Just a Few Thoughts

We have been talking a lot lately about our future. 2011-2012 is sure to be a test. S's contract is up in one year and orders can come anytime. He works with a few individuals who are in the same boat only ahead of him a few months -  they haven't yet got orders - so he has somewhat of a gauge. Furthermore our lease is up in August and we are trying to have a baby. However one ball that had been flying around our juggling arena has dropped - I was notified today that I was not selected for the government job I had interviewed for 5 months ago. They sure waited a long time to say "no thanks". This isn't great news but really I am more relieved than anything,  now at least S can look for a better assignment without as he says "pigeon holing" himself to this area. So we are open for anything. Plus I am really happy about working at the new hospital. I start on Tuesday. :D

In other news: I won't be blogging much in the up coming weeks. I have opted to give up social  internet media for Lent. And yes that would include Facebook. I wonder if I will find I have more free time or just fill it up with other nonsense. LOL - a true experiment. You know because if I am not stalking my friends every thoughts what will I do with my time? Ha, ha.

The Big Day

Tax refund came through at Midnight! We can pay today. I cannot believe how much money we were able to come up with without borrowing a cent. God is good. A friend of mine even made a comment earlier that that sure is a lot of money needed in a short time but she'd be praying for us. Amazing. There is just no way we did that on our own! We actaully came up with more and are able to put a little money back into our VK / Emergency fund.

In other TMI / IVF news; they have me on birth control and my body hates it! My period has lasted 9 days so far and there is no 'end' in sight. The same thing happened last time. I remembered that after a week of normal things got stringy and spotty - no exactly pad worthy, just pantyliner sort of stuff. (I said TMI) Anyway, on a hunch I went through my medicine cabinet, I thought there might be an old pack of pills in there from my last IVF cycle but I didn't think it was the same because the pack was different. Sure enough though on the top shelf in the back was a little white pack, the new ones are in a pink pack, and they are the same brand. I am going to have to call the nurses and get a different brand. I am worried. Last time this all ended only days before the egg transfer and started up again afterwords, and that was bad - really bad.

IVF Updates

I spoke with Nicole at the IVF office yesterday. She gave me some great news; the cycle has been extended and working around S's two week TDY is possible! We were so worried, the dates originally over lapped. The next hurtle in the timing is my new job. 

It occurs to me that I haven't really blogged about the job. Last week I got a call from a different fertility clinic (how ironic!) offering me the part time job I had interviewed and volunteered for a few weeks back. I start training next week! I am very excited. But with all the excitement comes the realization that making the new job line up with my 'active' patient status as an IVF participant at a different hospital might be a problem. The issues: I cannot miss work as it is only every other weekend and the hours are the same as my IVF clinic are open. and I cannot miss IVF appointments. So my hope is that I will be able to schedule around my job. I think that if I simply explain my situation to my doctors they will do what they can to help. If the dates are set in stone I am sure I can talk with the office manager at the new job - again the irony.

Today I am going to my local bank and cashing out the account. Later this week our tax return is due. Earlier in the week I transferred money from our VK / Emergency account. Hopefully by weeks end I can add all the funds together and pay the impending $6018.00 bill. As noted before after seeing what non-military pays after my volunteer hours I am happy to pay!

True Love

A conversation between C and I

Me: "C, what do you think if mommy and daddy try to have baby?"

after a slight pause

C: "Good and bad, I mean I don't want you to be in pain when a doctor cuts a baby out of you, but man would I be an awesome big brother."

He went on to tell me all the things he could teach a brother or sister and the time table each talent would take. (this kid sure can talk!) Eventually I had to end the conversation and just tell him that dad and I were thinking about it and his opinion was important to me. He then reiterated the fact that he would be awesome brother because he has so many talents. Ahh, our son, he isn't short in the self confidence department!

Real Life

We had a fun family weekend. Poor S was so sick, yet he just kept surprising us with how willing he was to push through it and join us for family fun. We all went to a cub scouts meeting / tour on Friday night, and instead of leaving S at home to recover we went to the play on Saturday instead - that way we all could go. It was so cute - the high-schoolers did a great job and C just loved it. The Magician was played by a very talented young man and it just made the show. We all managed to have full days filled with happy times.

Yesterday the three of us managed to do a little shopping, play outside for quite awhile; tossing an old football around, and play a few rounds of Rock Band together. It was quite a nice day, filled with family time and plenty of non-media downtime. I've been on a tyrant about that over the past few days. Somehow my rule, of one  free hour of TV or Video games for C a day has become an hour before school and an hour after plus! Needless to say I was a stickler yesterday and it really paid off. We were able to enjoy each other and have fun. Granted Rock Band is media - but I figured it was activity based and all of us could play at the same time. C did the drums at first but then totally rocked the microphone. He is a good singer in general but what really surprised me was his ability to read the lyrics! I was so excited for him.

I love our little family. Skunky dog and all. Sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if it does so happen that it stays just us if that is okay, because when things are good - they are just so good, I can't imagine anything topping it.

It Appears

Facebook is annoying. I am actually on it less and less these days as I move past the "I want to know what you are doing every minute of everyday" phase. As I say less and less, know that means I am down to a few times a day. I changed it from my home page and permanently logged out so that every time I visit the site I have to relog my user name and password - it is actually a pain to type my email and an eight letter password - SO LAZY! Regardless, as I was saying it is annoying. I almost feel like I have nothing to talk about because it is all on Facebook. To call up and ask a friend "how are you?" seems like a farce - I already know the answer - either life sucks and they're just trying to get through the day or life is so good they must post that they are in day X of potty training their youngest and so and so it in big girl panties with only one "boo-boo". Yeah - really it's been posted.  Furthermore it is a narcissistic endeavour that preys upon my love of myself and the need to be 'liked' or commented upon. Yup, apparently I am that lame. Case in point my post today (in short) " Cub scouts, a play, and M is coming to visit -yeah!" translation, I am the best mom ever and everyone who is anyone comes to visit me!

It appears that I am that ridiculous. My next post if I should grace the others with the fortune of friending me "I am sooooo important". And where does this all come from? A realization, an epiphany, an A-ha moment? Nope - just self loathing at its best. Keeps me grounded right? Not really. I suppose a blog offers the most narcissism. After all I can post openly to the whole world - and the whole world can comment  -or not. 

I wonder what 'ol Jesus would think of all this. Do you think in ancient times he spent his days knowing that the internet would consume so much of my time? Probably, after all he knew how many hairs would be on my head before I was born. 

I wonder what would happen if I didn't browse blogs and Face book for awhile? What if I just checked my email in the afternoon for bill and job info? Hmmm, Lent is coming up. What if I didn't post for 40 days and 40 nights? Just responsibility/ obligatory web use - bills and directions? A media nix? A total famine of www and http? Apparently I am having my epiphany now. A-HA! 

TGIF

WOW, what a week. Up and down and all around. The three of us were fighting off colds. I got it the least, with just a few aches and pains, C just had a cough, And S got all the symptoms and has pretty much gone straight to bed when he's gotten home from work for the past few days. Poor guy. Sickness on top of headaches, a messier than normal house,the dog getting sprayed by a skunk, AGAIN, IVF drama and the everyday stresses of our lives have rendered this week, one we will leave out of the history books.

Despite the prelude our spirits are high. Tonight C's cub scout den is having a tour of the local police station and we are planning on going to see the play Alladin after that as a family. So the weekend is looking promising. 

Also, I have been avoiding the fact that I have gained 12 pounds since I started taking the Thyroid medicine. At first my Thyroid was too high at 3.8 and now it is almost too low at .7; but the normal range is .7-3.76, my body loves medicine - no kidding, it loves it too much. Especially altering drugs; like hormones, steroids, or anything meant to change your normal body process. Anyway, I complained to the IVF nurse and she agreed to retest me and talk with the MD about switching my dose. However, this is delaying IVF even more. Furthermore, this week I laid off the carbs and lost a few pounds of that 12, but seriously, I can't live without them forever! So unfair. However, I just keep thinking we are getting delayed for the right reasons and the better overall health I am in the better, so I am not angry or anything, just a little bummed out that I am the reason we aren't moving forward with IVF as quickly as we'd like.

No Thank You

I had another whopper of a headache. It was so bad that S was begging me to let him take me to the ER. Sadly I refused. I made a follow up with my PA instead and just got back from that visit. She switched out the meds she gave me and referred me to a neurologist. She said it just doesn't sound like a migraine. And I posed the question "well, to me it seems that I hear and see a lot of people claiming to have a migraine, but they are functioning. I cannot even blink or open a door without excruciating pain, so does this mean that the "other people" cope better, aren't having migraines, or am I not actaully suffering from a migraine but something else?" Her answer, "well hopefully the specialist can help - it is their job."

Happy Heart

Yesterday C, S and I went out to Dinner for Valentines day. We didn't go anywhere fancy, just Ruby Tuesdays, but I tell you, it was so nice. The boys gave me flowers and a necklace, so sweet. Then at dinner C had to sneak under the table because he dropped something and when he was getting back up he sat with me instead of S. S says "oh, buddy, why don't you come back over here to our side?" and C says "Nah, that is okay, I like sitting next to a pretty girl."

My family makes my heart sing.

SPRING!

It is so wonderful outside. I walked the dog just under three miles this morning and only wore a sweatshirt! It is glorious. Granted it is also soggy, muddy, and dirty out, but who cares; just a week ago I was bundled in my wool coat with a scarf, hat, gloves, boots, and layers of clothing. It is suppose to be very windy later today and tomorrow and then these 50 + temps are suppose to hang around for a few. Just what I needed in order to stay positive and out of my funk.

Thankful

Yesterday I finished our taxes. Amazingly enough it wasn't too bad. The best part is we are getting a larger refund than expected. So much larger that we are going to use it for IVF instead of borrowing from our retirement account. We've managed to save quite a bit in cash and with the refund it looks like we will only need about 500 more. So we are pretty thrilled in that department. Plus after working in the clinic yesterday (a fertility clinic) and seeing what non military pay I feel pretty lucky and blessed!

In other news; I had a migraine earlier today. Horrible. So bad that I almost ended up in the ER. Fortunately I was able to double the migraine meds and take Excedrin at the same time. Eventually I was able to move without constant pounding, it got a little better after that and I was able to sit up and if I stayed still the pounding subsided. Now it has been a few hours of TV and Internet and I am fine. I am not sure how people function with those headaches - I know there is no way I could even blink without excruciating pain. Hopefully it doesn't come back as strong, otherwise it is off to the ER - no hesitation.

Despite the migraine the weekend has been nice - no weekender, as in the past two! Plus we've had a lot of family time. Last night we had a fire and watched the newest Veggie Tales movie, super cute. We also went to the mall for awhile and managed to play a few games. It really has been an enjoyable weekend overall.

Movin' On Up

Yeah me. I had a great morning. I went to the hospital / clinic to do the shadowing / interview and it went wonderfully. The Office Manager said I seemed to be a "great fit" but to be aware that HR moves slowly and it might take awhile to get a start date. Sooooo, does that mean I am hired? I am still not too sure - but it sounds like it. The job is part time, every other weekend, and is scheduling and insurance payments for a clinic. How great is that? The best part - it is the weekend and the phones are turned off :)

On Another Note

So, I posted last week about the interview and all. But what I didn't feel like mentioning was that they never called or emailed me back about the "shadow day". I was pretty bummed out thinking that I didn't get to the next step of job interview after all. But today I got an email asking if I could join them on Sunday. So I suppose there is still hope. Good News.

65, 67, or 72: What's the Age?

The other day I was checking our bank account when a side panel poll caught my interest. It asked where is better to retire, Wisconsin, Texas or a few others. I would think Wisconsin would be better - blue skies, green grass, tall trees. Anyway after clicking my choice a little box popped up that said Waco, TX was the first choice amongst USAA customers. Hmm, well since USAA is a bank based in Texas, I think the poll is a little biased. 

A long time ago, I received one of those emails where you answer all the questions and then forward it on and hope to get it back filled out with your friends answers. I guess that trend has passed - lol. Anyway one of the questions was "Where do you want to retire?" and the popular answers going around were Florida, California, and some place tropical. My favorite one however was when a friend responded HEAVEN! I have copied that answer plenty of times since then :D

Lately S and I have been wondering what we need to do in order to retire. (here on earth that is) We have decided to borrow money from one of our retirement accounts to pay for IVF. We can borrow at 2.5%. That is so low that our payments would be less than we already contribute per month. So our monthly contribution would just be lowered by the payment amount. We have all the paper work filled out and ready to mail, however we are holding on to it until it is really needed. Also, we can change the amount anytime - already we have twelve hundred or so to put towards it, and every dollar we can come up with in cash before the deadline will lower the amount borrowed. So naturally all the loan talk and savings has us revisiting our retirement plan.

As it stands we hope be be fully retired by age 65. Of course earlier would be better - LOL. Anyway we have 6% going to a pretax account, 5% after tax going to IRA's, and about 6% going into liquid savings. Obviously we don't meet the 20% recommendation but we did start in our twenties, so the money is starting to add up. Our original goal was to raise the risk in our pretax account and our contributions in increments. This year we had hoped to bump that up to 10%. Now I am not sure. I think less needs to go to liquid savings. We need to establish a better emergency fund and stop using it for vacations (ha, ha). I don't know, it is confusing. Especially since we are currently trying to fund something thirty years down the road and on one income. 

Pity Party Canceled

So, I have generally been in a bad mood (on and off) for a solid week. What the heck is wrong with me? Well, the laundry list could continue but quite frankly I am tired of hearing myself bitch. Life is complicated and I have chosen to be upset about the smallest details and pitfalls so I don't have to deal with big picture sort of stuff. WHO ME? YEAH, I DO THAT. Shocking isn't it?

Things to be in a better mood about:

• Yesterday C and I went to Chuck-E-Cheese, just because, it wasn't crowded and we had left over tokens from last time we were there so it didn't cost us a thing. We both rocked at ski-ball
• Last night the whole family piled into our bed to watch Jeapardy and Wheel of Fortune, half way through Jeopardy we gave up because our physco dog wanted to play and kept jumping up and jumping down and barking at us, we were are laughing and joking that daddy should have been wearing some protective gear. Poor guy. 
• This morning I played with Maggie out side while I talked to my mom. I love my mom.
• Today I am going to do some shopping for the house and refrigerator. MEATLOAF FOR DINNER! YUMMO!
• I am laughing at myself about the excitement over meatloaf. 
• My soap has gotten even crazier and I cannot wait to watch yesterday's episode. Last week was PHENOM! LOL. Seriously, they "made" a twin out of a bad guy and swapped him with the good guy.
• I have NO Dirty Laundry and nothing on my "I should really was that" list. All the comforters, all the sheets, all the TV blankets, all the curtains - they are all clean :)
• I have NO dishes to do, none in the sink, none in the dishwasher - everything is clean and put away.
• C requested a 'just us day' after school. He has instructed me to be ready for serious Lego action. I can't wait.

The Finer Things

C: "Mom can I PLAHEEEES stay up late to watch the new Power Rangers? You know I have been waiting for that to come on."

Me: "Alright, teeth brushed, hair combed, faced washed and you can watch it in my room, I'll watch too."

C: "I knew you'd let me! YES!"

C @ 8:00: "Mom my teeth are brushed and everything- I am ready for my show."

Me: "Awesome, lets snuggle up and get our Power Ranger on."

C: "Really mom?"

C: @ 8:10: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I Quit

I am so disgusted. The thing is, once you get that way it is hard for anyone to do anything right in your eyes. I tell you, my family is on my list. This morning, as always S gets up five minutes before he has to leave. C and I had already been up for forty five minutes and had breakfast. Annoying. Then my dear son, scribbles his art homework and rushes through the timed reading. When he was done I said in my cheeriest mom voice "You were so quick, that is great because now you have time to add details to your art." Needless to say he started to scribble over the whole page. I just walked away. I am so angry with his lack of effort. For crying out loud it is art. He doesn't have a flipping learning disability in drawing squares and triangles. I however have a serious lack of understanding and compassion this morning.

I am tired of getting up at six only to have to entertain until 8:20. It is two hours and twenty minutes of Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! As it is we save part of his homework for the AM just to take up some time and get him in school mode. But honestly I am pretty sure that isn't working anymore.

We went to a Super Bowl party last night. Near half time I mentioned to S that if he'd like to stay for the whole game he could take C and I home at half time. Originally we planned on only staying until nine o'clock. S jumped on the chance, but he was a jerk about it, rushing us out the door, driving too fast all the way home. On the drive I was trying to give him directions back to our friends house and he was just so darn stubborn about it. His attitude completely ruined my evening. When he got back later after the game he was nice and all, but geez he really was such a jerk earlier. I hate feeling that way about my husband. But after a while it just gets so hard to let all that little stuff go. I have tried to talk to him about this but his response is always to point out where I go wrong too. It isn't a game of tit for tat! Besides that, I don't really want to play anymore. All weekend when ever he insulted me or acted self righteous I just shut down, not saying a word - sometimes leaving the room.

Currently C is in the kitchen smashing Lego's on the floor and running around the house like a maniac. I haven't said much since the art moment. I am thankful for the twenty minutes off but ... 

I am generally happy to be up in the morning, hard to believe with this rant, I know. I suppose I should just move on. It isn't like my husband is going to change or my son is going to magically love school. I love them and appreciate them. Currently I am just disgusted with them, let it not go unsaid that this translates into self loathing on my end. After all some people would kill for what I have.

In Which I Contemplate Alcohol

The weekender happened again. What the heck? I am so not use to this crap and seriously cannot handle it. It seems petty once I reconstruct it all in my brain, but at the time it sure hurts. So much so that I took a five hour nap on Saturday. So much so that I went out to put gas in the car today and returned three hours later. I feel like crap. I don't know if I am getting sick, am sick, or just fed up.

The good note of the weekend. I finished my sister's book. She wrote this one over two years ago but she's rewritten it and I swear it is a best seller. Biased? Of course. But I am still amazed that my little sister can do that. Anyway the book is completely different. Names and faces are about the only thing that remained the same. Well, that and the main story line. But even that is different. This has to be it. Her big break. The book that makes her the published author she's always wanted to be.

Sad Face

I miss my friends.

It is not even nine o'clock in the morning, the house is clean, yesterday's laundry is in the washer, the breakfast dishes are done and put away, C and all the neighborhood kids are off to school, the dog hasn't even gotten up yet, and I wish I had a friend to have a cup of coffee with.

Although I do have an amazing book to keep me company. Thank God for that.

I Really Don't Give A Lohan

Are all young stars train wrecks? Apparently. Personally, I'd like better news please.

Shadow Me Baby

So, my interview was interesting. I charmed them of course. The next step is for me to go in for a few hours and shadow someone. The idea is to see if I like the job. If I do, then we talk money, scheduling, and the likes. Or so I think. The women I interviewed with were most likely my age give or take a few years and very personable. As I was leaving the HR rep said that she would contact me this afternoon and let me know the exact date / time of shadowing. So, we'll see. One better perk - the actual job is in Annandale not Rockville, like I originally thought. Good times. Hopefully good details to follow, either that or some juicy stories :D

And She Forgot ...

How is it possible I forgot to mention I have an interview today? IDK. Anyway, I have an interview in a few hours at a local hospital. The job is for a intake rep on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Those are the only hours I am really available for, so the fit would be nice. However the job is in Rockville, MD. Which is about 40 minutes away, on the weekend with no traffic. 40 minutes isn't too far - I was just hoping for something local. But let's face it, with only 10 hours available a week and only certain hours on the weekend, the part time jobs aren't exactly loving me. So, we'll see. I am optimistic but also a little worried. With all C's time off I feel like I haven't even had time to think about the interview, brush up on the newest health care laws, or even dye my hair the right color. Three tones going on here: Brown, dark brown, and lots of GRAY. Oh well, hopefully I can hide the gray with a french braid. Good times. :D

Let's Play!

Yesterday C and I went swimming over at the community center. We had such a good time. The pool was pretty empty and we were able to have to shallow end to ourselves most of the time. I was so happy to see how much stronger C is as a swimmer. He's always been a fish in water - no question there - he basically taught himself to swim at age 3 - but without much practice he was swimming across the pool the long ways without stopping, something he couldn't do over the summer. After our paid hour was up we headed home, wet hair and all to our warm cozy house. 

Today I think I am going to take him ice skating. There is a program that runs in Ashburn called CheapSkates at the ice rink. The admission is knocked down to six bucks and skate rental is free. Normally the cost is 19.00 for the two of us to go, so 12.00 is looking pretty welcoming. Weather permitting we'll be hitting the ice later this afternoon. 

More snow and ice are suppose to hit tonight and the idea of him actaully going back to school is threatened. I love hanging out with C on a snow day here and there. But after seven days I am running out of 'fun mommy' things to do. This morning we were up at six and by seven we were playing board games. It is now just reaching nine and C has already played outside, watched Batman, played toys, played with the dog, cleaned his room, had forty million snacks, and is wondering when I am going to play more. LOL - I think I am going to have him run some errands with me and maybe we'll head over to the library for a spell - if the roads are clear. (icy rain last night) Until then I have been summoned to help build another fort and have a dance off.

The Weekender

Is there a darn rule saying that couples must fight and make up every weekend? Yesterday I was ready to kick S in the shins for being such a stinking man. Eventually we had to just move on and be happy. We ended up going to church and then braved the crowds at Olive Garden. Well worth the wait. Our soup and salad were so good that we forgot we were bickering and just had a nice time. Too bad we aren't the types for make up sex, or the night really could have ended with a bang.

Today has been very laid back, practically in a literal sense, as I haven't been out of bed for more than 20 minutes and that was only to make my self a breakfast bowl of pasta. S said I needed a break and I didn't argue. I've watched hours of "The Nanny" and have started on "Sex in the City". My taste is so bad. I am okay with that :D.

S and C have headed out to lunch and "guy stuff" and told me to be ready for pick up around 2:00 for a movie over at the Army Base. So that should be fun. Family togetherness at its best. I think I might actually get out of bed and get dressed so that I can pack my "Movie Pocketbook" for the show.

Despite all the sloth like behavior I was actually productive yesterday. C and I were up early and went to get S's car inspected for him and then registered it in VA. Believe it or not we'd been in VA for over a year and still didn't get that taken care of. Military does get a bit of a pass with that stuff but it is confusing. Anyway we got a renewal registration notice for DC and is / was due tomorrow so on Friday - to be on the safe side I logged into their site online to pay the bill and instead of being able to send them the 115 bucks they bounced back an error message saying that because S doesn't have a DC license and the registration cannot be renewed. Huh? Boy we're we surprised. So we called our insurance company  and asked for help and as it turns out VA is so much cheaper and for a little leg work on Saturday we could save some big money, inspection, registration and insurance were all cheaper. So C and I managed to get it all done. Savings: over 200.00 a year! Plus we raised our coverage on our insurances. Amazing.

Good Times

Just a Fun Day!

Snowmore

Yowzaaas! No school again today for the third day in a row. I have had my super mom cape on endlessly. Monopoly, snow forts, snowmen, snowball, forts inside, lego cities, iCarly marathons, making books and crafts, baking goodies are just some of the things we've been doing to enjoy our time. Yesterday we ventured out and were amazed at how many abandoned cars were on the road. We saw at least a dozen just on our side of the road. The towing had begun but apparently the cars were just everywhere.

Today we are having a book bananza. C and I already made three books each. My creative bugs just weren't buzzing yet so I wrote about Mork and Mindy and the Golden Girls. Seriously - my kid thought they were the best stories ever. I didn't tell him they were sitcoms. LOL. Next on our list in one cartoon and then off to see if we can read 50 books before lunch. Sam I Am, here I come. Hopefully C won't want to write book reports on all the books he picked!

Snow! Snow! Snow!

Boy did we get hit with a whopper. We got about 8-9" of the heaviest snow in history. S even has the day off from work. That never happened before :D Luckily he got home last night okay mid storm. But our poor neighbors, two different ones, left work at 4:00 and 5:00 and both got home around 11:30! The highways were complete grid lock because it was snowing over three inches an hour for a while there and it just backed everything up. I am actaully surprised we have cable and internet. Since the snow is just hanging on everything.

So after hours of shoveling our driveway and our neighbors we are taking a well deserved break. After lunch we are going to build a snowman - so that should be fun. I almost feel like a kid again. Snow, snow, snow, no school - hot chocolate and homemade goodness for lunch.

I Smart

Flemish.

I had no idea what this meant. T and I went into DC today and got lost in the main Art Gallery for a few hours. I kept seeing these signs that said Flemish and was so clueless. Apparently I am not as cultured as I thought. LOL -according to the ol' internet it is Flanders or Dutch. That would make sense, considering the room we were in. 

But I did at least start off on a good note and managed to score a free parking spot in DC. Imagine that! So glad I opted to drive in instead of taking the subway. The subway is just so darn expensive. 6.50 to park! 3.60 each way to ride the train! I figured even if I paid 15.00 for a parking garage I'd at least have my car and the trip would take less time.

Anyway the trip was nice. It was a little strange being there without four kids, her three and my one, pulling on our coats, running through the hall, asking questions, and overall being the cutest kids who also happen to be the loudest with us :D And what did we do most of the time? Talk about our kids.

Tea Time

In an effort to keep myself off the sauce I elected to drink tea tonight instead of my normal cold night special of coffee, extra cream, two sugars. It could be the honeymoon period on that, but so far, I am loving it. Yumm-o!

In the latest make an ass of your self news: I got an email from the Ashburn library saying I had two books over due. So I logged into their website and renewed them, however this was just so they'd stop accruing fees, as I was certain I returned them. Just to be on the safe side, today I rechecked their website and they still had them checked out to me, so I figured I'd better head out there and find the two things - actaully one book and one CD myself. Before I left I searched library books normal hiding places in our house and the cars. I actaully found the book under my seat in the car. No surprise there - it was the one I was thinking that maybe we didn't return. So now I just had to find the CD. The exact CD that I remember going back into the house for after we loaded the car to return our loot a few weeks ago. The same CD I remembered putting in the book drop myself, but I digress ... For certain it wasn't in our house or on the floor of my car. So I headed out to the library and pillaged through all of their CD's. After a half hour I was empty handed and decided to ask for help. The clerk was really nice and offered to look up my account to see if there were any notes, which there was "returned case w/o CD". So, I ask the question "how much does it cost?" and then make plans to pay for the CD if it doesn't turn up in the next week. I even ask the clerk if she could check below the bin under the return slot where I am certain I returned the CD. She assures me they check it daily and the CD is not there. Okay ... and then it occurs to me, I didn't check one place - the CD player in my car.... Tada - Missy Higgins. I wish I could of just slipped it into the book drop - but alas it had no case. So embarrassing.

Off The Sauce

It has only taken a week, more or less to get off the caffeine in Diet Coke. For a few days I took Excedrin and for a few after that Tylenol and alas, I am onto an equally disturbing amount of Caffeine Free Diet Coke. Coffee is another story. Is two cups all that harmful? Probably not. Plus even if I have to give it up during IVF it isn't like that will cause major headaches.

So, speaking of IVF: Apparently it is a secret. How flipping annoying is that? I hate secrets. They cause me immense amounts of stress and worry. Apparently my dear husband completely didn't hear me the dozen or so times I said I wasn't keeping it a secret. It came up after I told him I told my dad when I talked to him. S got really upset, stressed, worries, almost angry over it. We talked about it some last night but I couldn't keep 'beating a dead horse'.I thought I was going to hurl right then and there. I don't want to go through the emotions of all this before we even get to it. I can't take it. In the end our compromise is one neither of us like, sadly we just don't have time to talk it over. No, not being over dramatic. The topic came up last night and by the time C went to bed we were almost out of time ourselves, as S had to get up at 5:30 so we could take him to the airport. He'll be back Wednesday. So maybe then we can revisit the whole deal.

HOADER!

I have spelled out this fault of mine in the past. No, I am not a clutter junkie. I don't save garbage or collect mementos from every outing; I hoard $$$ in strange places. It isn't ever all that much and it is normally accounted for somewhere on some spreadsheet (NERD!) somewhere, but I forget about it. For example, there is two hundred dollars in a random saving account down the street. There is about the same amount in quarters under S's night stand and maybe 50 or more in my piggy bank. Then there is Paypal. I constantly sell stuff and then forget to transfer the profits over to my bank account. I am actually afraid to keep savings all in one place. Weather realistic or not, I fear that if it is all together we could A. be the victim of some sort of scam or mishap and B. I would justify using it for a vacation. The later is obviously the most likely. 

S and I took some time over the last weekend to talk in depth about IVF and the cost ; emotionally, physically, and monetarily. Just like last time, we are focusing on the later because it is easier. Honesty at it's best. We are ready for the emotions of it all; as best we can be. Physically, yup I'm in. Chin up and all that jazz. So anyway back to the big money plan. :D 

We know we can come up with at least a grand in the next six weeks if we really try. Hopefully all the piggy banks and weird nominal savings will just be icing on top of that cake. For starters Smoking Grandma gave us a hundred bucks for Christmas - boom 1/10th of the way there! I can sell, sell, sell on line. We have some random rebates coming in too from our insurance and purchases. Although the norm these days is to get rebates in the form of gift cards. On top of all this S will be traveling a few more times between now and IVF payment day which will profit us a few hundred dollars, or so we hope. 

So does anyone want to buy a Ritz cracker with the impression of Mary on it? How about a old scrap pile of wood? Or maybe just a bunch of old pennies? Maybe I can run a name our baby contest? LOL. I might be crazy. One thing is for sure, I am selling C's old V-Tech system. We have so many games and additional components that were never really used.

Juggernaut

I swear sometimes people in general lack a sense of humor. They're just this huge cloud of BS crushing all the fun out of things.

I am so done with bad attitudes and fun suckers!

My Kid = Funny

I was helping C get ready for scouts [after a rousing dance off in which my son rocked! LOL. Both of us were pretty wound up] and I asked him where his uniform shirt was. It was right in front of me. He starts giggling and says "Maybe you need to see Uncle Ferris". Ferris is an eye doctor, and I swear I don't even know how he put that joke together, it isn't like we talk about him in that respect. Too funny.So once I got him all decked out in Scout Gear we headed downstairs to calm down and read a book before his meeting.

C was doing so great reading his new Star Wars book to me ... until he was trying to read the word BODY and instead said BOODY. We were hysterical. A few minutes later he did it again, saying Boody Armor instead of body armor. We were almost crying.

So after the whole Boody Armor deal we really had the giggles. Then I got my serious mom face on and said to C "We really need to pick something to do that helps us stay quiet so that you are calm and ready for Scouts tonight" He was still laughing and saying Boody over and over. So I repeated myself and said "C can you think of something that will help us stay quiet" and he replied without skipping a breath "Duct Tape?" Again we were both hysterical. I had tears running down my cheeks.

Good Morning Vietnam!

I woke up my usual chipper self this morning. I was never a morning person until C came around. But when you wake up to the cutest little kid it is hard not to smile. I certainly need my cup of coffee but honestly I am normally happy to be up, even a six AM. This morning I was particularly happy to see ice on the deck. C has been sick and I really don't want him to be home from school. He has been doing so good, I just do not want him to miss anything. I was really hoping for a delay, that way his cold medicine wouldn't wear off before the end of the day. To my surprise school is completely canceled! Bring on the board games and hot coco!

In other 'Jamie is so important news' : I got to talk to one of my best friends this week, J. It was so nice to hear her voice and the sweet sound of her youngest daughter saying Hi.

I finished the book Witch and Wizard by James Patterson last night. It was really good. Although I am little burnt out on the whole Young Adult Super Natural stuff. It is almost getting predictable. Imagine the irony of that. This book was almost Hunger Game-ish meets Harry Potter. Okay, so I have never read or seen one Harry Potter book or movie, but I get the jist. Book 2 is called the gift, I think I will try to get that one from the library.

S, C and I have been watching a ton of movies lately. S and I watched the Book of Eli, violent and slow but had a cool ending - sort of. Vampires Suck, hysterical, but I wouldn't admit in public that I saw it. Sex in the City 2, raunchy and so not funny in most parts. C, S and I watched a plethora of goodies from our vault, Transformers, Goonies, Wallie, and more. Being holed up from sickness sure has given our media equipment a work out.

Sleigh Bells Ring

It hasn't slipped my brain that I haven't posted a darn thing about Christmas. Probably because I associated a little post traumatic stress syndrome with the family visit. I was so sick the entire time. Plagued with those darn headaches, then there was the incredible smoking grandma, a mini blizzard, trying to sleep in a home that was above eighty degrees, and tying to keep our dog away from smoking grandma. It was work. A lot of work. The saving graces were certainly my sister, my daddy, friends, and S's family. Seriously, S's family - they were really nice and flexible and didn't say anything when we could only see them a few times. In a nut shell it was chaos. But despite the chaos there was a lot of moments of true beauty.

For starters this was the first Christmas I can remember (as an adult) where my entire family exchanged gifts from the heart, not just for the sake of buying something. My sister actaully made me a pair of awesome Pirate PJ's and a new MP3 player. I am always complaining about my old one - it was hooked up to the computer when we got a surge of lightning and it hasn't been the same since, but it works (sort of) - and M was so sweet to give me a new one. And that is just one example. Our friends and family all gifted C such nice things and toys, ones he truly loves. Lots of Lego's! Not one toy fell apart, was a double, or was just for the sake of buying something, everything was thoughtful and a real gift - really for all of us. It was fun to receive and to give.

E's gift, the fan club in a box, was a huge hit. She loved it! We all gathered at my cousins house on Christmas Eve and the kids got to open presents first. We went by age, so E was in the middle. Her gift was such a hit that I actaully felt a little bad for the kids who went after her - LOL - but only for a second, all the kids were just so cute and all so excited and well behaved! All of them! C, my cousin, put on a great family party. J, our bestest family friend dressed up as Santa, it was a riot. She's a pretty curvy girl and to see her laugh and say Ho, Ho, Ho had us all busting a gut! One of the older kids yelled out "how come Santa has boobs?" We were all tying to be grown ups about it, but we just couldn't stop laughing.

We gathered with lots of friends. I got a chance to get together with my oldest BFF, Mar. I always feel like I am home when I see her. I feel younger, in a better mood, and almost giddy. Mar and I met up with our old friend N. I hadn't seen N in about 12 years. Yeah, I am old enough to say I haven't seen them in over a decade! Seeing N was amazing. To see her thriving and happy was so wonderful. I have worried about that girl over the years. I hope we can gather again soon, man were we laughing and carrying on. Just such a good time. I also got to see my friend B with her boys one afternoon. We took the kids bowling and to McDonald's to play. The kids were all so good - we were so grateful and surprised. Ha, ha. It is amazing how much we have in common. It is funny, but she sort of reminds me of my sister - will do anything for you, is way smarter than me, book obsessed, writer, and generally the sweetest person in the world. It was fun. Lots of fun.

S and I together saw J,K, & Baby A. Oh man that kid is cute. Possibly the cutest 1 year old ever. He was just learning to walk and it was so neat to see him cruise around. It is also fun to see our friends just be completely melted by him. Babies do that to you. On another night we got together with S's friends from his high school class. I actaully didn't want to go to that, but as it turned out it was so fun. It was neat to see a few people I remembered from our teenage years.

So how does this ad to all the chaos and stress? Well I take it all personally. I felt terrible that I didn't have more nights to meet Mar, or J&K, I wanted so badly to just spend one night in Boston with M, but there wasn't time, and I wanted to be able to just relax, never really happened. In the mist of all the visiting, outings, gifting and family togetherness we got busy and lost sight of the season. Or maybe I got worn out, sick, and harboring feelings of guilt.

Looking back, we sure had a lot of fun. But right after, I wasn't as excited about it. Grandma was smoking like a chimney, and was so disgruntled; grieving yes, but also just a darn curmudgeon and I let it bother me to the point that my sister actually took me for a walk and told me I needed to let it all go. She was right. Sometimes I wish I could be more like her. I was tying too hard to keep everyone happy. So it took me a few weeks to let it all go, but I am almost there. I can look back and say; it was fun.

All, right now I've recorded it all for posterity. In a new nutshell, Christmas VK was fun and busy. Amazing how that works. :D

6 Weeks

Looks like we've got 6 weeks to prepare for IVF. We didn't make the January cycle after all and that is just fine. If we are going to do this we want the best chance possible for it to work. I've just finished making a list of things I could do in the next six weeks to prepare:

• switch to caffeine free Diet Coke 
• take vitamins
• keep my eyes open for money trees :)

I've Got A Plan

Game Plan:

I am not in control. I will not be in control until I let God take over. I had the most comforting sleep last night and feel amazing this morning. I realized that It doesn't matter how much uncertainty there is, we still have way more certainty. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want and working towards that goal. I do not have to feel guilty or prideful in a negative way for doing so. As long as I am following the truth and creating goals from that. I got it now. Reminder taken. I am not in control and that is okay. There is an 'end' I'd like to see, but if there is a bigger plan out there for me, I am positive it will be way better than anything I could come up with.

The Plan of Truth:

I was put on this earth to be a wife and mother. That is my personal truth. Maybe it isn't as deep as some other women out there who might add a profession or ministry work to that, but it is my truth. The core of who I am and who I want to be.

TIMBER!

S and I have 100 what ifs going on. Here are the major 'up in the air' components:

•  His contract for this assignment is up in February of 2012
• Our lease is up in August of 2011
• His military enlistment is on until January 2014
• My prospects of landing a very good government job are still out there and recently I heard a brief "you're still in the running"
• IVF is in DC it isn't available to everyone, it isn't an option at other locations for the Air Force
• S could volunteer to go to Korea next year, that would keep us here and then he could chose his follow on as VA, DC, or MD to keep us here a few more years (only if I land said job) 

We feel like we are juggling and at any moment could drop everything. In real life here is what could happen.

• S could get orders as early as October
• Our lease might not be renewed 
• IVF might not work and then we won't have time to save up the money for the next cycle before we get orders
• IVF might work and then what do I do if I get said job?
• Said job may not happen

Blah, blah, trust in God. I got it. It is just hard to see the forest through the trees some days. 

I've Got Other Rants

I worked on a ranting post this morning but lost sight of my bad mood. Good for me, so there it sits in my saved profile. In other news: I just finished our budget for the year. If we start eating mac and cheese four nights a week now we can do IVF, have a few weekender VK's over the summer and go to Hawaii. Okay I am being over dramatic. We're in good shape for the most part. Flipping back through last years worksheets had me notice that we owe "the man" four thousand dollars less than we did last year. LOL - I am not sure if that is something to cheer about or cry about. I am cheering. We also increased our savings hugely this year thanks to better IRA's and an TSP (like a 401k) increase. We didn't make much in 2010 but apparently we weren't as haphazard as I feared. We did get a little sloppy over the summer with 101 vacations, even if we did save for them. Oh Well - on to the new year!

Closer or More Lost

I slept hard last night. Cold medicine and Tylenol PM served me well while offering me a zillion realer than life dreams. The last one, a nightmare only because it ended. I was at the doctors office and the doctor was showing me ultrasound pictures, my pictures and it was twins. 

 

No doubt IVF is on the brain hard core. No doubt I was slightly if not fully on edge because I received toddler formula samples in the mail on Friday for a baby that never was. No doubt I  am prone to all kinds of crazy dreams anyway - but geesh. Why are things so hard again? For a while they seemed so much better, and then poof it is back in full swing. 

Here are the problems: We most likely will not be in the January cycle, thyroid and S are both problems. S is too busy. In fact off to Tucson today. (great place to be this week huh?) In the mean time - it all messes with my head. Steadfast and true, I'm trying.

Note to Self

When attempting to be organized, don't forget to pay your bills. Despite the holiday season, businesses still want their money. Oops. My bad.

Revolving Resolutions

Resolution is a word that seems to have a negative connotation. Yet somehow I feel obligated to make one every year at the drop of the ball. I've made moderate efforts this past year to nix negative habits that didn't make me feel better or good in anyway. (complaining about the in-laws at every turn, weighing my self everyday, watching America's Most Wanted and mentally cataloging bad guys in case they might be one of the homeless guys at the library or a new neighbor, and a few other things here and there) We're not talking life changing elements here just a little more common sense. Regardless the new year is upon us and the obligations to resolve is heavy on my shoulders. To sum it up: I think resolutions are negative, I do not need negativity; yet I want a resolution. Hmm. No. I changed my mind. I don't want one. 

Here We Go Again?

Let's face it, the stork is never showing up. I had some prelim testing and procedures done to see if my body might be ready for another IVF cycle. Despite the huge probing penis wand the saline sonogram went well, and the blood tests looked good despite the Thryroid. The doc says we have to get that in check before we start again. Plus S needs to redo all his testing. God knows why... it isn't like you can teach those little guys to be better swimmers. There are two cycles in the next five months that we could join. One is at the end of the this month and the other in the spring. We aren't jumping in and running ourselves into the ground to make it into the first one, if it happens great, if not we will be there in the spring, maybe.

Our lives have been really screwy lately. S is traveling all the time. A few months ago his boss promised that there would be no traveling in January because the office needed some serious attention, but when he went back to work on Tuesday (after his VK) there were plane tickets on his desk. He leaves Monday night. Then at the end of the month he goes to CA again for 6 days. The idea of him being here for a month straight is what tempted us back into the IVF deal. But the timing now couldn't be worse. I spoke with the doctors at Walter Reed about it and they said it is possible to fit me in at the end of the cycle which runs into the first week in February, but either way, S may or may not be here. I don't want to set us up for disappointment.

It has been a long time since we attempted IVF. In fact, we are still paying for it. But there was a point that I realized that owing money is just that owing money. It isn't as daunting as a car you can't afford, or a credit card's charges that you cannot explain. It is a more or less part of our family planning and we do not need to feel guilty or overwhelmed by that. Looking at the bill every month does not mean we failed, we just aren't done. So we're open for another round, we'll see how all our cards fall. 

Still Standing

How am I still standing? I couldn't tell you, other than autopilot or by the grace of God, I have no insight. The scoop: I have been sick for three weeks and three days. I've been to the ER and have spoken with my doctor. I've had a slamming headache that at times has rendered me catatonic. Rewind back to a few posts earlier in the year where I complained about random pains that shot through my body; those have been worse in the last three weeks. I had been seen by our primary care "physician" a few months back, actaully all the primary givers around here are only PA's. Which kills me. Anyway; the results of that visit were inconclusive and the "doctor" summed me up as an active case of Fibromyalgia. When I left her office I filed all the "paperwork" she gave me in the trash can. Paperwork = print outs from Web MD. Seriously, Web MD. I have had this diagnoses one time before in Minot, and knew the doc was wrong then too. So all through vacation my husband has been trying to convince me that I need to go back to the doctors and be treated for this disease. His heart is in the right place but I was positive Fibromyalgia isn't it. A headache and sharp shooting pains are only two out of hundreds of symptoms.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. Although at this point it could be a mirage. When we returned from VK there were tons of messages on my machine asking me to call the IVF clinic. (more on that later) They had taken my blood before Christmas and found a problem, a Thyroid problem. According to a real doctor (not a PA) someone with a Thyroid dysfunction can have fatigued muscles, and especially in people who walk and run regularly, the muscles can twinge and ache and although a three week headache isn't common it can be a result of my body trying to fight back, fighting back against the IVF cycles AKA sub-clinical. Okay, so I get the medicine yesterday, but there is a problem. There is an old script for this stuff that doesn't match the new script. The glitch; when I went to the doctors months ago, they had tested me for this too but never told me and then when I went in for a follow up didn't even bother to check the labs and handed me a crackerjack box diagnosis, the reviewing REAL doctor put in the script months ago. 

I took the Thyroid medicine this morning. I still have a headache but I'm hopeful that the once things even out I'll be good as new.

86-ing

It appears another year has come and gone off the calender. 2010 in review: six in one, half a dozen in the other. It could be classified either way. Honestly, I don't think I can sum up the whole year using words. If I had any artistic inclinations I might be able to whip up a masterpiece or two - but alas, I am still inept in that area of talent.

Normally I can yammer on about myself for hours on this platform but lately I've felt that too many people know too much about me. I rarely have a secret concerning myself, I don't care to keep them. It is the open book concept - in a way. Over sharers Unite. But now there is a blip in that theory: I have to censor myself here and there out of respect for others. AKA: fake.

I am not loving this realization. Possibly I am being too hard on myself or perhaps I am just facing the fact that all this constant posting about the mundane and the not so monotone isn't always the best idea. I'm sure there is a New Year's resolution in there somewhere.

Pack It On Pack It In

Well we're off to Massachusetts for VK.

There is so much going on lately that I cannot even get it all down. Briefly, me being sick is a biggie, packing, traveling, Christmas, hospital trips, and trying to find time to pack.

More riveting updates to follow. See you next year Dear Diary!

The Sickness Continues

Problematic.

I am still sick. Today, I wanted to go out to Bolling AFB to the doctors and run some errands, but it isn't happening. For one: I feel like I am on a merry go round, For two: I actaully have no idea where my keys are.

I haven't taken the percocet today. After last night, I think I need something else. Apparently I got up a decided to take a shower in the middle of the night. I have no recollection of this. Also according to my dear husband, I kept walking out of our room in the buff talking about all kinds of stuff. I do remember taking my shirt off at one point because I was so itchy, but that is all. Anyway - it is obvious, I cannot handle this medicine. Honestly, it isn't really working. I still have a horrible headache and side effects are what I'd classify as extreme.

I am hoping that after I get all this medication flushed from my system I will at least feel steady on my feet again. Both of us are a little concerned that what ever this is won't go away by the time we are suppose to leave for Massachusetts. But I'm thinking I will okay. I spoke to my sister this morning for almost an hour and felt like I was coherent 99% of the time. So that it good.

Okay - time to go lay down. Whooooo, and there is just so much today.

Hi ho Hi ho It's Off to the ER We Go!

Whoa.

So, all week I'd felt blah. I had a headache and couldn't really stay motivated. Plus everything seemed like it was the worst ever and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. At first I thought I had food poisoning from Chinese food, but then started to feel a little better, then my friend T said one of her kids was sick with the same symptoms and since we were just at the water park with them I thought maybe we all had the same thing. However her little ones were throwing up, and I never did - in fact I just kept thinking if I could that would be a relief. I was such a jumbled mess that I opted to just equate it to my period. Seriously, I just thought I was hormonal or something. But, the headache was getting worse.

Yesterday morning I took Maggie to the groomers and met S for breakfast. After breakfast he went to pick up C at church and I headed over to Kmart to do a little shopping. But things turned for the worse. My headache went from annoying and throbbing to the worst pain ever and I couldn't even drive home at first. I sat in my car just praying I could see straight. After about twenty minutes I was able to get home (less than a mile away). S took me to the ER right away.

I had a CT and a spinal tap done. Everything was negative. The good news: it isn't my gall bladder, which I was afraid it was. The bad news: The doc really has no idea what it is. I was sent home with three RX's. One for Oxy / Percocet, one for pepcid, and one for some type of anti nausea medicine. It all seems to work, a little. But the headache is so intense that the meds just take the edge off. Actually every time the medicine starts to wear off the headache feels worse, which I didn't think was possible. Tears, lots of them.

Church is in eighteen minutes. I don't think I am making it. Kinda of bummed there, I kept hoping I'd be able to move by now. About two hours ago I had S bring me the computer. I have to keep taking breaks just to post this and a blurb on FB. I think I am going to have to just call the weekend a wash and hope I feel better soon. The MD said if I didn't feel better to return to the ER. I am hoping I can wait until tomorrow to see my regular doc.

Please note: I am as high as a kite, spelling, continuity, and making sense aren't exactly my strong points. Just wanted to post for myself - posterity I suppose.

Chaotic Choruses

What a whirl wind of crap. Just to highlight:

• C is out of control. Seriously, so much so that I am taking him to a therapist on Monday. I could blab about that for 1000 words or better, but I've already talked about it until I'm sick of hearing myself.
• E's Christmas present, which I ordered on the 13th of November is back ordered. I canceled the order and ordered it from someplace else. It cost more. Errr.
• The other half of E's gift arrived today, it wasn't complete. I am missing items. When I called the company they determined that the items were delivered to NJ. They can't reorder and get them either here or home to MA by Christmas. The only hope is that who ever got them returns them to the shipper (UPS) today, then maybe there is a chance... but probably not.
  
• School was delayed two hours today because of the snow. C was great this morning but then lost it at the bus stop. Throwing snow at another kids face just before the bus got there. As previously determined the child is out of control. I dealt with it as best as possible but I swear steam was coming from my ears as I got home. To calm down I took the dog for a walk. I sprained my ankle. I also forgot Maggie had a vet appointment at the same time. Errr. I rescheduled.
  
• I cannot get pictures to load on a digital photo album. There is no software. I cannot figure it out. I am annoyed.
  
• My husband called this morning, he is getting bumped from his flight - he'll be home a few hours late. He got 400 dollars worth of free vouchers to use for the airline at another time. He wants to use them on Sunday. Seriously, this Sunday. It isn't all that exciting of story; he is 2000 miles shy of flying 100,000 in a year. If you hit that 100K mark you get all kinds of airline perks. He wants his perks. Sunday - really. Just fly to Atlanta and back? Moron.
• The computer is running a little sluggish. I filled it with roughly 3000 + songs. Now I cannot erase them. It seems my computer just keeps archiving them and moving them to all kinds of different folders. If I erase them they go into "recently changed" documents, if I erase them from there they go back to the recycle bin, erase them from there and back to "recently changed". It is a cycle of deleting madness.
  

Is someone playing a joke on me? Seriously it is His birthday season not April Fools! Yah, yah, deep cleansing breaths. Manic day. Manic lows not highs. I suppose you're not technically manic anymore- now it is Bi-Polar. So a bi day?? That sounds good.

And The Shocker Is ...

I called Grandma L yesterday. We talked just under an hour and I was reminded how blessed I am to have her. She'll be at my parents for Christmas and I am looking forward to that. Although she admitted that she was a little worried because she's been so sad [ missing grandpa ] and she doesn't want to spontaneously burst into tears in front of C. I assured her she does not have to hide her feelings and that I've already talked with C about how this Christmas is bittersweet in so many ways for our family. I think Gram felt a little better in the end and I was glad I got to talk to her.

In general it always surprises me when someone says something sort of old fashioned. While talking to Grandma she mentioned that "a wife cannot interfere with the husband on that matter". I always pictured her as a woman's lib type; afraid not. Imagine that, people surprise you. On this subject I found it quite old fashioned and almost shocking. Wives are important, they do have a say; heck my mother ran the whole ship - or so it seemed, well maybe she was just louder; but always my parents were side by side not one in front of the other. Evolution at it's best?