butt.

My child is gross. He is also stinking funny. Literally stinking. This morning C asked to take a bath so I filled up the tub. I hadn't had coffee yet and was anxious to get downstairs so I asked C to stick his head under the faucet to get his hair wet so I could wash it. So anyway we wash his hair and I take a seat and wait for the tub to fill up. For some reason this new bathroom freaks him out and he no longer will turn on a faucet or turn it off by himself. Anyway the water is running and C says "Mom I won't forget to wash all my stinky parts like my toes, my armpits, and my butt." I just sort of smile and say "Yup" and then my son turns around and sticks his butt right in the stream of running water. He looks up at me and says "What - I like to do this, it gets all those dry poops off that line in my tush"

Yes son your crack is crusty, use toilet paper. It isn't a job to be done later. Ironic isn't it since I have one who uses half a roll every time and one who thinks the stuff is poison.