Friend or Foe & IVF

So, yesterday I was home alone. It was really nice. I had an entire four dollars left from my yard sale so I decided to walk over to Starbucks. We got a brand spanking new one just a few months ago and I managed to be the last person on base to go in there. Anyway my frappachino was wonderful - but I forgot to ask for caffeine free. By the time I was finished with it I had a huge perma-grin and was talking a mile a minute. I was actually kind of amused with my self.


Around two I had a party to go to at D's house a Pampered Chef, which I was looking forward to. That is until I was literally on my way out the door and the phone rang. The party was at 2:00, the D's house is only a two minute walk. It was exactly 2:00 when I left. It was the host - I just rolled my eyes and left. No more I tell ya - I am done with demo parties. It is just ridiculous that I pay full price so the host can get a huge discount and that she really thought because I wasn't there exactly at 2:00, then I wasn't coming. Also, I brought a snack for the party and D didn't even put it out. I could go on, but basically this person never invites me over unless it is for candles, kitchen crap, or random cooking seasonings and appetizers.


I have asked D and her family over for dinner and cards, parties, asked her to walk with me at night, invited her over just to gab and yet all she does is talk about three things - one, her kid being ADHD and needing meds, her PT test (she is active duty), and wanting to leave DC - well I suppose you could add a fourth - demo parties. It is getting a little old. I guess I did go on and on and on. I think I just a little upset at the way some friendships here are going lately. I might be just taking out another situation on D, sigh.

The other situation: I am really upset with a friend, A and I feel like I cannot tell her. I think if a situation was reversed she'd tell me - but I hate conflict. I watch my friends two little ones every Thursday. And as I have blogged before - it doesn't always go swimmingly - but I really do love the children and adore their cute antics. Also, I have learned that if I want them to play well I need to play with them and avoid lazy tendencies. Anyway - a few weeks ago, I watched them for three days. We generally swap babysitting back and forth. A lot of the times we don't even plan it, if we want to go to a movie or out to dinner we just call them up and vice-versa. We all like it that way. But with all that being said - I watch her two more that she watches mine lately - but that is only because they (her and her husband) let C sleep over nine straight day last time we did IVF and jumped at the chance to help us out again this time around. Honestly, overall I couldn't live here with out them.

Well the other day they email us and say they are going on vacation this week. Now there is a hole back story to their VK situation but basically they had a hotel credit that was going to expire and this week was the only week it could be redeemed. They went to Virginia beach. They were suppose to watch C. They had the dates since February, and I am kind of ticked. They apologized and said they felt bad, but they still went. Now there is more to the story than just this.

The 22nd is a hard day for these friends. Two years ago they lost their daughter M. She was still born at 38 weeks. I couldn't imagine the devastation it must have caused. Back then I didn't really know them well. This event brought us close - but that is not much a consolation prize. Even I cannot forget this date. I knew that C was suppose to sleep over on the 21st and I was contemplating asking another friend to help out that day so when she emailed me that they would be away the first part of the week, I just said, it is not a problem, I was concerned about the 22nd and was contemplating asking another friend to help out. A was really surprised I remembered M's Birthday.

That is pretty much it. I understand they have an unpleasant history with the week, one which I cannot fully understand because it has never happened to me. I understand they could not let their vacation trip expire. I also understand that they really are sorry. However, I feel like they let us down. I do a lot of extra for them and feel like I bend over backwards to help them sometimes. I feel slighted. They are only a few hours away - and I bet if it was any other week of the year they would have offered to take C with them. M's birthday must be the hardest day of the year for them - I cannot imagine what it is like - but I am compassionate towards this situation. Obviously I knew it was a bad match of the dates, and could foresee a conflict of interest or I wouldn't have thought to maybe get some different help for that day, but I just wish they had told us that these weeks were not good for them. Because it was so last minute we missed out on an opportunity for help from family and other friends. Because it was so last minute I am ending up with all the stress. Stress which I can literally feel.

We have arranged other care for C this week. My neighbor T is going to watch him and seems overly happy to do so, which is great. Still I fell crappy about the above situation. Now I am analyzing every email and conversation we have had lately - thinking I missed some clues or something. I keep thinking that maybe they knew all along those days wouldn't be good and didn't know how to tell us - and I keep adding up all the days I watched her little ones in comparison to how much she watched mine. It isn't' a fun place to be, I don't want to think negative things about my friends. I like my friends. I am picky about my friends and do not just tell it all to everyone. I am not sure if the hormones from IVF are starting to work their way into my thinking or if I am letting a little depression set in. I would actually be quite embarrassed if A knew any of this. I really wish I wasn't so stuck on the issue - after all on my end it is worked out - theoretically anyway.

Today I slept all day and only woke when my headache got too bad. It could certainly be a stress related issue - but I am not sure I can blame it on the A situation or IVF. Maybe a little of both ey? Overall the A situation really isn't about the daycare - really it ends up being only one or two days (I'll explain that in a sec) it is just that I feel let down and then feel guilty about feeling that way because of their family history with that day. I am sure I will get over it after I pick it apart some more.

IVF: I had a blood draw appointment today. D, the nurse I like best, was there and it was so nice. She said "Hi Jamie" before I even handed her my card. She also was very positive about my cycle this time. She said that she hoped "I don't' have to call you everyday this time." She did last time because my hormones were off and they had to keep adjusting my meds. She asked about C and how school was going - and she never looked at a piece of paper or note - she just remembered and it was really refreshing. Also, it was good not to have a sono today. I don't go back until Wednesday because everything went so good. I am really excited about that for two reasons 1- it is one less porno prop shoved up my whoo-haaa because things are going well and 2 - I don't have to worry about another morning of daycare.

I feel like I have left so much out. I didn't even get to C being the cutest kid ever today. He bought a Darth Vader mask at a yard sale this weekend. Well, I was in my room with a blindfold/sleeping mask thing on because of the headache and I hear the door squeak open. I mumbled "hey, baby what's up" and C says "I came to make you feel better with the force." So, I lift my mask and see that he is dressed up like Darth Vader and has his light saber sward. It was so sweet that I forced myself to get up. It was rough going for an hour or so, but then my headache went down to a dull throb and I was able to make dinner, do the laundry, and the dishes - which makes me happy.

A friend of mine recently posted that she felt when she was doing house chores one day that there was no other place she'd rather be - taking care of her family. It really inspired me - she is right - I love taking care of my family. So we had mac & cheese and ate off paper plates - LOL - hey I was sick after all.

Oh well, I can hear the mice under the stove. Guess that means it is my bed time. - More on that some other time. The exterminator came and said - well lets get them sick, put some poison down and said - see you in a few weeks. Gross!